Moms and Maids

Lots of moms...and no good ideas...

Hi all, Looking for some ideas. I am doing the usual walk down the aisle with my dad. I would like to have a little thing for the moms to do during the ceremony as well, as I feel they have obviously put just as much (if not way more...) into enriching our lives and helping plan this shindig. I'm not keen on walking with both parents. That said, the problem lies in the fact that my fiances parents are divorced; his father remarried. This means I have three moms to include somehow. We aren't having a super long ceremony, so there aren't readings and whatnot going on, and none of them are big on public speaking.

Any ideas on something we could do are greatly appreciated!

Re: Lots of moms...and no good ideas...

  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    allymdd said:
    Hi all, Looking for some ideas. I am doing the usual walk down the aisle with my dad. I would like to have a little thing for the moms to do during the ceremony as well, as I feel they have obviously put just as much (if not way more...) into enriching our lives and helping plan this shindig. I'm not keen on walking with both parents. That said, the problem lies in the fact that my fiances parents are divorced; his father remarried. This means I have three moms to include somehow. We aren't having a super long ceremony, so there aren't readings and whatnot going on, and none of them are big on public speaking.

    Any ideas on something we could do are greatly appreciated!
    They can all be escorted down the aisle right before the processional starts.  Give each mom a corsage.  Without having them do a reading, there really isn't much else that could be done by 3 moms.  I've seen the moms light the side candles, for the unity candle, but that leaves out stepmom.  Also, there really doesn't need to be something for the moms to do.  Not everyone needs to have a role in the ceremony.
    HisGirlFriday13MairePoppydoeydo
  • Ditto OliveOil. Have them escorted to their seats, have them listed in the programmes (if you're doing them) as mothers and give them corsages (I would ask if they want wrist or pin-on corsages). That's really about as much honouring as you can do given the other parameters.
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    doeydo
  • Ditto to previous posters. This sounds like my wedding. My FI's Dad has remarried so there are 3 Moms in the wedding. They are all being seated before the processional and are all being given corsages and listed in the programs. I myself feel that unity candles are tacky so that was ruled out fast, plus 3 moms complicates things. And then of course his Mom will dance with him for mother/son dance. 

    We aren't pressuring anybody to do any speeches during the reception, although I know my Dad will do a toast because that's just how he is. The lengthier toasts/speeches will probably be during the rehearsal dinner. 

    Having 3 Mom's is quite the handful we've realized during our planning. Good luck with everything! 



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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    Please, don't create  'bit parts' for the moms to play in your wedding. My husband walked my daughter down the aisle. All moms, dads grandparents had corsages/bouts. Before the procession, the bride's grandmother was escorted by the brides grandfather, the MOG was escorted by the FOG, I was escorted by the groom's favorite cousin. Then we all had front row seats for the procession. That was enough of an honor for us. 

    During the ceremony, the JOP invited the parents up to place our hands over the new husband and wife's hands, as she read a blessing. That was a very nice touch. 
                       
    OliveOilsMom
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    As PPs have noted, you can give them all corsages, mention each in a program if you are doing one, and have each escorted down the aisle before the procession starts.
    doeydo
  • How recently did FI's father remarry?  If his stepmother actually participated in raising him, then i agree you have 3 moms to deal with.  If his stepmother married his father after he was grown, i'd argue that you really only have two moms to deal with.

     

    My dad remarried after i was out of college and living on my own...so while his wife is lovely and very kind, i do not see her as my mother.  She is just my father's wife.  During the ceremony, we are doing the Unity Candle thing, and my mom and FI's mom will be lighting the side candles representing each of our families.  We wanted to include them somehow because my dad is escorting me down the aisle, FI's dad is his best man, and both or our sisters and FI's BIL are attendants - we didn't want our moms to have to sit out during the ceremony while everyone else in our families participated.  i will probably get my dad's wife a corsage.  she will, obviously, be seated with him at the ceremony and reception.  but she won't be recognized as my "mother" because she never acted in that capacity in my life.

    cosenti7MairePoppy
  • @delujm0 You have the same exact situation as me. I am planning on my mother and FI mother doing the unity candle. My dad is remarried for ten years and his wife will be given a corsage but she wont be announced or escorted. She will be seated with him, but since she is the woman who broke up my parents' marriage, I feel like it would be disrespectful to my mother to honor her anymore. My dad is very showy and will probably disagree with me, but this is important to me.

    OP, if all women are important in your life, I would include them in the program, with a corsage and an escort down the aisle, as the PP suggested.
  • Delujm, they remarried when he was little, but both moms have been involved. Truth be told, they are all very civil, if not friendly. I would def like the moms escorted. I figure his dad and step mom, and then I have two male cousins with whom I am pretty close. They're my mom's nephews, so I figured she would be OK with that...would it be tacky to have his mom walk with one of them? Her only other son is the best man....
    Now the wheels are turning lol

    Thank you all!
  • @cosenti7 we could be the same person, my dad's wife is also the cause of my parents' divorce.  Well, it wasn't really HER fault i suppose, it was my dad's fault, he's the one that was married at the time.  My mom won't even meet her until my rehearsal dinner, so that's going to be interesting.  it was 10 years ago and they're all adults, so i expect them all to behave.  My dad isn't showy at all, so i don't think he'll care about what goes on, or even notice any of it really.

     

    My mom is actually paying for the flowers, but i want to get dad's wife a corsage, so i'm just going to pick that expense up myself so that no one is offended.  The only really borderline thing that has happened so far is that my sister and mom are planning my shower (in NJ) and invited my dad's whole extended family but not his wife or her children.  They live in FL, so they probably wouldn't have come, but that move is a little questionable.  i mean she'll know about the shower, since my dad's sisters and mother are attending.  But i'm not the host of that event so at least the slight isn't really my fault.  I guess if i was in her shoes, i wouldn't want the first time i met my husband's ex-wife to be at an event that he wasn't even attending anyway.

  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    allymdd said:
    Delujm, they remarried when he was little, but both moms have been involved. Truth be told, they are all very civil, if not friendly. I would def like the moms escorted. I figure his dad and step mom, and then I have two male cousins with whom I am pretty close. They're my mom's nephews, so I figured she would be OK with that...would it be tacky to have his mom walk with one of them? Her only other son is the best man....
    Now the wheels are turning lol

    Thank you all!
    No, this isn't tacky. You should ask FMIL if she would walk with your cousin. My SIL had a cousin that he wanted to include in the processional, so he escorted me. 


                       
  • Your brother could walk your mother down to her seat, then go back and join the processional.
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    At our wedding BIL escorted MIL down the aisle, before he joined my H at the altar as BM.  So the same could go for your processional.  That would work fine, if the bridesmaids are walking alone down the aisle.
  • Give them corsages and let them light one of the candles for the unity candle together?
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