Where would you store "in case of death" documents?

jenna8984

So my parents are embarking on a 2 week Polynesian adventure and my father sent me an email basically saying if anything goes wrong and we don't come back all of our banking, insurance, mortgage accounts and information are located in this safe in this location and the key is in this location. It got me thinking that if anything every happened to me FI would have no idea about all my bank accounts and my mortgage (bought in my name only) and my 401k and all of that which I would want him to have. I wouldn't want the accounts to like go stale and be remitted to the state.

But where would I store this list so it never got into the wrong hands?! My parents have a safe so large it would take a fork lift to move it and we don't have anything like that and we plan on moving in a year or two so I don't want to invest in one in this home then leave it behind. The small safes scare me that a theif could just take the whole thing and bust into it later at their home. I'm thinking my options are- my parents' safe (trust them a million percent), a safe deposit box at the bank with both of our names on it (does that cost money?), hidden somewhere in the house that is unlikely to ever be stolen like behind a cheap picture frame. Any thoughts or what do you have in place?

HisGirlFriday13

DH and I got a safety deposit box through our credit union. It's free with our membership, but even if it's not, they're not usually very expensive.

DH's grandmother just closed hers out in January, because she didn't use it anymore, really (all her documents are stored either with DH, his aunt, or gma's lawyer), and she didn't want to pay for it, but it was $33 per year.

I wouldn't want them in our home in case of fire. 

mbross3

I agree a safety deposit box is probably your best bet. 

Do you have a lawyer? Because you can also leave documents in their care with specific instructions on how to proceed in the case that anything should happen to you. These services are also usually offered through your local bank within their trusts and estates department. I actually highly recommend this even if you do get a safety deposit box (I recommend doing both), because wills and such documents can be highly contested in court and the more people who know your explicit intentions, the better for you and your beneficiaries. 

blabla89

mbross3 said:

I agree a safety deposit box is probably your best bet. 

Do you have a lawyer? Because you can also leave documents in their care with specific instructions on how to proceed in the case that anything should happen to you. These services are also usually offered through your local bank within their trusts and estates department. I actually highly recommend this even if you do get a safety deposit box (I recommend doing both), because wills and such documents can be highly contested in court and the more people who know your explicit intentions, the better for you and your beneficiaries. 

Agree. Make sure you have specified a TOD beneficiary for every account, insurance policy, car title, and home (if you own one) to match what is listed in your wills. I definitely recommend asking your attorney to keep a copy on file, and storing your documents in a safe deposit box.

ETA: clarity

phira

This reminds me that, although all I've got is a checking account, a savings account, and some debt, I should probably get a will written up and shit.

We'll likely keep everything in a fireproof safe or a safety deposit box. Need to talk to J about it.

JCbride2015

phira said:

This reminds me that, although all I've got is a checking account, a savings account, and some debt, I should probably get a will written up and shit.

We'll likely keep everything in a fireproof safe or a safety deposit box. Need to talk to J about it.

Yeah I haven't done any of this either.  All I have right now is student debt, pretty much no assets, so I'm not sure how important it is right now.  Once I start working this fall I will have one done.  And Fi should have one too.  Just one more thing to add to the list of marriage prep...

And I think a safety deposit box is best.  My grandmother keeps some important documents in a planter in her house, and a second copy in the safety deposit box.

jenna8984

Thanks guys!! I called my bank and they have a few boxes left.

I have made sure he is listed as the beneficiary on my life insurance and 401k but with my savings accounts (that hold life savings, kind of a lot of money) the bank tells me there is no way to name a beneficiary on the account. So I intend to see a lawyer about that and make sure he would be able to get it. I know after we are married, things would likely legally transfer to him but I'm concerned if something were to happen before the wedding.

jenna8984

Do you guys @phira @jcbride2014 have life insurance policies? If you don't, you really should because imagine trying to pay all your living expenses and your student loans with the loss of your husband's income.

KatWAG

We have a safety deposit box for thing that we rarely need like our life insurance policy. We have a gun safe in our basement. In there, I have our passports and other things that we might need more frequently.

phira

@jenna8984 No, although before I went to grad school, I did have one. I don't think that J has one either, but I will ask him. I'm very concerned about dealing with his debt, since it becomes mine once we're married.

JCbride2015

@jenna8984 If I pass away, nobody has to pay my student loans.  They are federal so my death or complete disability is one of the only things that cancels them.  

What living expenses would I have after death?

Fi would have to break our lease and move out without me to pay part of the rent, but that fee doesn't seem worth having life insurance.

