Ok not to give plus ones to all singles?

kitty8403

I know a recent thread has hashed the general point about single vs part of a couple to death. I'm not referring to splitting known couples, but whether it's acceptable to "categorize" truly single guests and determine whether or not to offer plus ones.

For example, the relatively young cousin who is very single and rarely dates, and who will be coming with her mom and brothers, vs the older friends of the groom who probably would like to bring a buddy or casual date. Can I extend plus ones to the non-family guests who are traveling without worrying about adding them for every single "single" person we know? or is this a one-size fits all rule -- all get plus ones, or nobody does?

phira

Yes, you can give some guests plus ones and not others. I'd be careful not to let all of your guests know that not everyone is getting them.

APDSS22

No, it doesn't have to be all or nothing.  You can give the plus one for the truly single, adult guests on their own invitation in circles.  Perhaps if you extend it to those traveling a distance so they have a travel buddy or who would know very few other people.  Most people wouldn't be running around telling everyone they got to bring a random plus one, so it shouldn't be an issue.  If you think it will be a problem, then you might look at the feasibility of giving all single guests a plus one option or only giving it to family members or friends who run in the same social circles so there's less chance of someone not chosen for the extension of a plus one getting their feelings hurt by someone who was chosen.

EllieAugust

We are giving single wedding party plus ones.  And then a few friends that are traveling a distance and wouldn't know anyone.  We are not offering plus ones to everyone.

Maggie0829

I think this is an all or nothing thing honestly.  I don't think it is fair that just because someone lives local and may know a handful of people that they aren't offered a plus one but that a person who is travelling is.  So basically the local person gets punished (so to speak) because of where they live and who they know.  

But then again, I am in the camp where all single guests should get a plus one to begin with.

hyechica81

we are giving only one friend a plus one none of our other single guest will get plus ones

KittyKaty20

We made a list of all the single people on our invite list; I called/texted their aunts/mothers of my relatives to see if they were likely to bring anyone. I ended up giving a plus-one to everybody, but only 1 person is bringing someone.

grumbledore

Maggie0829 said:

I think this is an all or nothing thing honestly.  I don't think it is fair that just because someone lives local and may know a handful of people that they aren't offered a plus one but that a person who is travelling is.  So basically the local person gets punished (so to speak) because of where they live and who they know.  

But then again, I am in the camp where all single guests should get a plus one to begin with.

I tend to agree, but I am also in the "every single guest gets a date" camp.

KPBM89

You can offer plus ones to some and not all for truly single guests.  

Personally, we're offering all single guests a plus one.  Our only exceptions for being single and not getting a plus one are the teenagers/ kids in FI's family (the oldest teen is about 17 and not dating anyone).

buddysmom80

We gave all of our single guests a plus one. You never know if their relationship status could change before the wedding.

kitty8403

buddysmom80 said:

We gave all of our single guests a plus one. You never know if their relationship status could change before the wedding.

Oh no, I'm not asking about *budgeting* in case people start new relationships. I've already built wiggle room into my spreadsheets. Just whether it's considered rude to make judgment calls when it comes to offering invites to random friends/dates/relatives for truly single guests--assuming you're going by circles (family, non-family, local, non-local, age range, etc.). There's a difference between planning in case something comes up and encouraging lots of extra people to show.

phira

Yeah, I want to amend my previous post/opinion. In terms of planning, you should plan on your single guests all being in a relationship. When it comes time to send the invitations, if you want to give only some single guests plus ones, then okay.

[Deleted User]

We went with the logic, will the single (I mean truely single at the time we sent out the STD and when the invites went out) person know other people at the wedding. One of our BM wouldn't and there were about 3 other guests who didn't know any of our other guests. We gave them all a +1. We have a group of friends, actually 8 individuals who we hang out with on a regular basis so we are all good friends, all of them single, not dating at all. We didn't give them +1 and just put them all together at at the reception.

buddysmom80

kitty8403 said:

We gave all of our single guests a plus one. You never know if their relationship status could change before the wedding.

Oh no, I'm not asking about *budgeting* in case people start new relationships. I've already built wiggle room into my spreadsheets. Just whether it's considered rude to make judgment calls when it comes to offering invites to random friends/dates/relatives for truly single guests--assuming you're going by circles (family, non-family, local, non-local, age range, etc.). There's a difference between planning in case something comes up and encouraging lots of extra people to show.

