Am I crazy? :/

behappy67

My wedding vision has be hesitating.

My wedding starts at 1pm. I was planning on taking pictures with family members beforehand. We would welcome our guests together, help them find their tables.  (Guest like is 65-70, 20 of which is our immediate family members, so they will all be there before the wedding starts for pictures).  Then, I would have my father welcome everyone. We would have our ceremony where our family members/friends will stand in a circle holding hands with us in the middle.  We would have our ceremony/exchange vows. We would have Fiances dad say a prayer over our marriage and the food. Then, we'd start having lunch served (it's plated).

I wasn't planning on having any speeches, toasts etc. There will not be alcohol there as everyone coming is very religious (although we are not).  I also don't want to do a 'cake cutting' or the whole feed each other the cake thing.  Included in our meal is a desert, so I was going to serve guests either cheesecake, pie, tarts, or a cake (haven't decided yet).

I'm going for a relaxed, tea party type feel.

I also don't plan on having a grand exit type thing. As people finish their meals, and our time comes to an end, do I need to plan something to tell my guests that's all thats planned? (Most of our guests won't be used to this type of wedding ceremony or reception, very religious families).

Any suggestions? 

behappy67

We've thought about a semi circle, or having us at the head of the circle as well. I didn't consider the people behind me looking at my ass . I'll have to tweak that a bit.

QueerFemme

I think generally, the plan sounds fine. Except, get people seats.  Even if you want to do it circular with you in the middle, have seats.  That means that some people will be looking at your butt and won't actually be able to see you say your vows though. 

Also, not everyone likes to hold hands, even with friends and family members.  I know I don't. Just let them sit down, in either a circle or semi circle. 

To let people know that its winding down, you can put on your invitation or reception card "Luncheon reception immediately following ceremony" or something like that.  

As soon as they see the venue, they'll know that there won't be dancing, cake shoving, etc.   So, they'll get the message. After lunch, you will probably mingle for a while, but guests will get the hint and go home.

behappy67

I'm obviously not going to force people to hold hands.  The space that we're using is small. If we want to have seats they'll be sitting in the same seats they will be eating at. I'm also not going to force people to stand, but all of my guests who are able to come are healthy and able bodied people. If one of them wanted to sit, they'd be welcome to. However, for such a short ceremony I don't see an issue with asking guests to stand. People stand longer waiting in line at the grocery store.

AddieCake

Our guests got the hint that after lunch it was pretty much over. You'll be fine!

JoanE2012

eahuber said:

I'm obviously not going to force people to hold hands.  The space that we're using is small. If we want to have seats they'll be sitting in the same seats they will be eating at. I'm also not going to force people to stand, but all of my guests who are able to come are healthy and able bodied people. If one of them wanted to sit, they'd be welcome to. However, for such a short ceremony I don't see an issue with asking guests to stand. People stand longer waiting in line at the grocery store.

Still not a fan of everyone standing holding hands.  People will feel obligated when they see most everyone else standing.  And what if the guest next to me puts out their hand....do I just say no?  I'd feel it's rude and awkward.   I wouldn't put that on people.

Everything else sounds good.

doeydo

Besides my FI, I am not touchy-feely with other people and would feel extremely awkward if I was supposed to be part of this circle.  It also reminds me of the Whos in Who-ville, TBH.


Anyways, I agree with PPs that chairs would be a good idea.  

QueerFemme

I also agree... there is some sort of peer pressure when everyone else is reaching out to hold hands, and you are the one that looks like a germaphobe. It's just awkward. 

Also, again on the standing.  I'm an able bodied person, but I also have a knee injury that you can't see. I can walk and move around just fine. But, standing in one spot for more than 10 minutes is brutal.  You certainly would not know that by looking at me, and most of my friends don't know that. I can walk and dance and stand in line at a grocery store moving along in the line.  Of course, if I'm at your wedding and holding hands with the person standing next to me, I'm going to be shifting back & forth and being very uncomfortable because I'm not actively moving.

I know you think it's not a big deal for a short ceremony.  But, trust me, it's a pain in the ass. Every bride that has ever tried to do that since I've been around here always regrets it later, and their guests do too.

Jen4948

Except for the holding hands while standing in a circle, everything sounds fine.

But I strongly advise you to have seats for everyone.  Even for short periods of time, it is annoying to have to stand up with no seat-especially when wearing dress shoes.  I also advise you to not do the holding hands-not everyone likes to hold hands.

emmyg65

I'm also not a fan of the standing in a circle holding hands idea. It's fine to have the ceremony while the guests are sitting at the seats they'll sit at during the reception. This is actually pretty common in small venues.

