Overly Concerned Bridesmaid... Is anyone else dealing w/ this?

Marzipan13

One of my bridesmaids is very excited about our wedding.  Very.  I'm happy she's excited, and grateful that she's willing to help so much; but when it comes to planning and trying to understand how I feel... she's way off the mark, and it's getting annoying.  She went to college for event planning, so I can see how our wedding is a goldmine for her... but all of the planning is being done by FI & I and our parents.  She's not even MOH!  Again, I appreciate her willingness to help, but she thinks she's in an episode of Bridezillas, "calming me down" - and trust me, I'm the furthest thing from Bridezilla.  

For example: Just today, I got an emails saying 2 of the BM dresses were in.  I message my BMs (all 4 are in a private group message on FB), and ask if they'd like me to pick up their dresses when they arrive at the store - all of them work crazy hours except me, and everyone lives far away from the store except me. Immediately, she messages me back: "You're crazy. Stop worrying. Go have a margarita."  ...um?  I was just offering to save everyone an out-of-the-way trip?  And I'm quite calm about this wedding planning because I got a ton of it done early, please don't speak for how I'm feeling?  You can save the "crazy" remarks until I actually go crazy.

/rant  
Is anyone else dealing with an Overly Concerned Bridesmaid??  How do you kindly tell them to step off??

  

raeah219

Sometimes you just have to let people be themselves. She isnt hurting anything or anyone. The trade off would be her not being concerned or helpful at all, you have the better of the two at this point. I would just say "thanks" and reassure her that you're not stressed.

Marzipan13

True, that's what I keep reminding myself...  I just hope she doesn't go overboard for the bridal shower & bachelorette party that MOH is planning.  OCBM keeps talking about planning these on her own, and I don't know why... 

pinkshorts27

That would drive me crazy and I would honestly have a talk with her about it. I would not be able to handle that, especially since her assumptions about how you are acting are clearly rude. 

MadHops21

I would be pretty annoyed by this, especially if you're not rushing with planning or doing things last minute. Telling me to calm down when I am calm makes me uncalm. 

hikebikebemerry

I would tell her that when you're crying over stamps (which happened this past week to one of my good friends who is getting married.. she realized that she was overreacting, called me, and we had a good laugh about it.) THEN she call tell you to calm down.

edandy

Know it alls are the worst.

My sister in-law is the same way. A few times I brought up a new idea I had for the wedding (i'm excited i'll talk about it if I want) and she shuts me right down saying that I'm obsessed and not everything revolved around my wedding. I literally showed her a dress I liked, told her about the princess castle venue I saw and asked if ice cream cake was cool. 

She had a court house elopement thing and they didn't tell anyone in our family until after. I think she might regret it and is jealous that I am having a wedding? Idk I stopped telling her things. 

jalyndani

I have the exact opposite situation- one of my BMs is my closest friend in vet school, and she doesn't ever want to hear a word about the upcoming wedding. She won't be attending any pre-wedding showers or my bachelorette party b/c she will be in her clinical rotations phase of our veterinary program (which I totally understand that she can't get away from) , but she isn't involved at ALL in any festivities, she couldn't care less about them or anything I might want to mention to her about them. And I rarely talk about the wedding simply because my mom and sister have pretty much handled it all for me since my school schedule is so hectic. But the few times I might want to tell her something, she changes the subject or says she is in a hurry and "has to go". Every single time. 

What's even more upsetting about this is that she basically appointed herself as a BM after the engagement happened. I let it slide and agreed to it because she is a close friend, and I thought she WANTED to do this. I certainly did not force her to fill this role. So her attitude now is confusing. 

Inkdancer

jalyndani said:

I have the exact opposite situation- one of my BMs is my closest friend in vet school, and she doesn't ever want to hear a word about the upcoming wedding. She won't be attending any pre-wedding showers or my bachelorette party b/c she will be in her clinical rotations phase of our veterinary program (which I totally understand that she can't get away from) , but she isn't involved at ALL in any festivities, she couldn't care less about them or anything I might want to mention to her about them. And I rarely talk about the wedding simply because my mom and sister have pretty much handled it all for me since my school schedule is so hectic. But the few times I might want to tell her something, she changes the subject or says she is in a hurry and "has to go". Every single time. 

What's even more upsetting about this is that she basically appointed herself as a BM after the engagement happened. I let it slide and agreed to it because she is a close friend, and I thought she WANTED to do this. I certainly did not force her to fill this role. So her attitude now is confusing. 

It may well be that she wants to be there for you, but is upset that she can't be in the way she'd like. I know that being away from my bestie means I can't do things for her that I want to do, and I hate it!

climbingsingle

That is really super annoying. 

I'm only having a MOH. This is my second wedding. I had a big bridal party the first time around and my friend Kate was in it. Kate is driving me freaking crazy. When I told her no bridesmaids, she was upset and suggested that her and the rest of my friends all show up in the same dresses. 

She badgers me about wedding planning all the time. "Did you pick invitations? What jewelry are you wearing? What is your mom wearing? Did you book a DJ yet?" Questions, questions all the time! Gah! 

Marzipan13

Guys, this really makes me feel better - I was worried that I was being the psycho-bitch here for being annoyed at her badgering!

I think her intentions are good, definitely - the way she presents them comes off wrong though! She's also going insane now that she's the last person in our mutual circle to not be married or engaged... I think she'd like to pretend our wedding is her own.  Uh, keep dreaming, man.

@jalyndani - That's awful  I hope she can find a happy medium, and can at least be more excited about your wedding if she can't physically make all the pre-wedding festivities.  

Marzipan13

Resurrecting my own thread for a rant-y update:

Aforementioned BM is getting so ahead of herself, she started talking about my gown in front of FI.  Not like, across the room during a party FI happened to be at.  I mean, she was talking to FI and me, and just let it out.  

Maybe I'm overreacting (after all, FI doesn't know anything about gowns, or what "tulle skirt" and "ballgown" mean, which are the only words she said about the style of the dress)...

BUT JESUS, COME ON.  Stop making me think twice about asking you to be a BM.

ETF: gif was being weird, and gosh-dang, I wanted a defeated George-Michael on my post.

Rebl90

I don't even know what to say...that is not cool.  I think it's time to have the come-to-Jesus talk with her, NOW.