Moms and Maids

MOB is being awkward, and MOG is refusing to come to the wedding.

Don't get me wrong, I love my mother, and I love FI's mother too but FFS they are ridiculous.

My mother was supposed to be going to my dress fitting with me today. I didn't ask her to, she wanted to come (well, I asked her if she wanted to come, I didn't say she had to). She was so excited about going, and offered to drive, since my car would be in the garage. So, yeah great! So, I went around to her house this morning; and she was being really pissy with me, complaining about everything, and generally being awkward and then turned around and told me that she wasn't actually going to be able to go (by which point I was already late!) because she was grieving. What was she grieving, I asked her. That she will never have biological grandchildren. That's what was wrong with her. Something she had known for ten years. I pointed out to her that she already had non-biological grandchildren, but apparently that isn't good enough. So yeah, she stormed off when I told her she couldn't guilt me into having children (that's what she was trying to do, she's done it before). So I had to postpone my dress fitting, and got a £50 change for cancelling so late. Great, mum, just wonderful.

But somehow the day managed to get worse, because I went for afternoon tea with FMIL. Some background might be helpful for this one. I have known FI since I was 16, but only started seeing him when I was 37. The entire time I was just his friend, she loved me, thought I was brilliant, and we got on really well! And then we started dating. And suddenly I was unworthy of her son. But she put up with it, because, as she said at the time "it won't last, you're too different." And then we got engaged, and I became the route of all evil. I am too old for him (a grand total of 7 months his elder), too 'wild' (not entirely sure what she means by this', I have been married before, I am bisexual, so would cheat on him, this list goes on.

Anyway, so we went for afternoon tea, and she had invited an old friend of FIs. Fine by me, we get on okay. But FMIl didn't know this, and thought I would be jealous of this friend because she is his ex (from when they were 14, I might add) and has known him longer than me. Upon seeing my lack of jealousy, she started saying how it was such a shame that FIs friend was already married, and that she would have made such a great match for FI. And we were both like 'what?'. Anyway, she continued with this, and when I got annoyed at her; turned to me and said 'Artis, dear, I love you, but you simply aren't good enough for my son'. So I left.

I told FI about this (perhaps unwisely) and he kind of went mental at his mum, and told her that if she couldn't accept that he was marrying me, she wasn't fit to come to the wedding. So she said she isn't coming.

What a brilliant day its been.

Re: MOB is being awkward, and MOG is refusing to come to the wedding.

  • I'm sorry about your FMIL, but I'm glad your FI stood up for you and your relationship. Frankly, if she's acting this way, if I were you, I wouldn't want her at my wedding because God knows what she'd say/do.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I am so sorry! What a horrible day! Internet hugs for you!
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
  • Holy heck, she sounds like a pill and a half. I'm sorry that you had to deal with that!

    I'm glad that FI stood up for you, as he should. I hope you both stand your ground, and if she wants to choose some petty opinion over being at her son's wedding, that's her choice.

  • I am so sorry. You had a rubbish day and both your FMIL and your mother are fecking bitches for their behaviour.

    I'm glad your FI had your back. That's awesome!

    Have wine. Have ALLLLLL the wine.

    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • FFS.....Just one of those days I guess. Don't you worry, karma will come around eventually. You should probably buy a lottery ticket because things can only go up from here, right?! Good luck!!
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I'm so sorry you had such a bad day.  But I'm glad your FI was supportive of you.  If his mother isn't there, maybe you are dodging a bullet.

    I agree with @MairePoppy that you need to cut your mother off if she ever brings up not being a biological grandmother ever again.  Whether or not you can have biological children, it is not up to your mother.  She is not "entitled" to be a biological grandmother so she needs to keep her mouth shut around you and your FI on the subject.
  • Thanks ladies! You guys made me feel much better.

    Apparently, it wasn't just me that my mother was moaning at, it was my sister too (who, by the way, can't actually have children, which my mother knows). My sister is forcing her to go to counselling about it.
  • I think counselling is a good idea. It sounds like your mother is mourning the loss of the biological grandchildren she'll never have, and that's OK.

    It's OK for her to be sad that she won't have biological grand babies, but it is NOT OK for her to be bemoaning that fact to you.

    My mom has a friend who is going through this right now (parent to an only child who cannot have biological children) and she is struggling with that knowledge.

    Mom has been talking it through with her and she's going to counselling and it's helping.

    Obviously the decision to have children is a personal one, but it's not unreasonable for parents to mourn the loss of grandchildren they'll never have if their children make that decision.

    It is, however, flatly unreasonable for parents to make their kids feel guilty about that decision.

    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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