Everything else sounds really lovely. If you're having background music, you can just shut it off when your allotted time is up. People will figure it out.

RebeccaB88

My problem with the standing in a circle around you thing is that, if I'm not part of the circle, how am I going to see through those people to see YOU?  It's not about looking at your butt. It's about there being something in my way that I can't move that prevents me from seeing the event I came to see. If you let people sit down, everyone can see. 

I kinda think you're trying too hard to find something unique, cute, or interesting to do. Your guests don't need that. They just need a pretty, meaningful ceremony, good food and drink, and good company. They don't need a contrived performance, or for your family to look like a bunch of kindergarteners playing a game. It's ok to be nontraditional, but there's a point where it starts to look like a theater performance. Stop just short of that point.

People will get that the reception is over after dessert and coffee is served. They may want to hang around and talk some, but it shouldn't be that long. If they do hang around just use that opportunity to spend more time thanking and paying attention to your guests and enjoy them being there.

behappy67

Thank you all for your input!  It definitively gives me a lot to think about!

rsbloom

Almost every Christian service I have been to asks people to hold hands as a symbol of coming together as one.  As the whole wedding ceremony is uniting you and your fiance as one, I see no problem with asking them to hold hands for a few minutes.  If they are there, it is because they are the closest to you, and mean the most to you.  Even if they don't normally hold hands, they would if it was important to you.  Or if you don't want that anymore, you can always have them extend an arm out towards you two in blessing while you say your vows.

As for the standing/sitting issue, it is rude to ask them to stand the whole time, but you can have your guests seated around you, and then stand and hold hands for only the vow portion, thus cutting down the standing time. 

Also, we are using the same seats for the ceremony and reception because it is at the same venue, but the waitstaff is setting up and moving them from one place to the other.  I would only say DON'T have your guests lug around the furniture, or have your groomsmen and ushers move them if you don't have a waitstaff. My cousin had the pastor at his wedding announce "Alright, everyone pick up your chair and move it inside to a table."  Moving heavy chairs in heels and formal attire is not fun, and watching grandma and grandpa stand there and wait for someone to help them wasn't either.

hannahjohan

Na You ain't crazy! You are just being practical, by trying to avoid the fairy tale sort of a wedding setting. How about a thank you speech in the end or may be a small praise and worship session could give it a great ending since your folks are religious. They would get the idea anyway, on their entrance to the wedding venue and would preset their minds according to that!

Jen4948

rsbloom said:

Almost every Christian service I have been to asks people to hold hands as a symbol of coming together as one.  As the whole wedding ceremony is uniting you and your fiance as one, I see no problem with asking them to hold hands for a few minutes.  If they are there, it is because they are the closest to you, and mean the most to you.  Even if they don't normally hold hands, they would if it was important to you.  Or if you don't want that anymore, you can always have them extend an arm out towards you two in blessing while you say your vows.

As for the standing/sitting issue, it is rude to ask them to stand the whole time, but you can have your guests seated around you, and then stand and hold hands for only the vow portion, thus cutting down the standing time. 

Also, we are using the same seats for the ceremony and reception because it is at the same venue, but the waitstaff is setting up and moving them from one place to the other.  I would only say DON'T have your guests lug around the furniture, or have your groomsmen and ushers move them if you don't have a waitstaff. My cousin had the pastor at his wedding announce "Alright, everyone pick up your chair and move it inside to a table."  Moving heavy chairs in heels and formal attire is not fun, and watching grandma and grandpa stand there and wait for someone to help them wasn't either.

People do not do physical things "because they are important to you."  They've already had to get to the wedding, wear appropriate attire and possibly pay for and acquire it for the purpose of wearing it to your wedding if they didn't already own it, and presumably give you a gift.

Standing for parts of the ceremony is one thing but I think expecting people to hold hands for you is crossing a boundary that should stay uncrossed because it requires them to make physical contact with each other that they may well not want to do.  Some people don't like holding hands-especially if they don't know the people they are expected to hold hands with.

Gina0887

Could you put the reception tables in a circle so they have chairs and right after the ceremony they are already in seats? idk

Gina0887

Kinda like this Four Weddings bride did but more of a circle...
http://www.tlc.com/tv-shows/four-weddings/videos/and-the-winner-isbarefoot-bliss.htm