How do I tell people that they don't get a plus one?

huskypuppy14

classyduck said:

acove2006 said:

Now you're just arguing for arguments sake. The nanosecond two people decide to become official they become a social unit. You don't consider "seeing someone" to mean being a couple. So if someone asked you if you were seeing someone for he sake of their wedding all you'd have to say is "I'm not official with anyone"!or "I've been casually seeing John but it's not anything serious right now." Easy.

If two people consider themselves to be a couple (regardless of the wording they may use, like seeing each other/dating/involved/engaged/monogamous/exclusive/etc etc) then that is how they should be considerd by the hosts. If this relationship begins before your invitations are sent out the. They are to be invited together. It's not a difficult concept and there's really no gray area. Ok, you don't consider yourself to be exclusive with john but you do give his name when the bride asks you if you're seeing someone. She outs his name on your invitation. What's the big deal? You don't have to bring him but at least the bride was trying to p do right by you.

No, I'm not arguing just for the sake of arguing. As I tried to explain in another thread, if I seem like I'm arguing it is just that I'm trying to pick apart the "why" of etiquette, because the better I understand it, the more able I am to generalize it and apply it to other situations.

You are exactly right about my consideration of "seeing someone" as not being official. I was seeing my fiance before we were "official". So, I felt like this phrase clouded the discussion and I wanted to clarify it. My apologies I'm being too nit-picky. My intentions are sincere in wishing for understanding.

Your second paragraph seems to paraphrase what I was saying, I don't disagree at all.The only gray area that exists is whether or not a relationship has started, which can be difficult to judge to an outside observer. But as you and I have said, just ask.

True, but we don't advocate judging relationships.  My opinion is if you missed anyone's significant other when the invitations went out and you happened to put "and guest" but you never knew they had a relationship, it's not that big a deal. I guess you could have asked, but if someone gets in a relationship the day before your invites go out (for example) they can't really be mad that their SO wasn't named.

 However, there are many instances where people have been engaged, the guest couple has been together longer than the couple getting married, or the bridal couple knew both people, and they still put "and guest" (or didn't invite them at all!), and I think this causes people to get annoyed (or pissed). 

I put the full name of every person's significant other on our guest list. The only people that had "and guest" were people not in a relationship.

Lizzieyounce

In New Orleans and Houston, rotaries are called traffic circles…no one here knows how to navigate them either.

huskypuppy14

Lizzieyounce said:

In New Orleans and Houston, rotaries are called traffic circles…no one here knows how to navigate them either.

I feel that people in new england know how to navigate rotaries, how hard is it? The cars in the rotary have the right of way. I only get confused when my stupid gps gives me the wrong exit!  

People in Boston do not know how to yield though, they think a yield means merge. It bothers me so much. A yield and a merge are different!!

happywiggle

laurynm84 said:

Lizzieyounce said:

In New Orleans and Houston, rotaries are called traffic circles…no one here knows how to navigate them either.

I feel that people in new england know how to navigate rotaries, how hard is it? The cars in the rotary have the right of way. I only get confused when my stupid gps gives me the wrong exit!  

People in Boston do not know how to yield though, they think a yield means merge. It bothers me so much. A yield and a merge are different!!

Tell me about it! They don't know how to merge either!

LadyBelle11

I am curious about all this "poor etiquette" with the significant others. I am the last of my friends to get married, but when they were all getting married I was only invited to two weddings with a plus one (and I was dating someone every time I received an invite). They all said for reasons of numbers, and I totally understood that. That being said, I don't understand why you need to invite people who you don't know.

The  plus one issues I am having are my cousins who want to bring their SOs. I just told my aunt this morning that their invites were without dates. We have already cut a large number of friends from our guest list to accommodate the number of family members we have (we have 230 people on the guest list, and only 30 are friends of my fiance and mine). My parents invited all of their friends with a plus one because they feel that those people will feel "funny" without a date. We really wanted a small wedding (100 people tops) and now we have this massive one. Why is it poor etiquette if it's a numbers thing? We don't have the money to keep adding people---is it better to just tell my cousins they aren't invited then? I am really interested in this now...

