Traditional Brides?

FiancB

phira said:

... has anyone actually seen someone scream at someone else for holding the door open? I always thank people for holding the door open for me.

I'm a woman and sometimes I open doors for men! 

I'm feminist and not traditional though. lol. *whips off bra and burns it*

APDSS22

When walking into restaurants or other places that have two sets of doors to get inside, my husband will normally hold the outside door for me (he walks faster and is polite like that).  I always hold the second door for him.  When we first started dating, it threw him off but he's used to it now.

Side note on the smiling: Since I work retail, smiling is part of my job.  Of course, that is enforced for everyone, even the guys that work there.  A memo recently had to be put up in the break room regarding perceived associate friendliness.  It basically said, if you're at work, you are to be accessible and friendly to customers.  Smiling makes you come across as friendly, therefore smiling is required during store hours. 

FiancB

TheFutureMrsRohlman22 said:

When walking into restaurants or other places that have two sets of doors to get inside, my husband will normally hold the outside door for me (he walks faster and is polite like that).  I always hold the second door for him.  When we first started dating, it threw him off but he's used to it now.

Side note on the smiling: Since I work retail, smiling is part of my job.  Of course, that is enforced for everyone, even the guys that work there.  A memo recently had to be put up in the break room regarding perceived associate friendliness.  It basically said, if you're at work, you are to be accessible and friendly to customers.  Smiling makes you come across as friendly, therefore smiling is required during store hours. 

I totally do understand that in customer service you have to come across as friendly, so my example wasn't the greatest. I still don't get why it's the end of the world for me to stop smiling for two seconds while others don't though. Apparently I look suicidal when I'm not smiling though, as opposed to bitchy resting face. 

APDSS22

FiancB said:

TheFutureMrsRohlman22 said:

When walking into restaurants or other places that have two sets of doors to get inside, my husband will normally hold the outside door for me (he walks faster and is polite like that).  I always hold the second door for him.  When we first started dating, it threw him off but he's used to it now.

Side note on the smiling: Since I work retail, smiling is part of my job.  Of course, that is enforced for everyone, even the guys that work there.  A memo recently had to be put up in the break room regarding perceived associate friendliness.  It basically said, if you're at work, you are to be accessible and friendly to customers.  Smiling makes you come across as friendly, therefore smiling is required during store hours. 

I totally do understand that in customer service you have to come across as friendly, so my example wasn't the greatest. I still don't get why it's the end of the world for me to stop smiling for two seconds while others don't though. Apparently I look suicidal when I'm not smiling though, as opposed to bitchy resting face. 

I get what you're saying, they should've been taking your male coworkers to task for it as well.  I'm just glad my workplace is even about it.  Makes much more sense if both men and women have to appear approachable.

princessleia22

SarahWins said:

Senecaf said:

Destination weddings are fairly non traditional.

If we could have the wedding at home, we would. Unfortunately, that would mean his entire family, including his parents and brother, not being able to attend because of visa costs to travel from Brazil. The traditions are: ushers have to be male, and the wedding is when you are married NOT when you sign a piece of paper. 

First, you ARE married when you sign the paper, not when you put on a poofy dress.  And the "legal marriage" is not just signing a piece of paper.  You do still need to say vows to each other when you sign the paper. So, by the time you get to the big ceremony, you have already made those promises to each other. Marriage in itself is a legal entity. It is a legally binding contract between 2 people. That's all it really is.  Being married doesn't mean you are any more or any less committed to each other.  It just means that you are "legally" tied together. So, after you say those vows and sign that contract, you are legally married, whether you've had the big celebration yet or not. 

Sometimes there are no simple choices with a wedding.  Our families are spread across country, so there was no convenient location for wedding. We decided on a location, but due to distance the majority of my family is unable to attend. That's a choice we had to make. If we had accommodated my family, his family couldn't have come. There was no right decision and no way to make everyone happy, just a decision we could most easily live with. Sometimes you need to choose one or the other. Would I like to have those people at my wedding? Absolutely.  That doesn't mean I'm going to sign a license in one location, then do a big wedding celebration where my family lives. I can only marry FI once (well, unless we divorce).

