bachelorette party question

redwoodoriginal

Hi Ladies!

I have a few questions related to wanting to make sure I do things properly...

When I went wedding dress shopping with one of my good friends, A, offered to host a bachelorette party for me since I am only having my sister as a MOH in our small-ish (70ish ppl) wedding and she lives in another country. Earlier this week I had one of my other bffs, M, who also lives in town offer to host so i mentioned that A also had offered and M said to give her As info and they would figure something out. It's been over a month since A offered, so I feel kind of awkward bringing it up. Is it okay to bring it up and say, "M was talking about a bachelorette party and offered to host, but I remember you also offered, I know how it can get time consuming like when we planned X's party back in october, so if you were still interested I thought you and M could join forces..." Is that okay? I don't want to be like OMG you offered and now i am making you do it.... 

Friend J who lives in another city also offered to host one in her city as a "destination party" but i hate the idea of a destination party bc i feel its a huge unnecessary expense for my friends, but half of them live in a third faraway city so they will have to travel to my city anyway, but I know I will have difficulty paying MY way for a destination BP. What is the nicest way to say no thank you? Should I offer her the option to work with the two other girls?

Finally, I KNOW that you should not invite someone to the bachelorette party if they are not invited to the wedding. However, a few weeks ago at a dinner out with friends, two girls i'm friends with but not super close, asked about the wedding. But, these two couples are currently not on the guest list. They know it's a small wedding and one of the couples got married a year ago, and I was invited to the bachelorette party & FI to the bachelor party, but we were not invited to their wedding (which we were very much okay with - i didnt realize it was an etiquette faux-pas until now). So the girls know our wedding is small, mostly family, and they said, "well please let us know about the bachelorette party bc we would love to celebrate with you and bring lots of fun penis stuff". So - do I invite them to the bachelorette party? I don't want to make a huge etiquette faux-pas. i know the rule is that you shouldn't, but in the TK Etiquette board is it okay to make this faux-pas for these two since they basically know they're not on the guest list (all i said was, "we are keeping it small, mostly family, as we are trying to pay for all of it ourselves") but still offered to party with me? i hate the idea of "but *I* am an exception", but I'm really wondering if it is okay because THEY initiated & offered to celebrate w me knowing the small guest list.

Thanks in advance ladies!

grumbledore

I think since you gave the second person the first person's info, you can just leave it to them to talk to each other and plan something.  I wouldn't get any more involved.

Maggie0829

xoadri said:

Hi Ladies!

I have a few questions related to wanting to make sure I do things properly...

When I went wedding dress shopping with one of my good friends, A, offered to host a bachelorette party for me since I am only having my sister as a MOH in our small-ish (70ish ppl) wedding and she lives in another country. Earlier this week I had one of my other bffs, M, who also lives in town offer to host so i mentioned that A also had offered and M said to give her As info and they would figure something out. It's been over a month since A offered, so I feel kind of awkward bringing it up. Is it okay to bring it up and say, "M was talking about a bachelorette party and offered to host, but I remember you also offered, I know how it can get time consuming like when we planned X's party back in october, so if you were still interested I thought you and M could join forces..." Is that okay? I don't want to be like OMG you offered and now i am making you do it.... 

Friend J who lives in another city also offered to host one in her city as a "destination party" but i hate the idea of a destination party bc i feel its a huge unnecessary expense for my friends, but half of them live in a third faraway city so they will have to travel to my city anyway, but I know I will have difficulty paying MY way for a destination BP. What is the nicest way to say no thank you? Should I offer her the option to work with the two other girls?

