Snarky Brides

I would like to snark about ageists.

larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia member
2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
edited April 2014 in Snarky Brides
So I'm 23. I'm young. Yeah. I'm aware. I'm getting really sick of co-workers continually mentioning how young I am. I literally had a co-worker assume I didn't know what Saturday Night Live was today. Is that a joke?? Everyone and their mother still watches that show!

All of my co-workers are at least in their 30's. They always make jokes about things are that clearly over my head (they aren't) because I'm so young and naive and really stupid. I work with the elderly, and this is the only group of people who can make jokes about me being young and I won't be bothered by it. 

I am fully aware that I have lots to learn in my life, and I'm not afraid to admit that. I'm not afraid to admit I don't know everything. Why does age have anything to do with this? I know 13 year olds that have more life experience than I do, and I know middle aged people with no freakin' brains. I am just really tired of people assuming things about me because I'm young. I suppose it can be pretty handy to be underestimated. Also, I have gotten a few comments about getting married young. When I get married I'll be 24. 

I realize complaining about it maybe makes me seem childish, which kind of goes hand-in-hand with what I'm complaining about. lol

AGEISM

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Re: I would like to snark about ageists.

  • manillabarmanillabar the hospital. ALL. THE. TIME. member
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    I can relate somewhat... I get comments about my age at the hospital all the time: nurses, patients, patients' family members, etc.. "oh my, how old are you?  you look like such a baby!"  "are you sure you're old enough to be working here?"  

    I'm two years older than you but apparently I'm still too young to be doing anything lol

    larrygaga
  • HaileyDancingbearHaileyDancingbear Arkham Asylum member
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    I'm equally annoyed by it, mainly because it's such a hard thing to combat.  You can't say "But I'm mature for my age" because EVERYONE, even the people who still act like high schoolers, think they're "Mature" for some reason or another.  I get a ton of raised eyebrows and not so subtle looks that just scream "Well you're making a mistake."  It's always from people who don't know me or FI, and that annoys me- you want to look down on me based on age?  Remind me again how mature you're being by judging someone you don't know.  

    That's the main reason why I haven't posted my age on here, I'd rather let people form opinions on my maturity through how I communicate rather than providing a number for them to get stuck on.  I don't like to be compared to other people my age, or judged by it, because I really feel cornered.  How exactly do you respond to "Well you're only -- so you don't know any better etc." in a way that CAN'T be twisted around to "Oh well now you're getting defensive, see, that's immature?"  That's just one of those conversations that never ends well.  Not that I'm saying you knotties are mean or anything, I just realize that any information I post is subject to people's opinions- and as much as I enjoy this community, I really just don't want opinions on my age. 

    I just don't like hearing about "When I was your age I was this way" or "Everyone your age I've met is like this" or "So and so got married at your age and they divorced a month later" etc. because all of those statements are about other people. I don't want to be judged based on other people.  I want to be judged on my own actions and my own life.  And so far the track record is pretty great, seeing that I am pretty damn happy, no matter what people say or think.
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  • sassyfrass2014sassyfrass2014 ATLien member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    I'm equally annoyed by it, mainly because it's such a hard thing to combat.  You can't say "But I'm mature for my age" because EVERYONE, even the people who still act like high schoolers, think they're "Mature" for some reason or another.  I get a ton of raised eyebrows and not so subtle looks that just scream "Well you're making a mistake."  It's always from people who don't know me or FI, and that annoys me- you want to look down on me based on age?  Remind me again how mature you're being by judging someone you don't know.  

    That's the main reason why I haven't posted my age on here, I'd rather let people form opinions on my maturity through how I communicate rather than providing a number for them to get stuck on.  I don't like to be compared to other people my age, or judged by it, because I really feel cornered.  How exactly do you respond to "Well you're only -- so you don't know any better etc." in a way that CAN'T be twisted around to "Oh well now you're getting defensive, see, that's immature?"  That's just one of those conversations that never ends well.  Not that I'm saying you knotties are mean or anything, I just realize that any information I post is subject to people's opinions- and as much as I enjoy this community, I really just don't want opinions on my age. 

    I just don't like hearing about "When I was your age I was this way" or "Everyone your age I've met is like this" or "So and so got married at your age and they divorced a month later" etc. because all of those statements are about other people. I don't want to be judged based on other people.  I want to be judged on my own actions and my own life.  And so far the track record is pretty great, seeing that I am pretty damn happy, no matter what people say or think.
    THIS THIS THIS

    I couldn't have said it better at all. The frustration is very real, and it's just something we're going to have to live with. I don't understand the idea that people get that there is some age that is no longer "too young" and that is the age where you can officially make life decisions. Making an assumption about anyone based on one aspect of who they are is an invalid syllogism that I will not have fluttering around me.

