Potluck Bridal shower?

lovesclimbing

nellesaur said:

I just read this "cute" bridal shower idea that involves asking the guests to make their favorite dish and then bring it to the shower with the recipe to give to the bride-to-be to "help build the newly weds recipe book."

Soooo... Ask your guests to make food to bring to a bridal shower so the guest feeds the other guests AND themselves? And bring a how to guide? AND bring a registry gift?

Am I the only one who thinks this is totally tacky?

Edited to add line breaks.

I think asking everyone to bring a dish is tacky.  However, I do not find a potluck bridal shower to be tacky. In my circle, whenever anyone is invited to a get together, shower, party, etc., most people will volunteer to bring a dish. I threw my sister a batchelorette party that was just a fun evening get together. Two of the four guests (not including my sister and myself) offered to bring dishes, although I turned them down.

Also, I have no problem with the hostess asking a few close friends of the guest of honor to bring something. For example, someone threw my cousin a baby shower. The hostess asked a few guests, myself and another cousin, to bring a dish. I really have no problem with that. I think asking everyone to is a bit tacky though.

trulymarvelous

I think potlucks are great!  And I don't think there's anything wrong with a few people bringing something to a bridal shower.  Potluck fear is kind of silly to me, but I can see where people would be kind of freaked out by it.  I'm ServSafe certified and there are very few people I meet who are aware of how to properly store and prepare food, who cook on a daily basis.  But still, a little salmonella never killed anyone!  No really... a little salmonella is fine and is probably already in your system.  We've all been exposed to it at some point.

What is offensive to me is putting the burden of feeding everyone invited to the bridal shower on the guest, and asking them to bring a dish on the invitation.  

Having each guest bring a recipe for someone to compile for the bride is awesome, and I'd love it if one of my bridesmaids thinks to do that for me!  But I'd be embarrassed if they asked my other friends and family to bring food for everyone in addition to the recipe and gift.

KatWAG

nellesaur said:

I think potlucks are great!  And I don't think there's anything wrong with a few people bringing something to a bridal shower.  Potluck fear is kind of silly to me, but I can see where people would be kind of freaked out by it.  I'm ServSafe certified and there are very few people I meet who are aware of how to properly store and prepare food, who cook on a daily basis.  But still, a little salmonella never killed anyone!  No really... a little salmonella is fine and is probably already in your system.  We've all been exposed to it at some point.

What is offensive to me is putting the burden of feeding everyone invited to the bridal shower on the guest, and asking them to bring a dish on the invitation.  

Having each guest bring a recipe for someone to compile for the bride is awesome, and I'd love it if one of my bridesmaids thinks to do that for me!  But I'd be embarrassed if they asked my other friends and family to bring food for everyone in addition to the recipe and gift.

But isnt that what the host signed up for when they offered to host the shower? Food and invites?

lyndausvi

No one should ever open up an invitation and have the words that basically say

 "I invite you to come up with a food dish, then go the store, buy a bunch of ingredients,  then prep and maybe cook the dish.  Then bring said dish to my home/clubhouse/whatever at this time on this date"

Jen4948

nellesaur said:

I think potlucks are great!  And I don't think there's anything wrong with a few people bringing something to a bridal shower.  Potluck fear is kind of silly to me, but I can see where people would be kind of freaked out by it.  I'm ServSafe certified and there are very few people I meet who are aware of how to properly store and prepare food, who cook on a daily basis.  But still, a little salmonella never killed anyone!  No really... a little salmonella is fine and is probably already in your system.  We've all been exposed to it at some point.

What is offensive to me is putting the burden of feeding everyone invited to the bridal shower on the guest, and asking them to bring a dish on the invitation.  

Having each guest bring a recipe for someone to compile for the bride is awesome, and I'd love it if one of my bridesmaids thinks to do that for me!  But I'd be embarrassed if they asked my other friends and family to bring food for everyone in addition to the recipe and gift.

Potlucks are great when everyone involved agrees to them in advance.  But sending someone an invitation in the mail telling them that they're expected to bring not only a gift but a recipe and a cooked dish, without getting their consent first to a potluck, just ain't okay.  And before anyone says that invitations aren't subpoenas and no one is required to accept them,  I think this kind of setup is going to result in declined invitations more often than not.  If the hostess really wants to throw a potluck, she needs to ascertain that all the guests don't mind bringing food to share before she sends the invitations and not just send them.

MobKaz

nellesaur said:

I think potlucks are great!  And I don't think there's anything wrong with a few people bringing something to a bridal shower.  Potluck fear is kind of silly to me, but I can see where people would be kind of freaked out by it.  I'm ServSafe certified and there are very few people I meet who are aware of how to properly store and prepare food, who cook on a daily basis.  But still, a little salmonella never killed anyone!  No really... a little salmonella is fine and is probably already in your system.  We've all been exposed to it at some point.

What is offensive to me is putting the burden of feeding everyone invited to the bridal shower on the guest, and asking them to bring a dish on the invitation.  

Having each guest bring a recipe for someone to compile for the bride is awesome, and I'd love it if one of my bridesmaids thinks to do that for me!  But I'd be embarrassed if they asked my other friends and family to bring food for everyone in addition to the recipe and gift.

My sisters-in-law all brought dishes for my daughter's bridal shower.  I called them the hostesses.  The others did not bring dishes.  I called them guests.

trulymarvelous

KatWAG said:

nellesaur said:

I think potlucks are great!  And I don't think there's anything wrong with a few people bringing something to a bridal shower.  Potluck fear is kind of silly to me, but I can see where people would be kind of freaked out by it.  I'm ServSafe certified and there are very few people I meet who are aware of how to properly store and prepare food, who cook on a daily basis.  But still, a little salmonella never killed anyone!  No really... a little salmonella is fine and is probably already in your system.  We've all been exposed to it at some point.

