Seriously..??? (Vent)

Emmy1493

So I got a text from dear ol' mom asking me if I had forgotten my sister's birthday. No, of course I didn't. I told her happy birthday, but have been busy so I haven't had the chance or really money, to get her anything. 

Well, I told her I had told her HB and then she said, "Oh okay lol."

Here's the rest of the short convo, cause seriously, WTF?!

Her: "I was JW as she was telling me bubba (My brother) gave her 20$ and told her HB, and I didn't even have to remind him! Imagine my shock! Ttyl and have a great day. Love u."

I guess it's not really a convo as I didn't reply. Like, WTF is she getting at..? "Oh, your brother remembered to get her something, wow! Now why didn't you?! " Seriously?

How about, "Happy Birthday, I love you and hope you have a great day.?" Sorry I didn't realize I am supposed to get her stuff when you already get her everything she practically wants."

She just turned 16. My gift will be advice. Here it is: How about get a job and then you can buy your own shit and not expect it from others!! That is what I did, and I turned out JUST fine.

Sorry, just had to vent as my mom beats around the fucking bush like no other, and it's really annoying. Happy Wednesday! 

thisismynickname2

Vent away!

I hate to say I foresee a baby bridezilla in the making, if your mom is making sure people get her gifts and fawn over her for a yearly occasion. I say this with good humor. 

jenna8984

LOL seriously. I don't think my brother and I have EVER gotten each other a birthday gift. When we were little my parents would just make it from the family and even once we were teens and got jobs we didn't buy each other anything. Christmas was maybe a CD if you were lucky. Even as adults with disposable income we don't do presents.

I like your advice. Get one of those fake fortune cookies and write a note in it- Happy Birthday! You are now old enough to work!

Emmy1493

I seriously hope not! She can be veryyyy laid back. Then again she's young and has a very immature way of thinking she can be entitled to things from my mom. And my sis pressures her into getting something for her. Now my mom is absolutely not made of money. So idk why sis thinks my mom can afford to get her stuff every time they go shopping for things they actually need. Like, food maybe..? I texted my mom back after she said that, basically saying:

Me: "Okay cool...good for A (my brother) Love you too."

Her: I am just shocked he remembered that (and a bunch of stuff saying he probably felt bad he didn't have a present for me. Which is why he probably didn't go with them to my bday lunch.)

I basically just told her I did not expect a present from him, nor did I care that he didn't give me anything. Also about how they're always appreciated, but should never be expected.

I just thought that was random as she is the one who texted me asking if I forgot my sister's bday... not if my brother got me anything for mine, etc etc.

Damn Bush Beater. I love her, but seriously.. I am not dumb. I know what you are probably getting at here. lol

Emmy1493

jenna8984 said:

LOL seriously. I don't think my brother and I have EVER gotten each other a birthday gift. When we were little my parents would just make it from the family and even once we were teens and got jobs we didn't buy each other anything. Christmas was maybe a CD if you were lucky. Even as adults with disposable income we don't do presents.

I like your advice. Get one of those fake fortune cookies and write a note in it- Happy Birthday! You are now old enough to work!

EXACTLY! I mean, my mom ALWAYS hints at stuff she wants for her bday. Like, who the heck said I was getting you anything? I am not made of money either. I love her, but sometimes I wonder about her way of thinking. One year, FI and I got her the new Transformers DVD like she asked for. I told her we got it, and she asked if it was the special Blu-Ray one. No, we got her the regular one. She then said, Oh, well I was wanting the Blu-Ray one.. but that's okay. I think she even said something about returning it. But we actually ended up keeping it, though I thought we gave it to her. Oh well.

Emmy1493

scribe95 said:

16th birthday is a pretty big deal. I think your mom is being really passive aggressive but I would have had something small given the significance of the bday.

It is, and I was planning on giving her something. The timing was just bad. Still, she doesn't need to remind me about it. lol

arrippa

Emmy1493 said:

scribe95 said:

16th birthday is a pretty big deal. I think your mom is being really passive aggressive but I would have had something small given the significance of the bday.