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  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited April 2014
    Isn't it just obnoxious?? I had a guy go on and on about how he was going to get divorced and I'm too young to realize that's exactly what's going to happen to me. Just because you are miserable and you made stupid mistakes when you were my age, doesn't mean I'm the same way. And even if it does, it's not your business!!! It's my life to fuck up as I please. 

    You really can't defend yourself without making yourself look like a child trying to play grown up. I couldn't agree with you more, HaileyDancingbear.

    I haven't seen anyone on TK who is condescending towards younger people....yet. 

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    HaileyDancingbearsassyfrass2014Marzipan13
  • I'm not young but I look younger than I am, so I still get that. I have since I graduated from college... I got my first "real" job at the place I had an internship, so everyone just kept assuming I was an intern and calling me "kid" even though I was there for ALMOST SIX YEARS and worked my way up to a senior level. I'm a manager in my agency now (three jobs later) and still get comments like "oh you wouldn't understand that, you're just a kid. How old are you, anyway?" In what UNIVERSE is it ok to ask someone in a professional setting how old they are?? "I'm seven and three-quarters, NOT seven and a half!" Bean dip. So much bean dip.

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    wajohnson09Hysilvinialithibel
  • Oh, and from a marriage/relationship perspective, I get the "damn you're old" types of comments. People who thought that I was just too picky or anti-marriage in my 20s because I "never settled down." "Don't you ever want to get married and start a family?" Now that I'm engaged, "So, you guys are gonna have kids right away, right? Because, you know..." STOP MAKING ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT MY AGING UTERUS.

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  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    lolo883 said:
    I'm not young but I look younger than I am, so I still get that. I have since I graduated from college... I got my first "real" job at the place I had an internship, so everyone just kept assuming I was an intern and calling me "kid" even though I was there for ALMOST SIX YEARS and worked my way up to a senior level. I'm a manager in my agency now (three jobs later) and still get comments like "oh you wouldn't understand that, you're just a kid. How old are you, anyway?" In what UNIVERSE is it ok to ask someone in a professional setting how old they are?? "I'm seven and three-quarters, NOT seven and a half!" Bean dip. So much bean dip.
    If anyone asks you this, since you are in management, you can totally pull off some shaming. Ask them if they would still ask that question if you looked middle aged. Then inform them that it's rude to ask someone's age unless they are a child. 
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  • I look much, much younger than I am. When DH and I got married, people who didn't know my age thought we were crazy. When they found out I'm a solid decade older than they thought, they were taken aback and ashamed.
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • When I got married the first time, I was 22 years old and way too "young" (read: immature). I had no business getting married because I had no idea who I was and what I wanted from life. I'm now happily divorced and marrying the man of my dreams. I know other people who were married  even younger than I was who have very happy marriages. Experiences and people are all very different and I find it difficult to understand why people judge readiness to be married (or make other major decisions) based off something as arbitrary as age.
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    grumbledore
  • sarawifenowsarawifenow Denver, baby! member
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    I get this all the time in my job. As a young, financial professional, I get raised eyebrows from prospective clients when they come in all the time. I actually had one gentleman say, "you sound much older on the phone..." How about you just let me do my job?

    As far as wedding planning goes,FI is quite a bit older than me, so people tend to zoom in on our age difference and not so much my age. That gets annoying...

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  • BF and I get a mixture of this. We are not engaged (we live together and have no immediate plans to get married). BF is about a decade older than me, so he keeps getting family and friends asking when he's going to "settle down" and get married. I'm 25 and most of the people in my life keep telling me I'm too young to think about that and that I have tons of time. Honestly we ignore both sets of people because we are happy with where our relationship is and that's all that really matters. Of course, it's annoying for the both of us. 
  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas peaced out. member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    edited April 2014
    Inkdancer said:
    At my last job I did my best not to let anyone know how old I am, because I was the youngest person in the department by 10 years.

    All you can do is be super professional and kick butt at what you do. Your grace, poise, and professionalism will overtake any dismissive attitudes if you give it time.

    This a million times. I can't recall if I've been told that I'm 'young' at hardly any place I've worked at. I think this is why. I think if you're professional and a no-nonsense type of person, this will quiet any complaints about your age.

