Far Away Family Members and Pre-Wedding activities

mrsdelkins

Hi everyone, My fiance and I live in the Southwest, but our families and a majority of his friends are on the east coast. How do you handle pre-wedding activities like bridal showers or engagement parties in this situation? Especially when the etiquette says that these events should heavily involve family members or even be hosted by family members but those family members are a good long plane ride away? Thank you in advance for any help, suggestions, and ideas!

Emmy1493

What happens is if they offer to throw one for you, great. If not, you just won't get one. You are right in you cannot host your own parties, but that your WP is not liable to throw you parties either. 

To add: Even if they are far away it doesn't matter. If they want to throw you  parties, they will make arrangements to make it happen.

MobKaz

My nephew and his FI lived in Seattle and we all live in Chicago. They were to marry on NYE. We knew they would be in the area in late August/early September. We threw a shower then even though it was considered a tad early. If family wants to hold a shower, they will find a way to do so.

CMGragain

My daughter didn't get an engagement party. She didn't get a shower, either. She was 2000 miles away from family members.  She didn't get many family members attending her wedding.  Many felt it was too far to travel.  It was a lovely wedding.
That is the reality of modern life, when families are far flung across the country.  You get what someone offers to give you.  You are not entitled to showers, engagement parties, bachelorette parties, or perfect attendance at your wedding.  Sorry.  This is real life, not the Wedding Channel.

HisGirlFriday13

Emmy1493 said:

What happens is if they offer to throw one for you, great. If not, you just won't get one. You are right in you cannot host your own parties, but that your WP is not liable to throw you parties either. 

To add: Even if they are far away it doesn't matter. If they want to throw you  parties, they will make arrangements to make it happen.

THIS. If no one offers to throw you an engagement party or bridal shower, then you don't get one. It's that simple. 

Also, etiquette doesn't say that anyone has to or should host certain events. Etiquette will say that traditionally, the RD was hosted by the groom's family (which is true), but that's not licence for the B&G to present an invoice to the groom's family. 

KPBM89

If someone wants to throw you parties, they will find a way to make it happen.  

We're about 800 miles from my hometown.  My MOH is planning my bridal shower and bachelorette party both in one weekend and she told me far in advance so I can make travel plans.  She even offered to pay for my trip home for them, but I told her it wouldn't be necessary and I was just overjoyed that she offered to throw them for me!

LadyMillil

I'm in a similar situation - FI and I live on the west coast and both our families and all our friends from high school and university live back east. We are getting married back east. My mom and my best friend offered to host a shower for me. I tried to coordinate my one trip back east for all wedding related stuff (tastings, bridesmaid dress shopping, etc) with them to include the bridal shower, but this did not work out. I decided that it wasn't worth the cost of a second flight across the country and taking the time off work for a bridal shower, so I didn't end up having one. A few of my friends on the west coast offered to have a bachelorette party for me. If some one offers to throw you a pre-wedding party, you'll have to decide if it is worth the cost of travel to attend the event. If you are planning trips to the east coast already, try to coordinate with the hostess to have the party when you are going to be there anyways.