If family being present is most important, get married (legally) where can attend. If have US marriage license is more important, get married (legally) in US.  And if you search online, it states that civil wedding in Mexico is valid in all of US.  I don't know what state you live in, that you say it isn't recognized, but you may want to look into that further.  Yes, Mexican civil marriages do have more requirements and hoops to jump through (blood tests, etc.).  But, if you want a wedding in Mexico, that's what you are choosing.

 

And, no, nothing about your wedding that I've seen written here seems "traditional" at all.

 

artbyallie

shrekspeare said:

Well, I suppose like other things in life, we'll have to agree to disagree on this one. Thanks to @mbross3 (i would be really interested in reading your thesis if it's published somewhere!) and @phira for the links! They were interesting to say the least, definitely will be bookmarking them for future papers as well.

Also thanks all for sharing your opinions on this, I like to get different views and such. I'm going to bow out of the rest of this one, as I fear we may just continue in circles.

Allow me to attempt one more thing to break out of the circle, since I was at work all day. Have you ever heard anyone anywhere tell a man to smile? My H was shocked and appalled that this is even a thing people say to each other. Because it only happens to women. If that doesn't convince you it's an awful, sexist, and anti-feminist thing to say, then I truly don't understand your logic.

smalfrie19

artbyallie said:

shrekspeare said:

Well, I suppose like other things in life, we'll have to agree to disagree on this one. Thanks to @mbross3 (i would be really interested in reading your thesis if it's published somewhere!) and @phira for the links! They were interesting to say the least, definitely will be bookmarking them for future papers as well.

Also thanks all for sharing your opinions on this, I like to get different views and such. I'm going to bow out of the rest of this one, as I fear we may just continue in circles.

Allow me to attempt one more thing to break out of the circle, since I was at work all day. Have you ever heard anyone anywhere tell a man to smile? My H was shocked and appalled that this is even a thing people say to each other. Because it only happens to women. If that doesn't convince you it's an awful, sexist, and anti-feminist thing to say, then I truly don't understand your logic.

I have. If I see a dude standing around in my general vicintity, and he looks pissed, I will make some sort of comment about it and tell him to cheer up or smile....but I dont know what that makes me.

As for me telling me to smile, because I look prettier or whispering to me that I am beautiful, that's creepy. And I don't know where y'all live, but I am GLAD I don't live there! Even when I worked in a strip club, men were NOT that creepy..I mean I was complimented, of course, but not in a creepy stalker way. 

Swazzle

smalfrie19 said:

artbyallie said:

shrekspeare said:

Well, I suppose like other things in life, we'll have to agree to disagree on this one. Thanks to @mbross3 (i would be really interested in reading your thesis if it's published somewhere!) and @phira for the links! They were interesting to say the least, definitely will be bookmarking them for future papers as well.

Also thanks all for sharing your opinions on this, I like to get different views and such. I'm going to bow out of the rest of this one, as I fear we may just continue in circles.

Allow me to attempt one more thing to break out of the circle, since I was at work all day. Have you ever heard anyone anywhere tell a man to smile? My H was shocked and appalled that this is even a thing people say to each other. Because it only happens to women. If that doesn't convince you it's an awful, sexist, and anti-feminist thing to say, then I truly don't understand your logic.

I have. If I see a dude standing around in my general vicintity, and he looks pissed, I will make some sort of comment about it and tell him to cheer up or smile....but I dont know what that makes me.

As for me telling me to smile, because I look prettier or whispering to me that I am beautiful, that's creepy. And I don't know where y'all live, but I am GLAD I don't live there! Even when I worked in a strip club, men were NOT that creepy..I mean I was complimented, of course, but not in a creepy stalker way. 

It makes you rude. 

Whether you're a man or a woman speaking to a man or a woman, telling a complete stranger to "smile" is just not ok. As PPs have already stated, you have no idea what's going on with them at that moment (if there's even anything specifically going on at all -- to me, it really makes no difference). Why should anyone tell someone else to smile while they're walking down the street is completely beyond me. I seriously do not understand the thought process behind it. 

wandajune6

abbyj700 said:

I just have to say...this thread has been all kinds of win. My favorite moments? 1)The tight budget that can't include flowers for one single other woman - but affords a destination wedding. 2)The sheer lack of an understanding of what a libertarian is. 3)The power men get from their 3rd leg and the ability to walk on said leg. 4)The definition of feminism And finally...PPD's. And the fact that I no longer live in fear of TK shame for my sisters forced PPD by governmental ignorance. Good times...good times... Edited for stupid formatting...