APDSS22

Lizzieyounce said:

In New Orleans and Houston, rotaries are called traffic circles…no one here knows how to navigate them either.

Houston drivers are just crazy.

Of course, I've only ever seen people take an exit, decide halfway into it that they don't want to go there after all and BACK UP back into highway traffic in the northeast. 

Jen4948

TheFutureMrsRohlman22 said:

Lizzieyounce said:

In New Orleans and Houston, rotaries are called traffic circles…no one here knows how to navigate them either.

Houston drivers are just crazy.

Of course, I've only ever seen people take an exit, decide halfway into it that they don't want to go there after all and BACK UP back into highway traffic in the northeast. 

Crazy doesn't begin to describe Houston drivers.

RebeccaB88

LadyBelle11 said:

I am curious about all this "poor etiquette" with the significant others. I am the last of my friends to get married, but when they were all getting married I was only invited to two weddings with a plus one (and I was dating someone every time I received an invite). They all said for reasons of numbers, and I totally understood that. That being said, I don't understand why you need to invite people who you don't know.

The  plus one issues I am having are my cousins who want to bring their SOs. I just told my aunt this morning that their invites were without dates. We have already cut a large number of friends from our guest list to accommodate the number of family members we have (we have 230 people on the guest list, and only 30 are friends of my fiance and mine). My parents invited all of their friends with a plus one because they feel that those people will feel "funny" without a date. We really wanted a small wedding (100 people tops) and now we have this massive one. Why is it poor etiquette if it's a numbers thing? We don't have the money to keep adding people---is it better to just tell my cousins they aren't invited then? I am really interested in this now...

Did you not bother to read any of this thread at all? The answers to your questions have been answered multiple times. It doesn't matter about your numbers, what matters is respecting your cousins and their relationships. Your situation isn't unique. You should let their SOs come, or live with being incredibly rude to them. If you didn't want this size wedding, then you shouldn't have planned it.

Viczaesar

LadyBelle11 said:

I am curious about all this "poor etiquette" with the significant others. I am the last of my friends to get married, but when they were all getting married I was only invited to two weddings with a plus one (and I was dating someone every time I received an invite). They all said for reasons of numbers, and I totally understood that. That being said, I don't understand why you need to invite people who you don't know.

The  plus one issues I am having are my cousins who want to bring their SOs. I just told my aunt this morning that their invites were without dates. We have already cut a large number of friends from our guest list to accommodate the number of family members we have (we have 230 people on the guest list, and only 30 are friends of my fiance and mine). My parents invited all of their friends with a plus one because they feel that those people will feel "funny" without a date. We really wanted a small wedding (100 people tops) and now we have this massive one. Why is it poor etiquette if it's a numbers thing? We don't have the money to keep adding people---is it better to just tell my cousins they aren't invited then? I am really interested in this now...

Because it doesn't matter in the slightest whether you know them or not.  You either invite both members of a couple, or neither.  Period, end of statement.  You are being horrendously rude by deliberately excluding your cousins' SOs.  Yes, it would be better not to invite any cousins than to invite them without their social partners.

Cookie Pusher

LadyBelle11 said:

I am curious about all this "poor etiquette" with the significant others. I am the last of my friends to get married, but when they were all getting married I was only invited to two weddings with a plus one (and I was dating someone every time I received an invite). They all said for reasons of numbers, and I totally understood that. That being said, I don't understand why you need to invite people who you don't know.

The  plus one issues I am having are my cousins who want to bring their SOs. I just told my aunt this morning that their invites were without dates. We have already cut a large number of friends from our guest list to accommodate the number of family members we have (we have 230 people on the guest list, and only 30 are friends of my fiance and mine). My parents invited all of their friends with a plus one because they feel that those people will feel "funny" without a date. We really wanted a small wedding (100 people tops) and now we have this massive one. Why is it poor etiquette if it's a numbers thing? We don't have the money to keep adding people---is it better to just tell my cousins they aren't invited then? I am really interested in this now...