It is, and I was planning on giving her something. The timing was just bad. Still, she doesn't need to remind me about it. lol

My mom still reminds me of upcoming birthdays and I am 37.  Some mothers just do this. 

Emmy1493

moemacWed30594 said:

Emmy1493 said:

scribe95 said:

16th birthday is a pretty big deal. I think your mom is being really passive aggressive but I would have had something small given the significance of the bday.

It is, and I was planning on giving her something. The timing was just bad. Still, she doesn't need to remind me about it. lol

My mom still reminds me of upcoming birthdays and I am 37.  Some mothers just do this. 

Oh wow. Yeah, I suppose, she just always comes off as entitled when she mentions her bday (which I will ALWAYS remember) and as far as sibling gifts, if I wanna give something, I will. I don't need her to beat around the bush about it. I don't do entitled. Like I said...if I can do it financially, I will. No one needs to remind me lol. 

I am all about gift giving if I can, but right now all she will get is a card and something small. No one laid gifts at my feet when I was her age, but I had fun celebrating with friends and hanging out. Oh, and job hunting. That's what I got to do. 

Anyway, sorry if I am making too much of this, I just have a lot going on too and when my mom says/does shit like this I get annoyed. If she rarely did it, or didn't always have an attitude or sense that she/family is owed something, I would brush it off. But it really gets old and I spoil my sister from time to time when I have it. So she can't say I don't ever give her anything.

abbyj700

Emmy1493 said:

So I got a text from dear ol' mom asking me if I had forgotten my sister's birthday. No, of course I didn't. I told her happy birthday, but have been busy so I haven't had the chance or really money, to get her anything. 

Well, I told her I had told her HB and then she said, "Oh okay lol."

Here's the rest of the short convo, cause seriously, WTF?!

Her: "I was JW as she was telling me bubba (My brother) gave her 20$ and told her HB, and I didn't even have to remind him! Imagine my shock! Ttyl and have a great day. Love u."

I guess it's not really a convo as I didn't reply. Like, WTF is she getting at..? "Oh, your brother remembered to get her something, wow! Now why didn't you?! " Seriously?

How about, "Happy Birthday, I love you and hope you have a great day.?" Sorry I didn't realize I am supposed to get her stuff when you already get her everything she practically wants."

She just turned 16. My gift will be advice. Here it is: How about get a job and then you can buy your own shit and not expect it from others!! That is what I did, and I turned out JUST fine.

Sorry, just had to vent as my mom beats around the fucking bush like no other, and it's really annoying. Happy Wednesday! 

I completely think you are making too much of this. I have a brother who never remembers birthdays - if my mom pointed out that he sent a gift - it wouldn't be to ask why I didn't - it would be because she was genuinely surprised he did so. In that test she says nothing about you not getting a gift.

And seriously? Your gift is advice for your 16 year old sister to get a job? I'm happy my older sister was way cooler than that and got me a keychain and Porsche Boxter (my favorite car at the time) Hot Wheels car. It wasn't about the money - it was about her knowing 16 is a big deal in every kids life. 

Emmy1493

abbyj700 said:

Emmy1493 said:

So I got a text from dear ol' mom asking me if I had forgotten my sister's birthday. No, of course I didn't. I told her happy birthday, but have been busy so I haven't had the chance or really money, to get her anything. 

Well, I told her I had told her HB and then she said, "Oh okay lol."

Here's the rest of the short convo, cause seriously, WTF?!

Her: "I was JW as she was telling me bubba (My brother) gave her 20$ and told her HB, and I didn't even have to remind him! Imagine my shock! Ttyl and have a great day. Love u."

I guess it's not really a convo as I didn't reply. Like, WTF is she getting at..? "Oh, your brother remembered to get her something, wow! Now why didn't you?! " Seriously?

