Wedding 911

When someone asks if they're invited, and they're NOT.

My fiance and I recently bumped into a "friend" we see a few times a year. He's one of our groomsmen's best friends, so we don't see him often. When we were saying good bye to him, he straight up asked if he was invited to our wedding, because he didn't receive a save the date. My fiance was relatively smooth and told him we haven't sent them out yet, which we haven't, and that we were waiting for the 6th month marker. 

He's also engaged and getting married a month prior to us and we don't expect to be invited or really care to attend his wedding.

I'm not a huge fan of this person and we hadn't intended on inviting him, but feel relatively obligated. How do we break the news if he's confrontational!?

Re: When someone asks if they're invited, and they're NOT.

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    Do you bump into this "friend" a lot?  If not then I wouldn't really worry about it.

    But if he is confrontational the next time you bump into him then I would politely say that "We are sorry, but as you know from planning a wedding yourself, that you just can't invite everyone that you want to."  Then change the topic.

    AddieCakedoeydobnwright0721Mofarina689
  • Bean Dip. If that doesn't work, you tell him, "Unfortunately, we are unable to accommodate everyone that we would like." and leave it at that. It will be very rude if they keep bringing it up. 
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    doeydo
  • Thanks, ladies!

    I was completely shocked someone would actually ask! Thankfully we don't bump into him too often! :)
    sarawifenow
  • My FI and I work with a woman who we had to bean dip frequently. (She has since moved to another state, but we still fear her weaseling in to our wedding). In the middle of a serving shift: "I can't wait to see Joe*, the BM, and FI in tuxes!" In my head I'm thinking, maybe in a picture? To her "Mmhmm, I'll carry 12 regular plates and 1 veg, please. Have a great night!" My FI and I secretly fear she will become one of our single guest's +1. She had also expressed being in town the week before our wedding for a "vacation." It's SWVA, not a lot going on here! Bean dip!
  • I've run into this a couple of times already. I just let them know that since we come from large families, our budget only allows for family and a small group of really close friends. You could just try that response and hope they accept it?
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  • I've had family ask if they can bring their boyfriend/girlfriend even when there is no plus 1 option on the rsvp card. Had to have the fiance (because it was his family) communicate to them that we cannot accommodate everyone's boyfriend/girlfriend to come as we are paying for the wedding ourselves, and we ask only those they invitations were addressed to attend.

    TayanaC
  • I've had family ask if they can bring their boyfriend/girlfriend even when there is no plus 1 option on the rsvp card. Had to have the fiance (because it was his family) communicate to them that we cannot accommodate everyone's boyfriend/girlfriend to come as we are paying for the wedding ourselves, and we ask only those they invitations were addressed to attend.

    Just so you are aware, boyfriends/girlfriends are NOT "plus one's", they are Significant Others, the other half of your guests' social unit, and MUST be invited according to the rules of etiquette.

    Truly single people who are not dating anyone of significance (based on their judgment, not yours), do not need to be issued a "plus one."

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    hyechica81
  • I've had family ask if they can bring their boyfriend/girlfriend even when there is no plus 1 option on the rsvp card. Had to have the fiance (because it was his family) communicate to them that we cannot accommodate everyone's boyfriend/girlfriend to come as we are paying for the wedding ourselves, and we ask only those they invitations were addressed to attend.

    They shouldn't have to ask this because you shouldn't have been so rude as to not include them. This is on you, not them. SOs always get invited. They're not 'plus-ones.' They're SOs.
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    sarawifenow
  • I wonder if this was asking out of "crap, should I have invited them to MY wedding?" rather than "I really hope I get to come to the party!" And, you know, completely lacks tact.

    And yeah, all boyfriends and girlfriends get invited by name on the envelope.

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