Friends who annoy you.

SJM7538

Just need a place to vent and maybe some validation for being annoyed!

I went out with a friend friday night. We caught and early movie and then got a few drinks. She was in my wedding last October and we haven't really seen each other a lot since then bc we are both busy and she has two kids. Ya know... Life gets in the way sometimes. So we are sitting there having drinks, catching up and saying how we need to try harder to make time for each other and she commented that I was looking good. I said thanks and it spiraled into a
Convo about how she thinks she's fat and she hates her body and so on.


So I told her if she's really unhappy with herself she can come workout with me anytime or once it gets warmer out we can take the kids to the park and go walking or just get out and be more active. Her response to that was she has two children and has no time to workout and she does not want to give up eating crappy bc she loves food too much. She then told me that the only reason I look so good is bc my body hasn't been ruined by children yet! I responded by saying that the reason I look healthy is bc I workout 4 days a week and eat healthy! She then kept going about how all that will change and I won't care what I look like anymore after I have kids.


Am I wrong to be annoyed by this? I've been friends with her for a long time and I love her but I almost feel offended.

Maggie0829

I would be annoyed as hell too.  She bitches that she is fat and hates her body but then says that she won't give up her crappy food that she loves and then blames her two kids for her not having enough time to fit in a 30 minute exercise.  I really don't like people like this.  And then to say that the only reason you look good is because you haven't had kids yet.  I know a lot of Mom's who look great after having kids because, you know, they workout and eat right.  It sounds like she just likes to bitch and really doesn't want to do anything about it.

Jells2dot0

UGH that is SO annoying. I got the same thing recently. I posted a pic on Facebook and one of my friends commented that I looked great but she wished she looked that good as well. Then one of our mutual friends chimed in and said "A, don't be so hard on yourself. you have had kids and Jells does not, so it's easier for her to look that good." WTF?!?!

 

edit- formatting. Why is Facebook showing up twice?!?!

Maggie0829

I have a friend who every time we get together complains about money and how she has a house to take care of and a husband and a job and blah blah blah and how she is so busy because of it all.  In my head I am screaming at her "and you don't think I have those same responsibilities?!"  I think there are some people who just like to bitch and throw out the woe is me card to get others sympathy.

HisGirlFriday13

Nothing annoys me more than people who are like, 'Well, you look good because you haven't had kids yet.'

Uhm....OK. I also have the short end of the genetic stick when it comes to metabolism (both my parents are grossly overweight). I make it a priority to take care of myself, to eat right, and to exercise.

I also love food. LOVE FOOD. DH and I gave up fast food for Lent and it has been HARD because my go-to indulgence is always jalapeno poppers (so bad for me, I know, but SOOOOO good).

But Glitter is right -- we all have the same 24 hours in every day. And yeah, it's probably harder to work out with kids, but even if you put a treadmill in your living room and run on it while the kids are doing their homework, there you go. 

mbross3

Ugh, that's annoying. I'm sorry! I know it's hard, but try to be understanding, what she's saying is really not about you at all, but about herself. 

Like PP have said, we all have the same 24 hour day the only difference is what we choose to do with it. That being said, I'm sure it is incredibly more difficult with children than without. However, that was a choice that she and her SO made and it's not the children that are stopping her from working out, it's her own motivation. Don't take it to heart too much OP. Women's bodies do change during and after pregnancy. That is absolutely true and some aspects of a woman's body will never be the same after giving birth. However, it's as much about learning to love your new body as learning to eat clean and exercise!

pinkcow13

I would be SO annoyed at that. And she is just using her kids as a scapegoat. My cousin has 2 kids and she looks amazing. She just eats healthy, and works out when she gets a chance. She started taking pole dancing lessons, and bought a pole for the bedroom to practice on. She takes her kids to gymnastics now, and I think gets her own workouts while she's there. Having kids is no excuse, she can't take them to the park? Or do some yoga while they are sleeping?

I love food myself, but I do realize that I don't have the greatest metabolism. I gain weight so easily, so I have to work extra hard to take it then keep it off. It is so much easier to be lazy, but I choose not to because I want to feel comfortable, happy and healthy in my body. You have every right to be annoyed.

SJM7538

Ok I'm glad I'm not just being an over sensitive baby about this! I guess on the upside she did offer
Me first dibs on her bathing suit collection bc she said she never plans on wearing a bikini again. Lol

wandajune6

You actually caught one of my biggest pet peeves: people who complain about their issues and do nothing about them. I know I weigh too much but I also know that it's no one's fault but my own. I might make the odd self-deprecating comment but I don't make excuses.

My friend lost a ton of weight after having kids. When I tell her that I'm amazed with her success, she just laughs about burning it off chasing her kids around and playing with them. She even went so far as to tell me that having kids made it easier- she never has time to eat a real meal and is forever chasing after them and cleaning up. As she has two toddlers, she's also trying to teach her kids to eat healthy foods rather than junk.

