Should I change the wording?

sder0320

I was going to have my invitations printed today, but then I received an e-mail from my mom (kindly) sharing her opinions on the invitations I made.

This is what I started it with:

"The honor of your presence is requested 

at the marriage of 

(my full name)

&

(his fully name)

on (yada yada ya)"

My mom says that we should include my parents' names and his parents' names. The thing is, neither of our parents are hosting. They've pitched in here and there for some things (as in, i'm at the store, and my mom will say, oh, I can get that for ya!). But 90-95% is being paid for by my groom and I ourselves. Not because our parents don't want to, but because they can't (well, on my side anyway). Anyway, my groom and I are pretty young and are struggling a lot financially, and I have to say I'm pretty darn proud for being able to work hard to pay for the wedding ourselves! I kinda want to show people that and I don't want it to look like mommy and daddy paid for our wedding because we were too young to afford it ourselves. But not to offend anyone, that's why I worded it like "the honor of your presence is requested" not "(bride) and (groom) request the honor of your presence".

We both have great relationships with our parents and we want to honor them other ways. Their names will be listed on the newspaper engagement announcement, on the bulletins, we're going to have a special dance with just our parents (all four).

What do you think I should do?

Thanks in advance!

Maggie0829

Would including "Together with their families..." at the beginning appease your Mom?  I understand that they are technically the hosts (and hosting is more then just paying, it involves receiving guests at the reception and taking point on making sure that all the guests are comfortable, etc) but I think if including that phrase will make your Mom happy then use it.

I also think that including the parents name, if it will make them happy, isn't a hill to die on either.

HisGirlFriday13

Ditto Maggie that 'together with their families' would probably appease your mother and would still show that you're hosting.

Also -- is your wedding in a church or other house of worship? If not, the correct wording is, 'pleasure of your company,' not 'honour of your presence.' The former is for all weddings that aren't in religious houses of worship and the latter is for all weddings that are in religious houses of worship.

sder0320

Hmm, good idea with including "together with their families". Thanks! So how would I word the whole thing?

"Together with their families,

(my name)

&
(his name)

request the honor of your presence at their marriage"?

Is "their" an okay word to use?

And yep, it is a church wedding!

HisGirlFriday13

You'd write:

Together with their families

BrideFirst BrideMiddle Surname

and

GroomFirst GroomMiddle Surname

request the honour of your presence at their marriage

on time/date/place'

ETA: Yes, 'their' is the appropriate pronoun, because there are two of you (you and your FI) and you each have a family.

CMGragain

Your original wording is perfectly correct, and your mother is wrong.  However, this fact won't help you deal with her hurt feelings.

Together with their families

Bride's Full Name
and
Groom's Full Name
request the honour of your presence
as they are united in marriage
Day, date
time
Church Name
Address
City, State

If this is a Catholic wedding, the wording would be slightly different.  I do not understand why your mother thinks the parents should be on your invitation when they are not the hosts.  Giving birth does not mean your name goes on the wedding invitation.  The above wording is NOT traditional, but it might just solve your problem.  Good luck!

CMGragain

shrekspeare said:

While your mom shouldn't be upset about it, you should also include her. I made the mistake of not putting FILs names on the invite, since they weren't hosting, and I am foreseeing never hearing the end of it.

My daughters FILS were insulted that she thought they might expect to be on the invitation.  Her MIL is old south, and knows proper etiquette,  Daughter had to reassure her that she knew what was correct!  I would feel the same way.

HisGirlFriday13

shrekspeare said:

While your mom shouldn't be upset about it, you should also include her. I made the mistake of not putting FILs names on the invite, since they weren't hosting, and I am foreseeing never hearing the end of it.

DH's grandmother is still voicing her opinion of our invites not having included her name.

We've been married six months. We ordered the invites 10 months ago.

Have some wine.....

sder0320

Thank you everyone so much for your help! I used the "together with their families", got my invites printed, and it seems everyone is happy. So far. Haha. Thanks again.

grumbledore

Maggie0829 said:

Would including "Together with their families..." at the beginning appease your Mom?  I understand that they are technically the hosts (and hosting is more then just paying, it involves receiving guests at the reception and taking point on making sure that all the guests are comfortable, etc) but I think if including that phrase will make your Mom happy then use it.

I also think that including the parents name, if it will make them happy, isn't a hill to die on either.

I'm a fan of "Together with their families" in almost all instances.  This is almost certainly what we will use.  FI's parents are paying for a chunk of our wedding and we're paying the rest, my brother offered to pay the donation to the church so I figure this works and acknowledges those who might wish to be with excluding, say, my mother.

Jen4948

Maggie0829 said:

Would including "Together with their families..." at the beginning appease your Mom?  I understand that they are technically the hosts (and hosting is more then just paying, it involves receiving guests at the reception and taking point on making sure that all the guests are comfortable, etc) but I think if including that phrase will make your Mom happy then use it.

I also think that including the parents name, if it will make them happy, isn't a hill to die on either.

I'm a fan of "Together with their families" in almost all instances.  This is almost certainly what we will use.  FI's parents are paying for a chunk of our wedding and we're paying the rest, my brother offered to pay the donation to the church so I figure this works and acknowledges those who might wish to be with excluding, say, my mother.  The point of an invitation is not to "acknowledge" who's paying.  It's none of the guests' business.  If you need to do "acknowledgments" the place to do that is with a program, not the invitation.

I realize that many parents make a big fuss about being listed and I'm not opposed to "Together with their families," it's just that everyone seems to think that the invitation is like a playbill that's supposed to "acknowledge" who's paying when it is not.

CMGragain

The invitation is a note from the hosts telling the guests who, what, when and where.  The guests do need to know if there is a host(s), because the guests need to thank them for the lovely reception.  In the case of where the bride and groom are hosting their own wedding, no hosts are named.  Some weddings have so many contributors that it isn't clear who is hosting, and then the "Together with their families" may be used.  This is a modern problem.  Weddings weren't so expensive 50 years ago.
The wedding invitation is not, and has never been, a place to list the parents of the couple.