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Snarky Brides

Guests as Wannabe Financial Advisors

There seems to be a lot of backlash against weddings due to cost. This is especially evident online, but I've also noticed it in person at a few weddings recently. I agree weddings cost a lot of money, but haven't they always? Even backyard weddings require some expense. But should wedding guests express their opinions on what a bride and groom spent/plan to spend on their wedding? I always thought discussions on finances were private, like religion and politics. So if a wedding venue seems "over-the-top" or "swanky" to some guests, are the bride and groom "wrong" for their choice of venue?

To me, and I don't have all the answers, weddings are at their best when the bride and groom are warm and welcoming to each guest. It doesn't matter if it's a backyard barbeque or an exclusive hotel, as long as the hosts are welcoming and happy to be married. If a bride and groom cooked for hours in their home for their perfect backyard wedding, that's wonderful! But it's also wonderful if a bride and groom worked hard to pay for a catered wedding at a fancy venue-- both couples cared enough about their guests to try and show them a good time. But I'm sure guests will have complaints at each wedding without even congratulating the bride and groom--something I've seen too often as well.

When it comes to weddings, it seems like there is a war between showing off frugality vs. showing off expense...WHY is a backyard wedding with a thrift-store bridal gown "better" than an expensive venue where the bride spent $5K on her gown? I agree there are many social and financial injustices in this world, but why should that come into play with weddings? Is it not one of the only things that can be happy? 

Please enlighten me! :)


Simply Fated

Re: Guests as Wannabe Financial Advisors

  • As long as the hosts don't broadcast how much the wedding cost, the guests don't need to know either.

    HisGirlFriday13Erinableashley8918
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I agree. And I hate when guests tell the bride and groom or their parents that they think weddings are a waste of money. Way to make people feel good about their planned event!
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    ErinableMarzipan13
  • Uggh! The "weddings are a waste of money" thing...I've been hearing that A LOT lately. It's so rude! Thanks ladies, you've really made me feel better :-)
  • A groomsman IN OUR WEDDING spent our wedding weekend lamenting how stupid weddings are, what a waste of money, so dumb, etc, etc, etc. 

    He was engaged at the time. They got married on a random day to "Get it over with" (and so he could get her benefits)

    Guess where we're going next weekend? The "celebration of their marriage" which we are pretty sure will be cash bar, no meal, and we have to wear rock band t-shirts. That's the dress code. We also have to drive 3 hours each way and get a hotel for 2 nights. No rooms were blocked anywhere. 

    I'm totally insulted and irritated by this bullshit since he's basically having a wedding reception that is just improperly hosted and rude. That's WHY weddings get expensive - properly hosting guests is pricey.
    Erinableoffthemarket915Kauris
  • @syoun1nj-- Ugh!!! That's all I can say is UGH! LOL

    That's really terrible of the groomsman. I understand the need to be frugal, but the least he could've done was block rooms and let people know ahead of time there is a cash bar and no food. I attended a dessert reception once, and it was fantastic! Open bar and desserts, that was it. It was quite lovely and everyone knew ahead of time there would be no meal, so it wasn't expected.
  • smalfrie19smalfrie19 Home of SB XLVIII Champs member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
    Honestly I think those kinds of comments come from spite or jealousy. People are like "wow so much money blown on a party" kind of mentality. 
    Anniversary
    image
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    syoun1nj said:
    A groomsman IN OUR WEDDING spent our wedding weekend lamenting how stupid weddings are, what a waste of money, so dumb, etc, etc, etc. 

    He was engaged at the time. They got married on a random day to "Get it over with" (and so he could get her benefits)

    Guess where we're going next weekend? The "celebration of their marriage" which we are pretty sure will be cash bar, no meal, and we have to wear rock band t-shirts. That's the dress code. We also have to drive 3 hours each way and get a hotel for 2 nights. No rooms were blocked anywhere. 

    I'm totally insulted and irritated by this bullshit since he's basically having a wedding reception that is just improperly hosted and rude. That's WHY weddings get expensive - properly hosting guests is pricey.
    Why do you have to stay for 2 nights? I understand wanting to stay overnight 1 night, because 6 hours driving in one day is too much. However, it's not rude to not block rooms. It's more helpful if you do, but it's not rude to not. Also, don't wear the band shirt if you don't want to.
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  • How much money you spend is very personal. I won't talk about it with anyone except my FI, and our parents. Think about it this way: When is the next time you are going to throw a huge event and spend a lot of money on it to make it fancy and special? My guess, for most people, is probably never.If you have the spare cash and you want to do it, don't let anyone stop you!
  • I feel you. After FMIL told me if we spent more than $7k I might as well be tossing my money away - we decided to not talk about budget with anyone other than those contributing. A close friend and bridesmaid recently was asking budget questions - but that's because she told me it seems like I have laid out a budget, am sticking to it and she had no clue how I took our overall $ amount and broke it down so nicely. I pointed her in this direction as I used the budgeter to try to figure out breakdowns on cost from our overall budget. 

    As someone pointed out - spend more than others - you're just throwing money around and trying to show-off, spend less and you're cheap. 

    I keep my mouth shut on money and tell everyone we're planning well within our means and look forward to celebrating with them in style. 
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    On top of everything else, money might (or might not) come from anywhere. Even if a guest perceived that a wedding's expenses were unwise/overly extravagant given the couple's perceived situation, for all they knew the groom had a rich aunt or something.  Likewise, a bride perceived to come from money may be footing the entire bill herself for reasons that are no one's business but her own.