SJM7538

Truthfully... I love this girl and we've been friends for a long time but I learned there are certain topics we don't agree on and just need to stay away from or it causes tension. This topic being one of them. For example... Prior to my wedding she was actually going to the gym and working out a few days a week but complaining that she wasn't seeing results. Well it turns out she was making pasta dishes for dinner at least twice a week and ordering out at least once a week. When I told her to stop eating pasta and pizza she said "well I have to feed my family and the boys are picky." I just gave up and try not to have those convos anymore. It just happened to come up this past weekend

emmaaa

I would definitely be annoyed. Another thing that annoys me: skinny people saying how fat they are. Like, no. I'm just here like, I'm bigger than you and you think you're fat, you must think I'm disgusting.

My best friends (all skinnier than me) complain about how they have gained weight and are getting fat. And here I am, always been bigger than them and working my butt off to just stay this size. I never consider myself fat or overweight but dang, they sure do like to make me feel that way. When I bring it up they just say that I'm actually smaller than them. No girls, the size of my clothes and weight on the scale don't lie. I'm bigger than them but probably more toned and more in shape because I work out.

People will make an excuse about anything. It was nice of you to try to help her out but she really just wanted to throw herself a pity party.

FiancB

I hate that. I get that kids make it harder but it's not fair to devalue someone else's hard work. I have to really watch what I eat, kids or no, and my sister sort of does the same to me. Growing up my sister was the beanpole and I was the chubby one sooo...

I don't really get the kids ruining your body thing either. Yes, you'll get stretch marks. Yes, you'll gain weight during pregnancy- but news flash, it isn't all fat. Yes, you'll have less time. But it's not like popping out a kid magically brings your metabolism down to zero. I think it has more to do with most women happening to have kids at an age where metabolism starts to slow a little. 

HaileyDancingbear

Ugh that is very annoying.  I just hate that mentality of "Oh I hate my body and want to be thin but I don't want to stop eating shit or work out or even make the slightest effort towards improving my body." and I hate it even more when they whine at me and compare themselves to me.  I'm just sitting there thinking Umm ok, what do you want me to do, gain a bunch of weight so you feel better about yourself?  Say some magic words and suck the fat off of your body?  Stop making me feel bad for being thinner than you.  

I am this size because I work with kids and my job involves me running around and being on my feet all day.  I also actually really like a lot of healthy foods.  I still eat crappy, fatty, delicious food, just in moderation.  When I go out to eat once a week I eat whatever the hell I want because I spent the week eating healthy and running around all day.  

Jells2dot0

eg72 said:

I would definitely be annoyed. Another thing that annoys me: skinny people saying how fat they are. Like, no. I'm just here like, I'm bigger than you and you think you're fat, you must think I'm disgusting.

My best friends (all skinnier than me) complain about how they have gained weight and are getting fat. And here I am, always been bigger than them and working my butt off to just stay this size. I never consider myself fat or overweight but dang, they sure do like to make me feel that way. When I bring it up they just say that I'm actually smaller than them. No girls, the size of my clothes and weight on the scale don't lie. I'm bigger than them but probably more toned and more in shape because I work out.

People will make an excuse about anything. It was nice of you to try to help her out but she really just wanted to throw herself a pity party.

I'm kind of guilty of this, but it's in no way meant to be disrespectful to anyone. I'm very fortunate in that I tend to have the time to work out and I am also a bit slender. However, I do "let myself go" sometimes and I have put on 5-10 lbs. So, I'll say to a friend "Wow, I'm really out of shape and getting fat. I need to fix that." It doesn't mean that I think you are fat, it means that I think I've let myself go based on how I think I should look. So, just like I'm supposed to be in super shape because I've never had kids, now I can't complain about putting on some weight? Using the term "fat" may not be the best way to approach it. It's just as mean to thin shame as it is to fat shame, too.

thisismynickname2

Maggie0829 said:

I would be annoyed as hell too.  She bitches that she is fat and hates her body but then says that she won't give up her crappy food that she loves and then blames her two kids for her not having enough time to fit in a 30 minute exercise.  I really don't like people like this.  And then to say that the only reason you look good is because you haven't had kids yet.  I know a lot of Mom's who look great after having kids because, you know, they workout and eat right.  It sounds like she just likes to bitch and really doesn't want to do anything about it.

This exactly.

If she pulls this on you again, tell her that not eating right and refusing to exercise is a choice she's making. If she decides to change her choices you're there for her. 

I know some really hot moms. They take care of themselves. 

emmaaa

Jells2dot0 said:

eg72 said:

I would definitely be annoyed. Another thing that annoys me: skinny people saying how fat they are. Like, no. I'm just here like, I'm bigger than you and you think you're fat, you must think I'm disgusting.