Like I said prior, we have added + 1 to all of our single guests right now. If they want to bring a date, a friend or family member, I don't care.

s-aries8990

I think you should ALWAYS plan to give plus-ones to truly single guests, but when it comes to sending the invitations, it's ok to make a judgement call.

I think it's ok to give your single BFFs traveling cross country a plus-one, but not give a plus-one to your college-age cousin. Just be mindful of the circles you invite in, as it could cause some hurt feelings.

manateehugger

I agree with Maggie. I don't think it's fair to be selective. You're supposed to host your guests as equally as possible.

tcnoble

I follow an Instagram account called BummedBride and today they posted a picture with their "winning advice" from their proposed question Should I Let My Guests Bring a Plus One...

"I don't think it's ever necessary to include simply 'and Guest' on an invitation. If you don't know the person's first and last name, I don't think you need to feel bad about not inviting them!"

UMMMMMM?? 

PrettyGirlLost

I think it's fine not to give single guests dates/Plus 1's and to pick and choose who you wish to give the Plus 1's to.

We are not giving our single guests Plus 1's unless they are in the WP; every guest will know multiple people at the wedding, and not giving out Plus 1's will save us some money in the end.  Unless everyone starts dating someone, lol!

jalyndani

Since most our friends & family are either married or in some kind of steady relationship (years together, living together, etc), we didn't have too many situations where we had to make this decision. 

For my two school friends who would be traveling from out of state and are not in a relationship- yes, I still allotted them a guest. If they are able to get away from their clinical rotations to attend my wedding, I wanted them to be able to have a travel companion of their choice. 

For my three BMs who are "very single" (their words, not mine)- yes, I still allotted them a guest. Whether or not they bring someone remains to be seen, but they have the option just in case.

For FI's two cousins who are 20 & 22 years old, are not in relationships, and will be traveling from out of town with their parents and staying in a hotel room with their parents- no, they were not allotted a plus one.  His dad was pretty adamant that his brother (FI's uncle) wasn't going to "support" two random kids to attend a family wedding 4 hours away.  (There are also some additional travel plans for that family the following day that won't be conducive to those kiddos bringing friends along. So it really wasn't up to us in the end.)

FI has only two buddies coming who are truly single- I asked him if we needed to allot them a plus one, and his response was "well, they'd have to hire someone to bring." Lol. 

Our guest list was strictly family & very close friends though- about 85 people total. We will know every single person in attendance, so it's not like this is a huge crowded raging party. It's a fairly intimate occasion where literally everyone knows at least two other people in attendance. 

wandajune6

We gave everyone a date. We figured that it makes life easier in the long run. We know that most of the singles won't use the option but we want everyone to be as comfortable as possible.

bananasplit472001

We are not giving our single guests plus ones.  Our wedding will be small and include only our close family and friends.  I really do not want people I do not know at my wedding.  Yes, I understand this goes against etiquette but I do not want to feel obligated to make small talk with my cousin's "date-of -the moment".  I say if your single guests will know people at the wedding then seat them together and they should be fine.  If they do not know anyone then I would definitely extend a plus one.  As long as you make sure to give SO an invite by name to guest in a relationship, engaged or married you will be fine.  This is one etiquette rule that is very old fashion.  

wrigleyville

bananasplit472001 said:

We are not giving our single guests plus ones.  Our wedding will be small and include only our close family and friends.  I really do not want people I do not know at my wedding.  Yes, I understand this goes against etiquette but I do not want to feel obligated to make small talk with my cousin's "date-of -the moment".  I say if your single guests will know people at the wedding then seat them together and they should be fine.  If they do not know anyone then I would definitely extend a plus one.  As long as you make sure to give SO an invite by name to guest in a relationship, engaged or married you will be fine.  This is one etiquette rule that is very old fashion.  

You're actually in the clear. It doesn't go against etiquette to not give a +1 to truly single people. As long as you're inviting SOs, FIs, and spouses, then you're golden.

wrigleyville

We had very few single guests, but I gave them +1s because we got married out-of-state and I wanted them to have fun. They did know other people there, but I still felt it would be nice for them to have a true travel companion. 

