Need Advice

akcassidi

My fiance, myself and our son have been asked to be part of our friends' wedding.  Me a bridesmaid, fiance a groomsman, and son the ring bearer.  We are also supposed to pay for all of our attire.  Is there etiquette when it comes to asking more than one person in the family to be in a wedding and be expected to pay all of the costs?  Just adding up the expenses (dress, shoes, suit, shoes and a child's suit and shoes --- eeek!). 

jenna8984

The wedding party members (or their parent) are supposed to pay for their own attire. I would probably ask some questions before accepting such as "Are you wanting my son in a $200 suit rental or can I pick him up a nice blouse and slacks at Target?". Seriously, my nephew is 4 and that's what his suit rental cost- how ridiculous is that?? (It wasn't my wedding) If they are requiring that- I would probably just chose him to be in it, or ask the bride & groom to cover him. I don't know if that's technically etiquette approved but it's what I would do.

kmmssg

They have not broken any etiquette rules by asking all of you, but it is most definitely your right to discuss budget issues up front and make an informed decision.  I can see where that would be crazy expensive and would most likely be cost prohibitive.

Maggie0829

There is nothing against etiquette in asking multiple members of a family to be in a wedding.  If the cost is going to be too much then you are more then welcome to tell the couple no.  But typically the wedding party members pay for their own attire.

But if you do decide to all be in the wedding, do not be afraid to voice your opinion about costs. Make your budget known if the bride/groom do not ask for your budget first.

Also know that bridal showers, bach/bachelorette parties and such are all optional and this couple should know and be accepting of the fact that you may not be able to contribute or attend these events.

MyNameIsNot

There tradition of WP members doesn't change just because multiple members of an immediate family are in the WP.

It is correct etiquette to ask each WP member for a budget before selecting attire, but it's fine to bring it up if you think the couple are too clueless to know that.  WP attire does not include shoes, accessories, make up, etc.  If any of you are expected to wear specific shoes or get your hair done, the couple should be paying.  

OliveOilsMom

Ditto PP.  My nephew has also been in a wedding where the free tux rental for the guys was shifted around to my nephew since his tux rental cost more than the adults!  But for my wedding, my SIL found black suits for my nephews on amazon for $40 each.  I would be asking the bride if this would be ok, since that will help with costs.

Jen4948

If the designated attire is outside your budget, then you certainly have the right to bring that up to the couple.  If you weren't asked for your budget beforehand or are being expected to wear specific hairstyles, makeup, or accessories, then you have a case, but it sounds reasonable to me that you and your FI are expected to pay for your own basic attire as well as your child's.

princessleia22

I would let them know your budget and ask what is expected for your attire.  Do they have a big preference/requirement on ring bearer clothes? If you can't afford what they choose, it is fine to decline being in wedding party. Most people will understand.

For our flower girl, we told them to get any white dress, then I bought her a sash that matched BM dresses.  They paid $20 for a dress on clearance. For my 6-year old BM (niece), I didn't see any point in having my sister pay a lot of money for a dress that she will soon outgrow, just so she matches other BM's.  So, we found a dress on sale for $17 that is same color as BM's dresses.  It's similar style, but not exact match which is fine. Even for my BM's, I told them to get any short dress they wanted in navy blue.  That way they could go find something cheap at Target if they wanted or go for a more formal BM dress. They actually chose to coordinate and bought matching dresses from David's Bridal... but that was their choice and their budget. Then we knew best man was tight on money, so FI planned to buy his suit, but FMIL actually offered to buy suits for all groomsmen. 

But you need to make sure they know your budget and concerns. Maybe the selections will be more affordable. Maybe they don't have a preference on ring bearer attire and any suit will work (Easter sales are great for this).

antoto

As PPs have said, it's fine that they asked this.  DH and I had both my sister and her husband in our wedding party.

Just make sure they are aware of your budget for each person and also remember that they are asking not demanding you to be in the wedding - if it's too much I'm sure they would understand if you preferred to sit it out.