My best friends (all skinnier than me) complain about how they have gained weight and are getting fat. And here I am, always been bigger than them and working my butt off to just stay this size. I never consider myself fat or overweight but dang, they sure do like to make me feel that way. When I bring it up they just say that I'm actually smaller than them. No girls, the size of my clothes and weight on the scale don't lie. I'm bigger than them but probably more toned and more in shape because I work out.

People will make an excuse about anything. It was nice of you to try to help her out but she really just wanted to throw herself a pity party.

I'm kind of guilty of this, but it's in no way meant to be disrespectful to anyone. I'm very fortunate in that I tend to have the time to work out and I am also a bit slender. However, I do "let myself go" sometimes and I have put on 5-10 lbs. So, I'll say to a friend "Wow, I'm really out of shape and getting fat. I need to fix that." It doesn't mean that I think you are fat, it means that I think I've let myself go based on how I think I should look. So, just like I'm supposed to be in super shape because I've never had kids, now I can't complain about putting on some weight? Using the term "fat" may not be the best way to approach it. It's just as mean to thin shame as it is to fat shame, too.

I definitely get what you're saying. I think it is just the way that people phrase it sometimes that come off as offensive. Like, "Omg I'm so fat" is different than, "Wow, I've kind of let myself go and gained weight. I need to get back to the gym."

And I'm definitely not trying to thin shame anyone. I am envious of anyone who is naturally slender (this is how many of my friends are). I am not built this way and am a little more curvy which my thin freidns tell me they wish they had my body type. I think in these situation people generally want what they don't have.

JCbride2015

Ugh this would be so annoying.  And once you have kids, isn't it actually more important to model healthy eating for them?  Her kids are only "picky" and demanding pasta and pizza because that's what they're used to.  She has created her own problem and is now using it as an excuse.

I understand that parents end up with a lot less free time once they have kids, but I'd be willing to bet this woman spends half an hour at least in front of the TV or computer each day.  That's time she could be working out or cooking a healthy meal.  It's all about priorities.

ElcaB

SJM7538 said:

Just need a place to vent and maybe some validation for being annoyed! I went out with a friend friday night. We caught and early movie and then got a few drinks. She was in my wedding last October and we haven't really seen each other a lot since then bc we are both busy and she has two kids. Ya know... Life gets in the way sometimes. So we are sitting there having drinks, catching up and saying how we need to try harder to make time for each other and she commented that I was looking good. I said thanks and it spiraled into a Convo about how she thinks she's fat and she hates her body and so on. So I told her if she's really unhappy with herself she can come workout with me anytime or once it gets warmer out we can take the kids to the park and go walking or just get out and be more active. Her response to that was she has two children and has no time to workout and she does not want to give up eating crappy bc she loves food too much. She then told me that the only reason I look so good is bc my body hasn't been ruined by children yet! I responded by saying that the reason I look healthy is bc I workout 4 days a week and eat healthy! She then kept going about how all that will change and I won't care what I look like anymore after I have kids. Am I wrong to be annoyed by this? I've been friends with her for a long time and I love her but I almost feel offended.

Um, obviously this woman is wrong because she claims you won't care what you look like anymore after you have kids, yet this all began because she was babbling about how unhappy she was with her own appearance. 

I don't think you're out of line to be incredibly annoyed by her. I can't stand it when people who have been down a certain road you haven't (i.e., pregnancy) tell you how your experience down that road will be. We all know having children changes bodies, but everyone's truth is different. Just because she hasn't put effort into shaping up doesn't mean you won't.

SJM7538

@prettybird27 our relationship isn't toxic really. She's actually a good person and has been there for me through a lot. There are just some topics that I try to steer clear of when hanging around her bc I know we have vastly different views on (example, ever since her second son was born she's been trying to get rid of her dog bc she just doesn't have time for it. Well... I am an avid animal lover. I'm talking I have three dogs and volunteer at a shelter every other weekend. So obviously we don't see eye to eye on her decision.) so I just don't discuss certain things with her. Or try not to.


I was just offended by our convo bc I work very hard to stay healthy and when I do have children id like to think that I would take pride in my appearance.

abbyj700

I could send you a link on facebook to send her...

It's a friend of mine who has a ridiculously awesome 6-pack, the tightest little body...and three kids! She's that way because she works at it. I mean girl is like CUT - and she is because she's always eating healthy, working out, taking her kids to the gym to play basketball, running, training other people now. She got such a big client base training friends she quit her job to stay at home with her boys and be a personal trainer.

We all make sacrifices. I weigh what I weigh and look the way I look because I work out - and drink/eat too much. So I could be slammin - but we all make our decisions.