I don't even know if this is etiquette, but I'm wondering about what is proper or acceptable. Not that it even matters- it might be a "do whatever the hell you want".
I haven't decided yet whether or not I will change my name. I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to decide. I'm wondering, if I don't legally change my last name, can our married monogram still be (Mary Smith and John Doe) MJD or mDj? Am I still considered Mrs. Doe since I am the wife of John Doe? Maybe this is less a question about monograms and more of me just having an identity crisis, but whatever. I want to register for pretty monogrammed things!
Re: really insignificant question- about Monograms
This is great, thanks for all the opinions! I did read that the "traditional" monogram would be Woman's first name, Married last name, Woman's maiden name... which kinda seems to leave out the husband, so I wondered why it would be any worse to use a monogram with his last name initial even if my last name were different. There are a lot of confusing instructions floating around out there!
If I do end up keeping my name, I wouldn't go crazy correcting someone who called or referred to me as "Mrs. Husband". I love his name; just not sure if I'll be able to let go of mine. I have a feeling whichever way I decide I will probably end up going by either/both.. sigh.
When writing it out, if your FI's name were Robert James DeNiro, his initials for a monogram would be RJD.
When I said "last," I meant both of their last names - meaning the one they now share.
We registered for some monogrammed bath towels with letters of our first names. I know I won't drop my maiden name, and I'm debating adding his name or leaving my name alone.
Only in the last few hundred years has mistress been co-opted to mean 'adulteress.'
Right. I was referring to mistress in the married woman sense. So then couldn't any married woman be a Mrs? Even if she keeps her name? That's how I plan to be, whatever I end up deciding about my name.
This is the first time I've heard that "Mrs." meant "wife of." The dictionary I looked at said it is short for mistress and refers to a married woman. ——————————————————————————————————————— ETA- I don't think "Mrs." Means "wife of" someone, but if it did, that would make me never want to use it. It would be like I had no identity outside of my husband.
Oh, I don't have any official source like the dictionary. I didn't look in the dictionary, I'm just talking about what the general consensus/opinion seems to be. This is all stuff that has evolved over such a long time, sometimes I don't know if there's even one right answer today anyway.
Here's some random examples of places that (arbitrarily?) proclaim that it means "wife of". Again, there's no reference to some kind of official word on the subject, so if you're worried about "clearing it up" before your wedding, I would just go with your dictionary definition.
If you're basing your decision off how it might be perceived and that's all it takes for you to never want to use Mrs., maybe don't change your name. Wherever it came from, "wife of" seems to be what many people think it means.
http://impstrump.blogspot.com/2010/10/choosing-female-titles-in-english.html
http://spaceskc.com/articles/round-usual-suspects/
http://perodicticus-potto.blogspot.com/2008/11/thats-not-my-name-well-it-is-but.html
http://web.ics.purdue.edu/~jpiller/EmailAProfessor_Piller.pdf (this one's interesting- tough prof!)
http://www.ayearofgoodmanners.com/ This page is really long but here's the quote: “Use correct titles of respect for women. Miss for girls, Ms. for adults who want to keep their marital status private. Mrs. is for married women, with the husband's name because "Mrs." means "wife of." Divorced women are no longer "Mrs." but a widow retains the title as long as she wants.”...www.margerysinclair.com
and an untold number of random Yahoo answers