Bridal Shower of Groomsman's FI is the day after my wedding

kaa32

Thank you all for your feedback!!

crunchymamaof2

Thought this was going to be way different than what was actually posted. Phew! I also wouldn't attend and not think much of it. I think you're letting guilt get the best of you. Send a card and a gift if you can swing it and call it a day.

grumbledore

Jen4948 said:

grumbledore said:

Jen4948 said:

grumbledore said:

Jen4948 said:

Either you go or you don't.  There is no requirement that you attend.

But don't make your decision on the basis that their feelings might be hurt.  Nobody is ever required to accept an invitation.  You have valid reasons for wanting to decline.  So if that's what you want to do, then do it.  Don't waffle back and forth about it. 

Just be tactful in the wording you use to decline: "As you know, we are getting married the day before, and while I'd really love to be there, it just isn't possible for me to attend.  I hope you have a blast!"

I don't think there's any reason for an explanation.  They aren't close, she's the FI of OP's FI's GM.  A simple No should suffice.

I don't think this is an explanation.  And a simple "No" can come across as unpleasantly curt and brusque.  Even for people who aren't close, it can be desirable to avoid that.

Well, the bride won't be hosting (one can hope), so OP will be RSVPing to someone who likely doesn't know her from a hole in the wall and isn't going to care why she isn't coming, so...  and if it's a mail-in RSVP, then "no" will be a choice and certainly won't be considered "unpleasantly curt and brusque" imo.

Personally, I'd decline and send a card/gift since this woman is marrying a close friend of FI.

If it's a mail-in, then I agree, you can just say "no."  But if you have to speak to someone, then I still think "no" and nothing else will be considered "unpleasantly curt and brusque."  I'd say "Thank you, but I unfortunately can't make it.  I'm sorry" to soften the refusal.

Agreed.

cowgirl8238

Personally I would have gone, but I think I'm in the minority on that opinion.  If you want to host your brunch go ahead and do so.  I would just rsvp no and send her a gift.  No need to worry

phira

winterbride1989 said:

MrsAitch said:

phira said:

I mean, the reason you can't attend is because you are hosting a post-wedding brunch for out of town guests. Even if you haven't officially made those plans, that's something you're going to do. It's like RSVPing no to an event that you know will conflict with your rehearsal dinner, even if the rehearsal dinner has not been officially planned. It's fine.

Your question is basically, "How can I decline and not offend anyone?" The short answer is, you can't. It is perfectly fine for you to decline, without giving any justification. If the bride is upset that you've declined, then ... so what? She can feel whatever she feels, and you weren't being rude.

Um...what? Since when is the day after brunch for OOT guests a requirement?

It's not. OP said in the original post that she was going to, but hadn't made any formal plans yet.

I was going off of the OP's post. Definitely not a requirement!!

PrettyGirlLost

cowgirl8238 said:

Personally I would have gone, but I think I'm in the minority on that opinion.  If you want to host your brunch go ahead and do so.  I would just rsvp no and send her a gift.  No need to worry

Damn, more power to you!

I'm pretty sure I'm not going to want to do anything the day after my wedding other than hang out with my FI and go to bed early because we'll be flying out on our honeymoon the Monday morning after the wedding.

Oh and brunch because I love brunch and it comes with our venue :-)

cowgirl8238

PrettyGirlLost said:

cowgirl8238 said:

Personally I would have gone, but I think I'm in the minority on that opinion.  If you want to host your brunch go ahead and do so.  I would just rsvp no and send her a gift.  No need to worry

Damn, more power to you!

I'm pretty sure I'm not going to want to do anything the day after my wedding other than hang out with my FI and go to bed early because we'll be flying out on our honeymoon the Monday morning after the wedding.

Oh and brunch because I love brunch and it comes with our venue :-)

Brunch would be awesome!!!!

The only reason I would make an effort to go is because I live OOT from 98% of my friends and family, so when I get a chance to see them, I take it. 

ashleyep

If she knows the date of her shower (and it's possible she doesn't if her friends/family is like mine) she probably doesn't expect that you'll come but wanted to invite you to not be rude. Decline and send a gift, I'd say.

kitty8403

Honestly, you already have plans. Maybe not overly solid ones, but definitely plans (prepping for honeymoon and possibly hosting brunch). So it sounds like you have a simple time conflict.
Will you see her at your reception? I'd get them a little gift and congratulate them in person.

lc07

PrettyGirlLost said:

cowgirl8238 said:

Personally I would have gone, but I think I'm in the minority on that opinion.  If you want to host your brunch go ahead and do so.  I would just rsvp no and send her a gift.  No need to worry

Damn, more power to you!

I'm pretty sure I'm not going to want to do anything the day after my wedding other than hang out with my FI and go to bed early because we'll be flying out on our honeymoon the Monday morning after the wedding.

Oh and brunch because I love brunch and it comes with our venue :-)

I dream about brunch.