How about, "Happy Birthday, I love you and hope you have a great day.?" Sorry I didn't realize I am supposed to get her stuff when you already get her everything she practically wants."

She just turned 16. My gift will be advice. Here it is: How about get a job and then you can buy your own shit and not expect it from others!! That is what I did, and I turned out JUST fine.

Sorry, just had to vent as my mom beats around the fucking bush like no other, and it's really annoying. Happy Wednesday! 

I completely think you are making too much of this. I have a brother who never remembers birthdays - if my mom pointed out that he sent a gift - it wouldn't be to ask why I didn't - it would be because she was genuinely surprised he did so. In that test she says nothing about you not getting a gift.

And seriously? Your gift is advice for your 16 year old sister to get a job? I'm happy my older sister was way cooler than that and got me a keychain and Porsche Boxter (my favorite car at the time) Hot Wheels car. It wasn't about the money - it was about her knowing 16 is a big deal in every kids life. 

To the bolded: That part was a joke. And I know 16 is a big thing and would never deny it. I am not making this as big as you think I am. More so just venting. I'm not trying to play the justifying this and that card, but my mom can kinda act very, very entitled. I think that is why I take it the way I do. I feel as though she is somehow acting as though I absolutely have to get her something. And I will. Again, I do not need anyone to remind me about it though. As I have already stated. But after writing all of this I feel better, and know I that I am thinking into it maybe more than I should have. It's just hard not to when she always makes these kind of comments. Thanks for the advice though...

jenna8984

abbyj700 said:

 

I completely think you are making too much of this. I have a brother who never remembers birthdays - if my mom pointed out that he sent a gift - it wouldn't be to ask why I didn't - it would be because she was genuinely surprised he did so. In that test she says nothing about you not getting a gift.

And seriously? Your gift is advice for your 16 year old sister to get a job? I'm happy my older sister was way cooler than that and got me a keychain and Porsche Boxter (my favorite car at the time) Hot Wheels car. It wasn't about the money - it was about her knowing 16 is a big deal in every kids life. 

Eh, boys don't get a "sweet 16" so why is it so special for girls? I thought 13 was big- you're a teenager. 17 is big- you can get into an R rated movie. 18 is big- you're a legal adult. 20 is big- you're no longer a teenager. 21 is big- you can drink. 25 is big- you can rent a car without extra fees. So really to make a huge deal out of 16 is a little pointless to me.

But then again some parents still get their 30 year old kids birthday presents. My parents were very much "it's a tough world out there, you don't get handouts, be a big girl" and they stopped giving us Christmas presents when we turned 17. So I have been desensitized to birthdays and holidays LOL

arrippa

jenna8984 said:

abbyj700 said:

 

I completely think you are making too much of this. I have a brother who never remembers birthdays - if my mom pointed out that he sent a gift - it wouldn't be to ask why I didn't - it would be because she was genuinely surprised he did so. In that test she says nothing about you not getting a gift.

And seriously? Your gift is advice for your 16 year old sister to get a job? I'm happy my older sister was way cooler than that and got me a keychain and Porsche Boxter (my favorite car at the time) Hot Wheels car. It wasn't about the money - it was about her knowing 16 is a big deal in every kids life. 

Eh, boys don't get a "sweet 16" so why is it so special for girls? I thought 13 was big- you're a teenager. 17 is big- you can get into an R rated movie. 18 is big- you're a legal adult. 20 is big- you're no longer a teenager. 21 is big- you can drink. 25 is big- you can rent a car without extra fees. So really to make a huge deal out of 16 is a little pointless to me.

But then again some parents still get their 30 year old kids birthday presents. My parents were very much "it's a tough world out there, you don't get handouts, be a big girl" and they stopped giving us Christmas presents when we turned 17. So I have been desensitized to birthdays and holidays LOL

My brother and I still get birthday and Christmas presents. My mom gets a lot of joy watching us open our gifts (some of our Christmas presents still come from Santa).

abbyj700

jenna8984 said:

abbyj700 said:

 

I completely think you are making too much of this. I have a brother who never remembers birthdays - if my mom pointed out that he sent a gift - it wouldn't be to ask why I didn't - it would be because she was genuinely surprised he did so. In that test she says nothing about you not getting a gift.

