Is it rude to ask if someone is vegetarian on RSVPs?

megsalmon

I have chosen a buffet style meal for my wedding and everyone will have portions of pork and chicken. (my fiance and I don't eat beef) If someone doesn't like one of those meats the servers won't force it on them. (I am going to post the menu on the wedding website.) 

I was satisfied because it is bad etiquette to list the food options on the rsvps, but now I'm thinking about my vegetarian and vegan guests. I know most of the vegans on my side but I'm sure there are a few that I am missing, especially on my Fiances side. I have spoken with the caterer and they are willing to make a tuscan tofu dish but I need to get a count of how many would prefer this dish over the meat. I was thinking of adding a line about allergies but I don't want that to open up to the people who are just picky and want something else. (eg, I've already had a couple people tell me they don't like onions so I should make sure not to serve those)

I've already taken nuts and fish out of the picture and I also know a few that are allergic to chocolate so I have options for them.  I would just feel horrible if we ran out of the tofu dish before all the vegans/vegetarians were served. What should I do?! Would the below format be rude?

We look forward to celebrating with you. 
Please reply by May 9, 2014 

M___________________________ 
{ } Accept with pleasure 
{ } Decline with regret 

There are 
_____ people in our entourage,
Of which 

_____ are vegetarian.

(we are inviting everyone's children too so I'm worried the parents won't list them on the m___ section)

huskypuppy14

megsalmon said:

I have chosen a buffet style meal for my wedding and everyone will have portions of pork and chicken. (my fiance and I don't eat beef) If someone doesn't like one of those meats the servers won't force it on them. (I am going to post the menu on the wedding website.) 

I was satisfied because it is bad etiquette to list the food options on the rsvps, but now I'm thinking about my vegetarian and vegan guests. I know most of the vegans on my side but I'm sure there are a few that I am missing, especially on my Fiances side. I have spoken with the caterer and they are willing to make a tuscan tofu dish but I need to get a count of how many would prefer this dish over the meat. I was thinking of adding a line about allergies but I don't want that to open up to the people who are just picky and want something else. (eg, I've already had a couple people tell me they don't like onions so I should make sure not to serve those)

I've already taken nuts and fish out of the picture and I also know a few that are allergic to chocolate so I have options for them.  I would just feel horrible if we ran out of the tofu dish before all the vegans/vegetarians were served. What should I do?! Would the below format be rude?

We look forward to celebrating with you. 
Please reply by May 9, 2014 

M___________________________ 
{ } Accept with pleasure 
{ } Decline with regret 

There are 
_____ people in our entourage,
Of which 

_____ are vegetarian.

(we are inviting everyone's children too so I'm worried the parents won't list them on the m___ section)

Just put a line that says "Please let us know if you have any dietary restrictions."  That way you are not singling out just vegetarians.  Also it's not rude to put the food options on the RSVP card if you need each guest to choose their option.  

HisGirlFriday13

Unless they're celebrities, your guests don't have encourages. The wording you have there opens you up to people tacking on extra guests.

At the top, under their names, I would put either:

No. attending _________

Or

We have reserved ___ seats in your honour. And then fill in the number of seats.

It's perfectly fine, though, to have a line about dietary restrictions. Just write:

Please list any special dietary restrictions ________

People will know to fill in vegetarian, vegan, lactose intolerant, nut allergies, etc.

wrigleyville

I would just include the line about restrictions/allergies, as PPs mentioned. You might get some people putting in stuff like, "ONIONS SUCK," but that doesn't mean you have to honor it. A preference is not the same thing as an allergy or restriction. If I find mushrooms (yuck) in my food, for example, I just remove them with my fork and enjoy the rest of the dish.

We did the same thing for our wedding, and our guests let us know how much they appreciated it.

Also, listing food on an RSVP isn't poor etiquette. It's actually quite common, especially if the caterer needs to know how many people are having steak, chicken, fish, etc. This is usually used for plated and family style weddings, but I've seen it with buffets as well.