Angel Flower Girl ideas

annie14141

My niece lost her battle with terminal illness a few years ago.  If she were still here today, she would be one of my flower girls along with her two living sister.  She will be listed on my wedding website and programs as "angel flower girl."  Do you have any ideas on how to honor her as part of the ceremony?  I'm thinking of somehow attaching an angel pin or small figurine to her sisters' flower girl baskets.  Other ideas or suggestions?  

Jen4948

I'm sorry if this isn't what you want to hear, but...

Don't.  Your wedding is meant to be a happy occasion, not a memorial service for the deceased.  Any "remembrances" need to be subtle so as not to add to anyone's sense of sadness and grief, and "angel flower girl" is about as subtle as an oncoming Mack truck.  And don't, please don't, expect her sisters, who probably grieve for her even more intensely than you ever could, to carry mementos of her.  Contrary to what you are trying to accomplish, it actually comes off as really insensitive of how they might be feeling.

If you want there to be a reminder of her, carry it yourself, don't make her sisters do it. And if you list her in your program (which is fine), I would not list her as "angel" anything.

MairePoppy

I'm sorry for your loss.

You could do something meaningful to honor your nieces memory. Make a donation to St. Judes Children's hospital, Ronald McDonald House or a local organization that helps children and their families deal with crisis. If you decide to mention the donation in the program, please clear it with her parents and grandparents, first. Coming across something like that, unexpectedly, would evoke grief. 

RedJacks25

What was your niece's favorite color? Could her sisters' dresses be that color? I think that would be a very subtle way (as long as you didn't tell everyone about it) to honor her and to make you feel like she's walking with her sisters.

Sugargirl1019

I like the idea of pinning something onto their baskets. I am also okay with it being mentioned in the program as honorary Angel flower girl, though most might not. I would not do anything further that draws attention away from the marriage to focus on the sadness of her passing.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Jen4948

MairePoppy said:

I'm sorry for your loss.

You could do something meaningful to honor your nieces memory. Make a donation to St. Judes Children's hospital, Ronald McDonald House or a local organization that helps children and their families deal with crisis. If you decide to mention the donation in the program, please clear it with her parents and grandparents, first. Coming across something like that, unexpectedly, would evoke grief. 

Making a donation would be a lovely gesture of remembrance, but listing it in the program may come off too much like promoting the charity.  Weddings, in addition to not being memorial services, are also not fundraisers or awareness-raising events.

MairePoppy

To be clear, I'm not suggesting the couple solicit donations from their guests or give donations in lieu of favors. I agree that being modest and making the donation privately is the better option, but it's not wrong to mention it, briefly, one sentence, in the program. 

Jen4948

MairePoppy said:

To be clear, I'm not suggesting the couple solicit donations from their guests or give donations in lieu of favors. I agree that being modest and making the donation privately is the better option, but it's not wrong to mention it, briefly, one sentence, in the program. 

That would be reasonable, if it's done in a quiet, unobtrusive manner.  But making any kind of announcement about it would be inappropriate.  The only persons I would tell about it are the girl's immediate family.

HisGirlFriday13

I agree with PPs that drawing attention to your niece's death on your wedding day is unlikely to elicit the response you want.  

You want touching and sweet; you're going to get macabre.

Having your nieces wear your other niece's favourite colour would be a subtle way to honour her. Anything else is just going to draw people's attention in a negative way.

ETF: spelling

QueerFemme

I'm with everyone else. Don't list it in the program or call attention to it at the ceremony. You will end up with tears, and not the kind you want at a wedding.

[Deleted User]

I think your heart is in the right place and it's very touching but I agree with PP. anything to honor her should be smaller, not attention getting. This should be more for you to know you have her in your heart rather than call attention to the fact that she is not there. So very sorry for your loss