Second Reception

DeannaCW

For the backstory, Hubby and I got married October 2012 in California, where I'm from. He's originally from England. We had always planned to host a second reception back in England for the folks who couldn't make it, and now that we're moving back we've decided to hold it on our two-year anniversary weekend. 

The only thing is, I have NO idea what is actually typical at a second reception? Hubby wants to do a full-fledged reception, top table, cake cutting, hire photographer, etc. We also discovered an audio recording of our ceremony that he'd like to feature as well. I do have a few issues with some of this, mostly with regards to expense. The top table I'd rather not do, since English ones typically consist of the couple and their parents, and my parents are extremely unlikely to be able to make it. Photographer I'm mostly just worried about expense. I'll definitely be re-wearing my wedding dress. 

What would a timeline look like for a reception like this? I liked having a DJ/MC because then he just told me where to be when, but not sure we can afford it this time. Grand entrance, or meet everyone coming in? Help please! I have no idea what to do!

AddieCake

You're having an anniversary party on your 2 year anniversary. Unless things are done differently for that in the UK, you shouldn't be having all the wedding trimmings at it.

artbyallie

DeannaCW said:

For the backstory, Hubby and I got married October 2012 in California, where I'm from. He's originally from England. We had always planned to host a second reception back in England for the folks who couldn't make it, and now that we're moving back we've decided to hold it on our two-year anniversary weekend. 

The only thing is, I have NO idea what is actually typical at a second reception? Hubby wants to do a full-fledged reception, top table, cake cutting, hire photographer, etc. We also discovered an audio recording of our ceremony that he'd like to feature as well. I do have a few issues with some of this, mostly with regards to expense. The top table I'd rather not do, since English ones typically consist of the couple and their parents, and my parents are extremely unlikely to be able to make it. Photographer I'm mostly just worried about expense. I'll definitely be re-wearing my wedding dress. 

What would a timeline look like for a reception like this? I liked having a DJ/MC because then he just told me where to be when, but not sure we can afford it this time. Grand entrance, or meet everyone coming in? Help please! I have no idea what to do!

Re-wearing your wedding dress is inappropriate IMO. You can cut a cake, but don't feed it to each other or do 'first dances' since you're already married. Honestly, I really don't understand this. Have a fun party, sure, but I'm thinking you're just not going to get the reaction you're looking for since your wedding two years ago is old news now. That ship has sailed.

JoanE2012

I agree with artbyallie.  Two years is old news.  Have a party, but don't try and recreate your wedding.  It just seems silly.

emmyg65

Just have a party, like any other party you might throw but maybe a little fancier if that's what you want to do. You've been married for two years. It'd be weird to have a wedding reception at this point.

QueerFemme

Yep. I agree with everyone else. Just have a great party. No wedding dress, no "firsts", no cake cutting. People can come to a party without you trying to recreate something that already happened.

DeannaCW

I think I should clarify: this is something that has actually been specifically requested by many of the people who were unable to make it. To the point where it will actually be seen as an insult not to or to make it just another party. For example, the best man had viral bronchitis earlier in the year and was told by his work that one single more missed day would result in him being fired, so he was unable to come. To disallow him a toast? Would be incredibly hurtful. These are people who never got to celebrate our marriage and really, really want to in the traditional way.

We've also been living apart for nearly half of our married life (I had job that didn't work out, he got job offer back home, flew back in August, my paperwork is still processing) so in a way it is sort of a second wedding. Celebration of being back together and never having to be apart again (we were long distance for four of our five dating years). 

jenna8984

DeannaCW said:

I think I should clarify: this is something that has actually been specifically requested by many of the people who were unable to make it. To the point where it will actually be seen as an insult not to or to make it just another party. For example, the best man had viral bronchitis earlier in the year and was told by his work that one single more missed day would result in him being fired, so he was unable to come. To disallow him a toast? Would be incredibly hurtful. These are people who never got to celebrate our marriage and really, really want to in the traditional way.

We've also been living apart for nearly half of our married life (I had job that didn't work out, he got job offer back home, flew back in August, my paperwork is still processing) so in a way it is sort of a second wedding. Celebration of being back together and never having to be apart again (we were long distance for four of our five dating years). 