I will get some once I start working (and I had it when I was a teacher), but it just doesn't seem worth doing right now.  If I die it would suck and getting some money for Fi would be nice, but it's not really needed for anything.

ETA: do you mean, do our SOs have life insurance?  Neither of us does.  Works vice versa if Fi passes away-- I'd have to break our lease but his debt is his own.  We'll get it once we're married, or at the latest when we have kids dependent on us.

JennyColada

phira said:

We'll likely keep everything in a fireproof safe or a safety deposit box. Need to talk to J about it.

Something that Fi pointed out: fireproof safes are not HEAT proof, so if you put materials inside that may be damaged by heat (paper, like cash, for one), that the safe won't do much in a fire.

jenna8984

JCBride2014 said:

@jenna8984 If I pass away, nobody has to pay my student loans.  They are federal so my death or complete disability is one of the only things that cancels them.  

What living expenses would I have after death?

Fi would have to break our lease and move out without me to pay part of the rent, but that fee doesn't seem worth having life insurance.

I will get some once I start working (and I had it when I was a teacher), but it just doesn't seem worth doing right now.  If I die it would suck and getting some money for Fi would be nice, but it's not really needed for anything.

ETA: do you mean, do our SOs have life insurance?  Neither of us does.  Works vice versa if Fi passes away-- I'd have to break our lease but his debt is his own.  We'll get it once we're married, or at the latest when we have kids dependent on us.

Yea I know you wouldn't have to pay his loans and he wouldn't have to pay yours, but I meant you could take the insurance settlement from him to pay off your loans and start your life fresh (or vice versa for him). My house is only in my name right now....if I pass and it gets willed to him, he's stuck with the mortgage but my insurance payout will pay it off and allow him to own it and live there rather than having to sell because he can't afford it. It's really just setting the other person up so that when their world crumbles around them and they are grief stricken, they don't also have to worry about paying their bills alone and being homeless lol

emmyg65

This is a lot bigger than just a spot to keep everything, but have you guys seen Get Your Shit Together? It was created by a woman who very suddenly lost her young husband and had to piece together all their financial info, etc., while grieving. Very, very important and useful, especially for young folks who might not think about stuff like wills.

princessleia22

 

Jennycolada said:

We'll likely keep everything in a fireproof safe or a safety deposit box. Need to talk to J about it.

Something that Fi pointed out: fireproof safes are not HEAT proof, so if you put materials inside that may be damaged by heat (paper, like cash, for one), that the safe won't do much in a fire.

 

"Fireproof" safes are actually fire resistant.  They are supposed to be rated to keep temperature below level of paper charring/burning.  Any paper documents or cash should be fine in a fireproof safe, with minimal damage. But, anything that is less tolerant to heat, like CD's, photographs or electronics, would likely be destroyed.

We have a small safe in our home, secured to floor & wall, where we keep items we may need somewhat regularly (bank cards we don't carry regularly, passports, etc.). We also have a safe deposit box at bank (in both our names) where we keep originals of documents we rarely need (birth certificate, bank account info, business documents, etc.). We got a larger box and it costs us about $50/year. In the deposit box, we also put a list of account numbers, user names and passwords for online account access to banks & utilities. We also have info for our home insurance there, since that would be difficult to get from home in event of fire, like contact info along with list of items, serial numbers, and photos (on USB drive).  So, in the event of tragedy, either one of us should have access to whatever is needed... and we have access that info if we can't access our home. We also have photocopies of all bank cards, drivers licenses, and medical insurance in both locations.  That way we have access to numbers if cards are lost or stolen.  Or if something were to happen to one of us and we can't find medical insurance card, we know that there is copy there with info.

We also have both names on all accounts now... at least as beneficiary or authorized user.  For my business bank account, I have him listed as "authorized user", so he can go to bank and access account, but he doesn't have online access and he doesn't even have debit card for it. He has an account set up same way with me as authorized user.  If something happens before marriage, any accounts that don't have another user that can access it will have to go through estate court, which can take a lot of time and be a pain. Until FI and I were engaged and sharing accounts, I had everything set up with my parents as secondary users, to avoid any issues if there were an accident. But, many people highly advice against sharing accounts or providing access prior to marriage, because their could be problems if the relationship doesn't work out. So, there is risk either way.

jenna8984

@nicoann Damn good job! You are so prepared, I want to do all of that!

princessleia22

jenna8984 said:

@nicoann Damn good job! You are so prepared, I want to do all of that!

Thanks! I was very proud of myself when I put it all together. 

