Wedding Party

Picking a Bridesmaid Troubles

emanon321emanon321 member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
edited March 2014 in Wedding Party
I am having trouble choosing a bridesmaid and I was hoping for some input. You would think this would be fairly simple as we are having a small wedding and I only need one bridesmaid. However, I'm kind of in a friend transition period. I'm been out of college for a bit now and my college friends are drifting apart, or moving away, single people vs. paired up people etc. You know how it goes.  So I don't have a lot of friends truly close to me right now.

So I pretty much think I have two choices. The first girl, I've known forever. And we were really really close at one point! Like we knew we could call each other in the middle of the night and the other would have your back. But now we've kinda drifted apart, never see each other, and occasionally email to keep up. Like she moved to the other side of the country and didn't even tell me until months later when I called her to meet up and she said she would call back after work at a certain time. It wasn't till I got off the phone that I realized she was in a completely different time zone! She's moved back and we've connected more since, but it's really not the same. 

The second girl, I've known for a couple of years, but haven't really started hanging out with her until now. Now my fiance and I hang with her and her fiance quite frequently. I think there's a real potential for a good friendship to form! But that's the thing, it's still potential and I haven't hung out with her on a one on one basis. It has always been on couple dates or large social events.

What do you all think? The friend who was once close, but not so much anymore? Or the friend who I could eventually be really close with?

Re: Picking a Bridesmaid Troubles

  • If you're not closer to one than the other, why not have both as bridesmaids?  Or if you don't feel particularly close to either you can have neither in your wedding party.  You don't need to have a wedding party, even if you FI has one on his side, and you definitely don't need to worry about having even sides.  You don't really sound close enough to either of them to have them as your MOH, and it sounds like you're considering it just for the sake of having a MOH, which is unnecessary.



  • emanon321 said:
    I am having trouble choosing a bridesmaid and I was hoping for some input. You would think this would be fairly simple as we are having a small wedding and I only need one bridesmaid. However, I'm kind of in a friend transition period. I'm been out of college for a bit now and my college friends are drifting apart, or moving away, single people vs. paired up people etc. You know how it goes.  So I don't have a lot of friends truly close to me right now.

    So I pretty much think I have two choices. The first girl, I've known forever. And we were really really close at one point! Like we knew we could call each other in the middle of the night and the other would have your back. But now we've kinda drifted apart, never see each other, and occasionally email to keep up. Like she moved to the other side of the country and didn't even tell me until months later when I called her to meet up and she said she would call back after work at a certain time. It wasn't till I got off the phone that I realized she was in a completely different time zone! She's moved back and we've connected more since, but it's really not the same. 

    The second girl, I've known for a couple of years, but haven't really started hanging out with her until now. Now my fiance and I hang with her and her fiance quite frequently. I think there's a real potential for a good friendship to form! But that's the thing, it's still potential and I haven't hung out with her on a one on one basis. It has always been on couple dates or large social events.

    What do you all think? The friend who was once close, but not so much anymore? Or the friend who I could eventually be really close with?
    Forgot.



  • It doesn't sound like you are really close to either of them anymore so if I were you I wouldn't ask either. You don't need to have a BM so you shouldn't pick one just to pick one.

  • When is your wedding? If you have some time, then wait. Relationships can change. In a few months you might be closer to one of them and then the choice will be clear. Or as another posted said, you don't have to pick anyone. 
  • I was also going to ask when your wedding is. If you are outside of 8-9 months just wait! See where these friendships take you! What about family?

    Although I do always find it strange when people ask for help picking their WP on here. I know it can be a good sounding board, but it is such a personal decision. I knew immediately who my nearest and dearest was and had no problem picking my WP.
    image