Finally, I KNOW that you should not invite someone to the bachelorette party if they are not invited to the wedding. However, a few weeks ago at a dinner out with friends, two girls i'm friends with but not super close, asked about the wedding. But, these two couples are currently not on the guest list. They know it's a small wedding and one of the couples got married a year ago, and I was invited to the bachelorette party & FI to the bachelor party, but we were not invited to their wedding (which we were very much okay with - i didnt realize it was an etiquette faux-pas until now). So the girls know our wedding is small, mostly family, and they said, "well please let us know about the bachelorette party bc we would love to celebrate with you and bring lots of fun penis stuff". So - do I invite them to the bachelorette party? I don't want to make a huge etiquette faux-pas. i know the rule is that you shouldn't, but in the TK Etiquette board is it okay to make this faux-pas for these two since they basically know they're not on the guest list (all i said was, "we are keeping it small, mostly family, as we are trying to pay for all of it ourselves") but still offered to party with me? i hate the idea of "but *I* am an exception", but I'm really wondering if it is okay because THEY initiated & offered to celebrate w me knowing the small guest list.

Thanks in advance ladies!

Paragraph #1 - I wouldn't say anything.  M has A's information so you really don't need to say anything.  Just because you haven't heard anything doesn't mean that they aren't working on something.  Also, when is your wedding?  It may just be too early to plan anything definite.

Paragraph #2 - I would let J know that M and A showed interest in throwing you a bach party and that she could contact them if she wanted to help.  I would also tell her that you appreciate her wanting to throw a separate party but that you cannot manage the travel costs.

Paragraph #3 - Even though they are okay with going to your bach party even though they aren't invited and you and your FI were invited to their parties without being invited to the wedding and were okay with that, I still wouldn't invite them to your bach party.

AddieCake

Yeah, there's no reason for you to get involved. You already told the 2 ladies about the other's wish to help plan. If they both intend to do that, they will get in touch with each other. And no, I wouldn't invite those people to the bachelorette party. 

redwoodoriginal

thanks ladies! 

I haven't given friend M friend A's info yet, because I wasn't sure if I should talk to her about it first. I'll go ahead and give M A's info and just let it be. And say what @Maggie suggested to Friend J.

I don't feel right about inviting them to mine, so I guess I will stick with proper-etiquette and not do so unless I can rearrange things and invite them to the wedding.

Thank you again!

sofakingmad

I'm on the opposite side of this situation.  The bride is my best friend's (my bff is in the wedding) college friend and we said that we understand that she can't extend the invite to us for the wedding, but that if she wants us there, we'd love to Celebrate her bachelorette party (which will probably be in Vegas and who doesn't want to go to Vegas???).

It's up to her whether she wants us there or not, but we put it out there that regardless of etiquette, we'd love to be able to celebrate with her in some way.  

It's obviously a sticky subject being that I don't know your friends and that they could just be saying that because they are trying to get an invite to the wedding, but I don't see an issue if people know the situation.

I think this is a more of a "know your crowd" type of thing.  

Bubblegum5586

DragonBlood13 said:

I'm on the opposite side of this situation.  The bride is my best friend's (my bff is in the wedding) college friend and we said that we understand that she can't extend the invite to us for the wedding, but that if she wants us there, we'd love to Celebrate her bachelorette party (which will probably be in Vegas and who doesn't want to go to Vegas???).

It's up to her whether she wants us there or not, but we put it out there that regardless of etiquette, we'd love to be able to celebrate with her in some way.  

It's obviously a sticky subject being that I don't know your friends and that they could just be saying that because they are trying to get an invite to the wedding, but I don't see an issue if people know the situation.

I think this is a more of a "know your crowd" type of thing.  

I agree. I have gone to a bachelorette that I knew I wasn't invited to the wedding. It was my best friend's sister and I have known her whole family for years, due to budget we didn't get invited to the wedding (which I was 100% fine with- even though she did talk to me about the wedding a lot so did wonder for a bit if I was invited). I still wanted to celebrate with her and have a fun girls night!

[Deleted User]

I think you handled the first issue very well by just sharing the one persons information witht the other.

thisismynickname2

Just based on the fact they said "fun penis stuff" makes me not want to invite them.

Shudder.

JellyBean52513

My grandma always taught me not to invite myself to things which I was not initially invited. I find it to be a little imposing for someone to say "Well, I know you weren't going to invite me to begin with, but let me just make it clear how much I want to be involved and hope you'll invite me anyway!" I know a bach party is not THEE wedding, but it's a part of it. If these girls want to party with you, just go out one night with them and some other friends.