Pre-wedding Parties

MOH vent

I am the MOH for my sister's upcoming wedding.  I am having my own wedding a year after her.  I gave her gifts for her engagement party and shower and have already purchased gifts/wrote a check for her bachelorette party/wedding.  I also just hosted her shower with my mom and am hosting her bachelorette party in 3 weeks.  I have never received a thank you note or spoken "thank you" from her and am very peeved.  She feels that it is just expected of me as her MOH to give her all these things.  I am very frustrated as all of her bridesmaids have done nothing, as they are technically not expected to.  But she has thanked all of them for their "help" on facebook and wrote each of them a personal thank you card.  For my engagement party i wrote her and her fiancé a hand written note and thanked them for their help.  Should i really expect a formal thank-you as the MOH?

Secondly, I am hosting her bachelorette party in 3 weeks and have paid for all expenses thus far.  I sent out formal invitations 2 months prior and received RSVP's from all the girls that were invited.  They all said yes so i went ahead and purchased customized favors, secured the hotels rooms and dinner reservations.  Now 2 of these girls tell me that they can no longer make it.  I feel that it is rude to RSVP "yes" to a formal invitation and then say you can't make it closer to the event.  I am spending extra money that I did not need to and am worried that the day of the party more people will back out and then I will be responsible for covering the cost of the hotel rooms.  I just sent the girls another message saying I need to know by end of the week of any changes to your availability for the party as the cost of the rooms has now increased due to 2 back-outs.  What else can I do in the situation so that I won't be stuck with lost money and time?  
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Re: MOH vent

  • Emmy1493Emmy1493 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited April 2014
    Have you put any deposits down that you would lose if you canceled? If not, I would say cancel, and do something more budget friendly.

    This bride is NOT entitled to have parties. Especially if it is costing you/putting you in debt. What kind of sister would think putting her own blood in debt is okay?! I would have a talk with the other BM's about this. Did you get budgets before planning this, if not and you can't back out with out losing a bunch of money, I really would say there isn't much you can do. The BM's are really required to pay anything. And if this was't ran through with them before you booked, looks like your stuck.

    ETA: Just realized the ppl who backed out were guests, not BM. Sorry about the comprehension fail. But still, you are correct that the BM's have no obligation to help. I know it still really sucks that you are stuck with all of the financial stuff. I would really try to see if you can downsize what you are planning. Less hotel rooms..? Maybe do something different with dinner? Just a few thoughts. Good luck OP. Hope it works out for you!
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  • I got budgets ahead of time. I had them pick the hotel and restuarant that was I their budget. I just did the booking but not the picking of the places.
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  • Emmy1493 said:
    Have you put any deposits down that you would lose if you canceled? If not, I would say cancel, and do something more budget friendly.

    This bride is NOT entitled to have parties. Especially if it is costing you/putting you in debt. What kind of sister would think putting her own blood in debt is okay?! I would have a talk with the other BM's about this. Did you get budgets before planning this, if not and you can't back out with out losing a bunch of money, I really would say there isn't much you can do. The BM's are really required to pay anything. And if this was't ran through with them before you booked, looks like your stuck.

    ETA: Just realized the ppl who backed out were guests, not BM. Sorry about the comprehension fail. But still, you are correct that the BM's have no obligation to help. I know it still really sucks that you are stuck with all of the financial stuff. I would really try to see if you can downsize what you are planning. Less hotel rooms..? Maybe do something different with dinner? Just a few thoughts. Good luck OP. Hope it works out for you!
    I got budgets ahead of time. I had them pick the hotel and restuarant that was I their budget. I just did the booking but not the picking of the places.  I can of course cancel one of the hotel rooms and have the other guests book their own rooms.  I was booking the rooms as a courtesy to them but only after they had replied "yes" to formal invitations and getting their vote on which hotel to book.
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  • This type of thing happens a lot when planning bachelorette parties, people back out and the cost goes up for everyone else. I would have received the money from them before booking, but lesson learned. Can you give the others a due date for their portion and if you don't get it I would start cancelling hotel rooms. 

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    lc07
  • lc07lc07 Sunny Southern California member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I don't understand how costs are going up for everyone. Hotel rooms can generally be cancelled with 24 or 48 hours notice. Less people should mean less hotel rooms. 

    Also, when was the RSVP date? A lot can change in people's lives and schedules 2 months prior to a party.

    I agree with the PP directly above in regard to receiving the money from the guests before solidifying the hotel reservations so you don't get stuck with unused rooms.
  • lc07 said:
    I don't understand how costs are going up for everyone. Hotel rooms can generally be cancelled with 24 or 48 hours notice. Less people should mean less hotel rooms. 

    Also, when was the RSVP date? A lot can change in people's lives and schedules 2 months prior to a party.

    I agree with the PP directly above in regard to receiving the money from the guests before solidifying the hotel reservations so you don't get stuck with unused rooms.
    The RSVP date was a month and a half before the party.  I understand a lot of things happen but one of the girls just decided she no longer wanted to go as she wouldn't know anyone else and the other planned a trip somewhere with her bf.  I can of course cancel one of the rooms 24 hours in advance.  The cost goes up a there will be less people to fill the 2 rooms with.  I have been reassured that everyone else will show up so they will all have to pay more as 2 girls did not show.
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