    ***edited because WTF, BOX?!?!***

    I take some offense at this last part and wholeheartedly disagree... I agree that all one can do about the situation is constantly prove himself or herself and not get defensive about it, but some people will make comments regardless of how you present yourself. I think a lot of it actually has to do with the fact that I am damn good at my job and they feel threatened by someone seemingly a lot younger coming in and taking charge. Some people will always feel that the "old guard" is the best and tenure trumps skill. And then yet other people will always just be idiots who think it's ok to as people their age, even in the context of "wow you're really well spoken, how old are you?!"

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    manillabargrumbledore
  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    edited April 2014
    Yeah, the co-worker that's the biggest offender is someone who (by her own fault) looks really bad compared to me. She rarely does the work she's supposed to do, while I do that and more. On every project we do together, I end up doing all the work and my boss notices that. I have to work so much harder to prove myself to people, and that makes her more likely to comment on my age in order to make herself feel better. 

    That's my theory, anyway. I don't know what other co-worker's deal is. I'm not showing them up all the time.
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  • Inkdancer said:
    At my last job I did my best not to let anyone know how old I am, because I was the youngest person in the department by 10 years.

    All you can do is be super professional and kick butt at what you do. Your grace, poise, and professionalism will overtake any dismissive attitudes if you give it time.

    This a million times. I can't recall if I've been told that I'm 'young' at hardly any place I've worked at. I think this is why. I think if you're professional and a no-nonsense type of person, this will quiet any complaints about your age.
    100% Completely agree. 
    mbross3
  • tammym1001tammym1001 Akron, Ohio member
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    I don't look my age at all and I get questions a lot about how old I am. FI is also considerably older than I am so his friends all still say I'm just a baby. Honestly, people will always pick out some trait that they can comment on just so they can have something to talk about. I just ignore them and try to remind myself that some day I will wish people were calling me "too young" :)

    As for the "you're too young to get married" or "it won't work out" thing; I am 35 and FI is 53 and we still have people who make comments to us about we shouldn't get married because everyone just ends up divorced or whatever other stupid anti-marriage comment they can come up. People who say these things are lonely and bitter and they want everyone else to be the same way.
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  • I don't get the ageism thing at work much but FI is 15 years older than I am and that got a lot of whispers when I started dating him at 19. Mostly from people who hadn't spent 5 minutes in a room with us. My family had a lot of reservations about the relationship (thought I was being taken advantage of), while his family welcomed me with open arms. We definitely meet in the middle on the maturity scale and I couldn't be happier with him. People need to learn that they have no idea what really goes on inside a relationship, and to keep their opinions to themselves. 
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  • I look young for my age and I work in a high school. I have been an Athletic Trainer for over 5 years and I still have parents that give me the " Yah, can I speak to like the real adult or athletic trainer working? not the high school kid" line. I just simple tell let them know that I have quite a few years of experience and move on. 

    The best is when a substitute teacher stops me in the hallway to ask for my pass or tell me to get off my cell phone. 

    I have just started saying "Thank you for saying I look young, that will hopefully continue throughout my years" 


  • I've been at my job for eight years so I don't get this any more but in my last job, I was an academic advisor to folks who were often much older than I was. Once, when I was introduced to someone, she said, "You look like a little girl!" Um...well, I have the degree and expertise to do this job so let's get down to business.

    I've also gotten weird comments about how mature I am. In my first job, I was turning 24 and my boss told me "You're the oldest 24 year old I've ever met." Not sure it was a compliment!

    The age thing is tough. I got a new dress a few months ago that I wore to work twice and will never wear to work again. The first time I wore it, seven people told me I looked "cute" (there are only 27 people in my office). The second time I wore it, someone told me I looked like a little girl. Clearly there was something wrong with that dress but two girls in my office have the same one (it's from the Gap) and haven't had this issue. Trust me, I asked!
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  • jules3964jules3964 member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited April 2014
    I hate how people think it's completely okay to ask your age if you look young. They don't see it as a rude question.

    I've always looked really young for my age -- I hated it when I was in my 20's, but am finally enjoying it in my 30's. When I was 25 I had an introductory appointment with an oral surgeon for the removal of my wisdom teeth. When I arrived alone, the receptionist (40-ish looking) made this BIG DEAL about how I wasn't allowed to be there without a parent/guardian. I looked at her dumbfounded, and she said this was because I was under 18. I told her I was 25, and then she started flipping out because she just couldn't believe it, I looked so young. Went on and on about how she thought I was only 15. I felt like saying, "Oh yeah, and how old are you? You couldn't be younger than 55. Maybe 50." 

