Am I responsible for a hotel room for my FILs? -- UPDATE in comments

happybride42

FI explained it to me this am this way, "mom feels it's their place, as our elders, to give a meal to us after the ceremony, thing is, she does not WANT to do this. They would be upset by being feed on OUR dime, that is apparently socially presumptuous of us."
Yeah, I know... makes NO sense.
i can spend hours trying to twist my brain around the behaviour of my own dam# crazy family. I refuse to waste the energy on his at this point. And i haven't even told you guys about the weirdness with his brother and sister-in-law.

Simply Fated

stonermoog said:

FI explained it to me this am this way, "mom feels it's their place, as our elders, to give a meal to us after the ceremony, thing is, she does not WANT to do this. They would be upset by being feed on OUR dime, that is apparently socially presumptuous of us."
Yeah, I know... makes NO sense.
i can spend hours trying to twist my brain around the behaviour of my own dam# crazy family. I refuse to waste the energy on his at this point. And i haven't even told you guys about the weirdness with his brother and sister-in-law.

You're right. You haven't told us about their weirdness.... yet.
*grabs some popcorn*

Let's hear it.

RebeccaB88

Simply Fated said:

FI explained it to me this am this way, "mom feels it's their place, as our elders, to give a meal to us after the ceremony, thing is, she does not WANT to do this. They would be upset by being feed on OUR dime, that is apparently socially presumptuous of us." Yeah, I know... makes NO sense. i can spend hours trying to twist my brain around the behaviour of my own dam# crazy family. I refuse to waste the energy on his at this point. And i haven't even told you guys about the weirdness with his brother and sister-in-law.

You're right. You haven't told us about their weirdness.... yet. *grabs some popcorn* Let's hear it.

I've got the Milk Duds. And all weekend to listen...

SP29

Oh my...

Your ILs are cray-cray! You poor woman. 

First of all, nothing wrong with having a wedding on a Tuesday. Yes, it is not the most inconvienient day for guests, but you are not wrong to have a wedding during the week, as long as you realize guests may decline for this reason.

However, you invited the ILs and they accepted! They could have declined. Since they accepted it's not up to you to cover the cost of the flight or a hotel. FMIL also doesn't get to guilt you and start calling the shots. 

I am glad you are going to stick with your original plans. Make the ceremony what you and your FI want. Just because the ILs decline dinner doesn't mean you didn't host them properly- that's on them to accept or decline.

I hope you enjoy your wedding day! If family is there, great, but if not, focus on the man you will be marrying. The two of you can go out after and have a fabulous dinner! 

Jen4948

I'm sorry you are going to have such weird in-laws, but don't let that spoil your wedding to your FI.  Since you don't have to please your in-laws who just don't want to be there for their own children, let alone you, go out and have the wedding you two want and let them fend for themselves without feeling guilty about it.

happybride42

(changed my screenname due to it being too close to other screennames I use on different sites)
Just thought i'd let you all know that I've learned a little bit more about the situation... from my FSIL.  Finally got a chance to talk to her and asked her what she experienced when marrying my FBIL.  Basically she's explained to me that FMIL is annoyed by ANY invitation she receives from any of us.  I don't know how else to put it other than she is annoyed that she has to attend our wedding, period.  Wouldn't have mattered when we planned it or where, any social invitation she receives within the family is viewed as a drag on her time.  She decides when and where we meet up for holidays, events... when she issues the invitations she is happy to be at the event.  Anybody else, well, we are just annoying her by creating an event that she then feels is a pain in her ass and is just wasting her time. Does this make sense? 
I'm just chalking it all up to random crazy and not expecting anything at all from them.  I do feel badly for FFIL because, from what I can tell, he's happy as anything to be coming to the wedding.  I feel bad for him because he's married to a control freak who seems to hate socializing with her own family.  oh well, right?

Jen4948

happybride42 said:

(changed my screenname due to it being too close to other screennames I use on different sites)
Just thought i'd let you all know that I've learned a little bit more about the situation... from my FSIL.  Finally got a chance to talk to her and asked her what she experienced when marrying my FBIL.  Basically she's explained to me that FMIL is annoyed by ANY invitation she receives from any of us.  I don't know how else to put it other than she is annoyed that she has to attend our wedding, period.  Wouldn't have mattered when we planned it or where, any social invitation she receives within the family is viewed as a drag on her time.  She decides when and where we meet up for holidays, events... when she issues the invitations she is happy to be at the event.  Anybody else, well, we are just annoying her by creating an event that she then feels is a pain in her ass and is just wasting her time. Does this make sense? 
I'm just chalking it all up to random crazy and not expecting anything at all from them.  I do feel badly for FFIL because, from what I can tell, he's happy as anything to be coming to the wedding.  I feel bad for him because he's married to a control freak who seems to hate socializing with her own family.  oh well, right?

Exactly.  Just plan around her.  If she comes, great (as long as she leaves her bad attitude at home), and if not, well, you'll have dodged a bullet.  It's a shame for your FI and his siblings that she acts like that though.

SP29

Oh geez. That makes no sense- why wouldn't you want to attend the important events of your family- no- your CHILDREN!

But I agree with the above- plan the event you and FI want, and if she shows up, great! 

ashleyep

I don't understand why she's so mad at the idea of you two taking them out to dinner (seriously, what a tiny "event") but she wanted to force you to invite all of your friends to the wedding she wanted you to have? Was she planning on hosting that one? 

This woman is crazy.

happybride42

I think the "inviting all my friends" thing was really just an outburst - something she said in the moment just to get attention.  There's a lot of "look at me" attention-demanding, combined with a strong streak of martyrdom, in her behaviour.  When we do all get together she spends a lot of time sitting in the corner doing alot of "well, nobody should listen to me because what do I know? I'm just the annoying mom that needs to shut up" muttering.  She takes offense at silly stuff easily.  My FI basically tries to ignore it and I'm learning that's really the smartest way to handle it.  Just let her do her thing til she runs out of steam.  What IS annoying is that what I thought was weird behaviour on FBIL and FSIL's part was just FMIL flapping her gums and none of it was true.  That's sad.

lennonkdc

I just read this whole thread and I just have to say that your FMIL sounds like a real peach. God bless you and the rest of her family for dealing with her this long. (It almost sounds like she might have an actual MH issues, maybe a personality disorder? ) If nothing else I feel genuine pity for someone so self involved that she can't find joy in spending time with her children and celebrate life events with them....

PrettyGirlLost

happybride42 said:

I think the "inviting all my friends" thing was really just an outburst - something she said in the moment just to get attention.  There's a lot of "look at me" attention-demanding, combined with a strong streak of martyrdom, in her behaviour.  When we do all get together she spends a lot of time sitting in the corner doing alot of "well, nobody should listen to me because what do I know? I'm just the annoying mom that needs to shut up" muttering.  She takes offense at silly stuff easily.  My FI basically tries to ignore it and I'm learning that's really the smartest way to handle it.  Just let her do her thing til she runs out of steam.  What IS annoying is that what I thought was weird behaviour on FBIL and FSIL's part was just FMIL flapping her gums and none of it was true.  That's sad.

She sounds like she needs some therapy.  It's a shame to be that miserable.