You're not having a "plus ones" problem. Significant others are not "plus ones" - those are for truly single guests. If someone you are planning to invite is in a relationship with someone, they need to be invited together as they are a social unit. These SOs should have been included in your guest count before you sent out invitations. And yes, if you couldn't accommodate your cousins with their SOs, then you should have cut your guest list. It wouldn't be against etiquette to not invite cousins, but it is against etiquette to split couples.

huskypuppy14

LadyBelle11 said:

I am curious about all this "poor etiquette" with the significant others. I am the last of my friends to get married, but when they were all getting married I was only invited to two weddings with a plus one (and I was dating someone every time I received an invite). They all said for reasons of numbers, and I totally understood that. That being said, I don't understand why you need to invite people who you don't know.

The  plus one issues I am having are my cousins who want to bring their SOs. I just told my aunt this morning that their invites were without dates. We have already cut a large number of friends from our guest list to accommodate the number of family members we have (we have 230 people on the guest list, and only 30 are friends of my fiance and mine). My parents invited all of their friends with a plus one because they feel that those people will feel "funny" without a date. We really wanted a small wedding (100 people tops) and now we have this massive one. Why is it poor etiquette if it's a numbers thing? We don't have the money to keep adding people---is it better to just tell my cousins they aren't invited then? I am really interested in this now...

Your friends were rude to not invite your SO. Don't be like them. Your situation is not unique. You don't have to give people who are truly single a guest, but everyone in a relationship needs to be invited with their SO. A SO is not a plus one, how many times to we have to say this!

Also, if you didn't want a large wedding, you should have pushed back on your parents. If they are paying, they get a say, but no bride or groom should have to exclude their own friends for their parents friends. If you are paying for your own wedding, you should have told your parents NO. I realize it's hard, but if you're old enough to be married, you're old enough to stand up to your parents.

ETA: It sounds like you already invited your cousins, but yes, you should have not invited your cousins at all if you didn't want to invite their SO. I didn't invite all my cousins, because I'm not close with them. If you're close with them, and wanted them to come, their SO should be invited.

LadyBelle11

My parents and we are splitting the wedding, but they went ahead and invited people without consulting us. The situation of "standing up" to my parents is almost a moot point; any time I stand up for anything I want, I am iced. Is it fair? No. But do I love my parents and does it hurt that when I stand up for myself my mother stops talking to me and my father calls me ungrateful? Yes. The family piece is another issue entirely. I originally was NOT going to invite my cousins; however, my aunt informed my mother that they would "crash" the wedding anyways. Thank you all for your insights; however, I feel like name calling is terribly poor etiquette in itself.

huskypuppy14

LadyBelle11 said:

My parents and we are splitting the wedding, but they went ahead and invited people without consulting us. The situation of "standing up" to my parents is almost a moot point; any time I stand up for anything I want, I am iced. Is it fair? No. But do I love my parents and does it hurt that when I stand up for myself my mother stops talking to me and my father calls me ungrateful? Yes. The family piece is another issue entirely. I originally was NOT going to invite my cousins; however, my aunt informed my mother that they would "crash" the wedding anyways. Thank you all for your insights; however, I feel like name calling is terribly poor etiquette in itself.

How? Rule number one, the bride and groom should always control the invitations. If parents don't get the invitations, they cannot invite people. I sent out the invitations, but my parents are receiving the replies. Now, I know my parents would never invite people without consulting me, but it was just easier for me to send them, since I had all the information.

Who called you names?

Lizzieyounce

Jen4948 said:

TheFutureMrsRohlman22 said:

Lizzieyounce said:

In New Orleans and Houston, rotaries are called traffic circles…no one here knows how to navigate them either.

Houston drivers are just crazy.

Of course, I've only ever seen people take an exit, decide halfway into it that they don't want to go there after all and BACK UP back into highway traffic in the northeast. 

