2nd baby shower?

missmarissa14

Is having a second baby shower the norm? I now know two people who had or are having second baby showers.
My future sister in-law has a son who was 2 when she was pregnant with her second boy and she had a second baby shower. I thought it was a little tacky to do that. But now, I was just talking to my friend who's son is 1.5 years old and she is also pregnant with her second boy and she's having a second baby shower too. Both of these ladies also registered. I will probably get her essentials like diapers, wipes etc since she even said she already has everything she needs. I got my future sister in law a bouncer that was on her registry which was pointless since she already had 2.
I always thought you only had one! I could see maybe if the baby was a different sex or like 10 years apart. But same sex and close in age?

flyingfoxes

That kind of drives me crazy when people do that, although it's usually their friends or family that throw it.  I actually skipped a friend's shower back in January because it's her second baby and her first child is only 3 so she already has most of what she needs.  

jdluvr06

My cousin had a second baby shower. The first time she was pregnant we had to cancel her shower because she was really sick and on bed rest, so when she got pregnant a second time we decided to through her the one she missed out on. She already had most of what she needed but it is always fun to celebrate a new life. It isn't the norm and I guess it could be seen as tacky but I think it depends on how it is done. If it is a small shower where you give diapers, bottles, bibs, ect, you know stuff that wears easily and is always needed then I think it is fine.

RebeccaB88

No way, no how.

missmarissa14

Yeah exactly. I've heard of "baby sprinkles" where people just get together to celebrate and bring some little gifts. But a full on registry.....

WinstonsGirl

I don't mind second showers cos I see it as stuff for the kid, not as much the parents, and I usually buy accordingly.  Also, the only 2nd shower I've been to was for my nephew, so I really didn't mind cos I was going to get him stuff anyway.  This way, I got cake too and wine as well.  

ETA - I won't speak to the etiquette side, this is just my personal preference/opinion

smalfrie19

I think if it its more than 3 years or so I don't side eye it because you do bequeath stuff to people and you don't always think you are going to get pregnant. But I had a friend who's little girl turned 1 in Nov and she is due again in April....and she wanted another shower...and I told her she shouldn't and that it looked gift grabby. It's part of the reason she and I were no longer friends. 

aleighc3

When I had my first son in 2009, I had a small shower ( I was living in SC and really didn't know anyone and the only family was my mom and gma).When I got pregnant with my 2nd son in 2012 and was living back in MI where basically all my family lives. My sister and step mom gave me a shower. I think sometimes there are circumstances in certain situations. Honestly, if anyone were to "side eye" the shower for my 2nd son, I would not want them there in the first place.

Sugargirl1019

I wouldn't side-eye a second baby shower if child #1 was a boy and child #2 a girl.

jenna8984

I don't have kids but I've always heard that is a tacky no-no.

climbingsingle

I'm sorry, but that's tacky. 

There's been one occasion where I didn't side-eye a second shower. My friend had a boy from her first marriage and then 10 years later, was pregnant with a girl from her second husband. Other than situations like that, I think second showers especially for a kid of the same sex, are gift grabby. 

grumbledore

Yeah, babies that close it's definitely gross.  I wouldn't judge a shower for a second baby that was waaaaaay after the first one (for instance, my daughter will be 10 in April and FI and I want more kids so there will be an enormous gap and if we have a baby it will be his first), but one, two, three years later?  Not cool.  Especially when the mother to be has already said that she has what she needs.  

Peaseblossom55

My friend had a baby shower for her second child, that was the same gender and her first was less than two years old.  I couldn't see the reason for the shower, it looked greedy and gift grabby, so I declined the invite.

 

ETA I would have gone if the baby was a different gender and the shower would have made more sense.... 

sarahufl

Generally, I think they are pretty tacky. I know there is always the argument of "celebrating a new life", which you can still do without a full-on shower.

emmyg65

Not a fan. Except in a case like my SIL, whose new babies are 11 years younger than their sister.

