FMIL Vent

SammiNJonni

When we picked out the venue we had a estimate number of guests and asked FMIL if there were any people not on my list that I should add she gave me a few names and I left it at that. Well FMIL was talking to one of her friends and the topic of our wedding came up. I found out about this conversation after the fact because FMIL was telling me she hurt her friends feelings. Conversation went like this.

Friend: I hear your son is getting married congratulations.

FMIL: Yeah I would invite you but I know you can not make it and the kids are not wanting to come of as gift grabby so I am not having them send an invite.

Friend: Even if I can not make it don't you think that is up to me to decide.

FMIL: Yes but if you can't I don't want you to be obligated to send a gift.

Friend: I watched your son grow up I will send a gift regardless of if we can make it have them add me to the guest list.

I seriously wonder how many people she has offended by telling them they are not invited because she just knows they can not show up and doesn't want them to feel obligated to send a gift. I quickly added this woman and her husband to the guest list. I also overheard her on the phone asking someone if they would really be able to come. Lady it is a year and a half out tell me who you want there not who can come. I have asked my FI to talk to her about this and to just get us a finalized guest list. 

HisGirlFriday13

Oh, dear God. That sucks. I'm so sorry. 

You're absolutely right to have your FI talk to his mother and find out whom she WOULD LIKE to have there, regardless of whether she thinks they can come (a year and a half out), and then see who's on her list.

Inkdancer

This baffles me.

Of course, it also baffles me that my mom wants to invite people who I haven't spoken to in years by choice. We have no relationship with them... why would I invite them??

huskypuppy14

How do these people even know they won't be able to go to a wedding a year and a half in the future? That's a long time away, and things can change.

FMIL gave us a list of people back in August/September for the guest list. We accepted that list, no changes, and told her that that was final. She tried to add more people later on, and we said no. 

A week ago she said she wanted to remove someone from the list, because her and her husband can't come. Hello, we gave everyone save the dates, and this woman is invited to my shower. No we are not removing them. I told her we were still inviting them, and if they can't come they will just decline, no big deal.

Yet, what really doesn't make any sense is that she insisted we invite some people saying "oh but they won't come". I don't understand her sometimes.

Jen4948

Yeah, that's sucky.  I think you have to stand firm: "FMIL, either you want us to invite them or you don't.  If you want us to invite them, then we will, but whether or not they accept the invitation or give us gifts is totally in their court.  It sounds like you're trying to make someone feel guilty no matter what decisions they make.  Please stop that. They don't owe us gifts whether or not they come, and it's not wrong to invite someone even if they can't come."