Wedding 911

Cousin getting married the same day as us!

Hello everyone, I'm not on here much so no one knows me, but I appreciate the chance to vent.

So, after lots of changing out minds about everything from the date of our wedding to the location, we finally settled on a date and booked a ceremony site. After all was said and done, we find out my cousin booked his wedding the same day.

I was upset for a few days, mostly because I hated putting my family through having to pick which wedding to go to and skip another. I knew I'd lose at least 1 set of grandparents because of it, but eventually I got over it, after many tears.

So I sent a Save-the-Date out (our wedding is in October) and the only person who said anything about it was my own sister! She basically accused me of stealing their day. She said they had that date reserved for over year, even though no one else in the family knew about it or they would have told me. We had been saying for over a month we were going to pick that date, and it just happens to already be our dating anniversary, which is why we picked it. She then said "it just makes it hard for the rest of us" like she has to choose between her own sister and a cousin that lives in another state....

Anyway, some time goes by without anyone talking about it, then the other day my mom came over to visit us and our 1-year old son. She was pressing and pressing and pressing us to elope! We said we already had the venue booked and sent out S-T-D's and she said she would pay us back for whatever we lose. We said WE DON'T WANT TO ELOPE, we want a beach wedding, which is what we booked, plus, I think it's more important for our son to see his parents get married! Why isn't anyone pushing them to elope? And shouldn't my mom be excited about her daughter's wedding? (I am the only sibling to be married!)

So that's my vent. I just feel like my wedding is no longer something to be exciting about, or look forward to. Like it's going to be this big issue until it's over, and the family is all torn up and throwing fits about it now. We already are planning to skip out on Easter because we just don't feel like being around anyone right now and hearing about what a mess it is. Thanks for reading.

Re: Cousin getting married the same day as us!

  • princessleia22princessleia22 Oceanfront Property in Arizona
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    member

    It sounds like you have 2 choices:

    1) Keep the date and just deal with whatever fallout occurs. Tell people you have several reasons for picking that date, you didn't know about cousins wedding date when you booked yours, and unfortunately you are unable to change it. Yes, there will be some people that can't/won't attend your wedding. Yes, some people will be upset about having to choose. But, that doesn't mean you can't enjoy your day. For the people that get upset, just tell them you understand their frustration and you won't have any hard feelings if they are unable to attend your wedding.

    2) See if your venue will let you change the date. If the shared date is the reason for your mom wanting you to elope, she already offered to pay any lost costs for you to elope, she may offer to pay any money lost from changing date, if venue even charges you anything. You wouldn't be the first person to change a wedding date and send out new STD's.

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  • Well it sounds like you spoke to your VIPs about the date beforehand, and so did your cousin. Clearly your VIP lists don't overlap or someone would have put two and two together and told you "hey, cousin has that date already." I think you should just bean dip anyone giving you grief about it go ahead with your plans with whomever decides they can make it, and remember every year to wish your cousin a happy anniversary.

    I will say though... the reasoning of your dating anniversary or your son seeing his parents get married aren't REALLY terrific reasons to get upset or particularly necessary excuses. Your son won't remember your wedding. He's just too young. And in the grand scheme of things, there will be far more important dates in your life than your dating anniversary so it wouldn't really be the end of the world to not get married that day. Those will be easy reasons for people to pick apart. But... you don't NEED those reasons. You confirmed with your VIPs, nobody voiced conflicts, and you booked your venue. End of story. You could look into date change options as suggested above, but you don't need to. Just stick to those as your reasons and don't participate in further conversation or debate about it. Try to enjoy the planning!

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    chibiyuiKittyKaty20OliveOilsMom
  • It's too late now, but I think if I knew my cousin was engaged I might have asked them if they had a date planned before setting mine. Better safe than sorry.  But really, listen to @nicoann
    chibiyui
  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    member
    That does suck but I do have one optimistic point: Less people=less people to pay for dinner/drinks

    That's one thing at least
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    KittyKaty20
  • I disagree with PPs. It doesn't sound like you cleared the date with your VIPs first.

    I'd probably change the date, if it were me, to prevent my family from having to choose.

    Also, no offence, but your son is far too young to remember seeing in his parents get married.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
    chibiyuibananasplit472001ktjanesmom
  • If you have the option to change the date, I would do that and send out new STDs. They're not that expensive. Clearly some wires got crossed somewhere that resulted in the double booked dates. Some people are going to be pissed over having to choose. Period.

    I agree with Hisgirlfriday13, your kid is not going to remember your wedding at this age, so that shouldn't really be used as an argument.
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    chibiyui
  • misscorri said:
    Hello everyone, I'm not on here much so no one knows me, but I appreciate the chance to vent.

