Coordinator suggested early start time on invites.

climbingsingle

I've read about this here probably 50 times at least, and still, I was SHOCKED when she suggested this. Our ceremony is starting at 12. She told me I should put 11:30AM on the invite, to "encourage guests to get here in case of traffic and who may not be familiar with the area." She even went on the say that guests will appreciate the extra time to "relax, use the restrooms and explore the grounds."

I come from a family that is always early to everything. When we had family parties, my grandma would should up one hour early. Now, imagine my relatives all showing up at 11:10AM, thinking the ceremony starts at 11:30. What if I'm running 10 minutes behind? I've then had my guests sitting around waiting for an HOUR! That's fucking crazy. And rude. And obnoxious! 

And I really liked this coordinator until she suggested this. ugh. 

ScoutF

What did she say when you told her no?

RebeccaFlower

That would mean that I would show up at 11 and have to wait an hour. I would be so pissed! I don't understand planning for the two inevitably late people and screwing over everyone else. 

climbingsingle

ScoutF said:

What did she say when you told her no?

She had emailed this over to me, along with some other info on our tasting. I completely ignored it and just confirmed the date the for the tasting. 

larrygaga

If she or you are really worried about it, hire someone to stand outside until the ceremony is over to block latecomers from coming in. I would never come in late to a wedding. Also, every wedding I have been to started ten minutes late because people were still trickling in. The brides are always just around the corner waiting for everyone to be ready. Why did my font change? lol

climbingsingle

If she or you are really worried about it, hire someone to stand outside until the ceremony is over to block latecomers from coming in. I would never come in late to a wedding. Also, every wedding I have been to started ten minutes late because people were still trickling in. The brides are always just around the corner waiting for everyone to be ready. Why did my font change? lol

Stuck*

I'm not worried about it at all. If people are late, I won't bar them from coming in. This is a total non-issue for me. 

ScoutF

ClimbingBrideNY said:

If she or you are really worried about it, hire someone to stand outside until the ceremony is over to block latecomers from coming in. I would never come in late to a wedding. Also, every wedding I have been to started ten minutes late because people were still trickling in. The brides are always just around the corner waiting for everyone to be ready. Why did my font change? lol

Stuck*

I'm not worried about it at all. If people are late, I won't bar them from coming in. This is a total non-issue for me. 

Same with me. I have no idea if anyone came in late or not. I don't have a clue if a baby cried or if anyone had to leave. Hell, I didn't have a clue my in laws were holding up cameras the entire ceremony (same with the others who were skyping the ceremony to some of H's family). The only thing I noticed was H. 

phira

Our coordinator suggests a 10-15 minute buffer, but I'm honestly going to ignore it. We still get to put the time we want on our invitations, and I'm just going to let her know that everyone will be ready to go at 3:30, and we'd like to start then even if not everyone is there.

yellowdaisies84

My wedding co-ordinator suggested I show up 15 minutes after the time on the invitations. She was skeptical when I insisted that I wanted to start right on time to not keep people waiting. She told me to trust her, that people always show up a few minutes late and get settled. I told her I would probably arrive on time in the limo but I could sit in the limo and she could come let me know if everyone's ready for the ceremony to start. 

I was so uncomfortable with starting late and making people wait.

Somehow, somehow, it was impossible to get going on the wedding day- my photographer and 'entourage' kept insisting on a few more photos, everyone was taking so long, the limo arrived and was waiting and I couldn't get everyone organized and going and SOMEHOW I became one of those brides who is late to her own wedding! We started 30 MINUTES LATE! I am still so ashamed and embarrassed and bewildered by this but I have been reassured by our guests that nobody even noticed, everyone was chatting and comfortable and there was a refreshment bar right there that was open so some people were having a drink and apparently (hopefully!) nobody was annoyed by my lateness. Or showed it. 

My fiance laughed about it, he said he had a feeling I'd be late which is weird because I always talked to him about how I didn't like the idea of starting even 5 minutes late, it seemed so rude to me but apparently he always thought to himself that I'd probably be late whether I planned to be or not. 

