Help me...

behsco90

Stop thinking/daydreaming about my future engagement...  My 2 year anniversary with my BF was on Valentine's Day, and he knows I tend to get my hopes up, so a week before he told me that a proposal was NOT going to happen on that day, so I wouldn't be disappointed.  Then on Valentine's day, the card he gave me said that he believes that we are, and he is, ready to get engaged (we went through a rough patch for awhile, and he is four years younger than me) but he reiterated that it would not happen on Valentine's Day but that it will happen soon.  I just need to be patient!

Impatient is my middle name, so patient I am not!!!  A part of me is glad that he told me that, but then another part of me is like, "Is it today?  Is he gonna propose today?  Tomorrow?  Or maybe he'll propose after we finish our first 5k together next week!" You get the idea...it doesn't help that I feel like my biological clock is ticking away faster and faster everyday...

   I don't want to ruin the proposal, whenever it may be, so I need to stop thinking about it, but it's so hard.  Please give me ideas of things I can do, or think of when I start to think about it again... please help me ladies!

bethsmiles

I'm a little tipsy right now so excuse any part of this that doesn't make sense. While the idea of a proposal is great the time right now is time you will never get back and anxiously await that proposal could take away from fun/awesome dates/experiences you have now witth your BF.

There's no magic cure for not thinking about the proposal. I've been waiting for about...4ish years now. But I know it will come when it comes and until then there are lots of other things I can focus on like work, school, friends, hobbies, all the awesome books I could read. Just don't think of the proposal as the most important thing about your relationship!

behsco90

@bethsmiles I wish I was tipsy right now...haha yes it makes sense.  I try to focus on other things, but this site sure doesn't help!  Sometimes I find myself wandering over to the dress pictures and start picking some out..... I need to find myself a new hobby!!

bethsmiles

I've found the NEY board to be really helpful in being more patient (believe me I am not a patient person!). We have lots of fun non-wedding/engagement discussions and can be pretty good at keeping each other from going BSC!

behsco90

Yeah I've enjoyed reading some of the discussions on here.. I'm just not very good a jumping in on them sometimes.  I will try though!

KeptInStitches

Disclaimer: I'm tipsy, too. (Beth, how did you get here? Angry Orchard helped me on my way ...)

I suggest a hobby, something that requires a lot of concentration and perhaps some physical work. A lot of the women here knit, and Youtube videos are great for learning. There might even be a class in your area. If knitting's not your bag, find something that is. It's about finding a distraction, something that really requires your energy and attention.

behsco90

Yeah I would have to find something else, knitting is not my thing (I am not very good with my hands).  Also, my BF is obsessed with Angry Orchard.

phira

Mmmmmm cider. (I am not drunk, but I am tired. That totally counts, right?)

I'd also consider if a surprise proposal is what you want. Knowing when I was going to get engaged was honestly super fucking fun, and it helped that I wasn't just waiting for my partner to pick the day and time and situation. We had an awesome engagement dinner at a fancy-pants expensive restaurant and got to wear our rings for the first time (I couldn't stop looking at mine, unsurprisingly), and I don't feel like I missed out on anything.

In the meantime, one of the great things about this particular board is that it's easy to say, "Just enjoy your relationship as it is!" but here, you can actually hang out with folks who are just enjoying their relationship as it is, and who are just relaxing and handling life as it happens. Maybe it's a little too philosophical, but I guess my point is that this is a great place to really focus on what you like about yourself, your life, and your relationship, and not get caught up in FUTURE FUTURE FUTURE.

behsco90

I am super tired as well.  I say it's close enough to being drunk

I love surprises, so I don't think I'd want to give up a surprise proposal.  Plus I think my boyfriend is looking forward to planning out the proposal.

Ok no more thinking about my future! I will try to only think in the NOW!

CLoGreenEyes

Awww, I wish I was tipsy! Although considering it's now 10 am, perhaps I should wait a little while, lol.

Anywho, in addition to the awesome advice above, it sounds like your BF is probably kind of fueling the impatience by bringing it up. It's good that he wanted to let you in on his thought process and let you know that OK, he's there now, it'll happen soon. Now if he brings it up again, it's OK to be like, "Babe, I'm trying to keep my patience pants on, but sometimes it's hard when you keep bringing it up." (Or something similar, words are not my friend today.)

And then actually do the "enjoying" part of enjoy your relationship. Plan some fun stuff to do with him this weekend, do something out of the ordinary for him that you know he'll love, just be excited about what you already have. And of course take time to enjoy your own life and hobbies too - that's a good thing to do no matter what stage of life you're in.

blabla89

I'm stone cold sober but here it goes...

I was in the exact same position this winter and I was definitely on the verge of going BSC. When the time came, I knew exactly how he was going to propose because he was unusually insistent on going to the Botanical Garden on a specific day (which is out of character for him). While I was stressing out about what to wear and how to react, he popped the question unexpectedly, three weeks earlier than planned. I loved that it happened spontaneously and without the pressure of knowing it was going to happen that day. All that to say it'll happen when he's ready, and it will be great - so don't stress about it.

I second the recommendations to pick up a hobby (for me it's sewing and reading), hang out on this board, and just enjoy where you're at right now.

behsco90

Thanks for all the advice ladies!