Crazy doesn't begin to describe Houston drivers.

grumbledore

LadyBelle11 said:

My parents and we are splitting the wedding, but they went ahead and invited people without consulting us. The situation of "standing up" to my parents is almost a moot point; any time I stand up for anything I want, I am iced. Is it fair? No. But do I love my parents and does it hurt that when I stand up for myself my mother stops talking to me and my father calls me ungrateful? Yes. The family piece is another issue entirely. I originally was NOT going to invite my cousins; however, my aunt informed my mother that they would "crash" the wedding anyways. Thank you all for your insights; however, I feel like name calling is terribly poor etiquette in itself.

Calling you rude isn't calling you names. You are being rude. And you are too immature to get married if you can't stand up to your parents.

phira

@LadyBelle11 From your posts in here and your other topic, I get the feeling like you'd be a lot happier paying for the wedding yourself. It also sounds like it's too late for that--I'm sorry.

As other people have pointed out, while it's really crappy that you were invited to weddings without your significant other, it's not okay to do it to your guests. I know that you're stressed out because your parents are already taking over the wedding and turning it into something you didn't want. But people remember when they're badly hosted (the Worst Wedding thread is a great example of how much we remember it). People will be more upset about their SOs being left off the guest list than they will about RSVPing for filet mignon and getting another cut of beef.

Finally, people are blunt on the etiquette board. We've found that nicely telling brides and grooms and wedding party members, etc., that what they want to do is rude usually just results in those folks nicely explaining how it's okay for them to treat their guests badly. So, we're blunt.

LadyBelle11

@phira--you are correct, it is too late for that. This is not the original wedding that we wanted at all, and it has been a disaster with planning. I have a mother who throws a fit until she gets her way and a father who makes me feel like a terrible daughter for trying to do the wedding the way we want. When we said we were going to do a small destination wedding, my mother did not talk to me for almost a week. Every time I try to voice my opinion about something, I am met with aggravation and painful words. I just keep trying to remember that 

@grumbledore: I am not being rude. 1) I don't think that I should have to invite my sixteen and seventeen year old cousins' girlfriends to the wedding (who do not even live locally). I was actually in both my older cousins' weddings and was never extended an invite for my boyfriend. Everyone over the age of 20 who has a significant other was extended an invitation for them.  2) I do not appreciate being told that I am too immature to be getting married. My mother is manipulative with emotions, and she never fails to criticize me for choosing to marry someone who has no plans to move to the east coast, as well as make uncalled for remarks about the amazing man I am going to marry simply because he is not from the northeast. Is she out of line? Yes. Is she hurtful? Yes. But did she raise me, sacrifice everything for my brother and me, and sometimes make the mistake of loving us too much? Yes. I think it is incredibly immature for you to make such a crass comment on a message board about someone. You do not know my situation, nor do I know yours; but, I would appreciate not being attacked. I think there are more delicate ways to convey opinions through words. A simple response of "it's not proper etiquette" would suffice. I post here because I need the opinion of someone other than my mother to provide me insight into wedding plans. I have her and my father to berate me; all I was looking for were nonjudgemental answers. 

Viczaesar

LadyBelle11 said:

My parents and we are splitting the wedding, but they went ahead and invited people without consulting us. The situation of "standing up" to my parents is almost a moot point; any time I stand up for anything I want, I am iced. Is it fair? No. But do I love my parents and does it hurt that when I stand up for myself my mother stops talking to me and my father calls me ungrateful? Yes. The family piece is another issue entirely. I originally was NOT going to invite my cousins; however, my aunt informed my mother that they would "crash" the wedding anyways. Thank you all for your insights; however, I feel like name calling is terribly poor etiquette in itself.

Not a single damn person engaged in "name calling." 