    Anniversary
  • Yeah I think if you have to ask who to pick, then you really aren't close enough with these people to have them in your wedding party.
  • vmj23vmj23 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    Sounds like you aren't too close to either, there is no reason to have a bridemaid.  I wouldn't pick one just for the sake of having one.  
  • When is your wedding? If you have some time, then wait. Relationships can change. In a few months you might be closer to one of them and then the choice will be clear. Or as another posted said, you don't have to pick anyone. 
    I feel I didn't express myself properly. I think I was trying to be objective in my decision making and it does read as if we aren't close enough to consider and really diminishes our relationships. I mean, I love both of these girls very dearly. They were the first two people I told of my engagement! (after my parents of course) But I am limited to one bridesmaid, it's such a small small wedding, and I do want one of these girls there so I can share this experience with a good friend. I just really can't have both. (I know some of you won't understand, but that's how it is) I guess I'm still hurt because of my first friend moving without even telling me. But I'm so afraid of hurting her feelings by not choosing her after we have such a long and close history. And I'm afraid the second friend will think I'm weird and pushy for choosing her when our good friendship is still just beginning. And I don't want her to feel obligated to choose me as one of her bridesmaids when she gets married! *sigh* I guess I was actually just hoping for some friend advice rather than picking a bridesmaid just to have one. I'm sorry about that. So I think the best advice on here is to wait and see. Thanks!
  • emanon321 said:
    When is your wedding? If you have some time, then wait. Relationships can change. In a few months you might be closer to one of them and then the choice will be clear. Or as another posted said, you don't have to pick anyone. 
    I feel I didn't express myself properly. I think I was trying to be objective in my decision making and it does read as if we aren't close enough to consider and really diminishes our relationships. I mean, I love both of these girls very dearly. They were the first two people I told of my engagement! (after my parents of course) But I am limited to one bridesmaid, it's such a small small wedding, and I do want one of these girls there so I can share this experience with a good friend. I just really can't have both. (I know some of you won't understand, but that's how it is) I guess I'm still hurt because of my first friend moving without even telling me. But I'm so afraid of hurting her feelings by not choosing her after we have such a long and close history. And I'm afraid the second friend will think I'm weird and pushy for choosing her when our good friendship is still just beginning. And I don't want her to feel obligated to choose me as one of her bridesmaids when she gets married! *sigh* I guess I was actually just hoping for some friend advice rather than picking a bridesmaid just to have one. I'm sorry about that. So I think the best advice on here is to wait and see. Thanks!
    What possible reason could you have for only being allowed to ask one bridesmaid? 



  • Viczaesar said:
    emanon321 said:
    When is your wedding? If you have some time, then wait. Relationships can change. In a few months you might be closer to one of them and then the choice will be clear. Or as another posted said, you don't have to pick anyone. 
    I feel I didn't express myself properly. I think I was trying to be objective in my decision making and it does read as if we aren't close enough to consider and really diminishes our relationships. I mean, I love both of these girls very dearly. They were the first two people I told of my engagement! (after my parents of course) But I am limited to one bridesmaid, it's such a small small wedding, and I do want one of these girls there so I can share this experience with a good friend. I just really can't have both. (I know some of you won't understand, but that's how it is) I guess I'm still hurt because of my first friend moving without even telling me. But I'm so afraid of hurting her feelings by not choosing her after we have such a long and close history. And I'm afraid the second friend will think I'm weird and pushy for choosing her when our good friendship is still just beginning. And I don't want her to feel obligated to choose me as one of her bridesmaids when she gets married! *sigh* I guess I was actually just hoping for some friend advice rather than picking a bridesmaid just to have one. I'm sorry about that. So I think the best advice on here is to wait and see. Thanks!
    What possible reason could you have for only being allowed to ask one bridesmaid? 
    This.  I really cannot think of one legitimate reason for not being able to ask who you want regardless of the number.

  • I would pick the new friend. A friend who moves and doesn't tell you isn't much of a friend. Who knows she might flake on you and disappear again when she needs to be helping you with wedding things!

    ´¯)
    `*.¸.*´
    ¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
    (¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.★
    ¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)★ Love, Star
    …(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.★

  • I would pick the new friend. A friend who moves and doesn't tell you isn't much of a friend. Who knows she might flake on you and disappear again when she needs to be helping you with wedding things!

    ´¯)
    `*.¸.*´
    ¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
    (¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.★
    ¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)★ Love, Star
    …(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.★

    She won't BE needing to help with wedding things. It's not her responsibility. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • I would recommend waiting to pick. You could use the time to feel out a one on one friendship with your new friend. You could also choose both, but I wouldn't feel obligated to use any attendants if you're not comfortable with it. Good luck!
  • I would pick the new friend. A friend who moves and doesn't tell you isn't much of a friend. Who knows she might flake on you and disappear again when she needs to be helping you with wedding things!

    ´¯)
    `*.¸.*´
    ¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
    (¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.★
    ¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)★ Love, Star
    …(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.★


    No.



  • I would pick the new friend. A friend who moves and doesn't tell you isn't much of a friend. Who knows she might flake on you and disappear again when she needs to be helping you with wedding things!

    ´¯)
    `*.¸.*´
    ¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
    (¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.★
    ¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)★ Love, Star
    …(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•.★

    What kind of fairy madness is this??? Ignore this. Bridesmaids are not slaves. You do not NEED a bridesmaid.  You are not LIMITED to one bridesmaid.  Bridesmaids are your closest friends, if you don't have any then you don't have any! 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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