Name change

wandajune6

I've been reading lots of threads about changing/not changing your name. The more I read, the less I know what I want to do. FI says that he's ok with whatever I choose but it had never occurred to him that I might not change my name. In my social circle, it never occurred to people that I would.

My last name is very simple to spell but long. It's also very unique- there are only about 50 us in the world and they're all somehow related to me. That said, other than my immediate family, I don't know anyone personally who shares my last name (my dad's a genealogy buff). I love my name but also love the idea of sharing a name. Changing his name is not an option for a variety of reasons, which I support.

My mom kept her maiden name professionally but used her married name socially. When she hit 65 she found out that was illegal- something to do with Homeland Security or something like that. At 67, she uses her married name.

My sister planned to change her name then never did. She probably never will. Their daughter has her husband's name.

FI's name is easier than mine. I have established a career with my name but other than the administrative hassle, it wouldn't be a difficult change. We also plan to have a kid together at some point.

On top of all of that, FI also has a son who lives with us full-time who has his last name. Future stepson has a lot of school/social issues (though a wonderful kid that I love!) and his mom sees him a few weekends a month but takes the time to create endless behavioral and legal issues. Because of this, there is a lot of  communication with counselors, school administrators, and various legal/social services folks regarding him. FI of course does the majority of it but, quite frankly, I'm just better at handling these things. However, as a person who looks nothing like him (pale redhead marrying into a Mexican family) and has a different name, I'm met with a lot of suspicion. Son will be 18 in a few years so this won't be a permanent issue but it's still a considerable hassle.

I'm not going to please everyone with the decision I make but I'm completely confused!

Based on everything I've spelled out, what do you think?

Blergbot

I think it's a very personal decision and no one on here can tell you what to do. My 2 cents is that the issue with your soon to be step son seems like a passing annoyance and not a reason on which to base your decision. It sounds to me as though you'd like to keep your own name, but that could just be my personal bias,

HisGirlFriday13

Based on everything you've laid out...it's still got to be your choice.

Whatever you are legally is what you have to go by on government documents. You can absolutely not change your name legally, but go by your husband's name socially (as long as socially means invites coming to Mr. and Mrs. DH).

All your various documents -- health insurance cards, driver's licence, SS card, passport, bank cards, insurance cards -- all have to match. It's easier, probably, to do wholly one or wholly the other.

Can you and FI hyphenate? Can you take your maiden as your middle and go by all three, a la Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, or Ruth Bader Ginsberg?

cruffino

I'm also currently struggling with the name change issue. I know you asked what you should do, but honestly only you can answer that for yourself. I think the decision should cone from your gut/heart/mind, and not be in reaction to external influences like your stepson or work. Good luck.

wandajune6

Hyphenation isn't an option- my last name is already pretty long. I also have 2 middle names so using my surname as a middle name is hard (my parents chose to use my mom's maiden as a second middle name rather than hyphenating).

@HisGirl- I know I would need to change everything. And I sounds like a total pain! Between all of my diplomas, 2 passports (dual citizenship), and a few properties, this will take time.

You're all right. I wasn't looking for someone to tell me what to do, rather I was looking for perspective.

Thanks!

climbingsingle

I don't think any of us can help you make this decision. 

I never thought I would change my last night. I didn't after my first wedding. But I feel differently this time. I'm excited to change it and am excited to have the same last name as FI.