Fiance driving me nuts with etiquette issues for invites

melbenso

We sent out our invitations last Friday (yes, I know it's early, but our room block expires 8 weeks before the wedding - didn't realize that would be a problem when I signed the contract, figured more rude to not give guests room block option, etc, etc).

Since that time:
-Learned that FI didn't tell me that one of his friends is not truly single and is dating someone, but he didn't consider the relationship serious enough to include the guy on the invite.  (Made FI call said friend, apologize for our oversight, and let her know that her significant other was, of course invited.)
-FI spelled his godsister's husband's name wrong.  (Really should have had FMIL proof read his family invite list.)  Again, he gets to call and apologize.  This was the second misspelling on his guest list.  Fortunately, I caught the first one before invitations went out.
-FI's friend moved and he didn't update her address.  Fortunately, her mail is being forwarded, so she will still get the invite, but I still feel like a jerk.  And I'm annoyed because I managed to get the address of every one of my friends who moved since we made our original guest list.

And worst of all - FI learned that one of his high school friends and his wife are unable to attend because of a family vacation and suggested that we could invite someone else instead.  I am out of town for work and got this suggestion by text message.  I actually stepped out of my training to call him and tell him that under no circumstances were we inviting additional guests after we had sent out invitations because B-listing is incredibly rude.

I need a glass of wine.  Stat.

HisGirlFriday13

I can't GIF you wine because I am on mobile but have alllllllllllllll the wine. All the wine.

happywiggle

Does this work?

Edit: I forgot to comment -_-

AddieCake

Silly fiance!

MrsMarende

I have a total of 6 people of our 70 person list that are invited simply because FI decided to invite them by word of mouth before we discussed the guest list. I have had to cut out so many important people, and now I have 6 people of whom I have never met being invited. I feel your pain! 

jules3964

MrsMarende said:

I have a total of 6 people of our 70 person list that are invited simply because FI decided to invite them by word of mouth before we discussed the guest list. I have had to cut out so many important people, and now I have 6 people of whom I have never met being invited. I feel your pain! 

Oh yeah, my FI has done this too. And yes, I've needed wine afterwards.

hyechica81

my fi did the same thing but forgot to send the save the dates to them he was suposed to deliver them beacause he works with them during the fall and summer but he never got the chance to as in the fall he works his regular full time job and part time at the other job and his part time job was ending so he could come back in the summer and work it full time ( state job lots of crazy rules) so i don't think its even ok to send them a invite

happywiggle

hyechica81 said:

my fi did the same thing but forgot to send the save the dates to them he was suposed to deliver them beacause he works with them during the fall and summer but he never got the chance to as in the fall he works his regular full time job and part time at the other job and his part time job was ending so he could come back in the summer and work it full time ( state job lots of crazy rules) so i don't think its even ok to send them a invite

Why would you not send them an invite? Receiving a STD= invite, but not receiving a STD =/= no invite. Did I just read that run-on sentence wrong to have thought that when done reading?

jules3964

amrhodes23 said:

hyechica81 said:

my fi did the same thing but forgot to send the save the dates to them he was suposed to deliver them beacause he works with them during the fall and summer but he never got the chance to as in the fall he works his regular full time job and part time at the other job and his part time job was ending so he could come back in the summer and work it full time ( state job lots of crazy rules) so i don't think its even ok to send them a invite

Why would you not send them an invite? Receiving a STD= invite, but not receiving a STD =/= no invite. Did I just read that run-on sentence wrong to have thought that when done reading?

I thought the same thing. You can still give them an invite; save the dates are always optional and should really only be sent to VIPs (or those who must travel) anyway.

KGold80

Mine has told multiple people who aren't relatives "oh, go ahead and bring your kids if you want". When I asked him why he said that he thinks it is only fair since ours will be there. Yeah, I get that, but we are kind of limited on space and every extra person = money! We are obviously not having an adults-only wedding, but we can't invite everyone AND their kids. As it is, if every single person on our invite list comes, we are at max capacity for our ceremony space. I will not move it to another room at the hotel. Period. I fell in love with the space at first sight.

Did someone say they have wine?

TheGrimReaper

I'd be sure to call the friend that moved. All of our mail didn't forward as it was supposed to.  Sometimes, when it did, it took WEEKS.

