First dance... without dancing

lilacck28

I'm still ironing out guest list (invite 100 or invite 30), and have not picked a venue yet.  I'm planning to have a Sunday brunch reception, most likely without a dj/ band/ dancing. Just friends, family, food, and conversation. Depending on the venue, maybe I'll throw in lawn games, but I don't think most of my family would be very into that.  However, I also think I would like to do a first dance with future husband, and then maybe have a simultaneous father daughter and son mother dance. Would it be rude to have those two dances (as in, shuffle back and forth, nothing elaborate) but not any other dancing?

ps- I don't know if its relevant, but just in case, regarding the other reception traditions: I'm not planning to do a bouquet toss, and definitely not a garter thing. Cake cutting is a distinct possibility, but not a priority.  

KeptInStitches

I love to dance. I'd be bummed to be at a wedding where there were no dances other than the spotlight.

photokitty

I love to dance, but would not be disappointed if I didn't get to at a Sunday brunch. I'm not as excited about dancing at noon as I am at night. If you are planning to have a shorter reception, like 3 hours rather than the standard 5, I personally wouldn't be offended if you had those two dances. 

I would recommend not playing the full song for either. If you only did each dance for 2 mins or less each, I would be less surprised by the lack of over dancing. We only danced for 90 secs or so for the m/s, f/d dance - plenty of time for the photog to get the photos and have a nice chat.

jphil0790

Personally I don't find it rude but *technically* at the wedding the first dance opens the dance floor, so traditionally first dance means dancing later and *technically* the reception is for the guests kind of like a thank you for coming.

mbross3

Honestly I think it would be a little tough, but not necessarily rude. One of my best friends had a Sunday brunch wedding this past winter, it was lovely! They originally wanted a first dance, but there was not going to be any other dancing at the wedding, and in the end they decided against it. 1- they didn't have a readily available space for dancing (it sounds like you're doing outdoors so that might not apply), 2- They weren't sure where to insert it in the plan of the day since they were not intending to open a dance floor to everyone, 3- They did not want to do any general dancing at the wedding and thought it would be too hard to explain to people that they were just doing that one dance and no no one else gets to dance.

If you have a readily available spot for dancing, I think you could do it, but then people will expect that they'll get to dance too and might be disappointed that they can't. If you can figure out a way to sort of sandwich the dance in there go for it--but people probably will think that the dance floor will open to them once they see you dancing. 

cashews29

If you aren't going to have dancing, I think it would be odd to have spotlight dances. Especially since most people are going to assume they can join you afterwards.

lilacck28

If we had the dances, they would definitely be short, like @photokitty suggested, but the logistics, as @mbross mentioned, make me nervous about it. I've also thought about maybe doing a little "pre wedding" dance with fiance during the "first look" bit. That's the main thing I want, a little romantic moment. There's a song that, anytime I hear it play, I think about dancing to it with him at our wedding. I don't know my dad's opinion on this yet though. He might really want to do a father daughter dance. 

lilacck28

Fiance isn't sure about the "first look" dance, said he has to think about it. I wish this was more obvious, other than have all or nothing. hmm. 

bunni727

This is actually pretty common in our circles. We don't say "Hey we're gonna dance but YOU CAN"T," it just kind of happens. We don't run in a very dance-y crowd, which is a bummer because I love dancing.

The dj, or cd player or ipod, whatever, will continue to play music, but it's very rare that anyone else actually dances. Maybe you could have your dances and leave the music playing. If people dance, cool. If not, cool. I just wouldn't actively prevent dancing, kwim?

cashews29

YOU ... SHALL NOT ... DANCE!!!

Or maybe .. YOU .. SHALL NOT... PASS-o DOBLE!




I'm bored.

CMGragain

Unless everyone will have the opportunity to dance, a first dance and other special dances become a "look at me" performance with a captive audience.  That is rude.

lilacck28

@bunni727 : When in the reception does the couple usually dance? 

I was thinking, if we do this, maybe it would make the most sense right after the ceremony, or as soon as we're done with pictures if we take any in between ceremony/ reception... and then everyone eats. 