Love it!

This thread reminds me of how oddly I was raised! I didn't realize my uncles weren't married until I was older- as a kid, how could you know that a couple of had been together since your birth couldn't get married like your other aunts and uncles?

I also remember my mom and gramma explaining feminism to my sister and I when we were in elementary school. It turns my stomach how many women claim not to be feminists today.

phira

TwoDimes said:

I find it incredibly rude for anyone of any sex to tell anyone else (especially a stranger) to smile. Even if they don't add "because it makes you look prettier," just telling another person what to do with their face is RUDE!

I have a (female) coworker who tells other coworkers (both male and female) to smile all the time. As far as I can tell, no one enjoys being told to smile, because it's an insinuation that they are making an unpleasant facial expression.

This coworker came by my desk one day and said to me, "Oh smile! Life isn't so bad!" This happened to be the day after Christmas, so she was probably still bubbling with holiday spirit. But what she didn't know was that my grandfather had passed away Christmas Eve. So I had spent Christmas Eve and Christmas day mourning the loss of my beloved grandfather, and I was completely angry at the world (he was my last living grandparent, and I took his death HARD). I had asked to have the day off to spend with family and help with funeral arrangements, but I was denied the time off since we were incredibly short-staffed that day. So needless to say, I was not in a smiling mood.

Moral of the story: Telling anyone to smile is rude, and you never know why they may not want to smile at that moment.

SO MUCH THIS.

I also have a pretty grumpy resting face (sometimes it's a sad resting face), and often when I'm walking down the street or on public transit, I'm stressed about work stuff. So I'm not actually in the MOOD to smile and it's not anyone's business.

Maggie0829

I don't necessarily telling a random stranger to "smile" is really rude, but I do think it is weird as fuck.

But I do think telling someone that they should smile because it will make them prettier is rude. Because at that point you are commenting on someone's appearance which is not okay.

cupcait927

I hate, hate, HATE being told to smile or cheer up. Regardless of the context, situation, whatever - do NOT tell me to smile. I have a bitchy resting face (can't help it!) and I'm going to force myself to smile just to appease someone else.

ZiggyZos

wandajune6 said:

abbyj700 said:

I just have to say...this thread has been all kinds of win. My favorite moments? 1)The tight budget that can't include flowers for one single other woman - but affords a destination wedding. 2)The sheer lack of an understanding of what a libertarian is. 3)The power men get from their 3rd leg and the ability to walk on said leg. 4)The definition of feminism And finally...PPD's. And the fact that I no longer live in fear of TK shame for my sisters forced PPD by governmental ignorance. Good times...good times... Edited for stupid formatting...

Love it!

This thread reminds me of how oddly I was raised! I didn't realize my uncles weren't married until I was older- as a kid, how could you know that a couple of had been together since your birth couldn't get married like your other aunts and uncles?

I also remember my mom and gramma explaining feminism to my sister and I when we were in elementary school. It turns my stomach how many women claim not to be feminists today.

I totally didn't even realize my aunts were a couple until I was like 10 or 11 my cousin pointed it out to me when we were staying with them for a vacation. It always makes me giggle when people make this huge deal about "how will we tell the children?! GASP *pearl clutching*" Pretty sure our conversation went something like: 

Cousin: "You know Aunt D and Aunt M are a couple, right?"

Me: "Really?"

Cousin: "Yeah, that's why they stay in the same room and wear rings."
Me: "Oh, cool. Hey, can I have the remote? I don't like this show."

phira

ZiggyZos said:

wandajune6 said:

abbyj700 said:

I just have to say...this thread has been all kinds of win. My favorite moments? 1)The tight budget that can't include flowers for one single other woman - but affords a destination wedding. 2)The sheer lack of an understanding of what a libertarian is. 3)The power men get from their 3rd leg and the ability to walk on said leg. 4)The definition of feminism And finally...PPD's. And the fact that I no longer live in fear of TK shame for my sisters forced PPD by governmental ignorance. Good times...good times... Edited for stupid formatting...

Love it!

This thread reminds me of how oddly I was raised! I didn't realize my uncles weren't married until I was older- as a kid, how could you know that a couple of had been together since your birth couldn't get married like your other aunts and uncles?

