small ceremony/ big reception help!!

LStein226

We would like to have a small ceramony but celebrate with a large reception. how do you do this without hurting any family members feelings? 

Avion22

You don't.  It's pretty rude to invite people to the reception who aren't allowed to see you get married (it's kind of gift-grabby).

It's a little more acceptable if you are having a REALLY small (read: siblings and parents only) private ceremony, or if you are doing a DW and having an at-home recpetion for people who were invited to the destination but couldn't attend.

Is there a reason you don't want people to see you get married?   

ootmother2

If your wedding is really intimate, say less than 15 out of 150, I think you can do it.  But why?


There have been brides wanting only immediate family, no large bridal party, who have done this.  I just don't get it.

So 'splain please

[Deleted User]

I am having a similar thing but have a unique circumstance my ceremony is open to anyone. My cocktail hour and dinner are for a small group 60 these are my out of town guests, family and closest friends. We are having an addition 150 - 200 people for the reception with some food being served at around 11pm.
However my wedding date is on a wednesday, I live on a small island where most of my guest would be late or not making it for dinner anyways.

RebeccaB88

I'd be kinda offended to only be included in the reception, not the ceremony.  The ceremony is the important part.  Offended enough to probably decline the invitation. 

AdeleDazeem

We did this.  We had a teeny ceremony of 12 with a larger reception of 125.

I can't answer for the OP, but I can offer my own explanation as to why.  I feel the ceremony is a private matter between myself, my husband, and our immediate families that will be directly affected by our marriage.  I'm gaining a husband, but my sister is gaining a brother in law and my parents are getting a son in law.  I didn't feel such a personal moment should be on display for 125 pairs of eyes.

Personally, I could have skipped the larger reception, however our parents and friends wanted to celebrate.  So we did.  An invitation is not a subpeona and they were free to decline (and I was prepared for it), but we had an overwhelmingly positive response rate.

As long as the ceremony is truly private (<20 people) and the ceremony is much larger ( />100) people, she's not breaking etiquette.  People may not like it and the OP should be understanding, but there's no other impediment to her doing it.

LStein226

Thank you for the advice.  We are doing it for the same reason as you. We would like it to be intimate and special. The ceremony would only be our parents and siblings. and the reception would be for more than 100 people.  We are not sold on this yet, but the ceremony is very special for us. We are ready for people to be upset but if they understand why, they might understand. Thank you Joy for understanding.

ootmother2

Gotcha!


Seems good enough reason & numbers to me.  GL!

ootmother2

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_ceremony-ideas_small-ceremony-big-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:10Discussion:3cf7afaf-7bb7-4894-bc69-bf97c6affeb9Post:18c7563e-6105-4997-be53-e5378a331f2a">Re: small ceremony/ big reception help!!</a>:
[QUOTE]It is acceptable to have a very small ceremony, and a large reception the same day .  (Why would you want to do this?)   If you decide to do this, you must deal with your unhappy guests yourself.  It is not against etiquette, but many people just don't like it.
Posted by CMGr[/QUOTE]

I believe you missed the fact that she lives in Belize, Mexico.  That could take some doing.  I think it's okay give those circumstances.  Not every place has the accomodations that we have in the US mainland

ootmother2

hmm, I probablyy should have checked my geography on that one.  I know it's at the end of the Yucatan  Pensula, just above Honduras.  Perhaps it is an independent state.  I just go to Honduras, mainly Roatan for diving and  I know that Belize also has a huge following of divers as well

jashleya

Belize is a country in Central America bordered by Guatemala, Mexico, and the Carribean Sea.  The country is composed of the mainland and ~60 islands off the coast.  Belize has the second longest barrier reef in the world.  

lizcoffeyart

My FI and me feel the same way. We truly want our ceremony to be just us, our parents, and our siblings, plus our best friends. So that everyone can hear our voices without amplification and can be people who will truly remember what we say and remind us of it if we need that down the road.

However, my dad was one of over a dozen children, and the youngest, so as soon as I invite only aunts/uncles and grandparents I would have added nearly 30 people not including cousins whom I know better or my FI's side of the family or our other close friends. We'd love for all of these people to celebrate with us, to have a party (reception) celebrating our love for each other and for them but there is no way to have them all at our ceremony and still have it be small and intimate. But, all of our immediate family members keep telling us how rude and against etiquette this is. It might the thing we both want the most for our wedding day, but we'll probably conform so that people aren't offended.

So, I feel for you. Good luck with everything and let us know what you decide!

LStein226

I will let you know what we decide.  I do feel for you too but remember, it is your day and you should be happy and feel comfortable.  I realize if we decide to do this, there will be hurt feels and we are prepared for this. But, they have to remember it is what the bride and groom want.  Let us know what you do. I am curious how it works out and how you write out invitations! (that's a whole different problem!)

Steeniegrill

I am having a small ceremony with a larger reception directly following (same building). 

When I think about our wedding ceremony, it is such a personal and special event between me and my fiance.  It's about us.  Of course I want our family and (very) close friends to share that moment with us.  I just feel like a line has to be drawn somewhere.  Do I want people I haven't seen in years watching me get married?  Along with the date that they bring?  Not really.  Do I want to celebrate after our ceremony with food, drinks, dancing, mingling, etc. with them?  Absolutely!  I guess the ceremony and reception are just two completely different events in my mind. 

Also, we've recieved invitations before to just the reception not the ceremony, and I never even think to be upset about that.  I just think "Oh they are having an earlier, intimate reception and I get to come celebrate with them later."

As for the invitations, we will be sending two different ones out.  One an ivitation to the ceremony "reception to follow"  and one an invitation to the celebration of our marriage!

bsims726

Steeniegrill, we're planning to do the same (our reception is right across the street from the church). My mom is against it and thinks it's rude to others who aren't invited to the ceremony. She's too concerned that they'd be offended. I however think that the "offended" people should just be grateful that they got an invite to any part of the event period (not to seem full of myself or my wedding). She also thinks it's ridiculous to have 2 different invitations. I just chock it up to she's old-fashioned and I'm from the more modern generation. I agree that a ceremony should be a personal event between close family and friends not a show for people I barely see/speak to (Disclaimer: I'm not knocking brides who have large ceremonies-----that is just fine if they feel comfortable about it and are not pressured into it). Anyways, I'm pretty sure some people may feel a little offended (there's always gotta be 1) but what are they gonna do? Not attend as a grand protest statement? Grab a mic during the reception and announce their feelings? Cut you out of their life? Nothing we can do but have the wedding, the way we want, and be happy to be marrying the men of our dreams.

lizcoffeyart

I'm so glad that I'm not alone. Everyone I talked to in person seemed to think this was ridiculous without eloping. I'll let you know once I figure things out, too!

smbellor

I have a lot of similar concerns and also different. This is my 2nd marriage and his first, so I am not into the HUGE/formal wedding again but I don't want him and his family to miss out on the "wedding", yet finances are key issues.  I am from MA he is from RI and many family memebrs won't travel for the day many are in their 60's and 70's.  So we are thinking either go away with our best friends and adult kids and get married then have a celebration in each family hometown area later. Its not about the gifts, we and the families want everyone to enjoy the celebration, marriage and happiness.  So, questions and concerns are: locations, how formal or informal, #'s invited, who travels where if at all, whats expected of us as the couple? Is this a norm with 40 yo+ weddings and older family members?