Simply Fated

I think it could potentially be awkward. The first dance usually lets guests know that they can dance... but if the music just stopped, I know in my circle we'd wonder if the dj or band was having technical difficulties. We'd also just figure that if we couldn't dance now, we'd dance at some later point in the reception.
I do agree with CMGragain that it does come off a bit AWish.
And I personally think that it's weird/bad that you guys and a few VIPs get to dance but no one else.

PrettyGirlLost

lilacck28 said:

I'm still ironing out guest list (invite 100 or invite 30), and have not picked a venue yet.  I'm planning to have a Sunday brunch reception, most likely without a dj/ band/ dancing. Just friends, family, food, and conversation. Depending on the venue, maybe I'll throw in lawn games, but I don't think most of my family would be very into that.  However, I also think I would like to do a first dance with future husband, and then maybe have a simultaneous father daughter and son mother dance. Would it be rude to have those two dances (as in, shuffle back and forth, nothing elaborate) but not any other dancing?

ps- I don't know if its relevant, but just in case, regarding the other reception traditions: I'm not planning to do a bouquet toss, and definitely not a garter thing. Cake cutting is a distinct possibility, but not a priority.  

I dunno if it is rude per se, but I think it sucks, lol! I love to dance and really only get a chance at weddings, so I really dislike weddings without dancing.

I attended a wedding earlier in the year where there was no alcohol or dancing due to the couple's religious beliefs, but they did all of the spotlight dances.  Many of us were waiting all night for the music to begin and the dance floor to open, until another guest informed us that there wouldn't be any dancing.  I was really, really disappointed and so were most people.

I found it really hypocritical to partake in spotlight dances if dancing was against their religion.

mbross3

OP are you going to do pictures after the ceremony but before the reception? If you are, and you are going somewhere away from the guests with just the WP and family--maybe you could do it then and get some pics in and it wouldn't cause confusion for your guests (they could enjoy a cocktail hour, although I don't recommend you taking a full hour). I think it would be awkward to do this dance in front of your guests when they won't be allowed to dance, not necessarily rude, but definitely awkward. 

bunni727

lilacck28 said:

@bunni727 : When in the reception does the couple usually dance? 

I was thinking, if we do this, maybe it would make the most sense right after the ceremony, or as soon as we're done with pictures if we take any in between ceremony/ reception... and then everyone eats. 

But if you dance then everyone eats, that is essentially closing the floor again. I really do think the floor should remain open to anyone who wishes to dance, if you have dancing at all.

A better option would be maybe when people are finishing dinner or right after the cake is served: people who want to dance then have the opportunity, but those who don't can still have some cake and mingle. If it's concurrent with something else (like cake or dinner), it may not come off as quite as AWish because you aren't stopping the flow of the reception for everyone to watch you dance, then not allowing them to join.

phira

I'd be confused if there was a first dance at a wedding with no dancing. I've been to weddings with no dancing (and no first dance). It's not weird.

I'd prefer brunch to dancing, but I really love brunch.

manateehugger

Do you have a really strong objection to doing your first dance and then just letting light music continue to play in the background? That way those who might choose to dance can, but it's not a big activity. You'll want music going regardless of whether you have dancing.

lilacck28

Yeah, dancing does not go against any of my beliefs. It just seems like it might be a hassle: extra expense of dance floor, sound equipment, etc. And since it will be a morning/ early afternoon wedding, dancing just doesn't seem like it necessarily goes?  And I don't want to be dragged into doing the horah or getting lifted onto a chair. Some of my family would do that. But maybe we would just have one or two dances, where we start off with Fiance and I, then father/ mother cuts in, then other people are invited to dance for a song or two or three. I dunno. Still early stages. My dad definitely wants to do a father/ daughter dance though. 

lilacck28

And I am not opposed to letting light music run in the background, and if people really want to dance they can, I just don't want it to be a whole big thing. I liked the idea about the ceremonial dances with just family around during pictures, maybe I'll take that up. But even with the 90-100 person wedding, about 70-80 of those people would be family (aunts/ uncles, first cousins), so that's a whole other issue. Regardless, you've all given me good ideas for the flow of the reception. Thank you! 

netskyblue2

I'd probably do the spotlight dances, then leave some light jazzy stuff playing in the background, like Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin, Harry Connick Jr, etc.  That kind of music is very danceable but it's a tame sort of dancing.

