June 2014 Weddings

Need Advice on Flowers...

So back in October when I picked out my flowers, I decided to get all of the grandparents a corsage or boutineer. FH's grandpa passed away a long time before I even met him and I haven't ever met his grandma in the last 6 years that we've dated. She doesn't live that far away (3 and half hours maybe?), it's just something happened between FH's parents and her after his grandpa passed away and they haven't been close since.

I had planned on getting her a corsage to wear because even though I've never met her, she's still a grandparent. However, my dilemma is with her live in boyfriend. Do I have to get him something to wear too? Through the first 5 years of our relationship, I've heard nothing but bad things about him. Now that we're getting married, the future inlaws have completely changed their tune for what I find ridiculous reasons, but that's nothing new.

FH and I have talked about it and he doesn't want the boyfriend to have a flower or be in our pictures. Not that it's up to me but I don't really want him in any pictures either. Back when I was like 12 when we had a big group family photo, my uncles new wife decided to include her 26 year old daughter, her boyfriend and their kid (all of who we'd never met). About 2 years after that, my uncle got a divorce, the daughter left her boyfriend because he's a crack dealer and we're stuck with an otherwise awesome picture if it wasn't for them being in it. I'm not saying this boyfriend of FH's grandma will be a drug dealer but I just don't want pictures with strangers unless they're legit family.

His parents threw a fit when they found out FH didn't want to get him a boutineer. My parents are paying for the flowers and am sure they could careless about another $12 but it's just the principal of the thing. What would you do?


Re: Need Advice on Flowers...

  • An easy way out is to not do corsages & bouts for any grandparent.  You could simply give a single stem rose or other flower to his and one to yours--sort of as a couple (but in your mind it the stem would really be only for her).  Etiquette doesn't really go past the wedding party, so corsages and bouts are up to you.

    As far as pictures, take one with the boyfriend, take one without.  Keep the one without. Would that work?
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  • I saw it FI's family so it's his call.  Sounds like you and him both don't want boyfriend to have a bout. so don't get him one (or have him in pictures for that matter).  If his family is having an issue with it, ask FI to addess it with them.  Ultimately they should respect his decision.
  • I agree with the previous posts completely. Doing the stems is a great way to still honor all your grandparents without the touchiness of the boyfriend being an issue. But in the long run, it is your fiancé's family, so ultimately it's his call. If he doesn't want the guy in the pictures, then he needs to say so, and they need to respect his decision. You could just nicely state that pictures are for immediate family.
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