Thoughts on promise rings

MollyandD

What are your thoughts on promise rings? I told my now fiancé to never buy me a promise ring. I wanted to either be engaged, meaning I could start wedding planning, or not be engaged and the planning would wait. To me, promise rings are not appealing. My fiancé says they are the way guys who aren't ready for commitment make their girlfriends happy. That said, some of my friends like them, because they represent a deeper level of commitment and the intention of an engagement. I want to know what other people on here think?

AddieCake

My thoughts are that they are for high school students. 

FiancB

What Addie said. My ex fiance brought it up once and I was like um hell no. They're even kinda dumb for hs students imo but I get the sentiment. Past that it's just dumb. 

HaileyDancingbear

I think it's just a way to appease a high schooler who REALLY wants something sparkly on her finger when you're a high school guy with like, 50 bucks in his pocket.  I think it's weird.  I mean, FI and I often said we'd be together for life etc. before we were engaged, but we didn't need a pre-engagement engagement ring.  

And really, that's all it is, because what the hell is the difference between saying "I want to marry you so here's a promise ring" and "I want to marry you here's an engagement ring?"  or being like "Oh I'm promising to marry this guy" or "I am engaged to this guy-" It's not like the marriage where you have an actual document that says if you're married, there is no "We're engaged now" document, all engagement is is a verbal agreement, and a promise ring thing is just switching words around so you don't feel you're making as much of a commitment, even if it is the exact same thing.

IMO it's either one of my pet peeves- either switching out words and messing with the phrasing/language of something to make something sound different than it is (Along the lines of saying "Consciously un-coupling" instead of "Divorce" although not taken quite that far) or making the ring so damn important that you need two. (And really, unless the promise ring is a ring pop, why would you spend money on two rings when you can just get a nicer engagement ring by saving the money you would have spent on a promise ring?)

MollyandD

I wouldn't have wanted one in high school either. I get that some girls see it as more commitment. To me, it would feel like less commitment. Without a promise ring, an engagement could still be coming. With a promise ring, the guy is saying he isn't ready to be engaged for sure.

emmyg65

You can make a deeper commitment without buying a ring. Promise rings are pretty silly, imho.

MollyandD

One of the custodians at the school where I teach has a promise ring. It's huge, at least 2 carats for the center stone, and there are smaller diamonds around the band. She said it was $80 and he got a great deal on her diamond ring. I don't have the heart to tell her that there is no way it's a real diamond.

WinstonsGirl

I'm meh.  My brother bought one for one GF, about 2nd year college.  I think he wanted to do an E-ring, but both felt they were too young, etc. to get engaged.  She dumped him a few months later, so I think she really wasn't ready for an E-ring, whereas my brother was.  They seem for youngsters for me, and I'm glad I've never had one

lyndausvi

I don't get them.   Engagements do not have an expiration date. Boyfriend-girlfriend/girlfriend-girlfriend/boyfriend-boyfriend statues do not have an expiration either.  You can easily get engaged but wait as long as you want to get married.  Or you can stay boy-girl/girl-girl/boy-boy statues forever.   If you are not ready to commit why lead on someone with a promise ring?  

IDK, maybe I'm just old.

HisGirlFriday13

My thoughts are that they are for high school students. I do think they're a way for commItment-phobic men to placate women, as your FI said.

I don't understand the appeal, at all.

themuffinman16

I wanted just a piece of jewelry, 2 years into our relationship, but it wasn't a promise ring.  It was one of those right handed rings. We've been together for 12 years before he gave me an engagement ring.  I am glad he gave me some jewelry in that time, but I wouldn't call it a promise ring.  Why do you need a ring to be in a committed relationship, can't people just respect the other person without jewelry to do it? Promise rings just seem juvenile to me.

jenna8984

Molly&Domenic said:

One of the custodians at the school where I teach has a promise ring. It's huge, at least 2 carats for the center stone, and there are smaller diamonds around the band. She said it was $80 and he got a great deal on her diamond ring. I don't have the heart to tell her that there is no way it's a real diamond.

LOL this reminds me of Teen Mom way back in the day when Gary gave Amber a $30 ring from Walmart. (Yes I'm almost 30 and watch Teen Mom, I'm ashamed)

I agree that it's a high school thing. No one ever bought me one and if they did I'd be like wtf is this crap? My ex in high school bought me earrings and I'd much rather have that because I still wear them lol 

Blergbot

Stupid.

climbingsingle

Promise rings are for teenagers. I think they're pretty silly and juvenile.

MollyandD

jenna8984 said:

show previous quotes

Molly&Domenic said:

One of the custodians at the school where I teach has a promise ring. It's huge, at least 2 carats for the center stone, and there are smaller diamonds around the band. She said it was $80 and he got a great deal on her diamond ring. I don't have the heart to tell her that there is no way it's a real diamond.