Actually the most stressful part of the wedding was when we were in the limo and someone told me the time, I was so shocked about how late it was that I almost started crying! My mom/bridesmaids cheered me up!

[Deleted User]

My wedding invite stated 1:00 PM & at 1:00 PM the mothers were walking down the isle to do the unity candle and so began the ceremony. It was probably 1:05 by time the BM started walking down the isle. Had the church seemed empty, I might have waited a few more minutes to start everything but it was full.

RebeccaFlower

yellowdaisies84 said:

My wedding co-ordinator suggested I show up 15 minutes after the time on the invitations. She was skeptical when I insisted that I wanted to start right on time to not keep people waiting. She told me to trust her, that people always show up a few minutes late and get settled. I told her I would probably arrive on time in the limo but I could sit in the limo and she could come let me know if everyone's ready for the ceremony to start. 

I was so uncomfortable with starting late and making people wait.

Somehow, somehow, it was impossible to get going on the wedding day- my photographer and 'entourage' kept insisting on a few more photos, everyone was taking so long, the limo arrived and was waiting and I couldn't get everyone organized and going and SOMEHOW I became one of those brides who is late to her own wedding! We started 30 MINUTES LATE! I am still so ashamed and embarrassed and bewildered by this but I have been reassured by our guests that nobody even noticed, everyone was chatting and comfortable and there was a refreshment bar right there that was open so some people were having a drink and apparently (hopefully!) nobody was annoyed by my lateness. Or showed it. 

My fiance laughed about it, he said he had a feeling I'd be late which is weird because I always talked to him about how I didn't like the idea of starting even 5 minutes late, it seemed so rude to me but apparently he always thought to himself that I'd probably be late whether I planned to be or not. 

Actually the most stressful part of the wedding was when we were in the limo and someone told me the time, I was so shocked about how late it was that I almost started crying! My mom/bridesmaids cheered me up!

I'm sorry this was your situation. I'm not going to lie, if I was your guest, I would have been pissed. So let this be a lesson to lurkers that you need to keep track of time!

dolewhipper

My church actually has it in their policies that the invite say 30 min before, and my step mother suggests this too! Thankfully, FILs are quite punctual and my FMIL is helping with the invites, so the church coordinator nor my stepmom will be able to "proof" the invites before sending them out. Oops! 

Edit: words are hard.

yellowdaisies84

I'm sorry this was your situation. I'm not going to lie, if I was your guest, I would have been pissed. So let this be a lesson to lurkers that you need to keep track of time!

Yes. Because honestly I never would have ever imagine that I would be even 5 minutes late. Looking back, it doesn't really matter anymore, not something I think about too much. But I would warn brides-to-be that you should make sure everyone knows what time you want to leave at and that it is NOT flexible! (I was so frustrated when I was trying to get going and everyone, even both Moms, were saying "Now just a minute, we need a photo of you on this staircase. You are the bride! You're the bride! The wedding doesn't start until you get there! Stop worrying!" Ugh!

phira

@yellowdaisies84 Yeah, it can be SO tempting to take "just one more photo." The wedding starting late because the couple is running late isn't a good thing, but when it's really just scheduling mishaps, I tend to rank it a lot lower than other stuff, like intentionally starting late, or having a long gap.

abbyj700

Ugh - this would bug me too. I joked about our bridal party always being late (as 5 of our 8 members are always super late to things) and my coordinator snapped back with "oh not in my house -  rest assured your wedding will start on the agreed upon time." It was actually very nice to hear. At first I was like "wow - this lady runs a tight ship" and then I was like "Yay - this lady runs a tight ship!" 

Hisprinc3ss

LoL. Don't take it so personal!!! They don't know your family and it is only a SUGGESTION. Most brides, including grooms are late to their own parties at times. Things happen! I was told the same thing. My wedding is starting at 11:30 and I put 11:15 on my invitations as well as a very early RSVP date. We will be playing music or having people sing as my guests arrive. Set the atmosphere before things even start.