    I still regret not saying that.
    doeydogrumbledore
  • manillabarmanillabar the hospital. ALL. THE. TIME. member
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper
    lolo883 said:
    Inkdancer said:
    At my last job I did my best not to let anyone know how old I am, because I was the youngest person in the department by 10 years.

    All you can do is be super professional and kick butt at what you do. Your grace, poise, and professionalism will overtake any dismissive attitudes if you give it time.

    This a million times. I can't recall if I've been told that I'm 'young' at hardly any place I've worked at. I think this is why. I think if you're professional and a no-nonsense type of person, this will quiet any complaints about your age.

    ***edited because WTF, BOX?!?!***

    I take some offense at this last part and wholeheartedly disagree... I agree that all one can do about the situation is constantly prove himself or herself and not get defensive about it, but some people will make comments regardless of how you present yourself. I think a lot of it actually has to do with the fact that I am damn good at my job and they feel threatened by someone seemingly a lot younger coming in and taking charge. Some people will always feel that the "old guard" is the best and tenure trumps skill. And then yet other people will always just be idiots who think it's ok to as people their age, even in the context of "wow you're really well spoken, how old are you?!"
    I have to agree with you @lolo883 ... I come in and am friendly and respectful, and I do what I have to do and I do it well (and I always get good feedback as far as my work is concerned)  but I still get those "you look like a baby, are you sure you know what you're doing?" comments until someone else comes by and says and does  the same exact things I just said and did.  or, like you said, i'll get the opposite: "wow you're doing so well, but you look like you can't be older than [insert age that i'm not]!"   To questions of "how old are you?"  I always answer, "old enough, trust me!" with a smile and change the topic ... works about 75% of the time lol

    cms519
  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia member
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    UGH this topic makes me feel so much better.
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    theartistformerlyknownassassyfrass2014
  • jenbaer16 said:
    I don't get the ageism thing at work much but FI is 15 years older than I am and that got a lot of whispers when I started dating him at 19. Mostly from people who hadn't spent 5 minutes in a room with us. My family had a lot of reservations about the relationship (thought I was being taken advantage of), while his family welcomed me with open arms. We definitely meet in the middle on the maturity scale and I couldn't be happier with him. People need to learn that they have no idea what really goes on inside a relationship, and to keep their opinions to themselves. 
    So glad I am not alone. I am 28 and FI is 46. We have been spending a majority of time with a mutual group of friends for the last 6 years and every one of our friends couldn't be happier for us. My family has a few reservations about the situation but I have always been mature for my age, and they know that. They also know how happy we are together. His family, to the best of my knowledge loves me too. But happy to know that my pictures won't be the only ones of a younger looking girl and a graying guy lol. 
    jennyleigh16tammym1001doeydombross3
  • People tell me I look young for my age all the time. Sometimes I have to wonder if so many people really look young for their age or if our perception of what people, for lack of a better word, should look like at certain ages is what one should look like when they are older.
    jules3964grumbledore
  • I don't feel one bit sorry for any of you!  LOL!
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    ohannabelleJasperandOpalgrumbledore
  • larrygagalarrygaga Czechoslovakia member
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    Don't worry, you will get it when you are older, too. (Just so you don't feel left out.)  "Are you sure you want to make such a big deal about your wedding?  You're a little old to be playing a traditional bride." "I guess you never wanted to have children, because you are marrying so late in life."  I am 35, people, not dead.

    BOX

    That's equally as awful and annoying as the young bride thing. I was raised being told it's rude to comment on age, and yet everyone else does it! Not okay!
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  • wandajune6wandajune6 Chicago-ish member
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    FI got married at 21, separated at 24 and divorced at 29 (long, hostile divorce with custody battle). I've been in 3 relationships that lasted longer than his marriage.

    I've made stupid decisions and amazing decisions at all different ages. There's no point in judging based on that.
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  • I think when I was younger more of this would have bothered me. Honestly I get it in both directions being in my late 20's...and I'm just comfortable with where I'm at in my life so it no longer bothers me. I find it nice when people say things like I look young for my age, or question how I do so well financially and in my job for such a young person. "You bought a house on your own at 27?" "You are an independent consultant with a big client base at such a young age, how did you do it?" I just smile and feel a warm feeling inside. It baffles me that others don't feel the same. But I'm sure I didn't at 25 or 23...I took offense, now I know better.

    And then there's the "no babies at 29 huh? Bet when you guys get married you'll get working on that!" And I laugh...because I like to have fun in my twenties, as I will in my 30's and 40's - no amount of age is going to make me freak out because my uterus is going to dry up and fall out. No babies or sense of urgency to have them just because some asshat is judging me 
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