Sorry, I still find it really weird. Things happen and people can't make it, doesn't mean you are forced into having another just so they can give their damn toast. If someone's flight got canceled and they missed the birth of your child are you going to recreate that too? People can be happy for you and excited for you but should not be asking/ demanding another reception of you. Have a celebration party, but there's no need for it to be a full on reception with dress and cake cutting and all that jazz. It's weird whether people want you to do it or not. 

MobKaz

DeannaCW said:

I think I should clarify: this is something that has actually been specifically requested by many of the people who were unable to make it. To the point where it will actually be seen as an insult not to or to make it just another party. For example, the best man had viral bronchitis earlier in the year and was told by his work that one single more missed day would result in him being fired, so he was unable to come. To disallow him a toast? Would be incredibly hurtful. These are people who never got to celebrate our marriage and really, really want to in the traditional way.

We've also been living apart for nearly half of our married life (I had job that didn't work out, he got job offer back home, flew back in August, my paperwork is still processing) so in a way it is sort of a second wedding. Celebration of being back together and never having to be apart again (we were long distance for four of our five dating years). 

We offer toasts at just about every family gathering and holiday.  Guests can offer toasts at an anniversary party.  Pictures are also not out of the norm at gatherings, but I personally would not go to the expense of a professional photographer.  Put a few framed photographs from the wedding out and incorporate them with your anniversary decor.

The fact of the matter is that your guests cannot celebrate your wedding in the traditional way because that ship has sailed.  But they can celebrate the anniversary of that wedding in as spectacular way as possible, excluding actual wedding related objects, such as the wedding dress.

JoanE2012

DeannaCW said:

I think I should clarify: this is something that has actually been specifically requested by many of the people who were unable to make it. To the point where it will actually be seen as an insult not to or to make it just another party. For example, the best man had viral bronchitis earlier in the year and was told by his work that one single more missed day would result in him being fired, so he was unable to come. To disallow him a toast? Would be incredibly hurtful. These are people who never got to celebrate our marriage and really, really want to in the traditional way.

We've also been living apart for nearly half of our married life (I had job that didn't work out, he got job offer back home, flew back in August, my paperwork is still processing) so in a way it is sort of a second wedding. Celebration of being back together and never having to be apart again (we were long distance for four of our five dating years). 

You are trying to justify something that we are telling you is not ok   Just have a party, don't try and recreate your wedding.  The fact remains, you cannot have a second wedding when you're already married.  To try and recreate it is just weird.  It will have been TWO years since your wedding date!  It's time to move on. 

Jen4948

DeannaCW said:

I think I should clarify: this is something that has actually been specifically requested by many of the people who were unable to make it. To the point where it will actually be seen as an insult not to or to make it just another party. For example, the best man had viral bronchitis earlier in the year and was told by his work that one single more missed day would result in him being fired, so he was unable to come. To disallow him a toast? Would be incredibly hurtful. These are people who never got to celebrate our marriage and really, really want to in the traditional way.

We've also been living apart for nearly half of our married life (I had job that didn't work out, he got job offer back home, flew back in August, my paperwork is still processing) so in a way it is sort of a second wedding. Celebration of being back together and never having to be apart again (we were long distance for four of our five dating years). 

The fact that it's been specifically requested doesn't mean you should grant the request-it's still not appropriate.  What you need to do is tell those people, "Unfortunately, we're not able to grant your request at our party as it's not a 'wedding reception.'"  If they don't like it that's their problem.  If it meant so much for them to participate in these things, they should have attended your wedding, and if that wasn't possible at the time, then they need to accept with grace that the boat has sailed.

JCbride2015

Another vote that it's inappropriate to wear the wedding dress and have the wedding trappings at this party. Throw a fabulous anniversary party. Guests can give toasts at an anniversary party, too!

CMGragain

You get ONE DAY.  One ceremony and one reception afterwards.  You have had yours.
Have a lovely anniversary party and forget about the "second reception" foolishness.

LondonLisa

AddieL73 said:

You're having an anniversary party on your 2 year anniversary. Unless things are done differently for that in the UK, you shouldn't be having all the wedding trimmings at it.

No, things are definitely not different in the UK when it comes to this! I do not know one person in Britain who wouldn't find this bizarre and gift-grabby!