PrettyGirlLost

Hisprinc3ss said:

LoL. Don't take it so personal!!! They don't know your family and it is only a SUGGESTION. Most brides, including grooms are late to their own parties at times. Things happen! I was told the same thing. My wedding is starting at 11:30 and I put 11:15 on my invitations as well as a very early RSVP date. We will be playing music or having people sing as my guests arrive. Set the atmosphere before things even start.

That's just rude, no bones about it.

If I received your invitation I would be at your ceremony site no later than 11:00am. . . and then I'd be waiting around for another half hour for your ceremony to start, and just assume that the bride and groom couldn't get their shit together and be on time for their own wedding.

PrettyGirlLost

RebeccaFlower said:

yellowdaisies84 said:

My wedding co-ordinator suggested I show up 15 minutes after the time on the invitations. She was skeptical when I insisted that I wanted to start right on time to not keep people waiting. She told me to trust her, that people always show up a few minutes late and get settled. I told her I would probably arrive on time in the limo but I could sit in the limo and she could come let me know if everyone's ready for the ceremony to start. 

I was so uncomfortable with starting late and making people wait.

Somehow, somehow, it was impossible to get going on the wedding day- my photographer and 'entourage' kept insisting on a few more photos, everyone was taking so long, the limo arrived and was waiting and I couldn't get everyone organized and going and SOMEHOW I became one of those brides who is late to her own wedding! We started 30 MINUTES LATE! I am still so ashamed and embarrassed and bewildered by this but I have been reassured by our guests that nobody even noticed, everyone was chatting and comfortable and there was a refreshment bar right there that was open so some people were having a drink and apparently (hopefully!) nobody was annoyed by my lateness. Or showed it. 

My fiance laughed about it, he said he had a feeling I'd be late which is weird because I always talked to him about how I didn't like the idea of starting even 5 minutes late, it seemed so rude to me but apparently he always thought to himself that I'd probably be late whether I planned to be or not. 

Actually the most stressful part of the wedding was when we were in the limo and someone told me the time, I was so shocked about how late it was that I almost started crying! My mom/bridesmaids cheered me up!

I'm sorry this was your situation. I'm not going to lie, if I was your guest, I would have been pissed. So let this be a lesson to lurkers that you need to keep track of time!

Yep me too.  Because that would have meant that I was sitting around for about an hour, doing nothing but waiting for the B&G to show up.

sofakingmad

Hisprinc3ss said:

LoL. Don't take it so personal!!! They don't know your family and it is only a SUGGESTION. Most brides, including grooms are late to their own parties at times. Things happen! I was told the same thing. My wedding is starting at 11:30 and I put 11:15 on my invitations as well as a very early RSVP date. We will be playing music or having people sing as my guests arrive. Set the atmosphere before things even start.

So in essence, you are accommodating the slim possibility of a guest being late, but you are insulting those guests who actually show up on time?

 

yellowdaisies84

My husband was there mingling with the guests and there was music and drinks.That helps a bit, but still bad I know. But yeah, definitely not good that I didn't get there until 30 minutes late. Totally embarrassed about it! Bad! I want to emphasize that during my whole engagement whenever I saw anything on here about people starting their wedding late on purpose I would think "Oh I would never do that!" and I ended up totally doing it. Ack!

PrettyGirlLost

yellowdaisies84 said:

My husband was there mingling with the guests and there was music and drinks.That helps a bit, but still bad I know. But yeah, definitely not good that I didn't get there until 30 minutes late. Totally embarrassed about it! Bad! I want to emphasize that during my whole engagement whenever I saw anything on here about people starting their wedding late on purpose I would think "Oh I would never do that!" and I ended up totally doing it. Ack!

Oh, well sure!  If I was just sitting around in a church pew, staring into space, yeah I wouldn't have been waaay more annoyed.

