Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

One month to go and the dirty looks have started......

With only one month left to go til the wedding more and more people are asking about what is going to be happening during the ceremony/reception and when I let them know about stuff all I get is "Oh". My FI and I are aiming for a laid back/ party atmosphere which means no father/daughter or mother/son dance, no garter toss or bouquet toss and I honestly don't want any speeches either. 
It's my FI and my's wedding and we are paying 100% of everything and I don't understand why we can't plan this the way we want. Is it really that horrible if we don't have most of the traditional elements of a wedding??

Re: One month to go and the dirty looks have started......

  • We didn't have any of that stuff either, but we also didn't tell guests ahead of time. Focus on what you are doing, not what you're skipping. Or just tell them you want it to be a surprise and change the subject.
  • I'm having a traditional church wedding and a more informal reception. Fi and I don't need or want anything too fancy or over-the-top. It wouldn't be us. However, I really want to do the traditional reception elements of the father/daughter and mother/son dances, first dance, garterbouquet toss and cake cutting. So far, everyone has been good with this (or at least not complaining to my face) but I'm keeping many wedding details to myself too. I'm having trouble balancing the idea of wanting to have these dances and yet having a family that doesn't really dance. Do I really want to hire a DJ for that? I don't know. I'll have to make up my mind at some point. To me, figuring out what I want is the hard part and it seems like you've gotten that figured out just fine.

    I don't think there's anything wrong with having the wedding ceremony and reception that makes you happy, as long as you do right by your guests of course. It doesn't have to be traditional at all. I see nothing wrong with it. I say have fun and your guests probably will too. They may be balking because they've never been to a wedding like that and don't know how nice it can be.

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    "They say there's no such place... as Paradise. Even if you search to the ends of the Earth, there's nothing there. No matter how far you walk, it's always the same road. It just goes on and on. But, in spite of that... Why am I so driven to find it? A voice calls to me... It says, 'Search for Paradise.' " - Kiba, Wolf's Rain

  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited March 2014
    jphil0790 said:
    With only one month left to go til the wedding more and more people are asking about what is going to be happening during the ceremony/reception and when I let them know about stuff all I get is "Oh". My FI and I are aiming for a laid back/ party atmosphere which means no father/daughter or mother/son dance, no garter toss or bouquet toss and I honestly don't want any speeches either. 
    It's my FI and my's wedding and we are paying 100% of everything and I don't understand why we can't plan this the way we want. Is it really that horrible if we don't have most of the traditional elements of a wedding??
    Not at all, but from this point on, don't share your plans ahead of time and/or don't indicate what you aren't doing to those to whom you do discuss your wedding.
  • I didn't get that kind of question before my wedding, but I think I would have said something like "you'll just have to wait and see!"
  • edited March 2014
    Honestly, just stop caring about what other people think. If you're not getting the reaction you want ahead of time, refrain from sharing details. I've opted for the "you'll have to wait and see!" When the day comes, everyone will be so happy and excited for you that they'll enjoy what you've planned.

    ETA: I just realised @Ven&Radio suggested the same phrasing as I did. Great minds! haha


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  • What's the plan? To get married! You don't need to be any more detailed than that when people ask you.
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  • Yes, people asking you "so what's going to be happening at the reception?" strikes me as an odd question!  If I were asked that I'd probably say, "umm, what do you mean?"

     

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  • I agree with @carliealissa Who is asking what the plan is? I have never asked anyone that. I just go to their wedding and know that "the plan" is to see them get married and then there's some kind of reception after. We didn't do any of those things, either, btw. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • "Oh, you're engaged!! Congratulations @AddieL73!  So, I know you probably don't have a date set yet but I must know, will you be doing a garter toss at your reception??" :)

     

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  • phiraphira member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    What a weird kind of question to get! I'd just be like, "Um, reception stuff? What?"

    We're planning on skipping the cake cutting, but we're going to let people know about that one because older guests often consider it okay to leave after the cake is cut, and we don't want anyone to be waiting around, kind of hoping to leave, and never seeing the cake get cut.
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  • Thank you guys for the advice
  • This is my favorite story for these types of situations: http://www.taleswithmorals.com/aesop-fable-the-man-the-boy-and-the-donkey.htm

    So long as you worry about pleasing everyone else, you will please no one. The only people who need to love your wedding are you and your fiance. I suggest you stop sharing details and just let people come and have fun!
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