Pre-apologize for small wedding?

harpermd

My fiancée and I are having a small wedding and have limited our guest list accordingly. However, some friends who aren't on the list have been asking about the wedding and implying that they were expecting an invitation. These conversations have been fairly easy to handle on a case-by-case basis, but it makes me wonder if this problem will increase when our STDs and invites go out. My thought was to add a bit of text on our wedding site apologizing that due to our venue's limited capacity we're only inviting a small list. Would this be too presumptuous?

MobKaz

You should say nothing.  You have the right to have any wedding you choose.  You should not have to justify it or explain it.  Those who ask with the expectation of an invitation are the ones being rude and presumptuous.

AddieCake

Ditto mobkaz. You only address it if asked.

jenna8984

I had the same reservations. We are having a fairly small wedding (55 guests) so I also wanted some way to let friends know. I wanted them to know it was small and lots of people were left out. I absolutely didn't want them to feel like it was this 200 person affair and they weren't good enough to make it or they were the only ones not invited. But I asked the same question on here and I got really good advice to not saying anything to these people. It's basically pretty rude to let people know that they aren't invited to something. It's better to just wait until the wedding is over and they will see the pictures of how small it really was, or if they specifically ask (which is rude of them) it's ok to just say "we aren't able to have everyone we wanted" and leave it at that. 

princessleia22

If you want to write something about it on your website, I wouldn't word it as an apology. There are no apologies needed for this. I think it would be okay to just write that you are having a "small, intimate wedding". People should be able to figure it out from that. It offers an explanation, so hopefully you don't as many people asking you (which none should do anyway because it's rude). And if they do ask directly, tell them same thing... that you are having a small, intimate event surrounded by just those closest to you. That's it.

doeydo

When prompted by rude people expecting invitations, I would say something like ``Sorry, but we are having a small wedding and therefore are not able to invite everyone we would like" then change the subject.

Jen4948

The persons owing apologies are these uninvited people asking you about attending-not you.  I would side eye any kind of "apology" for a small wedding.  I like doeydo's response to anyone expecting an invitation who isn't being invited.

HisGirlFriday13

Ditto @Schatzi13 -- People who aren't invited to your wedding are unlikely to be on your wedding website.

Also, I would not say, 'Due to the small size of the venue we chose...' because that tells people the venue was more important than they were, that you would have rather had the pretty venue than have more people celebrate with you.

And that might be true, but I presume you don't want to tell people they were less important to you than a specific location. 

Handle it on a case-by-case basis, only if asked. 

Fairyjen1

      We are having a small wedding too. Immediate family only so only 17 people including us. Our extended families are good, weddings aren't a big deal in our family except for those getting married, but we have friends wanting to know where their invitations are. it's tough, but we just tell them we are doing immediate family only then bean dip. We don't owe anyone an apology for having a small wedding. 

     

OnceUponSnow

Apologizes would sound as though you did something wrong - which you absolutely didn't. I wouldn't mention anything. 

ilitwin

Yeah we made the tough call of inviting only 1 friend each then only family which is a 55 person guest list.  Im hoping for 40-45 people.  Our friends have been very understanding when we say its family only, my friend coming is responsible for us being together so I couldn't imagine getting married without her!  But this way we are getting a venue we love and we can afford to feed everyone a lovely lunch.  If we were inviting all of our friends a 150 person wedding would be a totally different story.