Viczaesar

LadyBelle11 said:

@phira--you are correct, it is too late for that. This is not the original wedding that we wanted at all, and it has been a disaster with planning. I have a mother who throws a fit until she gets her way and a father who makes me feel like a terrible daughter for trying to do the wedding the way we want. When we said we were going to do a small destination wedding, my mother did not talk to me for almost a week. Every time I try to voice my opinion about something, I am met with aggravation and painful words. I just keep trying to remember that 

@grumbledore: I am not being rude. 1) I don't think that I should have to invite my sixteen and seventeen year old cousins' girlfriends to the wedding (who do not even live locally). That's actually fine.  People under the age of 18 are exempt from the etiquette of inviting SOs.  I was actually in both my older cousins' weddings and was never extended an invite for my boyfriend. Everyone over the age of 20 who has a significant other was extended an invitation for them. Everyone age 18 or over should have had their SO invited.  2) I do not appreciate being told that I am too immature to be getting married. My mother is manipulative with emotions, and she never fails to criticize me for choosing to marry someone who has no plans to move to the east coast, as well as make uncalled for remarks about the amazing man I am going to marry simply because he is not from the northeast. Is she out of line? Yes. Is she hurtful? Yes. But did she raise me, sacrifice everything for my brother and me, and sometimes make the mistake of loving us too much? Yes. I think it is incredibly immature for you to make such a crass comment on a message board about someone. You do not know my situation, nor do I know yours; but, I would appreciate not being attacked. I think there are more delicate ways to convey opinions through words. A simple response of "it's not proper etiquette" would suffice. You don't get to tell us how to tell you you something.  Deal with it. I post here because I need the opinion of someone other than my mother to provide me insight into wedding plans. I have her and my father to berate me; all I was looking for were nonjudgemental answers. 

CMGragain

I just popped in to see what the drama was.  I'm disappointed!  Just another speshel snowflake insisting that common etiquette doesn't apply to her wedding.  Yawn.

Simply Fated

@LadyBelle11 Something similar happened to my friends. The groom's mom just went ahead and invited all her friends. My friends didn't even see the final guest list until a week before the wedding. So ridiculous.

Anyway, I don't know why your mom thinks people will feel "funny" without a date. That's a weird word to use in this case, IMHO. I wouldn't feel "funny" without my bf, but I would feel slighted. Buuut, he's not a "Plus 1." He's someone who should be invited by name. Anyone who is in a relationship should be invited with their significant other.
I will say that anyone under 18 should be on a case by case basis. But 18 and over, yeah. If you're old enough to be an adult, you should be old enough to be treated like an adult.

Stop letting your mom manipulate you. Your aunt manipulated her ("they'll crash, anyway"). You need to end the cycle before it continues into the next generation.
I DON'T know your whole family story, but in no way, shape or form should ANYONE be manipulating you. Giving you the silent treatment? That's not loving you too much, that's behaving like 4 year old.

pinkshorts27

Simply Fated said:

@LadyBelle11 Something similar happened to my friends. The groom's mom just went ahead and invited all her friends. My friends didn't even see the final guest list until a week before the wedding. So ridiculous. Anyway, I don't know why your mom thinks people will feel "funny" without a date. That's a weird word to use in this case, IMHO. I wouldn't feel "funny" without my bf, but I would feel slighted. Buuut, he's not a "Plus 1." He's someone who should be invited by name. Anyone who is in a relationship should be invited with their significant other. I will say that anyone under 18 should be on a case by case basis. But 18 and over, yeah. If you're old enough to be an adult, you should be old enough to be treated like an adult. Stop letting your mom manipulate you. Your aunt manipulated her ("they'll crash, anyway"). You need to end the cycle before it continues into the next generation. I DON'T know your whole family story, but in no way, shape or form should ANYONE be manipulating you. Giving you the silent treatment? That's not loving you too much, that's behaving like 4 year old.

