Wedding 911

How do I ask my guests not to wear white?

I know to most its common knowledge that wearing all white to a wedding is a NO NO, unless you're the bride/groom or requested to wear white. I have expressed many times to both sides of our families that I'd like them to steer clear of white and shades of white. I didn't think anyone would intentionally wear white until my FMIL told me my future sister-in-law purchased a white dress for the wedding. My FMIL told her not to wear it, but now I feel that I need to be more direct asking ppl not to wear white. Is there some kind of poem or other sweet way to let my guests know that we'd like them to stay away from white?

I've already been given a few suggestions from my family members as what to do if my future SIL shows up in white but they all seem like they will generate more drama.  HELP!!!!

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Answers

  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    MrsMackVI said:

    I know to most its common knowledge that wearing all white to a wedding is a NO NO, unless you're the bride/groom or requested to wear white. I have expressed many times to both sides of our families that I'd like them to steer clear of white and shades of white. I didn't think anyone would intentionally wear white until my FMIL told me my future sister-in-law purchased a white dress for the wedding. My FMIL told her not to wear it, but now I feel that I need to be more direct asking ppl not to wear white. Is there some kind of poem or other sweet way to let my guests know that we'd like them to stay away from white?

    I've already been given a few suggestions from my family members as what to do if my future SIL shows up in white but they all seem like they will generate more drama.  HELP!!!!


    You dont. Stay out of this. FSIL can wear whatever she wants. It is very zilla-ish to dictate what your guests should or should not wear.
    BabyFruit Ticker
    PrettyGirlLost
  • There's a post on wedding recap and withdraw that one brides MIL wore white and she flipped for a minute but calmed down and relaxed and in the end it didn't matter. Everyone's eyes were still on her and if she let it get to her then it would have been a much worse day for her.
  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    You can't tell people what to wear.  Period.  The person that will look like an ass if they show up in white is the person wearing it, not you so stop worrying about it.  This is a non-ssue

    MollyandD
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    What difference does it make what color anyone wears? It will not affect you AT ALL.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    Blue_BirdPrettyGirlLost
  • climbingwifeclimbingwife NYC 'burbs
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    You can't dictate to your guests what to wear. So, you do nothing. If she wears the dress, oh well. It's not the end of the world. 

  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    If I was your FSIL and you told me not to wear white I wouldn't, because I would never wear white to a wedding. But I would show up in a fabulous cream cocktail dress with glorious art deco inspired jewelry. 
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    Anniversary
    pinkshorts27
  • I would not wear white to anyone else's wedding. From what I've read on here, when it has happened, the bride never ends up noticing or caring. I also would not be mad if someone wore white to my wedding. I plan to be pretty in to what I'm doing on that day.
    KaurisBlue_Bird
  • It seems like bad guest etiquette (if that's even a thing) that most people know about so I wouldn't worry too much. I'm sure some of your other guests will be plenty judgy towards this person anyways, she'll probably hear it from someone throughout the night :)

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  • After the British Royal wedding - isn't it pretty obvious that no matter what others wear, the bride is still highly visible.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • I have no idea what guests wore to the last wedding I went to, but I remember the bride in her dress.  Don't sweat it.
  • Honestly you will be so busy running around anyway you prob wont even realise what people are wearing.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 Oregon
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    member
    Honestly you will be so busy running around anyway you prob wont even realise what people are wearing.
    Even if you do notice, it will not affect who is getting married. It isn't like your FI will accidently marry the wrong person.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    weddingmuse
  • If FSIL wants to make herself look silly, let her. At least you won't look silly by making it into a thing.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker




  • Two of my husband's relatives wore white dresses, I have no idea why. One had a ton of red and blue accessories on - I guess she was going for a patriotic Memorial day theme. I thought they looked silly but oh well. I didn't say anything to them and it certainly didn't ruin my day.
  • I do not understand why people freak out over this.  No one will mistake them for the bride instead of you.  It'll be fine, trust me!  ;)

    Now if your FSIL waltzed in with a wedding gown on.....
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers

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    PrettyGirlLost
  • MegEn1MegEn1
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
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    It sounds like other members of the family are on this. Let it handle itself - if she wears white it will be tasteless and her own fault. Don't lower yourself to her standards by starting a thing about it. 