Cookie Pusher

Showers for subsequent children are not common in my circle. We will typically hold a small brunch or lunch at someone's home (really, just an excuse for us all to get together for wine/mimosas and cake). No one registers for anything, but we will typically all bring something small - onesies, diapers/wipes, socks, bibs, and other small items that don't always hold up well from one child to the next. If the children are closer in age, the grandparents will often purchase a double/triple stroller or something, but no one else does big gifts.

shaylagirl

Work plans on throwing me a baby shower, as does his work, and I suspect friends and family are going to throw me one.  Although, we're inheriting lots of awesome baby stuff from my best friend (the big ticket items like crib/changing table, etc).  But, I'm not turning down a baby shower because...CAKE!!!   

My son's 16 (I didn't have a baby shower for him), and his son's 12, so...what I've been told is that's not worthy of a side-eye.  Although, like a PP said; I don't view it as gift-grabby, per se, babies need clothes and diapers and wipes, and I don't mind giving to an infant. 

jdluvr06

I just went back and reread the OP. I missed the part where she has a full registry. Yeah that isn't cool. My cousin we threw the baby shower for didn't make a registry, we just bought all clothes and diapers, ect.

HobokensFury

I think it depends on the situation.

HisGirlFriday13

My social circle does 'sprinkles' for second babies, regardless of gender. It's basically an excuse to get together, have cake and wine, coo over the impending new baby, and give it a few, small gifts.

My go-to for showers is baby blankets. I crochet baby blankets for my friends' babies, and obviously I'm going to make one for each kid -- it's not like they're expected to share those!

Also, if the babies are close in age, it's nice for the parents to get new pacifiers, lovey toys, etc., because either the first kid isn't done with them or they're not in any condition for the second kid to use.

But no one I know has registered for a second baby. That's tacky and I, personally, would side-eye it without extenuating circumstances (huge age gap between them, products of different marriages, etc.)

I think that as long as they're very low-key and informal, small get-togethers for subsequent babies are fine. But the key is small, low-key, and informal.

Kauris

In my group we throw a Sip-n-See for the second child, with no registry. That way people are fully hosted and not solicited for gifts. Plus you get to see the baby!

hikebikebemerry

shaylagirl said:

Work plans on throwing me a baby shower, as does his work, and I suspect friends and family are going to throw me one.  Although, we're inheriting lots of awesome baby stuff from my best friend (the big ticket items like crib/changing table, etc).  But, I'm not turning down a baby shower because...CAKE!!!   

My son's 16 (I didn't have a baby shower for him), and his son's 12, so...what I've been told is that's not worthy of a side-eye.  Although, like a PP said; I don't view it as gift-grabby, per se, babies need clothes and diapers and wipes, and I don't mind giving to an infant. 

I'm sorry, I totally read this as your SON had a 12-year-old.  Then again, my brain is running extra slowly today!

shaylagirl

hikebikebemerry said:

shaylagirl said:

Work plans on throwing me a baby shower, as does his work, and I suspect friends and family are going to throw me one.  Although, we're inheriting lots of awesome baby stuff from my best friend (the big ticket items like crib/changing table, etc).  But, I'm not turning down a baby shower because...CAKE!!!   

My son's 16 (I didn't have a baby shower for him), and his son's 12, so...what I've been told is that's not worthy of a side-eye.  Although, like a PP said; I don't view it as gift-grabby, per se, babies need clothes and diapers and wipes, and I don't mind giving to an infant. 

I'm sorry, I totally read this as your SON had a 12-year-old.  Then again, my brain is running extra slowly today!

That made me laugh!!