And she rewards that behavior by caving in, which is why it continues. If my parents gave me the silent treatment, they would have some very serious apologizing to do before I took them seriously again. I would not be rewarding the behavior. 

crunchymamaof2

LadyBelle11 said:

@phira--you are correct, it is too late for that. This is not the original wedding that we wanted at all, and it has been a disaster with planning. I have a mother who throws a fit until she gets her way and a father who makes me feel like a terrible daughter for trying to do the wedding the way we want. When we said we were going to do a small destination wedding, my mother did not talk to me for almost a week. Every time I try to voice my opinion about something, I am met with aggravation and painful words. I just keep trying to remember that 

@grumbledore: I am not being rude. 1) I don't think that I should have to invite my sixteen and seventeen year old cousins' girlfriends to the wedding (who do not even live locally). I was actually in both my older cousins' weddings and was never extended an invite for my boyfriend. Everyone over the age of 20 who has a significant other was extended an invitation for them.  2) I do not appreciate being told that I am too immature to be getting married. My mother is manipulative with emotions, and she never fails to criticize me for choosing to marry someone who has no plans to move to the east coast, as well as make uncalled for remarks about the amazing man I am going to marry simply because he is not from the northeast. Is she out of line? Yes. Is she hurtful? Yes. But did she raise me, sacrifice everything for my brother and me, and sometimes make the mistake of loving us too much? Yes. I think it is incredibly immature for you to make such a crass comment on a message board about someone. You do not know my situation, nor do I know yours; but, I would appreciate not being attacked. I think there are more delicate ways to convey opinions through words. A simple response of "it's not proper etiquette" would suffice. I post here because I need the opinion of someone other than my mother to provide me insight into wedding plans. I have her and my father to berate me; all I was looking for were nonjudgemental answers. 

Yeah I have a mother much like you describe. But it's not out of love. It's out of selfishness and control. Your mother is controlling you and you are letting her. No one is attacking you or calling you names. They're pointing out some huge red flags that concern them, and rightfully so. You have way bigger issues than wedding planning. Just imagine what your life will be like when (if) you have children- her need to control will only get worse. If you don't start standing up to her now you mine as well stop complaining about what she does because you'd be allowing it.

No one is trying to be mean here. We're trying to explain why your excuses aren't okay. #1- "my friends didn't invite MY boyfriend so I don't have to invite theirs. " wrong. It's great you weren't offended but that doesn't make it okay. They were rude to you. Two wrongs don't make a right, or as @jen4948 would sai, two rudes don't make a polite. This excuse also adds to the immaturity argument others have made. #2- "our guest list is already out of control" that's your issue and your guests shouldn't have to suffer from your poor planning. #3- "my parents took the guest list and wedding over. I don't have a say." You allowed this to happen. #4- "why should I have I have strangers at MY wedding?!" I bet you or your FI is a stranger to some of your guests. But they're still happily coming to celebrate because the person they love loves you. These 'strangers' aren't actual strangers. They're the people your loved ones care about- you should WANT them there! But even then, it's not a big deal. A few 'strangers' aren't going to affect your day one bit.

I think the worst part of all this is your parents' friends get to bring a date/plus one yet some of your family doesn't even get to bring their SO. Please rethink things.

MrsMack10612

acove2006 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

I just need to know @jenn8984 @MrsMack10612 @lightningsnow @phira @acove2006 @amrhodes23 @grumbledore

Did you ladies all pahk your cah's at Hahvahd Yahd?

I wish I'm on the other half of the state. But I am guilty of saying wicked, rotaries, subs, and soda like a true mass hole. I think my one wish in life would be to have a boston or Australian accent. Or make my husband have one lol

I was offline all weekend and haven't caught up yet, but I was thrown off when I first heard people call soda "tonic" here in MA.  Tonic is what you mix with gin.

arrippa

 

I was so disappointed when I moved to Boston with the lack of accents. I can think of only a handful of people in my 10 years here who had them (from Quincy, Revere and Saugus). Everyone else has the generic American accent. Very disappointing. My old roommate from Saugus would put an "R" on the end of words that ended in a vowel. One time she asked if I wanted chips and salsa but I heard seltzer. Chips and seltzer were not as appetizing.