    So, after lots of changing out minds about everything from the date of our wedding to the location, we finally settled on a date and booked a ceremony site. After all was said and done, we find out my cousin booked his wedding the same day.

    I was upset for a few days, mostly because I hated putting my family through having to pick which wedding to go to and skip another. I knew I'd lose at least 1 set of grandparents because of it, but eventually I got over it, after many tears.

    So I sent a Save-the-Date out (our wedding is in October) and the only person who said anything about it was my own sister! She basically accused me of stealing their day. She said they had that date reserved for over year, even though no one else in the family knew about it or they would have told me. We had been saying for over a month we were going to pick that date, and it just happens to already be our dating anniversary, which is why we picked it. She then said "it just makes it hard for the rest of us" like she has to choose between her own sister and a cousin that lives in another state....

    Anyway, some time goes by without anyone talking about it, then the other day my mom came over to visit us and our 1-year old son. She was pressing and pressing and pressing us to elope! We said we already had the venue booked and sent out S-T-D's and she said she would pay us back for whatever we lose. We said WE DON'T WANT TO ELOPE, we want a beach wedding, which is what we booked, plus, I think it's more important for our son to see his parents get married! Why isn't anyone pushing them to elope? And shouldn't my mom be excited about her daughter's wedding? (I am the only sibling to be married!)

    So that's my vent. I just feel like my wedding is no longer something to be exciting about, or look forward to. Like it's going to be this big issue until it's over, and the family is all torn up and throwing fits about it now. We already are planning to skip out on Easter because we just don't feel like being around anyone right now and hearing about what a mess it is. Thanks for reading.
    Most venue's in my area let you change the date at no extra cost to you.  I would change your wedding date, actually I would have done it already.  Having close family members chose between two once in a life time events is to me a little rude.  If it were a distant cousin then I would say forget about and keep your date.  But to make your grandparents chose which grandchild's wedding to go to is a little extreme for me.  One of you has to concede in this situation as wedding are family events.  I think that initially there was a miscommunication and they should have told you about their date shortly after they booked it. 
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  • I was third of four women engaged on my dad's side of the family. When the fourth got engaged, and no one had shared their plans, I started a private FB message with the other three and said: "How lucky we all are to have found the loves of our lives! I don't know what your plans are, but we really want to invite the extended families to our wedding, and wouldn't want to pick a date that conflicts. We are thinking of early May 2014..." They all agreed how awesome it was to have so much love/wedding in the air, and their month/year for weddings. No conflicts, yay!

    Agree with HFG and others that your son will in no way remember his parent's getting married-unless your date is sometime after he turns 3 years old. I would try to switch if your mother is offering to help, but if you really don't care about having no-shows, then it doesn't matter.

     

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  • can you switch your date i find it odd that cousins mom dad did not say anything to you about the date

    i would find a way to change it see if the venue has any open dates left in that month
  • I would change the date. Peace in a family is worth far more than the price of save the dates. Your family will appreciate that you were gracious about the situation.
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    It sounds like your cousin had his date finalised (even if they hadn't sent out STD) and you didn't check with your VIPs before booking.

    I think for the sake of preventing family drama, you should change your date. 
  • Do you WANT to have the same date as them? I picked a date that no one else in our families/circle of friends was getting married or had been married around because I didn't want to do what they had done already or cause conflict with anniversaries, etc. It's unfortunate you didn't know their date in advance, but if you knew they were getting married in the same year as you it may have been a good idea to find out before choosing your date. I would just change the date if I were you (reluctantly) and make sure your wedding concepts differ greatly. But that's just me.
  • I'd change the date. I couldn't stand making my family be torn between two weddings. If having your wedding on that date is more important to you than keeping your family whole and happy, I guess stick with the date- but splitting them apart and upsetting everyone seems unnecessary.
  • I'm really surprised your cousin didn't share the news with the family, especially if they've known for a YEAR.  My FI and I have a long engagement, but we still told everyone our date in our family as soon as we booked, because we wanted to avoid this situation.  That's really bad on their part, and they had to expect something like this could happen.  

    If you want to keep the date, keep it.  People may have to choose, but it's not your fault, you talked about it with your VIPs before booking, they didn't.  Or if your VIP lists didn't cross, at least you'll know your VIPs will come to yours.  

    Also, it sounds like someone or some people are pressuring your mom to make you change your date.  But, at the end of the day, your mom will go to YOUR wedding and not your cousin's.  Same with your sister.  

  • It's too late now, but I think if I knew my cousin was engaged I might have asked them if they had a date planned before setting mine. Better safe than sorry.  But really, listen to @nicoann

    This. I had several cousins and close relatives of VIPs engaged. I asked ALL of them directly before choosing our date.
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