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September 2014 Weddings

:( My Fiance' wants nothing to do with the wedding planning...

Wedding in 6 months, we have reserved a venue, photographer and DJ. Or I should say I HAVE. I did all the leg work for it he helped with like 1 phone call. BM dresses have been picked out. I found a shirt at Khol's today I would like the groomsmen to wear, but IDK who the groomsmen are!!!! Fi says he just wants to show up and get married, doesn't want to help with the planning and IDK at all what I'm doing!!! I came to the knot boards hoping to find some help and guidance cus I don't really have anyone in my life to help with this. People have said "oh if you need help with anything..." but i don't even know what to ask them for help with...
Fi had an amazing idea for decorations he was going to make but now IDK if he still wants to do that. Also its a destination wedding, we've never been to the venue or met any of the vendors in person. I'm so close to calling the whole thing off no one has been supportive of this from day 1 and we don't even have all the $ for stuff.Fi is more concerned about getting a house, he wants to go to Vegas, but i really want my family there and they are FINALLY on board with the beach.
I just feel so lost and alone in this and i'm tired of people asking questions I don't have answers to.

Any advice would be much appreciated.

Re: :( My Fiance' wants nothing to do with the wedding planning...

  • HH2BeHH2Be member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Sorry to hear your FI isn't being helpful.  I will say, I did all the research on the vendors and made all the necessary phone calls.  He did accompany me to the meetings, all except the florist.  He's hung up on the idea our flowers should come from Sam's Club because that's where his best friend got his.  I vetoed that... they didn't use a lot of flowers & flowers are my thing.  The most frustrating thing was that after I had phone interviews with potential DJs, decided on one & sent a deposit, he suddenly had an opinion.. I was like too late.

    My FI's whole approach has been, when I have an opinion, I'll give it.  I was considering putting the guys in charcoal gray, at that point he said, "I don't look so good in gray".  So he's wearing black & the guys are wearing gray.  Oh yeah, on the topic of GM, I'm in the same boat... we know who they are, except he hasn't officially asked them yet!!  His thought, we have 5 months.  It is driving me nuts!!!!!

    I'm waiting for him to give me an answer if he will accompany me to meet with the baker to select our cake.  I know he could probably care less about how it looks, but I'd like to choose something we both like taste wise.  That meeting isn't until the end of the month, so he told me he has plenty of time to give me an answer.

    Try to hang in there....What about your bridal party??  You could always ask them for help with things.  My mom & one of my BM came with me to the florist.  If FI doesn't go with me for cake, my mom will.  I asked my BM for help setting up the invites, but they were all busy the day I picked, so mom will help.  FI said he'd help too, so whatever mom & I don't get done with the invites, I'll ask him to help.  My BM are also going to help make the favors this summer.

    As for your FI having decoration ideas... bring it up to him.  Tell him you think his ideas were amazing and you think May/June would be a good time to get started on making them.  Ask what supplies he needs, so you can pick them up.

    If you are looking for a house too, that is stressful, I couldn't imagine trying to plan a wedding at the same time.  FI did the house hunting last year, before we were engaged.  I'm so happy to have an amazing house, and as a result, we are planning on a budget for the wedding.  It is stressful, but I remind myself, the house is for a lifetime, the wedding is a day.  Have a serious convo with FI, if finding a house is more of a priority for you both, perhaps pushing the wedding back until you have the house is the way to go.
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  • Thanks HH!!! 
  • If you two are the ones paying for your wedding (which is most often the case) you are really the only two people responsible for planning it. I wouldn't count on other people to step in - it's not their job.

    You can't really blame him for wanting to focus his attention on a house... I would just continue to try to talk to him and find a happy middle ground that you can both live with and pay for. Maybe he is backing off from things because he doesn't think they're necessary or a good use of money, and he may be completely right, especially since you say you don't have the money for the things you've planned. He gets an equal say so please just try not to shrug off his thoughts as "not wanting to help." You can have an amazing wedding with those closest to you on a small budget and both come out of it happy. The folks on the Budget and DIY boards have awesome advice.

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  • It's the same situation here - I've picked out everything from flowers to our song. FI is very, very laid back and I knew going into this that he could GAF less about whether my BM dresses were wisteria or plum. Anything I ask, he says, "Whatever you want to do." I don't take it as not being important to him. We've been together almost eight years. If he wanted to give me his opinion, he'd give it to me. I think he's just trying to give me as much room as I need to plan because he knows that I've been planning this in my head for...ever...and that I don't necessarily want his input because he wants to do "men" things...like skip the candy bar display and just hand out bags of candy, like it's Halloween, or have people cut their own cake.

    If he has legitimate thoughts, then sure, throw them in there and try to make them work. I mean, it is his wedding too. If he's not offering you any input, then do what you want. 
  • I must be super lucky; for the most part, my FI has been right beside me. There have been things that do not mean as much to him (BM dresses, flowers) but he has helped me with venue, caterer, registering, bridal show, photographer, dj, decorations, cake flavors, even colors. i dont think i would feel very comfortable planning a wedding if he wasn't a part of the process. once in a while i will hear him say, 'whatever you want', but most of the time, it is about something insignificant (how many rhinestones should i put on each mirror?).

    i wish you ladies best of luck; i dont think i could do it alone.
    Alikat9614smgold6
  • my FI wants this wedding and he is helping plan at all 
    so dont feel bad...i think most of them are like that 
    "Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History" ~Laurel Thatcher Ulrich~
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