I didn't mind not knowing a few people and paying an extra $100 or whatever, especially since it meant my guests were happy and having a good time. Plus, I got to meet cool people. They were super nice and thanked me over and over for "allowing" them to come.

fionahalliwell

I'm willing to go as far as to say that most young people don't need plus ones. Here are a few reasons: 

1. If the person is still financially dependent on his/her parents, the parents may not appreciate the option to bring along an extra person; 

2. I know I wouldn't have a date, and I'd feel sucky that I didn't have one (because, well, if you think I should be able to bring one, I'd like to have one!);

3. My best friend comes from a family that puts a lot of emphasis on marriage at a young age, and if she got invited to a wedding with a guest, she'd bring someone along because her parents would force her, regardless of whether or not she wanted that person there; 

4. If it's a young relative and you KNOW that your family grilled you about every person you ever even looked at, don't put the kid through that! 

I know my parents would be less than thrilled to have to worry about someone else, unless the wedding were in Los Angeles (anything that doesn't involve a hotel would be ok). I've been invited to a bunch of weddings since I turned 18, and I never received a plus one. I never thought of it being against etiquette, even if others received plus ones.  

Jen4948

As long as people in relationships are invited with their partners, nobody else is required to get a plus one. 

This is an area where I would go carefully though.  Giving plus ones to some but not other people may lead to hurt feelings on some people's parts but not others', so I'd say it's very much of a "know your guests" situation rather than an "all or none" situation.

jenniferurs

We only gave plus ones to single guests who wouldn't know anyone else at the wedding. If they knew a lot of people, local or otherwise, they weren't extended a plus one. 

[Deleted User]

How many people are you really inviting? Our wedding will be small by choice, 75-100ppl, and I chose not to include my HUGE extended family on my mom's side. My reason was that every male cousin has at least 2 kids in the age range of 15-20. I wouldn't plus one anyone at that age range, I don't want to pay for a bunch of teenagers that are only there for the food and then run off and do their own thing with their friends. Use your own judgment when it comes to giving out plus ones - I wouldn't feel guilty giving one to a co-worker but not to my young cousin. Unless you tell them, how are they really going to know they were left out of the plus ones, especially if it's a younger person who will more than likely travel with their parents?

Maggie0829

50ChevyEvey said:

How many people are you really inviting? Our wedding will be small by choice, 75-100ppl, and I chose not to include my HUGE extended family on my mom's side. My reason was that every male cousin has at least 2 kids in the age range of 15-20. I wouldn't plus one anyone at that age range, I don't want to pay for a bunch of teenagers that are only there for the food and then run off and do their own thing with their friends. Use your own judgment when it comes to giving out plus ones - I wouldn't feel guilty giving one to a co-worker but not to my young cousin. Unless you tell them, how are they really going to know they were left out of the plus ones, especially if it's a younger person who will more than likely travel with their parents?

If you had invited them you would have actually sent separate invites to the individuals who are 18 or older since they are adults and should be treated as such.

I also think it is fine to not give a plus one to someone under 18 who is being invited with their parents.  But 18 or older, plus one's all the way.

kgd7357

We had a few more people we wanted to invite that didn't get STDs that we could only add if we limited plus ones. I just shot a round of emails out asking the guests I wasn't sure about if they had someone they planned to bring to the wedding, so I could address their invite correctly. I had a few new add-ons, but most of them said no, which left us space for three other couples. However, we did leave three spots for our single bridal party members, who will be in town for two nights instead of one.

PrettyGirlLost

50ChevyEvey said:

How many people are you really inviting? Our wedding will be small by choice, 75-100ppl, and I chose not to include my HUGE extended family on my mom's side. My reason was that every male cousin has at least 2 kids in the age range of 15-20. I wouldn't plus one anyone at that age range, I don't want to pay for a bunch of teenagers that are only there for the food and then run off and do their own thing with their friends. Use your own judgment when it comes to giving out plus ones - I wouldn't feel guilty giving one to a co-worker but not to my young cousin. Unless you tell them, how are they really going to know they were left out of the plus ones, especially if it's a younger person who will more than likely travel with their parents?

Lol, that's not a small wedding.