LOL this reminds me of Teen Mom way back in the day when Gary gave Amber a $30 ring from Walmart. (Yes I'm almost 30 and watch Teen Mom, I'm ashamed)

I agree that it's a high school thing. No one ever bought me one and if they did I'd be like wtf is this crap? My ex in high school bought me earrings and I'd much rather have that because I still wear them lol 

I no longer watch it, but I saw that episode. It was just a ring, until she threw a fit. Then Gary asked if she would be happy (meaning would she shut up) if they called it a promise ring.

mbross3

I'm on the bandwagon of "promise rings are pretty silly". I honestly don't understand the appeal of getting a promise ring at any age. My SO in high school actually bought me one, and I thought it was pretty ridiculous even then! We have LONG since broken up and I still remember how silly it was. 

So while I can kinda see a teenager buying a promise ring, I cannot understand it for an adult. What does it actually say if your grown bf or gf buys you a promise ring? "I really like you, not enough to propose to you yet, but I want to give you something so that you don't leave me while I wait to be ready for marriage." Which is ridiculous because if you're in a healthy, loving relationship, then you shouldn't "waiting" for the proposal, you should be living the life you have already started with you SO and feel secure in the fact that marriage will happen if and when you're both ready. 

Cookie Pusher

It's like back in the day when guys would ask girls to wear their fraternity pins. The guy gets to "mark" his territory and the girl gets to feel special.

JCbride2015

Yep, they're ridiculous and for teenagers.  I find "purity rings" equally silly.

AddieCake

I wish all the boys I thought I would marry had given me promise cupcakes. 

vulpiepop

We had a kind of promise ring I suppose, but it wasn't because he wasn't ready to commit or anything. Both of us came from different cultural backgrounds in which the concept of "dating" was relatively new. The way our parents grew up and in the country he grew up in, you weren't in a relationship if you weren't engaged. So the promise rings were more our thinking of our cultures and so our friends wouldn't freak out ("you're marrying a guy without dating?!"). The 2 ring system was fairly common where my parents grew up (the first one was to establish the relationship, the second was to prove worth to the parents, set wedding dates, etc) although most people wouldn't even have an engagement ring, they'd just go straight to marriage.

lkristenj

Not going to lie, I got a promise ring in high school. I am not marrying that man. We broke up less than a year after he gave it to me. At the time, we were very serious. But when he went to community college (one year ahead of me) he decided he didn't want to be tied down. It made sense at the time, but it really doesn't anymore. I'm not even sure where the ring is now. It was a small diamond ring from Zales.

phira

I technically have a promise ring, which I find hilarious because I think they're really pointless and because I was 26. My partner gave me a claddagh ring for my birthday.

pinkcow13

Yep I also think high school when I hear of promise rings.

RedJacks25

I've had my claddagh ring since I was 13. The band ended up almost snapping in half because I had worn in for 15 years and it was cheap quality. For Valentine's Day last year, FI (at that point, still boyfriend) got me a new claddagh ring. I loved it, but at no point did I consider it a promise ring. At that time we knew we would get married, I didn't need a ring to "promise" me that. He just hadn't officially proposed. To me, the claddagh ring was a wonderful gift because he knew how much my old one had meant to me. If he had given it to me as a promise to marry me without the sentiment behind an actual proposal, I wouldn't have taken it from him.

RebeccaB88

Just a way for a guy to shut a girl up until they get tired of each other. Cultural norms excepted.

MollyandD

I have a ring from my fiancé that I wear on my right hand. It was a birthday present a few years ago. I never considered it a promise ring, as he and I had already discussed our dislike of them.

larrygaga

They are cute for kids, but really, really silly for adults to have. My FI gave me a ring from a vending machine and said he was going to marry me when we were older (I was 13 and he was 14 or 15, I don't remember). I wore that ring for a long time until I lost it, and then a few years later we got engaged!

Jells2dot0

Like muffin, I received a right hand ring from my now DH about 2 years into our relationship. We felt that his children (just heading into the teenage years at that time) might not deal well with dad becoming engaged and I agreed. Even though DH and ex had been divorced for awhile, the kids did not deal well with it because their mom also had some sort of mid life crisis at the time (part of reason she left DH). So the ring was a thoughtful present that I knew would later lead into an engagement when the time was right for the family. So, maybe not a promise ring per se, but it was DH's way of showing that we were moving forward during a time where we had chosen to keep the status quo.

chibiyui

I have nothing nice to say about promise rings or purity rings.

MollyandD

Say your thoughts on both. I know what my thoughts are, but I'm curious about what other people think. I don't really care about purity rings. If they make a person happy, cool. Promise rings make me think, "shut up and look at this shiny thing while I decide how much I like you."

doeydo

I don't understand the point of them.  Honestly, my FI and I were very serious about each other before getting engaged and had spoken about getting married many times.  There was no need for some ring to prove that or something.