CamiSelene

Yep. Definitely have been there! My FI didn't bother to get quite a few SO names and wrote them down as "and guest" on his list. Of course, I had corrected the ones that I had known had significant others and put the names on but for the ones that I did not know and had SO's, I made him call and apologize. I was so embarrassed!

Alikat9614

We were acquiring addresses before Christmas, and I had to keep harassing FI. Are they seeing anyone? What is his/her name? What is their LAST name, darling? Thank goodness for FB stalking...

Cookie Pusher

I made my FI find out names for all of SOs from his side of the guest list. We have a lot of mutual friends that I have no problem contacting, but I'm not about to start calling his coworkers and getting their info when he sees these people 40+ hours a week.

HisGirlFriday13

hyechica81 said:

my fi did the same thing but forgot to send the save the dates to them he was suposed to deliver them beacause he works with them during the fall and summer but he never got the chance to as in the fall he works his regular full time job and part time at the other job and his part time job was ending so he could come back in the summer and work it full time ( state job lots of crazy rules) so i don't think its even ok to send them a invite

Punctuation is your friend. PLEASE.

Also, I read that run-on sentence twice, and it still sounds to me like you're not giving people invites because you didn't give them STDates, and that makes zero sense to me.

Inkdancer

@hyechica81 I want to respond to your posts, but I can't read them. Please use punctuation.

I agree with others that you can invite them, even if they didn't get a Save the Date.

whitjoy

FI kinda did something similar for the bachelorette my MOH is planning. We hang out socially with a couple but I didn't have her on the invite list that I gave MOH. UNTIL FI asked the friend if she was excited about my bachelorette. UGH

grumbledore

I am ready to smack my FI when it comes to the guest list and mailings.  I have a spreadsheet with the guest list (which we've had for months already), columns for RSVP, how to address the outer and inner envelopes, mailing address, and notes.  I had to hilight (in hot pink) all the ones he needs to clarify/fix/contact because he just leaves things blank, leaves nicknames, etc.

One of his cousins has a SO who is currently listed as "Mike Whatshisface" I shit you not.  It's an uphill battle.  I've have my STDs addressed and ready to mail since Monday - he hasn't done any of his yet.  Oy.

KGold80

@grumbledore - can you FB stalk folks to get clarification on SO's names and what-not? I had to do that with a few people in order to get names, correct spellings, etc. What the hell did we all do before the interwebz?

TheGrimReaper

grumbledore said:

I am ready to smack my FI when it comes to the guest list and mailings.  I have a spreadsheet with the guest list (which we've had for months already), columns for RSVP, how to address the outer and inner envelopes, mailing address, and notes.  I had to hilight (in hot pink) all the ones he needs to clarify/fix/contact because he just leaves things blank, leaves nicknames, etc.

One of his cousins has a SO who is currently listed as "Mike Whatshisface" I shit you not.  It's an uphill battle.  I've have my STDs addressed and ready to mail since Monday - he hasn't done any of his yet.  Oy.

We have a cousin who has sort of had a falling otu with the family, but recently started talking to her parents again so we invited them to the wedding.  For the entire time, I had the name listed as "Cousin, Cousin's H, Kid1Name, Kid2Name, and "Other Kid LastName."  No idea what the youngest kid's name was, so I called him "Other Kid."  I eventually sent an invite to "Mr. and Mrs and Family" which was stupid in hindsight.

pinkshorts27

TheGrimReaper said:

grumbledore said:

I am ready to smack my FI when it comes to the guest list and mailings.  I have a spreadsheet with the guest list (which we've had for months already), columns for RSVP, how to address the outer and inner envelopes, mailing address, and notes.  I had to hilight (in hot pink) all the ones he needs to clarify/fix/contact because he just leaves things blank, leaves nicknames, etc.

One of his cousins has a SO who is currently listed as "Mike Whatshisface" I shit you not.  It's an uphill battle.  I've have my STDs addressed and ready to mail since Monday - he hasn't done any of his yet.  Oy.

We have a cousin who has sort of had a falling otu with the family, but recently started talking to her parents again so we invited them to the wedding.  For the entire time, I had the name listed as "Cousin, Cousin's H, Kid1Name, Kid2Name, and "Other Kid LastName."  No idea what the youngest kid's name was, so I called him "Other Kid."  I eventually sent an invite to "Mr. and Mrs and Family" which was stupid in hindsight.