SomethingBeautiful08

I would recomend that the vast majority of your pictures capture first you and your FH then the WP and imediate family / i.e. parents and siblings, maybe grandparents.  Please only "reserve" those people for photos.  The less people that need to be gathered around the better and faster your photos will be.  I would suggest a simple group photo of a big family during the reception then if possible, have your photographer capture candids of others. My MILs family was 50-60% of our 100ish person wedding.  I love the big group photo of us but am also happy that it is the only one that we tried to get.

lilacck28

@somethingbeautiful08 : That is certainly what I would prefer. I've stood through quite a few long posed sessions at weddings with every possible combination of family members (grandchildren, grandchildren with grandparents, grandparents, just the parents, parents with mother's siblings, parent with father's siblings, ad nauseum.) I'd like to avoid that, and hope that it is not something my parents push for (besides the fact that they're heavily contributing, I like to make them happy.)

Jen4948

Holding spotlight dances but not letting any other guests dance treats them as a captive audience for what amounts to a performance.

I think it would be inappropriate to only have a "first dance."  If you don't want any more dancing, don't have the "first dance."

crunchymamaof2

I'm in the don't do this camp. But I also think you should have background music playing even without dancing. Music sets the mood, creates the atmosphere. But spotlight dances without other dancing just creates an awkward moment.

I personally would find dancing at another time really awkward as well. It sounds like your father wants it more than you. Is he paying for the wedding? Unless he is and he insists on the dance I'd skip it. Either everyone should be able to dance or none should. You also don't need to fork over lots of money for dancing. You really just need an open space and an iPod.

lilacck28

My father most definitely wants it,  I would like to have a first dance to "dream a little dream of me", and my parents are paying, so I'm probably going to have dancing. That is, a space,  and some light music playing from an ipod/ computer. I think I can still avoid what I don't want occurring this way, which is the horah, getting lifted onto a chair, and lots of loud themed and/ or vigorous dancing. I know those things can be lots of fun, but they aren't what I would like for this reception. I'd rather more attention is placed on talking and brunch.  I really, really love brunch, and I think/ hope my guests will still be able to have lots of fun without crazy dancing.  

crunchymamaof2

lilacck28 said:

My father most definitely wants it,  I would like to have a first dance to "dream a little dream of me", and my parents are paying, so I'm probably going to have dancing. That is, a space,  and some light music playing from an ipod/ computer. I think I can still avoid what I don't want occurring this way, which is the horah, getting lifted onto a chair, and lots of loud themed and/ or vigorous dancing. I know those things can be lots of fun, but they aren't what I would like for this reception. I'd rather more attention is placed on talking and brunch.  I really, really love brunch, and I think/ hope my guests will still be able to have lots of fun without crazy dancing.  

The type of music will really set the tone. Make sure loud, fast, crazy songs aren't on the playlist and/or tell the DJ not to play them. Lighter, upbeat background music and a dance space will give guests the opportunity to dance but I doubt many will. But at least the options there!

crunchymamaof2

I have to add that when I first read the title I thought you were trying to have a first dance that didn't involve dancing. I sat here scratching my head wondering what the hell you were smoking to try to attempt that one lol.

larrygaga

I just went to a wedding where there was no dancing allowed and everyone left early. It was boring and awful

MuppetOverlord

I vote for dancing. You can ipod it if you want, it doesn't have to be elaborate.

I had a Sunday brunch wedding. I didn't spend much on my DJ. He was awesome and people danced all over

thelastdreamer

We're not having dancing at our wedding at all. I don't really think anyone will care. Most of our guests are older and not really the dancing type. I'm planning on the reception being shorter because of it. 

But I wouldn't do just a first dance. It's like a psych out for the guests.