I also remember my mom and gramma explaining feminism to my sister and I when we were in elementary school. It turns my stomach how many women claim not to be feminists today.

I totally didn't even realize my aunts were a couple until I was like 10 or 11 my cousin pointed it out to me when we were staying with them for a vacation. It always makes me giggle when people make this huge deal about "how will we tell the children?! GASP *pearl clutching*" Pretty sure our conversation went something like: 

Cousin: "You know Aunt D and Aunt M are a couple, right?"

Me: "Really?"

Cousin: "Yeah, that's why they stay in the same room and wear rings."
Me: "Oh, cool. Hey, can I have the remote? I don't like this show."

My cousin and his partner have been together so long that, even as an infant, I knew that they always came to family stuff together. But no one talked about it, so on the way to my brother's Bar Mitzvah when I was 11, it finally occurred to me to ask my mom why they both always came to stuff together. She said, "Oh, Danny is Mike's boyfriend." And I was just like, "Well, that makes sense. Why didn't anyone tell me that before?" *fin*

MadHops21

I'm joining this thread because I heard we are whipping bras off, burning them, and watching men use their penis as a third leg. 

phira

MadHops21 said:

I'm joining this thread because I heard we are whipping bras off, burning them, and watching men use their penis as a third leg. 

IT'S A PARTY

abbyj700

phira said:

ZiggyZos said:

wandajune6 said:

abbyj700 said:

I just have to say...this thread has been all kinds of win. My favorite moments? 1)The tight budget that can't include flowers for one single other woman - but affords a destination wedding. 2)The sheer lack of an understanding of what a libertarian is. 3)The power men get from their 3rd leg and the ability to walk on said leg. 4)The definition of feminism And finally...PPD's. And the fact that I no longer live in fear of TK shame for my sisters forced PPD by governmental ignorance. Good times...good times... Edited for stupid formatting...

Love it!

This thread reminds me of how oddly I was raised! I didn't realize my uncles weren't married until I was older- as a kid, how could you know that a couple of had been together since your birth couldn't get married like your other aunts and uncles?

I also remember my mom and gramma explaining feminism to my sister and I when we were in elementary school. It turns my stomach how many women claim not to be feminists today.

I totally didn't even realize my aunts were a couple until I was like 10 or 11 my cousin pointed it out to me when we were staying with them for a vacation. It always makes me giggle when people make this huge deal about "how will we tell the children?! GASP *pearl clutching*" Pretty sure our conversation went something like: 

Cousin: "You know Aunt D and Aunt M are a couple, right?"

Me: "Really?"

Cousin: "Yeah, that's why they stay in the same room and wear rings."
Me: "Oh, cool. Hey, can I have the remote? I don't like this show."

My cousin and his partner have been together so long that, even as an infant, I knew that they always came to family stuff together. But no one talked about it, so on the way to my brother's Bar Mitzvah when I was 11, it finally occurred to me to ask my mom why they both always came to stuff together. She said, "Oh, Danny is Mike's boyfriend." And I was just like, "Well, that makes sense. Why didn't anyone tell me that before?" *fin*

I'm so excited to see kids grow up in a different era. Like my sister and her wife's wedding - they had three flower boys. And all the boys knew them, and were at the age that they understood they were at a wedding and there was two brides. As they get older - no explanations needed! :-) 

NYCBruin

ZiggyZos said:

wandajune6 said:

abbyj700 said:

I just have to say...this thread has been all kinds of win. My favorite moments? 1)The tight budget that can't include flowers for one single other woman - but affords a destination wedding. 2)The sheer lack of an understanding of what a libertarian is. 3)The power men get from their 3rd leg and the ability to walk on said leg. 4)The definition of feminism And finally...PPD's. And the fact that I no longer live in fear of TK shame for my sisters forced PPD by governmental ignorance. Good times...good times... Edited for stupid formatting...

Love it!

This thread reminds me of how oddly I was raised! I didn't realize my uncles weren't married until I was older- as a kid, how could you know that a couple of had been together since your birth couldn't get married like your other aunts and uncles?

I also remember my mom and gramma explaining feminism to my sister and I when we were in elementary school. It turns my stomach how many women claim not to be feminists today.