Host a party, have your friends/family come, buy them a meal and drinks and enjoy. Don't have a wedding part 2- you would look silly. You are a wife, not a bride, so don't do a reception reenactment. You cannot have a reception, as that is where you "receive" your wedding guests. 

Just throw a great "we are back in town and want to reconnect with our mates" party. That sounds fun! if someone wants to give you a toast, that is fine, but he is not a "best man" as you have been married for two years! There should be no gifts given at this party, and you definitely shouldn't be in a wedding dress. 

OP, if someone missed your uni graduation, would you dress up in the robes 2 years later, and reenact your graduation and graduation party? Of course not. But if you wanted to host those people for a party, you would. 

There is nothing wrong with throwing a party- everyone loves a properly hosted party, but you absolutely shouldn't throw a two year late second wedding reception. It is gift grabby, rude and pretty silly.

artbyallie

The correct response to these people who are "insisting" (and I'm not sure I really believe that) is "I'm sorry, but we're not going to recreate our wedding. We'd love to have dinner with you, though!"

Lizzieyounce

Like the PPs said, this can't be a wedding reception, because you're married and have been for 2 years.

Throw a banging anniversary party, wear a lovely dress or gown (not your bridal gown) and have a sumptuous dinner, dancing and even a cake for desert.  Open the dance floor with a dance if you wish, but don't reenact the trappings of a wedding.  Anyone can make a toast at an event, so your husbands friend may do so, but it should be more along the lines of congratulating the couple on their anniversary or welcoming you and he home, that sort of thing. 

You can celebrate your marriage with his friends and family, but don't have a re-do.  That ship has sailed.

Maggie0829

It doesn't matter who is requesting this "second wedding" and if they find it rude or insulting that you, who is throwing this party, did not follow their request then they need to get a life.

Have a huge party, buy yourself a fabulous dress (not wedding, but a gorgeous red carpet gown...if it is a fancy affair) and I am not even against the photographer if you want to capture some amazing pictures of your family and friends.  But do not redo your wedding.  No matter who wants that it just is not okay.  Skip the top table, skip any 'firsts', and anything else that screams wedding reception.

As far as toasts, anyone can make toasts at any type of event, this isn't strictly a wedding thing.  So if people want to say a few words then that is fine.

But do not recreate your wedding just because a few people who were unable to make it to the real thing have requested it.  It is actually them that are being rude for trying to control your party.

xNimirrax

I agree with PrettyBirdy27.

Call it an anniversary party or just a celebration of your love (not wedding). Dress up in a nice dress, I think white is even okay but not your gown again. Have a cake but not a big fancy wedding cake. Play the video in the background. Have dancing if you want but as others said no "first dance" type of thing where everyone stops and watches you.

yvetteskroko

I joined this community several years ago while planning my daughter's wedding (so I'm no spring chicken).  I honestly do not understand all the animosity regarding this subject.  If you want to have another "reception" to celebrate your second anniversary including those that were unable to attend the first, knock yourself out.

My baby sister eloped on March 1st.  No reception, they are now planning a "reception"/party to be held in their home town.  Everyone that counts, family and friends are thrilled for them.

Life is too hard to listen to people that are determined to piss on your happiness.

Congrats and enjoy.

kaos16

yvetteskroko said:

I joined this community several years ago while planning my daughter's wedding (so I'm no spring chicken).  I honestly do not understand all the animosity regarding this subject.  If you want to have another "reception" to celebrate your second anniversary including those that were unable to attend the first, knock yourself out.

My baby sister eloped on March 1st.  No reception, they are now planning a "reception"/party to be held in their home town.  Everyone that counts, family and friends are thrilled for them.

Life is too hard to listen to people that are determined to piss on your happiness.

Congrats and enjoy.

As has been mentioned previously a "reception" is where you issues start to arise.   A wedding reception is a party held after the completion of a marriage ceremony. It is held usually as hospitality for those who have attended the wedding, hence the name reception: the couple receives society, in the form of family and friends, for the first time as a married couple. (from Wikipedia, but still)

Nobody is saying she shouldn't have a great anniversary/welcome back party. . . . in fact, I think everyone has encouraged that!!