And seriously? Your gift is advice for your 16 year old sister to get a job? I'm happy my older sister was way cooler than that and got me a keychain and Porsche Boxter (my favorite car at the time) Hot Wheels car. It wasn't about the money - it was about her knowing 16 is a big deal in every kids life. 

Eh, boys don't get a "sweet 16" so why is it so special for girls? I thought 13 was big- you're a teenager. 17 is big- you can get into an R rated movie. 18 is big- you're a legal adult. 20 is big- you're no longer a teenager. 21 is big- you can drink. 25 is big- you can rent a car without extra fees. So really to make a huge deal out of 16 is a little pointless to me.

But then again some parents still get their 30 year old kids birthday presents. My parents were very much "it's a tough world out there, you don't get handouts, be a big girl" and they stopped giving us Christmas presents when we turned 17. So I have been desensitized to birthdays and holidays LOL

But it's not just special for girls.Sixteen is important because you can drive....

I'll get presents for my 30th birthday this year. We're a very loving and close family. We send cards and gifts for no reason at times. We always buy everyone gifts for Christmas - including my new SILs this year. It's not handouts - it's us showing we love each other. 

KeptInStitches

I'm turning 27 and I will get presents for my birthday this year (asked for poster frames - cross your fingers! I want to hang all our "fine artwork" in the new house). We always get my parents birthday and Christmas gifts, they get us birthday and Christmas gifts. It's normal for us. And some of my Christmas presents come from Santa as well.

jdluvr06

KeptInStitches said:

I'm turning 27 and I will get presents for my birthday this year (asked for poster frames - cross your fingers! I want to hang all our "fine artwork" in the new house). We always get my parents birthday and Christmas gifts, they get us birthday and Christmas gifts. It's normal for us. And some of my Christmas presents come from Santa as well.

That is how it is in my family as well. We love to buy presents for eachother.

Emmy1493

jenna8984 said:

abbyj700 said:

 

I completely think you are making too much of this. I have a brother who never remembers birthdays - if my mom pointed out that he sent a gift - it wouldn't be to ask why I didn't - it would be because she was genuinely surprised he did so. In that test she says nothing about you not getting a gift.

And seriously? Your gift is advice for your 16 year old sister to get a job? I'm happy my older sister was way cooler than that and got me a keychain and Porsche Boxter (my favorite car at the time) Hot Wheels car. It wasn't about the money - it was about her knowing 16 is a big deal in every kids life. 

Eh, boys don't get a "sweet 16" so why is it so special for girls? I thought 13 was big- you're a teenager. 17 is big- you can get into an R rated movie. 18 is big- you're a legal adult. 20 is big- you're no longer a teenager. 21 is big- you can drink. 25 is big- you can rent a car without extra fees. So really to make a huge deal out of 16 is a little pointless to me.

But then again some parents still get their 30 year old kids birthday presents. My parents were very much "it's a tough world out there, you don't get handouts, be a big girl" and they stopped giving us Christmas presents when we turned 17. So I have been desensitized to birthdays and holidays LOL

But it's not just special for girls.Sixteen is important because you can drive....

I'll get presents for my 30th birthday this year. We're a very loving and close family. We send cards and gifts for no reason at times. We always buy everyone gifts for Christmas - including my new SILs this year. It's not handouts - it's us showing we love each other. 

ITB: That awesome that you do. But I do not give gifts to my family to show my love. They know I will love them with out it. Just as I know they love me even if I got nothing. My whole big ordeal, aside from my mom, is that my sister expects things from my mom. Wanna know why? Because my mom will spend $$ on her that she does not have, because my sister will throw a fit if she doesn't most times. I have seen this first hand many a time. 