    Achievement Unlocked: Survived Your Wedding! 
  • I don't understand how commenters on here are saying "You can't tell someone what to wear", but there are thousands of articles out there about how to share what the dress code is. How is the dress code telling people what to wear any different from asking people not to wear white?


    d&bbride2015bburks89
  • manateehuggermanateehugger
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    edited August 2014
    @rsmie02, handing out a dress code to your guests (unless you are having a truly black tie wedding or if your venue has restrictions - e.g. a private golf club that doesn't allow denim) is also inappropriate. The idea is that you treat adults with respect and don't tell them how to dress themselves. 

    And because it's SO not worth a bride's time or stress to think about this. NO ONE will confuse a white cocktail dress-wearing woman for the bride, and more than one guest will likely give the woman the side-eye.

    There are a million things that can stress a bride out; someone wearing white (which she can't truly control anyway) shouldn't be one of them. Someone wore a white and gold cocktail dress to our wedding. It was beautiful and flattering. Not one person wondered if she was the bride.
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    PrettyGirlLostadk19
  • I am actually putting a note in the FAQ section on my wedsite that mentions for guests to please not wear black or white (with a little joke about it being my one and only bridezilla moment).  I did this because in my family/culture it is VERY bad luck for guests to wear black to weddings and I know that while many people still hold onto the belief that wearing black to weddings is taboo it is becoming at least more socially acceptable and I wouldn't want anyone to think that as I am usually very modern and liberal that it would be ok.  I can only imagine what would happen if someone were to show up in black to my wedding...my 80-something grandma would likely tell them off right then and there and try to send them home.  I'd really rather avoid that, thankyouverymuch.  I just really wanted to make sure that those who I am inviting who come from families that don't hold this belief knew about it.  It would be like anytime you went to an event from another culture and were informed about a tradition.  Every family and culture has different beliefs so I see nothing wrong with letting people know if there might be a situation where they might not know about something like that.  I know for a fact that FHs family doesn't normally have a problem with black at weddings (I've seen them do it countless times and had to remind myself that they're not intentionally being rude/mean because my internal alarms go off and I start to freak out for about a second and a half).  My family still to this day tells the story of the time years ago at a cousins wedding when the mother of the groom wore black because she hated the bride so much that she saw it as her sons funeral.  That's what I think when I see black at a wedding: "Gee, who died??"  And I know it's not the common thinking and getting less so, which is why when I'm at a non-family wedding I remind myself of that and move on and also why I feel the need to point it out to guests coming to my wedding.  If their are cultural reasons behind something like this, then by all means, otherwise it might be a bit much.
  • mikenbergermikenberger In a f'n cornfield
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    member

    I am actually putting a note in the FAQ section on my wedsite that mentions for guests to please not wear black or white (with a little joke about it being my one and only bridezilla moment).  I did this because in my family/culture it is VERY bad luck for guests to wear black to weddings and I know that while many people still hold onto the belief that wearing black to weddings is taboo it is becoming at least more socially acceptable and I wouldn't want anyone to think that as I am usually very modern and liberal that it would be ok.  I can only imagine what would happen if someone were to show up in black to my wedding...my 80-something grandma would likely tell them off right then and there and try to send them home.  I'd really rather avoid that, thankyouverymuch.  I just really wanted to make sure that those who I am inviting who come from families that don't hold this belief knew about it.  It would be like anytime you went to an event from another culture and were informed about a tradition.  Every family and culture has different beliefs so I see nothing wrong with letting people know if there might be a situation where they might not know about something like that.  I know for a fact that FHs family doesn't normally have a problem with black at weddings (I've seen them do it countless times and had to remind myself that they're not intentionally being rude/mean because my internal alarms go off and I start to freak out for about a second and a half).  My family still to this day tells the story of the time years ago at a cousins wedding when the mother of the groom wore black because she hated the bride so much that she saw it as her sons funeral.  That's what I think when I see black at a wedding: "Gee, who died??"  And I know it's not the common thinking and getting less so, which is why when I'm at a non-family wedding I remind myself of that and move on and also why I feel the need to point it out to guests coming to my wedding.  If their are cultural reasons behind something like this, then by all means, otherwise it might be a bit much.

