HELP!!!! BRIDAL PARTY AND WHO TO CHOOSE

lindaq1

My fiance and I are getting married this Oct. In the beginning of our planning (last Sept), we both agreed that we didn't want to have a bridal party, then he changed his mind and said he wanted groomsmen. In Jan. of this year, he changed his mind again, and he reverted to not wanting having any one. Last night we booked our venue, and NOW he's saying that he wants groomsmen!! 

Now my situation is this: being that I wasn't going to have BM's, aside from my MOH who is my 15yr old daughter, two of my friends have taken it upon themselves to start planning me a bridal shower. I had always said that if we did have a BP, that I would have the godmothers of my girls and my sis (totaling 3). But now that my fiance has changed his mind, and my two friends are planning the bridal shower, am I supposed to ask them to be bridesmaids??? OR do I still ask the 3 people who I said I'd choose as BM's from the beginning??? Would they take over the bridal shower planning? Or do I let my two friends continue the process? I don't want to offend my two friends by not asking them to be BM's, but then I don't want to offend any of my other friends if I do. 

UGH...he's put me in a situation that I didn't want to be in, but I know this is his wedding and he should be able to have what he wants. What do I do???

Maggie0829

lindaq1 said:

My fiance and I are getting married this Oct. In the beginning of our planning (last Sept), we both agreed that we didn't want to have a bridal party, then he changed his mind and said he wanted groomsmen. In Jan. of this year, he changed his mind again, and he reverted to not wanting having any one. Last night we booked our venue, and NOW he's saying that he wants groomsmen!! 

Now my situation is this: being that I wasn't going to have BM's, aside from my MOH who is my 15yr old daughter, two of my friends have taken it upon themselves to start planning me a bridal shower. I had always said that if we did have a BP, that I would have the godmothers of my girls and my sis (totaling 3). But now that my fiance has changed his mind, and my two friends are planning the bridal shower, am I supposed to ask them to be bridesmaids??? OR do I still ask the 3 people who I said I'd choose as BM's from the beginning??? Would they take over the bridal shower planning? Or do I let my two friends continue the process? I don't want to offend my two friends by not asking them to be BM's, but then I don't want to offend any of my other friends if I do. 

UGH...he's put me in a situation that I didn't want to be in, but I know this is his wedding and he should be able to have what he wants. What do I do???

Whether or not you have BMs should have no bearing on if your FI has GMs.

Just because people are throwing you a bridal shower does not mean that they should be asked to be BMs.  Anyone can throw a bridal shower, not just wedding party members since wedding party members have no responsibilities except to buy the required attire and show up on your wedding day.

Take your FI and his indecision about whether he wants GMs out of the equation.  What do you want?  Do you want to ask those 3 women?  If so, then ask.  If you don't want a bridal party then don't ask them.  But you and your FI decisions on this are separate from each other.

Oh and if you do ask these 3 women to be in your wedding then no, they would not take over the shower planning.

Bubblegum5586

Anyone can plan you a wedding shower, so don't feel obligated to ask these women just because of that. 

I was 17 and a MOH in my Mom's wedding (co MOH with my 10 year old sister).and my mom's friends still planned a little shower for her knowing that I wouldn't really think to do that. Whether your FI wants groomsmen or not I say stick with only your daughter, he can choose as many as he wants as sides do not have to match.

lindaq1

Thank you ladies. I really appreciate your advice!!

csuave

Take more time to think about it.  You do not have to rush to make this decision.

How do you envision your ceremony?  Do you want certain people by your side?  If you don't feel strongly about wanting them by your side then do you want them involved as readers so they can be a part of the ceremony?

How do you approach planning?  Do you want to keep it as simple as possible?  Then no bridal party might be the way to go. 

If shopping for BP gifts, giving direction on dresses (within budgets), planning a rehearsal dinner, and making a schedule of events/times for everyone are no big deal then having a BP won't be that much more work for you.

As far as offending anyone, if people are truly your friends that shouldn't happen.  Sure they may secretely be a little upset if a, b and c are asked while they are not but at the end of the day it will be fine.  However, if this worries you it is just another reason to not have a BP----but if you do want a BP don't let this very minor concern stop you.

Just a few things to think about...

Jen4948

It's not up to your FI whether or not you have bridesmaids, so leave whether or not he has groomsmen out of this decision.

If you really want someone to stand up with you at the ceremony, by all means ask them to be in your wedding party.  Also take out of the decision whether or not someone is planning a shower for you.

Anyone can plan you a bridal shower, regardless of whether or not they are in your wedding party-your only obligation would be to invite them to the wedding.  If you don't want to invite them to the wedding, you'll need to decline the showers.

olleb4

I'm in your position just a bit differently! We decided it's best to keep it simple because so many people live so far away and I wasn't a fan of large parties and dresses, etc. Fast forward to tonight: my FI tells me that he may want 3 guys as his groomsmen/best men (because he was in their's and would feel bad asking only one - I know...) whereas I have only asked my sister and my young neices to be Jr BM. Mind you - I am hours away from booking limos and setting up florist appointments.

(Most) guys will always be guys. He deferred all decision making to me. I am taking the advice of others on here and saying HAVE AT IT. If you want 10 guys, have them. They'll be walking together while my sister walks with one and that's that. But don't say I didn't warn you in the beginning that you should have more say in OUR day.

olleb4

And to answer your question - I would stick to what you're most comfortable with!