I was just told that since I have been here ten years, I could now say I was from Boston! Wicked pissah!

LadyBelle11

@grumbledore and other knotties:

I apologize for being so thin-skinned yesterday. I should not have posted when I was emotionally compromised. Thank you for your input and perspective.

abbyj700

@LadyBelle11 - you need to get control of your wedding, and your life. I know it must be painful to have parents who are this selfish - but you rewarding them for their behavior won't help. I couldn't imagine having someone else control our wedding. I'm sure it makes the whole process terrible. Sit down and talk to your parents - tell them the truth. Be a united front with your FI explaining what you want in your wedding and also set boundaries for your life and the future. 

My FI realized that his family was crossing boundry lines that I didn't like when we first moved in together. Over a year later - we all have a happier relationship with each other because people know what we need from our end to be happy (ie we're happy to help out, but don't ask for money from us, and don't only call when you need him to come drain your pool, clean your gutters, etc, etc. And we will stop by a few times a week like you like - it's all give and take)

And finally - don't be rude. If my cousin invited me to their wedding and my FI wasn't invited, I wouldn't come, and I would surely have something to say to other family members when asked why I wasn't attending. It's terribly rude. No - you don't have to invite teenage SO's - but adults - it shouldn't even be a question. You're having a big wedding - which makes it even worse. 

grumbledore

LadyBelle11 said:

@phira--you are correct, it is too late for that. This is not the original wedding that we wanted at all, and it has been a disaster with planning. I have a mother who throws a fit until she gets her way and a father who makes me feel like a terrible daughter for trying to do the wedding the way we want. When we said we were going to do a small destination wedding, my mother did not talk to me for almost a week. Every time I try to voice my opinion about something, I am met with aggravation and painful words. I just keep trying to remember that 

@grumbledore: I am not being rude. 1) I don't think that I should have to invite my sixteen and seventeen year old cousins' girlfriends to the wedding (who do not even live locally). I was actually in both my older cousins' weddings and was never extended an invite for my boyfriend. Everyone over the age of 20 who has a significant other was extended an invitation for them.  2) I do not appreciate being told that I am too immature to be getting married. My mother is manipulative with emotions, and she never fails to criticize me for choosing to marry someone who has no plans to move to the east coast, as well as make uncalled for remarks about the amazing man I am going to marry simply because he is not from the northeast. Is she out of line? Yes. Is she hurtful? Yes. But did she raise me, sacrifice everything for my brother and me, and sometimes make the mistake of loving us too much? Yes. I think it is incredibly immature for you to make such a crass comment on a message board about someone. You do not know my situation, nor do I know yours; but, I would appreciate not being attacked. I think there are more delicate ways to convey opinions through words. A simple response of "it's not proper etiquette" would suffice. I post here because I need the opinion of someone other than my mother to provide me insight into wedding plans. I have her and my father to berate me; all I was looking for were nonjudgemental answers. 

No one told you have to invite the SO's of guests under 18.  You don't.

And I stand by what I saw about maturity.  An adult getting married should be able to stand up for herself.

grumbledore

LadyBelle11 said:

@grumbledore and other knotties:

I apologize for being so thin-skinned yesterday. I should not have posted when I was emotionally compromised. Thank you for your input and perspective.

No worries - I have a horrible manipulative psycho of a mother, so I can understand that's hard to deal with.  My method is not to involve mine.  In anything.  It works out a lot better for me.

GoldenPenguin

amrhodes23 said:

I refuse to pronounce Worcester as Wooster/Woosta or Gloucester as Glouster/Glousta. My workmates make fun of me for that. All than -ham cities throw me in a loop, too. I think I'll stick to places like Schenectady, Niskayuna, and Sacandaga.

Oh, and there's no CH, so its -kester, not -chester. 

STUCK. I'm totally bombing in on this thread.

Do you live in the Capital Region? I live/work in Rensselaer - that's always a fun one to tell people to spell/pronounce!