Did your Husband and any of your guests think that you got cold feet and decided not to come? ;-)

yellowdaisies84

PrettyGirlLost, that is a thought that I think all the time to give myself comfort. They weren't just sitting quietly in a pew looking at their watch, so it's not so bad, right? Right? (Somewhat?) And I do have photos from that time that I was so nervous to see but I was surprised at what the scene looked like (that is how I saw that my husband was there mingling and laughing with them, which I didn't realize) and I also didn't know that people were standing up and talking in groups with drinks. In the limo on the way over, I was picturing everyone sitting, looking at their watches and furious. Plus it was pouring rain so I was imagining everyone was getting rained on. (Luckily, the patio was actually 100% covered, warm,  and strung up with white lights so when I got there I was relieved to see everyone dry and cozy.) We had a small wedding, only 50 people, so I think by now I have apologized to everyone when we talk about the wedding. Everyone acts like I don't need to worry about it but I can't help it. It almost feels like karma for me being a little judgy of the people who were planning to be late to their own weddings and then I ended up being one of them. And by a whole half hour! Again, so bad. That time right before the wedding went by like a blur. 

I believe that yes, there were some cold feet jokes made. lol. 

fionahalliwell

My cousin's wedding might have started a bit late--I didn't have a watch or my phone, and we were outdoors, so there wasn't a clock. But I think we probably started 5-7 minutes after the scheduled start time. We did have an excuse, though: the flower girl stepped on the hem of my sister's dress and tore it, which meant my mom needed to help her stitch it up, which meant my mom was late to the ketubah signing, which...yeah, just little things. That's the only time I was actually INVOLVED in a wedding. Otherwise, most weddings I've been to have been about 5 minutes off, which isn't ideal, but isn't the end of the universe. Anything longer than 10 minutes would bug me without a legitimate reason, and intentionally putting the wrong time would seriously frustrate me. 

HeatherKat

I'm currently fighting a losing battle on Brides FB page about this very subject. While surprisingly Brides got it right in their article, the comments section is an entirely different matter. 

*sigh*

Cookie Pusher

HeatherKat said:

I'm currently fighting a losing battle on Brides FB page about this very subject. While surprisingly Brides got it right in their article, the comments section is an entirely different matter. 

*sigh*

I saw that this morning! Ugh, I swear, these crazy people would be the first ones pitching a fit if they were left standing around waiting for a couple who was late/put the wrong time.

ScoutF

Hisprinc3ss said:

LoL. Don't take it so personal!!! They don't know your family and it is only a SUGGESTION. Most brides, including grooms are late to their own parties at times. Things happen! I was told the same thing. My wedding is starting at 11:30 and I put 11:15 on my invitations as well as a very early RSVP date. We will be playing music or having people sing as my guests arrive. Set the atmosphere before things even start.

How early will you be setting your atmosphere? If you put 11:15 on your invitations, chances are H and I would show up around 11. All of the 'atmosphere setting' in the world wouldn't be enough to keep us from getting pissed off about sitting there waiting for you to start. You shouldn't have lied to your guests. Treat them as the adults they are.

I'm not even going to address the early RSVP date. 

MaryGraceRich

We are having guests a half hour before start time but we are hosting champagne and fruit during that half hour. Is this still ok?

ScoutF

MaryGraceRich said:

We are having guests a half hour before start time but we are hosting champagne and fruit during that half hour. Is this still ok?

Why are you having them early?

PrettyGirlLost

MaryGraceRich said:

We are having guests a half hour before start time but we are hosting champagne and fruit during that half hour. Is this still ok?

I guess, but why are you having them early?

climbingsingle

Hisprinc3ss said:

LoL. Don't take it so personal!!! They don't know your family and it is only a SUGGESTION. Most brides, including grooms are late to their own parties at times. Things happen! I was told the same thing. My wedding is starting at 11:30 and I put 11:15 on my invitations as well as a very early RSVP date. We will be playing music or having people sing as my guests arrive. Set the atmosphere before things even start.

Wait, what? It's fucking rude to LIE to your guests about what time your wedding is starting. 

MaryGraceRich

I honestly didnt think about it when the venue coordinator suggested it. I did put arrivial at 6pm for a 630 ceremony so the guesta do know it doesnt start until 6:30. I didnt word it that way but it says 6:30 ceremony.