What is offensive to me is putting the burden of feeding everyone invited to the bridal shower on the guest, and asking them to bring a dish on the invitation.  

Having each guest bring a recipe for someone to compile for the bride is awesome, and I'd love it if one of my bridesmaids thinks to do that for me!  But I'd be embarrassed if they asked my other friends and family to bring food for everyone in addition to the recipe and gift.

But isnt that what the host signed up for when they offered to host the shower? Food and invites?

Yes, that's what I'm getting at.  The host does the invites and the food.  It's not hosting if they're telling every guests they're "hosting" to bring a dish to feed everybody.

trulymarvelous

nellesaur said:

I think potlucks are great!  And I don't think there's anything wrong with a few people bringing something to a bridal shower.  Potluck fear is kind of silly to me, but I can see where people would be kind of freaked out by it.  I'm ServSafe certified and there are very few people I meet who are aware of how to properly store and prepare food, who cook on a daily basis.  But still, a little salmonella never killed anyone!  No really... a little salmonella is fine and is probably already in your system.  We've all been exposed to it at some point.

What is offensive to me is putting the burden of feeding everyone invited to the bridal shower on the guest, and asking them to bring a dish on the invitation.  

Having each guest bring a recipe for someone to compile for the bride is awesome, and I'd love it if one of my bridesmaids thinks to do that for me!  But I'd be embarrassed if they asked my other friends and family to bring food for everyone in addition to the recipe and gift.

I should add, I don't think there's anything wrong with a few people bringing food if it's of their own accord, or it was something that had already been agreed on between a few guests and the host.  It's should NOT be a requirement of your attendance to the bridal shower.

ladyamanuet

Is it ok to indicate that it is ok if they wish to bring a dish? I am hosting a "foodie" type bridal shower for my friend, and will do the recipe card thing.  I will be providing PLENTY of food and drink (alcoholic and non) but I know there are ladies who will bring a dish because that is what they do.  Is it ok to say "if you wish to bring the dish from your recipe, please let me know so we don't have duplicates" while also indicating that they will be able to stuff themselves silly on what I am providing should they wish?  I know I could just do it on a case-by-case basis, but there are some older ladies that I think will just bring a dish without asking me first "hey, can I help out by bringing x-y-z?"

Also, do I get a gift for the bride in addition to the shower? Everyone keeps saying the shower is a gift to the bride, so I wasn't sure what the etiquette was there.  I was planning on getting something small off her registry. Is that what is normally done?

Jen4948

ladyamanuet said:

Is it ok to indicate that it is ok if they wish to bring a dish? I am hosting a "foodie" type bridal shower for my friend, and will do the recipe card thing.  I will be providing PLENTY of food and drink (alcoholic and non) but I know there are ladies who will bring a dish because that is what they do.  Is it ok to say "if you wish to bring the dish from your recipe, please let me know so we don't have duplicates" while also indicating that they will be able to stuff themselves silly on what I am providing should they wish?  I know I could just do it on a case-by-case basis, but there are some older ladies that I think will just bring a dish without asking me first "hey, can I help out by bringing x-y-z?"

Also, do I get a gift for the bride in addition to the shower? Everyone keeps saying the shower is a gift to the bride, so I wasn't sure what the etiquette was there.  I was planning on getting something small off her registry. Is that what is normally done?

To the bolded, given that each might bring a dish that someone has an medical or religious issue with, I wouldn't.  It would be a nightmare to keep track of.

speakeasy14

I am a MOH and have mixed feelings about throwing a shower this way. 

Initially I did not like this idea at all, not because I thought it was tacky, but more because it no longer made the party be in my control. I also did not want guests to feel that they had to spend money on travel, a gift, and food to feed a party. 

While I was trying to figure out a date for the shower, I kept receiving calls and e-mails from both sides of the family with requests to bring a dish or to help in some way.  My mother and aunts explained to me that is how a lot of showers used to be (at least where they grew up), with everyone chipping in some way, and that is why everyone kept asking to help. 

I figured it was a losing battle, so I was given the suggestion to ask guests to make a dish and to phrase it so that the Bride will know what those recipes actually taste like. I included a recipe card with each invitation, with a separate instruction card that stated those instructions. 

I actually received a really positive response (from those who actually responded to the invitations), with a lot of women stating they thought it was genius because they have tons of family recipes they will never make because they have no idea what they taste like.  

With that being said, I would never throw a shower this way again.  I had no idea if there would be enough food, variation in food, or if anyone with allergies would even be able to eat anything, because though everyone seemed to like the idea no one ever said what they would bring.  Since I had no idea I still needed to provide food and beverages as if I hadn't included those instructions anyway.

The recipe card idea is very sweet, so will definitely suggest that, but not the potluck portion. (edited to add line spacing)

Fairyjen1

   In my family I'm known for making cupcakes (It's a hobby of mine). So I've often been asked to bring some to events like this. I don't mind because I'm family and I enjoy baking cupcakes. 

    Usually I drop off the cupcakes and leave. It's also known in my family that I don't like showers where they play silly games so I always ask if there are going to be games first and RSVP no if there is. They love me anyway (probably because I bring cupcakes, LOL)

    Even my family, who has the etiquette habits of monkeys in a zoo, don't do potluck showers, however.