I had a few of those. I gave up with FI getting the info and there was no way in hell this was the only cousin not getting an invite. So I contacted cousin's mother via facebook (who I've never met) to get the info. 

afaber24

My fiance told all his brothers friends that we couldn't invite them to the wedding, but they could come after dinner at the reception for drinks and dancing.....Nooo!!! First of all....rude. Secondly we're doing an all inclusive package, so we can't pay for extra open bar with no dinners. Third.....they're his brothers teammates from his college basketball team. The venue will certainly notice if we suddenly have an additional 8 guys who are all over 6 ft 5 in. 

I told him we could put some of them on the guest list if his brother could give us the 3-4 he's closest with. Brother said he didn't want to choose, so we didn't need to invite any of them. Fiance let them know and I don't think there were any hard feelings.

That's been his only faux pas, otherwise he's got really great etiquette skills!

TheGrimReaper

blueeyes90 said:

TheGrimReaper said:

grumbledore said:

I am ready to smack my FI when it comes to the guest list and mailings.  I have a spreadsheet with the guest list (which we've had for months already), columns for RSVP, how to address the outer and inner envelopes, mailing address, and notes.  I had to hilight (in hot pink) all the ones he needs to clarify/fix/contact because he just leaves things blank, leaves nicknames, etc.

One of his cousins has a SO who is currently listed as "Mike Whatshisface" I shit you not.  It's an uphill battle.  I've have my STDs addressed and ready to mail since Monday - he hasn't done any of his yet.  Oy.

We have a cousin who has sort of had a falling otu with the family, but recently started talking to her parents again so we invited them to the wedding.  For the entire time, I had the name listed as "Cousin, Cousin's H, Kid1Name, Kid2Name, and "Other Kid LastName."  No idea what the youngest kid's name was, so I called him "Other Kid."  I eventually sent an invite to "Mr. and Mrs and Family" which was stupid in hindsight.

I had a few of those. I gave up with FI getting the info and there was no way in hell this was the only cousin not getting an invite. So I contacted cousin's mother via facebook (who I've never met) to get the info. 

Yeah I felt bad about not figuring out the kid's name until they left 5 minutes after dinner and her husband didn't even bother to say goodbye or even wave in my direction before they walked out the door.

grumbledore

KGold80 said:

@grumbledore - can you FB stalk folks to get clarification on SO's names and what-not? I had to do that with a few people in order to get names, correct spellings, etc. What the hell did we all do before the interwebz?

Yeah but it's the principle of it, I asked him to do it, he has time, he should do it.  If he doesn't get it together by tomorrow I will step in.  Somehow I managed to get all of mine without anyone having to tell me 10 times to do it...

Some of them are family members of his without FB so that won't work there.

grumbledore

Even his friends were listed by nicknames, no last name, SO's first name but no last name...  He's killing me with this.  I think he thinks it's not a big deal, but it's important to me (obviously for those of you familiar with me on TK lol) to make a good impression.

APDSS22

grumbledore said:

Even his friends were listed by nicknames, no last name, SO's first name but no last name...  He's killing me with this.  I think he thinks it's not a big deal, but it's important to me (obviously for those of you familiar with me on TK lol) to make a good impression.

I got a similar run-around from my guy.  I ended up telling my now-husband if he didn't get me the correct and complete information, those people would not get invites.  And if any of them were to ask me where their invite was, I would direct them to him to explain.  I wasn't kidding.  We ended up chopping off 2 friends from his side of the list because he couldn't be bothered to call them/FB message them for their addresses.  (We hadn't talked about the wedding to them specifically so it was just a matter of paring down the guest list, not uninviting people.)

theartistformerlyknownas

Maaaaan oh man, so much this. 

"Honey, you just wrote Steve. Is it really Steve, or Steven, or Stephen?" "I don't know." 

"Honey, you just put this guy alone... but didn't he get married last year? What's his wife's name?" "I don't know." 

"Honey, didn't your cousin Chris bring someone to Christmas last year? Are they still together? We need to invite her." "I don't know."

"Honey, if Sam is coming in from Chicago we should let her bring a date if she wants to." "No way, she's fine." "Yes way."

...plus at least 2 people's names misspelled, and I had to WhitePages at least a dozen addresses. I did make him text some people to ask what their wives names were. 

Good thing I am in control of the spreadsheet. I just wish he'd get back on Facebook so he could cyberstalk these people instead of me! At least he does all the dishes.