    The expenses for my wedding are being split four ways, and that's the only way we're getting something as nice as we are as individually none of us could afford the event. 

    Ours is not to question why, as they saying goes. 
    ________________________________


  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 The Concrete Jungle member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I totally get your point. I don't like to tell anyone, not even our parents, how much we're spending on our wedding. I just don't think that it is anyone's business unless they are helping to pay for it as well. We are getting married at a well known venue in NYC and people immediately assume that it is super expensive. Yes, it is pricey, but not above anything that we cannot afford and it is well within the budget that we set up for ourselves. We work very hard for our money, and it is not anyone's business how we choose to spend it. 

     I just don't understand how some people feel that it's okay to make any comments about someones financial situation. Honestly, people will find a way to complain. As long as the wedding is properly hosted, whether in a backyard, living room, or top of the line venue, then that is all that matters.
                                 Anniversary
    imageimageimage


     

    ladybird29
  • Yep. As long as all manners are followed, it doesn't matter how fancy it is. I've been to a very high end wedding and had the same amount of fun at a backyard and a barn wedding. 

    As long as there is food for me, I'm happy.
  • I think the most common reason is that people feel inferior when attending a wedding that is more expensive / fancier (or at least perceived to be) than theirs or the one they hosted for their children, etc.  I have seen examples where no one made comparisons, or thought less of their event, but in their minds they are the ones making the comparisons and then criticizing you in order to 'save face'.   It can be really tricky when this happens within a family (siblings or cousins).

    We've already had to sidestep some questions from FI's immediate family, and I expect it will get worse.  And shame on them...  it's just rude to comment either way, if you think too much was spent or not enough.

  • InkdancerInkdancer The Shire member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    "Is your name Nunnaya? Because this Nunnaya Business!"

    Seriously, people need to butt out.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    eyeroll
  • There are 2 reasons we're attending: a) Our other friends are and they don't live near us, so might as well take the chance to hang out with them. b) Husband's entire family lives in the city and we will be able to spend Friday night with them. Husband refuses to travel "that" far for less than 2 nights any time we go, anyway.

    The hotels wouldn't be a big deal but there is also a "ComicCon" that weekend so hotel prices are jacked up and filled up, and it would be nice to be in the same hotel as everyone else. But we're spread all over the place now.

    His attitude is what irritated me the most out of all his other etiquette faux pas. It is possible we'll get there Saturday and he'll be hosting properly! But I'm not going to hold my breath.


  • shrekspeare,

    I'm so sorry, but I have NO idea what DD is, LOL. I've been trying to google it and can't figure it out.

  • DD means "dirty delete". It refers to posters who ask a question, and then delete it after other posters answer it. That is considered very rude behavior here. As to the question, the proper answer to non-of-their-business financial talk is, "Really? How interesting. Have you tried the bean dip? It is delicious!"
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • I think one reason is jealousy because they couldn't spend as much (Flowers! You don't need no stinkin flowers!). Another reason could be that they regret how much money they did spend (Great wedding, but now they can't pay their grocery bills).

    I think some people honestly think that money should be spent elsewhere (Children are starving in Somalia! Starving!). You know, instead of feeding the evil wedding industry or what ever (Darn you David Tutera and your matching tablecloths!). The way I look at it is, the wedding industry isn't just about overpriced dresses you'll only wear once and stacks of shiny RSVP cards that get tossed after 5 minutes of use (But... so shiny!). Without the wedding industry... or any industries, people go out of work. And some people who love their jobs, like DJs and florists, go jobless.

    Where and how your money is spent is up to you, not judgey judgmental judges.

    It does seem like people are competing to see who can be the most frugal. Or who can have the most outrageously expensive. If you fall somewhere in the middle, your wedding is just boring, obviously.
    image
  • Erinable said:
    There seems to be a lot of backlash against weddings due to cost. This is especially evident online, but I've also noticed it in person at a few weddings recently. I agree weddings cost a lot of money, but haven't they always? Even backyard weddings require some expense. But should wedding guests express their opinions on what a bride and groom spent/plan to spend on their wedding? I always thought discussions on finances were private, like religion and politics. So if a wedding venue seems "over-the-top" or "swanky" to some guests, are the bride and groom "wrong" for their choice of venue?

    To me, and I don't have all the answers, weddings are at their best when the bride and groom are warm and welcoming to each guest. It doesn't matter if it's a backyard barbeque or an exclusive hotel, as long as the hosts are welcoming and happy to be married. If a bride and groom cooked for hours in their home for their perfect backyard wedding, that's wonderful! But it's also wonderful if a bride and groom worked hard to pay for a catered wedding at a fancy venue-- both couples cared enough about their guests to try and show them a good time. But I'm sure guests will have complaints at each wedding without even congratulating the bride and groom--something I've seen too often as well.

    When it comes to weddings, it seems like there is a war between showing off frugality vs. showing off expense...WHY is a backyard wedding with a thrift-store bridal gown "better" than an expensive venue where the bride spent $5K on her gown? I agree there are many social and financial injustices in this world, but why should that come into play with weddings? Is it not one of the only things that can be happy? 

    Please enlighten me! :)


    Ultimately, you know, people are always going to be entitled to their own opinions. That doesn't mean they should necessarily openly share them...but often people do anyway. People can always complain. They spent too much! They didn't spend enough. At the end of the day, it's really on the bride and groom. If they're happy, that's what counts.
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