When my sister is yelling at my mom and treating her like crap, you wanna know how I show my love? By being blunt and honest with her, having a heart to heart. Letting her know that the way she treats my mom and others is not okay. I love her enough to say those things because they needs to be heard and not sugar coated. I would have loved to have had an older sister to do the same for me. After all that, she knows I love her, and would do anything for her, with reason, and that I am always there for her. It's different maybe than most families, but thats how I roll. 16 is a very exciting age. And when she obtains her DL in the next few months, I think I am going to get her something for her future car. Not just because I love her, but because I am proud of her. And very scared/excited that she will be on the road.

ETA: I know that was slightly off topic, but it goes to show why I get frustrated when people expect things. Even if my mom really did mean nothing by it.

Emmy1493

jdluvr06 said:

KeptInStitches said:

I'm turning 27 and I will get presents for my birthday this year (asked for poster frames - cross your fingers! I want to hang all our "fine artwork" in the new house). We always get my parents birthday and Christmas gifts, they get us birthday and Christmas gifts. It's normal for us. And some of my Christmas presents come from Santa as well.

That is how it is in my family as well. We love to buy presents for eachother.

I normally do Christmas presents for my mom, brother and sister. Though i have had to tone it down because I got too excited a few years ago and spent way too much money, and it left me in a crunch. Totally my fault though!

jdluvr06

jdluvr06 said:

KeptInStitches said:

I'm turning 27 and I will get presents for my birthday this year (asked for poster frames - cross your fingers! I want to hang all our "fine artwork" in the new house). We always get my parents birthday and Christmas gifts, they get us birthday and Christmas gifts. It's normal for us. And some of my Christmas presents come from Santa as well.

That is how it is in my family as well. We love to buy presents for eachother.

I normally do Christmas presents for my mom, brother and sister. Though i have had to tone it down because I got too excited a few years ago and spent way too much money, and it left me in a crunch. Totally my fault though!

Ever since my sister had her kids it has been crazy. My fils have started coming to our Christmas at my mom's house and even they buy stuff for her kids. The presents take up half the living room and probably 90% of them are for the kids. I'm super guilty of buying them too much. I can't see to stop myself.

Emmy1493

jdluvr06 said:

jdluvr06 said:

KeptInStitches said:

I'm turning 27 and I will get presents for my birthday this year (asked for poster frames - cross your fingers! I want to hang all our "fine artwork" in the new house). We always get my parents birthday and Christmas gifts, they get us birthday and Christmas gifts. It's normal for us. And some of my Christmas presents come from Santa as well.

That is how it is in my family as well. We love to buy presents for eachother.

I normally do Christmas presents for my mom, brother and sister. Though i have had to tone it down because I got too excited a few years ago and spent way too much money, and it left me in a crunch. Totally my fault though!

Ever since my sister had her kids it has been crazy. My fils have started coming to our Christmas at my mom's house and even they buy stuff for her kids. The presents take up half the living room and probably 90% of them are for the kids. I'm super guilty of buying them too much. I can't see to stop myself.

Haha! If I had the means to, I would be in the same boat. I like going all out on CHristmas, bdays, ehh, not asssss much. If I went all out on every special occasion, I would have to sell an organ lol. But I get where your coming from. FI's siblings do not give gifts to each other as there are so many of them, plus SIL's, BIL's, GF's etc. Thats why we established we would not give gifts to one another. Only his mom and dad.

KeptInStitches

I ended up in the overspending boat a few years ago and got to have a tight January for my troubles. It made me clean up my budgeting a lot - and shop better sales, too!

Emmy1493

KeptInStitches said:

I ended up in the overspending boat a few years ago and got to have a tight January for my troubles. It made me clean up my budgeting a lot - and shop better sales, too!

Same here! I was reading this very informing article that some one bought a gift card for a different place every month until Christmas, and used those to shop for people. Of course I haven't got on that yet, but thought it was a neat suggestion if you have any left over $$ in your monthly budget.