@CLoGreenEyes He hasn't brought it up since, it's been me that's been bringing it up occasionally haha.  When I do bring it up, he tells me I should try to stop thinking about it, or I'm going to ruin it and it won't be a surprise or special anymore.  Which is true, which is why I came to you guys

CLoGreenEyes

Ahhhh, self sabotage! Every time you want to bring it up, occupy your mouth with chocolate! At least that's what I would do, haha. But yeah, definitely try to stop bringing it up, it puts all this pressure on both of you that you just don't need since you know it's happening soon.

behsco90

Mmmmm chocolate.  My naturopath just started me on an anti-inflammatory diet (I have a thyroid condition that I'm trying to fix) and chocolate AND any alcohol are both on the no-no list

Pepperally

I definitely get it. When the guy brings it up, it's like a green light for you to get excited about it. But then when you bring it up, it's kind of putting pressure on the situation and in a way making it less special and surprising in his eyes. I'm right there with you. I took up the hobby of looking at houses to buy, figuring out savings budgets for buying a house, educating myself on the home buying process, etc. that is something we are planning on next year and I can actually talk about that with him. And he doesn't feel any pressure with that topic.

Moiramab

Same boat! I waiver between being on here or not, even after the conversations of "it's gonna happen, just not yet." I indulge in the pretty things - omgdressessss -  every once in a while, but like other ladies said, always go back to throwing myself into work or money stuff (hey, if a wedding is going to happen someday I might as well build up a savings while I'm waiting. And maybe in the meantime pay for a vacation or two haha)

lmcooper86

@ Pepperally and @TwoDimes that is EXACTLY how I feel. My BF brought it up for the first time a few weeks ago, and it was a bit of a shock to know that he was thinking about it because we haven't been together very long. We've talked about it a few times since then and discussed a tentative "timeline" for when we might want to get engaged and get married, and I'm trying very hard not to bring it up again. So now I'm back on TK and NEY to keep my wedding brain in check, and feeling sort of thankful that I am reasonably busy at work so I'm occupied all day!

ShallowSeas

sbehbaha said:

Stop thinking/daydreaming about my future engagement...  My 2 year anniversary with my BF was on Valentine's Day, and he knows I tend to get my hopes up, so a week before he told me that a proposal was NOT going to happen on that day, so I wouldn't be disappointed.  Then on Valentine's day, the card he gave me said that he believes that we are, and he is, ready to get engaged (we went through a rough patch for awhile, and he is four years younger than me) but he reiterated that it would not happen on Valentine's Day but that it will happen soon.  I just need to be patient!

Impatient is my middle name, so patient I am not!!!  A part of me is glad that he told me that, but then another part of me is like, "Is it today?  Is he gonna propose today?  Tomorrow?  Or maybe he'll propose after we finish our first 5k together next week!" You get the idea...it doesn't help that I feel like my biological clock is ticking away faster and faster everyday...

   I don't want to ruin the proposal, whenever it may be, so I need to stop thinking about it, but it's so hard.  Please give me ideas of things I can do, or think of when I start to think about it again... please help me ladies!

@sbehbaha To the bolded: this was SO me. My FI (then BF) had been talking about proposing for a while. I knew he bought me a ring so anytime we went anywhere I was like, "is this it? omg this is it" and it never was. He had the ring for 2 months and then completely surprised me with the proposal. The one time I wasn't expecting it, it happened.  I just made sure my nails were always done during those 2 months...ya know, just in case it happened and I wanted to take pictures of my ring on my finger right then

Pepperally

@TwoDimes - definitely a double standard. He has brought up our wedding day many times in the past couple of months, even said what song we should be introduced to, told me he was losing weight because we will have our wedding photos sometime this year. Yet he's told me if I even suggest something that has to with our wedding that he feels pressured! His mom isn't allowed to say anything about it either or he feels pressured.

CLoGreenEyes

Pepperally said:

TwoDimes - definitely a double standard. He has brought up our wedding day many times in the past couple of months, even said what song we should be introduced to, told me he was losing weight because we will have our wedding photos sometime this year. Yet he's told me if I even suggest something that has to with our wedding that he feels pressured! His mom isn't allowed to say anything about it either or he feels pressured.

@Pepperally, that's just frustrating! It's awesome that he's excited, but that would drive me bananas! If you're being considerate of his feelings and trying not to pressure him, he should be willing to do the same.

CLoGreenEyes

@sbehbaha, what an unfortunate no-no list. Are French fries on that list? Pizza? I am determined to find yummy food for you to be distracted with!

This is why I need to find hobbies that don't involve cooking and baking.

BreMR

This thread is exactly what I needed!! I'm in the same boat, my boyfriend asked me flat out "do you want to go ring shopping with me or do you want it to be a surprise?"  I told him it was 100% up to him since we had already went ring browsing once I knew he'd know what I'd like... he decided he wants it to be a surprise but has joked around saying "my bank account is going to be taking quite the hit soon."  So I'm going a little BSC  I also debated coming here, but I'm hoping by satisfying my wedding cravings on TK I will resist badgering him about it!

behsco90

@severmilli12 that's exactly what I told BF I don't want.  I don't want to know if he has the ring yet or not, because then I really will go even more BSC!!!
@CLoGreenEyes pretty much everything is on the list.  Nothing processed, no dairy, wheat, gluten, flour, sugar, tomato, potato...basically everything I was used to.  So I pretty much just starve all day...I am terrible at cooking, so I suppose I can focus all my thoughts on cooking and new recipes.