    Just because its an inside joke about "the only time you're being a bridezilla" doesn't make it right. You still shouldn't dictate what your guests wear unless its a dress code imposed by another entity (your reception venue etc). If its a belief/custom that your family has, they don't need a FAQ on it as they're already aware of it.

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  • @ReginaLambert13‌ you REALLY need to spend a lot more time lurking and reading here before you ever type another word, open your mouth, or generally interact with humankind again. You give some seriously terrible advice and seem horribly misinformed on what it takes to be a gracious bride, accommodating host, and decent human being.

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    wrigleyvilleadk19
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    I will never understand why men can wear white shirts like most grooms do, but women get all bent out of shape when another woman wears white?  

    There are way more important thing to worry about.   True story






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    adk19
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    I am actually putting a note in the FAQ section on my wedsite that mentions for guests to please not wear black or white (with a little joke about it being my one and only bridezilla moment).  I did this because in my family/culture it is VERY bad luck for guests to wear black to weddings and I know that while many people still hold onto the belief that wearing black to weddings is taboo it is becoming at least more socially acceptable and I wouldn't want anyone to think that as I am usually very modern and liberal that it would be ok.  I can only imagine what would happen if someone were to show up in black to my wedding...my 80-something grandma would likely tell them off right then and there and try to send them home.  I'd really rather avoid that, thankyouverymuch.  I just really wanted to make sure that those who I am inviting who come from families that don't hold this belief knew about it.  It would be like anytime you went to an event from another culture and were informed about a tradition.  Every family and culture has different beliefs so I see nothing wrong with letting people know if there might be a situation where they might not know about something like that.  I know for a fact that FHs family doesn't normally have a problem with black at weddings (I've seen them do it countless times and had to remind myself that they're not intentionally being rude/mean because my internal alarms go off and I start to freak out for about a second and a half).  My family still to this day tells the story of the time years ago at a cousins wedding when the mother of the groom wore black because she hated the bride so much that she saw it as her sons funeral.  That's what I think when I see black at a wedding: "Gee, who died??"  And I know it's not the common thinking and getting less so, which is why when I'm at a non-family wedding I remind myself of that and move on and also why I feel the need to point it out to guests coming to my wedding.  If their are cultural reasons behind something like this, then by all means, otherwise it might be a bit much.
    I guess grandma would be sending my ass home.  I always wear black.  One it's the color I'm most comfortable with and 2 I do wear dresses often. I'm not going to go out and get a dress for you.

    I NEVER to the couples web site.  Never, not once.  So I would have missed the memo anyway. 






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    weddingcactusadk19
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    I am actually putting a note in the FAQ section on my wedsite that mentions for guests to please not wear black or white (with a little joke about it being my one and only bridezilla moment).  I did this because in my family/culture it is VERY bad luck for guests to wear black to weddings and I know that while many people still hold onto the belief that wearing black to weddings is taboo it is becoming at least more socially acceptable and I wouldn't want anyone to think that as I am usually very modern and liberal that it would be ok.  I can only imagine what would happen if someone were to show up in black to my wedding...my 80-something grandma would likely tell them off right then and there and try to send them home.  I'd really rather avoid that, thankyouverymuch.  I just really wanted to make sure that those who I am inviting who come from families that don't hold this belief knew about it.  It would be like anytime you went to an event from another culture and were informed about a tradition.  Every family and culture has different beliefs so I see nothing wrong with letting people know if there might be a situation where they might not know about something like that.  I know for a fact that FHs family doesn't normally have a problem with black at weddings (I've seen them do it countless times and had to remind myself that they're not intentionally being rude/mean because my internal alarms go off and I start to freak out for about a second and a half).  My family still to this day tells the story of the time years ago at a cousins wedding when the mother of the groom wore black because she hated the bride so much that she saw it as her sons funeral.  That's what I think when I see black at a wedding: "Gee, who died??"  And I know it's not the common thinking and getting less so, which is why when I'm at a non-family wedding I remind myself of that and move on and also why I feel the need to point it out to guests coming to my wedding.  If their are cultural reasons behind something like this, then by all means, otherwise it might be a bit much.
    image

    You cannot be a real person, not with how awful you are portraying yourself to be.  You have given consistently terrible advice, and you really need to lurk more before posting.  Each one of your posts have been terrible, selfish, entitled, and thoughtless.  


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    esstee33
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