How do I respond to this invitation?

MollyandD

I got an invitation in the mail yesterday from one of my closest friend's brother. I spent so much of my life around this friend's family, and I really want to go to her brother's wedding. For a while, I considered him a good friend too. We never had a falling out or anything, we just don't see each other much anymore. The invitation had many etiquette mistakes. It states that the attire is formal, though the invitation is anything other than formal. Registries for amazon and the honey moon are listed. I can overlook all that, but what is really bothering me is that my fiancé is not included on the invitation. I know my friend's brother is well aware that I am engaged, and he knows my fiancé's name. His future wife may not know his name, but I'm fairly sure she at least knows I have one. Now, maybe it is an accident. This "formal" invitation didn't even have my whole name. It was addressed to "Molly." That's all. No "Miss Molly Lastname." Just "Molly." I know BOTH of them know my last name. I've known the future bride and groom since I was 13. They've been to my home, I've been to theirs. Even though we aren't close anymore, they know my flipping name. ———————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————— " I will not go to this wedding without my fiancé, so if the invitation at least included him, I'd let the rest of this go. I happened to have plans with my close friend yesterday, and I mentioned the invitation to her. I told her I am not sure if I will go, since I won't leave my wonderful fiancé behind. She said she thinks it's a mistake, and she said that the bride and groom both think most people will bring a guest. I'm guessing that they aren't trying to have poor etiquette, but that they just don't know better since they seem to expect rudeness from their guests too. My friend said that they have been making many mistakes, and she doubts she will even be given an invitation. She's family, so they are expecting it to be enough that they just tell her the information. My friend did offer to ask them if they meant to invite my fiancé, since proper invitations don't seem to be their strong point. I told her I'd think about it, but I don't want to be rude by asking to bring someone. I really do want to be there, in spite if the bad invitation. I just know I will not go if my fiancé is not invited too. What would you do in this situation? Would you take a friend's offer, and let her talk to her brother about it?

MollyandD

I can't separate paragraphs on the iPad for some reason. The lines in the middle are my attempt to make a paragraph break.

Jen4948

Sadly, I would assume that your FI is not invited and decline accordingly.  In spite of all the etiquette errors the couple seem to be making, you don't want to make one of your own.

Not too long ago I declined an invitation sent only to me by this guy I used to babysit for that did not include my semi-FI (we talk about getting married, so I guess that makes us "engaged," but neither of us has actually proposed to the other) or an "and guest" since they haven't personally met each other.  I did make an inquiry to find out if the invitation was only to me, but did not ask if I could bring someone.  I think that's where the line is between polite inquiries and impolite ones.

MollyandD

Good point. I don't want to rudely ask to bring anyone. I am just stumped because my friend mentioned that her brother and his fiancé said that they assumed people would bring someone. I'll probably decline, but I'll give it the weekend. I'm betting this same thing happened to other people, so maybe someone else will mention this mistake. I have until the first of May to respond. You're right though, I'll probably be declining.

AddieCake

Just call and ask if he is invited. If he isn't, decline the invitation. 

letsplaytag

I would get your friend to ask. That way they don't have to be in the awkward position of telling you no, and you can both go if they did indeed intend to invite him.

MollyandD

My friend mentioned it without me asking. Her brother apologized and said he meant to invite both of us.

grumbledore

If you are close with the bride and groom, I would call and ask if your FI is included on your invitation.  If he's not, then RSVP no.  If he is, then maybe go, but prepare for a shitshow.  They won't have any idea how many people are coming - how will they know how much food and drink and seating they need?

grumbledore

Molly&Domenic said:

Good point. I don't want to rudely ask to bring anyone. I am just stumped because my friend mentioned that her brother and his fiancé said that they assumed people would bring someone. I'll probably decline, but I'll give it the weekend. I'm betting this same thing happened to other people, so maybe someone else will mention this mistake. I have until the first of May to respond. You're right though, I'll probably be declining.

Lucky for you, since he's your FI and should have been invited in the first place, you wouldn't be rude to ask.  But it sounds like it was sorted in your last post.