Time Frame for Appetizers, Desserts & Drinks

onlyjamielynn

We have been going back and forth over a million different ideas for our wedding.  I am just not totally thrilled about any of it honestly.  We aren't typical traditional reception hall type of people.  We toyed with the whole back yard wedding/BBQ theme.  Which to some extent I don't mind.  But again it's not something I have my heart set on.  I really really really REALLY want a candle lit ceremony at night.  Would it be appropriate to do an 8PM ceremony start time with drinks, heavy appetizers and a desserts to follow?  Is that too late to start?  I'm not really worried too much about how many people will stay for a prolonged period.  Our guest list isn't really that long anyway (under 100 people).  And most of that is distant family that are only seen on Christmas.  Has anyone done this?  Or been to one?  What was the overall consensus?  Thoughts?

AprilH81

8:00 pm is fine to start a ceremony (assuming it isn't really long).

With the 8:00 ceremony start time you are fine with your food plan (and can drop the heavy apps for light snacks if you want) since it won't be a meal time.

A candlelit ceremony will be beautiful, but if that is the only lighting your photo/video (if you have them) likely won't turn out well due to the low light conditions. 

Maggie0829

8pm is actually the earliest you should start a wedding like this.  Any earlier and people will expect dinner.  I have never been to a wedding like this but I would enjoy it.  Apps, drinks and desserts are my favorite part of weddings anyway.

onlyjamielynn

That is my favorite parts too Maggie!  lol People coming from three different states (MD, PA & DE) so I didn't want to start too late and having them worry about having to drive home.  Which I'm sure some will do anyway.

April I didn't think too much about that.  Luckily there is a big tree so I can do some indirect lighting with that as well.  

emmyg65

This sounds lovely, but if photos are a priority for you, definitely hire a photographer who's experienced shooting in low-light situations and talk to him/her about your idea. The right photog will be psyched to make it work.

cupcait927

Your plan sounds absolutely lovely! I would very much enjoy going to a wedding like this. I do agree with PPs about finding the right photographer with what you have in your mind for the ceremony, just so you can ensure that you get the best photographs possible.

lc07

I think your plan is safe etiquette-wise but personally, if I was traveling from out of state to attend your wedding I'd be a bit miffed that you were not providing a meal. In my circle we serve full meals at weddings regardless of the time of day. 

If you stick with your appetizer plan, please indicate it somehow on the invite. If I am making a 3-4 hour+ drive to your wedding I'm going to be driving during the meal time and would like to know that I should hit up some fast food on the way. 

bananasplit472001

I'm not sure I like the idea of an appetizer reception.  All weddings I have been to and have spoke about with others have had a meal, regardless of ceremony time.  You are not breaking any etiquette rules but how can you be certain that heavy passed appetizers will make it to every guest?  We are having heavy passed appetizer for our cocktail hour and I am very nervous that some guests won't get the passed appetizer.  I agree with PP's that you should indicate on the invite that it will be an appetizer reception.  I would also consider going back to your idea of a BBQ reception.  I think that is a fun and unique idea and it very appropriate for a night wedding.  It can be cheaper than a plated meal and you can serve it buffet style for a more casual feel.

Maggie0829

@bananasplit472001 - if you are worried about apps getting to everyone consider having stations made up as well as having them passed.  I have been to a few weddings where they had just passed apps and I always seemed to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.  I would much rather have to walk to a station to grab a few apps and be able to eat something then be constantly following around servers and not ever catch them.

bananasplit472001

Maggie0829 said:

@bananasplit472001 - if you are worried about apps getting to everyone consider having stations made up as well as having them passed.  I have been to a few weddings where they had just passed apps and I always seemed to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.  I would much rather have to walk to a station to grab a few apps and be able to eat something then be constantly following around servers and not ever catch them.

We are having 3 stations in addition to the passed apps.  Sorry did not mention that in the previous post.  I just want to make sure everyone is fed well and not have to chase down a server for the food.

Maggie0829

bananasplit472001 said:

Maggie0829 said:

@bananasplit472001 - if you are worried about apps getting to everyone consider having stations made up as well as having them passed.  I have been to a few weddings where they had just passed apps and I always seemed to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.  I would much rather have to walk to a station to grab a few apps and be able to eat something then be constantly following around servers and not ever catch them.

We are having 3 stations in addition to the passed apps.  Sorry did not mention that in the previous post.  I just want to make sure everyone is fed well and not have to chase down a server for the food.

Then your good.  It is just when it is only passed apps that I feel like I am playing catch with the servers.

tammym1001

Maggie0829 said:

bananasplit472001 said:

Maggie0829 said:

@bananasplit472001 - if you are worried about apps getting to everyone consider having stations made up as well as having them passed.  I have been to a few weddings where they had just passed apps and I always seemed to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.  I would much rather have to walk to a station to grab a few apps and be able to eat something then be constantly following around servers and not ever catch them.

We are having 3 stations in addition to the passed apps.  Sorry did not mention that in the previous post.  I just want to make sure everyone is fed well and not have to chase down a server for the food.

Then your good.  It is just when it is only passed apps that I feel like I am playing catch with the servers.

In addition to what Maggie said: if you have enough servers passing apps it shouldn't be too much of a problem either. We are having stations as well as passed apps. We have 5 servers and 35 guests so I don't think anyone will have a hard time finding someone who has passed apps.

onlyjamielynn

So we talked about this some more. Obviously I understand people are thinking of all angles. However, I know our guest list. I know that absolutely no one has a three or four hour drive. To the event/reception. As far as the appetizers go, it wouldn't just be a few passed appetizers here or there. There would be a few that will be passed, but everything else would be on buffet and stations. There will be quite a few and more than enough for everyone. And I'm not talking cheese balls and potato chips. Things that are filling and have substance to them. Desserts would basically be the same way. We will have a wedding cup cake tower with more than enough for people who would like more than one cupcake. We will also be having a dessert bar/stations with other various desserts. We are more than likely going to do a smores bar (there will be a roasting area) and possibly a popcorn bar. And obviously beverages (alcoholic and non alcoholic)

JoanE2012

onlyjamielynn said:

So we talked about this some more. Obviously I understand people are thinking of all angles. However, I know our guest list. I know that absolutely no one has a three or four hour drive. To the event/reception. As far as the appetizers go, it wouldn't just be a few passed appetizers here or there. There would be a few that will be passed, but everything else would be on buffet and stations. There will be quite a few and more than enough for everyone. And I'm not talking cheese balls and potato chips. Things that are filling and have substance to them. Desserts would basically be the same way. We will have a wedding cup cake tower with more than enough for people who would like more than one cupcake. We will also be having a dessert bar/stations with other various desserts. We are more than likely going to do a smores bar (there will be a roasting area) and possibly a popcorn bar. And obviously beverages (alcoholic and non alcoholic)

I think what you're planning is appropriate.  That said, if I had people coming from out of state, I'd definitely be having an earlier ceremony and planning a full dinner.  I'd feel too bad having people drive all that way for just apps.  And I'd feel bad that people would get home really late or feel that they have to get a hotel room.  But that's just me.