I mean, my kid can be precocious....but DANG!!!  Early achiever. 

cupcait927

My bff had a second shower thrown for her by work friends when she had her second child (different gender). Her son was 4 1/2 when the baby was born. She still had the travel system, the pack n play, everything really but clothes (they had always planned on having at least one more child) yet she did a full on registry because she wanted "pink, girly" things since she was having a girl the second time around. So she registered for a new baby carrier, stroller, everything from bed linens to decorative items, the whole shebang. Needless to say myself and some of her other close friends bitched up a storm amongst ourselves over her ridiculous registry and they only bought her clothes and a few toys. I love her dearly but I was so very much against her entitled attitude about the registry and shower that I didn't attend and feigned illness.

missmarissa14

I don't have any children yet but I was already thinking....When the time comes...for all the major stuff like car seat, swing, etc... I will probably register for gender neutral stuff so it won't matter what the next baby's sex is.

thisismynickname2

At my age, I haven't seen too many people onto their second child, and from what I can tell, there are no second showers for those that have (due to the close-in-age factor).

For my close friends, I want to buy their kids gifts anyway. I currently have some girl clothes ready to mail to my friend, as her first child is a boy.  I think I'd still enjoy a "second shower" regardless of circumstance because as others have said--- wine and cake!--- but I would totally side-eye a full-blown registry of items they should already have.

I am also generally of the mindset that if you can't afford a baby, you shouldn't intentionally have a baby, so that doubles the "ick" factor of registering for big-ticket items for your second time around.  Above-mentioned friend bought her own girly-colored stroller, for the record. 

mimiphin

The way I see it is in my social circle we only have baby showers after the baby is born. It's bad luck to give baby gifts before, what if there is a miscarriage or still-birth. For the Baby showers I have been to it's a chance for people to Oh and Aw over the baby and give presents for said child.

I like it better than having some party with a hormonal-pregnant woman who can't drink.  

missmarissa14

@mimiphin I like that idea although I don't personally know anyone who has done it. My only concern about that would be that I would think the new Mommy would be very tired (would she be up for all those visitors at once?) and I would think you would need stuff in advance to have ready for when the baby comes home! Definitely an interesting alternative though and neat idea of getting to show the baby off.

mimiphin

It's really good, everyone comes over to the new Mum's house and brings food (and wine! lots and lots of wine!!), who ever is hosting comes over a few hours early (or the day before- or hires a cleaning service) to clean and organize. New mum does nothing, all the food is left with the family and really she could go have a nap if she wanted, there are more than enough women to look after the kid for a few hours.

My grandfather each time one of his kids was born had a list that gramma gave him after she gave birth to go to the store and get, after baby came, the man goes and gets it all, sets up the nursery (as best he can- for them it was he would just take all the tags off!) goes back to the hospital and picks up Mum and baby.

sarahufl

mimiphin said:

The way I see it is in my social circle we only have baby showers after the baby is born. It's bad luck to give baby gifts before, what if there is a miscarriage or still-birth. For the Baby showers I have been to it's a chance for people to Oh and Aw over the baby and give presents for said child.

I like it better than having some party with a hormonal-pregnant woman who can't drink.  

This is actually common in some circles. My sister's Grandmother-in-law (if that is a thing?) wouldn't come to the shower because a lot of Jewish people don't believe you should throw showers for babies who have not been born yet in case something happens.

mimiphin

sarahufl said:

mimiphin said:

The way I see it is in my social circle we only have baby showers after the baby is born. It's bad luck to give baby gifts before, what if there is a miscarriage or still-birth. For the Baby showers I have been to it's a chance for people to Oh and Aw over the baby and give presents for said child.

I like it better than having some party with a hormonal-pregnant woman who can't drink.  

This is actually common in some circles. My sister's Grandmother-in-law (if that is a thing?) wouldn't come to the shower because a lot of Jewish people don't believe you should throw showers for babies who have not been born yet in case something happens.

Hm, I didn't know it was a religious thing, always thought it was an old farm-wives tail we are Anglican. I was always taught a baby isn't a baby until its here. My aunt had 4 or 5 miscarriages before she had my cousins and it helped a lot with the sadness, my grandma making baby blankets and then stopping half way through was a lot to understand.
Don't get me wrong I'm the first one to be excited but there is always that little bit of reservation, that I am quite happy I have.