HisGirlFriday13

TheFutureMrsRohlman22 said:

grumbledore said:

Even his friends were listed by nicknames, no last name, SO's first name but no last name...  He's killing me with this.  I think he thinks it's not a big deal, but it's important to me (obviously for those of you familiar with me on TK lol) to make a good impression.

I got a similar run-around from my guy.  I ended up telling my now-husband if he didn't get me the correct and complete information, those people would not get invites.  And if any of them were to ask me where their invite was, I would direct them to him to explain.  I wasn't kidding.  We ended up chopping off 2 friends from his side of the list because he couldn't be bothered to call them/FB message them for their addresses.  (We hadn't talked about the wedding to them specifically so it was just a matter of paring down the guest list, not uninviting people.)

I did that with DH, too. He *INSISTED* that so-and-so and so-and-so and whatshisnuts and whatsherface all just freaking HAD to be invited.

And then he couldn't be bothered to find out full names, or addresses, or relationship statuses. They didn't get STDates for that reason, and then when invite time came, they didn't get those, either, because he wouldn't freaking ask. I don't GET it. I really don't.

APDSS22

HisGirlFriday13 said:

TheFutureMrsRohlman22 said:

grumbledore said:

Even his friends were listed by nicknames, no last name, SO's first name but no last name...  He's killing me with this.  I think he thinks it's not a big deal, but it's important to me (obviously for those of you familiar with me on TK lol) to make a good impression.

I got a similar run-around from my guy.  I ended up telling my now-husband if he didn't get me the correct and complete information, those people would not get invites.  And if any of them were to ask me where their invite was, I would direct them to him to explain.  I wasn't kidding.  We ended up chopping off 2 friends from his side of the list because he couldn't be bothered to call them/FB message them for their addresses.  (We hadn't talked about the wedding to them specifically so it was just a matter of paring down the guest list, not uninviting people.)

I did that with DH, too. He *INSISTED* that so-and-so and so-and-so and whatshisnuts and whatsherface all just freaking HAD to be invited.

And then he couldn't be bothered to find out full names, or addresses, or relationship statuses. They didn't get STDates for that reason, and then when invite time came, they didn't get those, either, because he wouldn't freaking ask. I don't GET it. I really don't.

I figure if he had really wanted those people to get invitations, he would've gotten the information for me.  And bonus points, we had more money out of the wedding budget left over from not having to pay for them to eat!

abbyj700

Luckily for me I did a lot of investigation on my own. I did facebook, whitepages, you name it. I made the list, he added a few people and got about 5 addresses for me that I couldn't find on-line. Those 5 addresses took some poking and prodding for a few weeks - but he came through. Out of 120 person guest list - we are missing one address for our STD - his DAD! *facepalm*

pinkshorts27

TheFutureMrsRohlman22 said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

TheFutureMrsRohlman22 said:

grumbledore said:

Even his friends were listed by nicknames, no last name, SO's first name but no last name...  He's killing me with this.  I think he thinks it's not a big deal, but it's important to me (obviously for those of you familiar with me on TK lol) to make a good impression.

I got a similar run-around from my guy.  I ended up telling my now-husband if he didn't get me the correct and complete information, those people would not get invites.  And if any of them were to ask me where their invite was, I would direct them to him to explain.  I wasn't kidding.  We ended up chopping off 2 friends from his side of the list because he couldn't be bothered to call them/FB message them for their addresses.  (We hadn't talked about the wedding to them specifically so it was just a matter of paring down the guest list, not uninviting people.)

I did that with DH, too. He *INSISTED* that so-and-so and so-and-so and whatshisnuts and whatsherface all just freaking HAD to be invited.

And then he couldn't be bothered to find out full names, or addresses, or relationship statuses. They didn't get STDates for that reason, and then when invite time came, they didn't get those, either, because he wouldn't freaking ask. I don't GET it. I really don't.

I figure if he had really wanted those people to get invitations, he would've gotten the information for me.  And bonus points, we had more money out of the wedding budget left over from not having to pay for them to eat!

I knew FI would regret it, so I wasn't going to let that happen. He does so much for me, so it was worth it to hunt everyone down for him. We trade-off what we are good at. He isn't great with that kind of stuff and that is okay with me. 

(Plus, he is working harder than me at school right now, so totally worth it to just get it done and not let him stress)