I totally didn't even realize my aunts were a couple until I was like 10 or 11 my cousin pointed it out to me when we were staying with them for a vacation. It always makes me giggle when people make this huge deal about "how will we tell the children?! GASP *pearl clutching*" Pretty sure our conversation went something like: 

Cousin: "You know Aunt D and Aunt M are a couple, right?"

Me: "Really?"

Cousin: "Yeah, that's why they stay in the same room and wear rings."
Me: "Oh, cool. Hey, can I have the remote? I don't like this show."

OMG I hate when I hear this "argument."  There was some study where they asked a bunch of kids about gay marriage and not at all shockingly, the kids are mostly confused by the issue (they don't get what the big deal is) until they are older tand their brains have been poisoned by homophobic jerks.  Louis CK has a great line on the "kid argument" though:

"It doesn’t have any effect on your life. What do you care? People try to talk about it like it’s a social issue. Like when you see someone stand up on a talk show and say “How am I supposed to explain to my child that two men are getting married? I dunno, it’s your shitty kid, you fucking tell them. Why is that anyone else’s problem? Two guys are in love but they can’t get married because you don’t want to talk to your ugly child for fucking five minutes?"

arrippa

MadHops21 said:

I'm joining this thread because I heard we are whipping bras off, burning them, and watching men use their penis as a third leg. 

I am just here for the three legged men.  I like my bra since it keeps them from sagging and bouncing when I run.

phira

moemacWed30594 said:

MadHops21 said:

I'm joining this thread because I heard we are whipping bras off, burning them, and watching men use their penis as a third leg. 

I am just here for the three legged men.  I like my bra since it keeps them from sagging and bouncing when I run.

Plus, my bras are super expensive, why would I burn them?!

AllOnOneDay

phira said:

moemacWed30594 said:

MadHops21 said:

I'm joining this thread because I heard we are whipping bras off, burning them, and watching men use their penis as a third leg. 

I am just here for the three legged men.  I like my bra since it keeps them from sagging and bouncing when I run.

Plus, my bras are super expensive, why would I burn them?!

I am not whipping my bra off, that could put someones eye out! These watermelons like support, I'm just saying.

And as my cheap bra is $44 not including shipping and today's lovely frilly pretty one was $64 not including shipping, I'm not burning them.

But, third leg talk. I still want to know what my status is if I buy one.

QueerFemme

We had five flower kids in our wedding.  None of them are scarred for life because they went to a homo wedding.

here is a real conversation between my partner's niece, who was 6 at the time:

Her:  Christina... are you Mexican?  

Me:  No, Zoe, I'm not.

her:  GEEZZZZZ  Lucky you finally WILLL be when you finally marry my Tia !

 

 

ETA;   Tia is "Aunt" in spanish.

 

 

QueerFemme

They all started off walking in a line down the aisle... and ended up grouped together after about 10 feet.  

Wounded for LIFE, I tell you !

JCbride2015

QueerFemme said:

They all started off walking in a line down the aisle... and ended up grouped together after about 10 feet.  

Wounded for LIFE, I tell you !

Wow, those adorable kids sure do look traumatized.

Maggie0829

JCBride2014 said:

QueerFemme said:

They all started off walking in a line down the aisle... and ended up grouped together after about 10 feet.  

Wounded for LIFE, I tell you !

Wow, those adorable kids sure do look traumatized.

Yup, years and years of therapy are going to be needed to get over that horrible experience of wearing pretty dresses and smiling and laughing and all that jazz.

phira

QueerFemme said:

They all started off walking in a line down the aisle... and ended up grouped together after about 10 feet.  

Wounded for LIFE, I tell you !

LOVE the last photo!

AllOnOneDay

Poor innocent baybees! Traumatized, clearly. Look how miserable they are. *clutches pearls*

Crap, that doesn't work. That's the necklace I got as attendant for when my uncles got married. Only trauma was slipping the 15 yo a half glass of a stout, which I distinctly recall was nasty as all get out. I'm pretty sure I turned out reasonably normal enough.

sarahufl

QueerFemme said:

They all started off walking in a line down the aisle... and ended up grouped together after about 10 feet.  

Wounded for LIFE, I tell you !

They look so scared and traumatized. Poor kids. 

Cookie Pusher

THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!

*faints*

AllOnOneDay

Can I just say that, QueerFemme, your entire group looks AMAZING and if our pictures turn out half as well, I'll be thrilled to bits. Plus, I'm extremely jealous over your fun colors.