On the topic of being asked when you are having kids

CrazyCatLady3

Here's an interesting article in WSJ about grandparents' "biological clocks."  I read it and was kind of annoyed.  Shouldn't the grandparents' desire to have experiences with children been taken care of when they had their own children?  And no one has a "right" to grandchildren.  

http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB10001424052702303775504579395501172676002

larrygaga

They can just adopt their own grandchild

afox007

I'd love to say the grandparent "biological clock" shuts up when they finally have grandkids, but FMIL nags me every time she sees me about when we're gonna give her grandkids. Last time I was so over it that I just silently walked inside and brought FSS out and told her "congratulations your a grandma".

jenna8984

I read the whole thing and was pissed off by it too.

You want the fun times with youngsters but none of the responsibilities? Go volunteer at the Boys & Girls club then. I understand longing for that connection, and when you gave birth you likely imagined that these kids would grow up and give birth. But news flash, life doesn't go as you plan it. Not many people get everything they want to work out exactly like they want. So if that hand doesn't unfold for you in your 50's or 60's (or ever) get over it. "Oh I feel left out because my friends have grandkids" Well you know what bitch, I am 29 and I feel left out that all my friends have big family Christmas parties and I don't because my parents decided to ditch me and retire south and never visit. But I can't change that and I find other things to do on holidays (like have my best friend over).

My parents suck at a lot of things but this was something they were always good about. They actually took the opposite route and tell us constantly how much work kids are, and how expensive they are, and how we should live life first.

bethsmiles

Maybe it's because I'm not especially close to my grandparents but I think this article is bullshit. I was particularly annoyed by the obvious attempts at guilt tripping. "In the end, the delays shortchange both grandparent and grandchild" *eyeroll* I especially love this way of describing couples waiting longer to have children: "Amid the procrastination" as if couples are just putting having children because it's like a paper they don't want to write. Or this lovely quote at the end: ""Anytime is a good time," and "If you have a child and you're too busy, you can just drop it off with me." I don't even have words for how annoying I think that woman's attitude is.

@CrazyCatLady3 said it perfectly - no one has the right to grandchildren. No one should bring children into this world before they are ready just because their parents want grandchildren. I think the attitude in this article is incredibly selfish and entitled.

SBmini

larrygaga said:

They can just adopt their own grandchild

That's basically what my parents did. They watch one of my sister's friends' kids once a week and have since he was an infant. My mom's Facebook cover photo is him, she has a car seat in the car. She talks about him all the time. He's basically their surrogate grand child. I love that little dude because they distracted them from laying the baby guilt on me for the past few years. 

jenna8984

@sbmini Same over here! My parents are kind of a-holes and don't care to come visit grandson (my nephew) so my brother's best friend's mom took over. She is called Gramma K and she buys him gifts for every occasion, replaced her son's photos in the home with my nephew, she's much more of a grandma than my mom is to him. (Her grown kids do not want children)

penguin44

Maybe the people that want to be grandparents so badly should take better care of their health. 60 is too old to have grandkids? Really?

Couggal12

I know my mother wants grandkids, and she will mention it here and there but, never nags me. Now FMIL on the other hand has gotten under my skin A LOT about it. She's 51, so I don't think her age is really an excuse but, she always reminds me how she isn't getting any younger.

 

 

singinchick13

I personally find it strange that parents feel entitled to their kids' kids. Maybe it's just me because I never really had a close relationship with either of my parents, but it drives me nuts the way FI's mom fawns over DS. Sometimes she even calls him 'our little man'. Oh, really? Did you grow him inside you for nine months and then give birth to him as well? Were you involved in his conception? Didn't think so. She also will not stop commenting on EVERY picture of him that ends up on facebook. 'God bless Nana's little man'. It's getting pretty old, and annoying!!

FiancB

Proof that entitlement is not a phenomenon of this generation. 

I wasn't close to my grandparents. I would like to be close to FI's parents when we have kids because I would like for them to have that relationship. Still, we'll have them when we damn well please and insisting someone births children for YOUR benefit is what shortchanges everyone, child included. 

Maggie0829

I had to stop reading that article because it is ridiculous.  Parents should never pressure their children to have kids just because they want to be a grandparent.  Period.  And to do so is just fucked up.  My Mom has always said to me that if my sister and I want kids, great that she will be happy to be a Grandmother.  But if we decided that we didn't want kids then she would be just as fine not being a Grandmother.  My sister did have a child and my Mom loves her to pieces but she also loves my furbaby to pieces and considers her a grandchild as well.

theartistformerlyknownas

singinchick13 said:

I personally find it strange that parents feel entitled to their kids' kids. Maybe it's just me because I never really had a close relationship with either of my parents, but it drives me nuts the way FI's mom fawns over DS. Sometimes she even calls him 'our little man'. Oh, really? Did you grow him inside you for nine months and then give birth to him as well? Were you involved in his conception? Didn't think so. She also will not stop commenting on EVERY picture of him that ends up on facebook. 'God bless Nana's little man'. It's getting pretty old, and annoying!!

Ugh my mom calls my sister's kids "my babies." No, woman, not your damn babies.

jdluvr06

In lucky. My mom really really wanted grandchildren but since my sister has three I get no pressure. It used to really bother me when parents acted like they are entitled to grandchildren but my mom explained to me her reasoning behind it so it doesn't bother me as much now. She said it is because she never got to be the fun aunt. In her own words she wants "to so all the fun stuff with the kids without the pesky parental responsibility". I wonder if I'll feel differently when my future kids can have kids since I'm getting to be the fun aunt now?