Several years ago, I watched my dad have to deal with estate court stuff when my grandfather died.  He was stuck paying some bills and stuff like that out of his own money until access got released.  Then even after courts released access to him, it took nearly a year to sell grandfathers house and there were no other cash assets to help cover costs. So he had to wait until then to get reimbursed from the estate.  Having a will allows easy access too, but not as quickly as having them authorized or joint on the account, where they can access immediately if needed. 

I also went through a medical issue several years ago where I was in and out of hospital for nearly a year.  During that time I had my parents handle most of my finances.  It would have been so much more difficult if they didn't have access to my accounts. It allowed them to pay my bills for me without having to use their own money. So, even if it's just an illness and not death, there are some benefits. Both of those have made me pretty aware of the usefulness of having someone else you can trust on accounts, just in case.

Now, the trick is actually keeping everything updated, which I'm not as good at. I changed medical insurance a couple months ago and haven't updated that copy yet. And both of us had debit cards hacked last fall and I still haven't replaced those copies either. But, I do try to update it at least once a year.

blabla89

@emmyg65 this website is so helpful - thanks for sharing!

AllOnOneDay

We're set up very much like nicoann, so I won't repeat it all.

Couple parts that are easily forgotten -

1 - Living wills. We've seen what happens without one. Don't risk it.

2 - Power of attorney. Durable and medical. My mom had a long fight with cancer and my dad couldn't always go with her to her out of state appointments. As those were mostly when I was SAHM, I stepped in with POA. Twice, emergency surgery happened that I had to get involved with. Had I not had POA, we'd have had life threatening problems.

3 - Stay at home parenting. No, I don't bring in much income as a work at home parent. However, I take DD to her numerous appointments, work on teaching her whatever, doing her at home therapy, she doesn't need daycare, etc. We sat down and added up just what it would cost to provide that care level for DD - $37,800 a year before day care. It'd likely be lower now, but it'd not be cheap by any means. Thus, I have as much life insurance as Mr AllOn.

One thing to consider is having an account strictly in your name with enough to survive 3-6 months for each of you. If accounts get frozen by one holder dying, you need the independent account until that's settled. I watched a friend go through that with her mother when her dad passed.

Yes, this is morbid and not a fun discussion. But, seriously, do not think it can wait.

KytchynWitche

If I remember correctly, my parents had copies of all the important documents stashed all over the place. A safe at home, the safe at my dad's company, the family lawyer, one of dad's siblings, mom's sister. My dad tends to go overboard on stuff like that though, and it kinda makes sense - you want to be sure that no matter what happens, the documents are safe and accessible

doeydo

I would just keep it in my filing cabinet or a safe (which we want to get anyways).

KPBM89

This is going to sound terrible, but FI and I have all that stuff in a backpack.  We travel a lot from our home to my parents' or his parents' and we always take it with us.  We don't have much, just info about his mortgage, our accounts, the dogs' vet records, insurance info, and things like our car titles.

We wanted to buy a safe, but those small ones can just be picked up, and a large one doesn't make sense for us because we want to move again in about a year.  I am always home and it's not like the bag obviously contains those things, so it works for us.

Also, I should mention that everything for our home is in FI's name.  We moved for his job and at the time I was just working in retail.  If, God forbid, anything were to happen to him, I would be absolutely screwed.  Once we're married this August, he plans to add me to everything.  This may sound silly, but we text each other anytime we get into the car to go somewhere and whenever we arrive there.  And it always ends with an "I love you!" of some sort.  So, even if something were to happen, we always know the last thing we said to each other.

jenna8984

@hoppersgirl25 My FI and his father were firemen for several years. So anytime one of them leaves in person or on the phone, they say I love you and act like it could be the last time they see you. I've definitely gotten into that habit now and I feel better knowing that's always the last thing said.

KeptInStitches

I think a couple of places would be better than one. Safe deposit boxes are nice, but even those can be damaged in case of fire or flood at the bank (they're often stored in the basement because they're so heavy). Keeping a copy at home and a copy at the bank would cover more bases IMHO. Perhaps also a sealed copy with trusted family member(s), such as parents?

abbyj700

I just tried to have this talk with FI the other day. He pretty much refused to discuss writing up the paperwork and getting wills put together. He finally admitted that with our wedding coming - he found it inappropriate to have such a sad and somber discussion. I explained that while sad -it's something we have to do.

We plan to get a lawyer and to keep our documentation with them - though he has a credit union account and I'm pretty sure they do free safety deposit boxes so that's a good thought too.