Where to sit my nearly four year old son during the reception?

Astrabacus

My son (not my FI's) will be four very shortly after the wedding, and as such will be very excitable and hyperactive, and I really don't know where to sit him during the reception. We are kind of letting him do whatever he likes during the ceremony (as to whether or not he wants to be in the wedding party) and have a seat reserved for him between my mother and sister, and we are going to have some quiet games for him to play during the ceremony since it's quite long for a four year old (an hour) to sit through with nothing to do. But as for the reception, we really have no idea where to sit him. We are currently planning having the head table with only the wedding party on it, with their guests, since I have step-parents and such to think of, but I worry about having my son there with only adults during the meal. There is also a kids table, but he doesn't really know any of the kids who are coming, with the exception of his best friend, and I don't want him to sit with people he doesn't really know.

KatWAG

Astrabacus said:

My son (not my FI's) will be four very shortly after the wedding, and as such will be very excitable and hyperactive, and I really don't know where to sit him during the reception. We are kind of letting him do whatever he likes during the ceremony (as to whether or not he wants to be in the wedding party) and have a seat reserved for him between my mother and sister, and we are going to have some quiet games for him to play during the ceremony since it's quite long for a four year old (an hour) to sit through with nothing to do. But as for the reception, we really have no idea where to sit him. We are currently planning having the head table with only the wedding party on it, with their guests, since I have step-parents and such to think of, but I worry about having my son there with only adults during the meal. There is also a kids table, but he doesn't really know any of the kids who are coming, with the exception of his best friend, and I don't want him to sit with people he doesn't really know.

Why cant he sit with you?

Maggie0829

Astrabacus said:

My son (not my FI's) will be four very shortly after the wedding, and as such will be very excitable and hyperactive, and I really don't know where to sit him during the reception. We are kind of letting him do whatever he likes during the ceremony (as to whether or not he wants to be in the wedding party) and have a seat reserved for him between my mother and sister, and we are going to have some quiet games for him to play during the ceremony since it's quite long for a four year old (an hour) to sit through with nothing to do. But as for the reception, we really have no idea where to sit him. We are currently planning having the head table with only the wedding party on it, with their guests, since I have step-parents and such to think of, but I worry about having my son there with only adults during the meal. There is also a kids table, but he doesn't really know any of the kids who are coming, with the exception of his best friend, and I don't want him to sit with people he doesn't really know.

I always think it is best to sit a child with their parents, even if the parents are the bride and groom.

Astrabacus

He could sit with us, but he gets really awkward around my FI's family (his brothers are part of the wedding party) since he doesn't really know them, and I don't want him to be uncomfortable. He also starts showing off a lot around people he doesn't know very well. 

PrettyGirlLost

Astrabacus said:

He could sit with us, but he gets really awkward around my FI's family (his brothers are part of the wedding party) since he doesn't really know them, and I don't want him to be uncomfortable. He also starts showing off a lot around people he doesn't know very well. 

Since you guys are getting married, shouldn't your son be past "not knowing" his step-uncles?  What I mean is, I assume you guys have all done a few things together or spent some holidays together?

I think your son would feel the most comfortable sitting with you and your FI.

Astrabacus

They live in a different country so it's kind of difficult for him to get to know them properly, especially since I only have 50/50 custody of him. 

I'm not saying he 100% can't sit with us, but I don't want him to be uncomfortable about it.

STARMOON44

If he doesn't know the bridal party, and he doesn't know the kids, who does he know? I would do a sweetheart table with you, husband, and him, or a smaller table with you husband him MOH and date, and best man and date.

Maggie0829

STARMOON44 said:

If he doesn't know the bridal party, and he doesn't know the kids, who does he know? I would do a sweetheart table with you, husband, and him, or a smaller table with you husband him MOH and date, and best man and date.

This.

KatWAG

Astrabacus said:

He could sit with us, but he gets really awkward around my FI's family (his brothers are part of the wedding party) since he doesn't really know them, and I don't want him to be uncomfortable. He also starts showing off a lot around people he doesn't know very well. 

I will second the question of, who does he know? And if does start to show off/ act out, I think sitting with his parents would be best so you can parent the situation.

Astrabacus

He knows everybody except the kids and his step-uncles, since the kids are their children. Also the head table we are having is attached to the rest of the tables in an n shape, so we either have to have the whole of the wedding party or the family at the table (and I can't stand to be in the presence of both of my parents at the same time, so we can't have that) otherwise there won't really be enough room.

We will probably just have him sitting opposite us though, or by my side so he won't be so likely to feel uncomfortable. Thanks for the advice!

SharedJoy

I would recommend hiring a babysitter, preferably someone who already watches him, to hang out with him for the evening at the reception. He could still join in the fun but you wouldn't have to be 'taking care' of him.

If he doesn't have a regular sitter, you could find one before your wedding so they can get to know one another.

lyndausvi

SharedJoy said:

I would recommend hiring a babysitter, preferably someone who already watches him, to hang out with him for the evening at the reception. He could still join in the fun but you wouldn't have to be 'taking care' of him. If he doesn't have a regular sitter, you could find one before your wedding so they can get to know one another.

I like this option.    

Not to be mean, but as his parent I think you are in a better position on where your son will be most comfortable at the reception then a bunch of internet people who have never met him.

PrettyGirlLost

Astrabacus said:

They live in a different country so it's kind of difficult for him to get to know them properly, especially since I only have 50/50 custody of him. 

I'm not saying he 100% can't sit with us, but I don't want him to be uncomfortable about it.

Ah, ok.  Then I agree with:

STARMOON44 said:

If he doesn't know the bridal party, and he doesn't know the kids, who does he know? I would do a sweetheart table with you, husband, and him, or a smaller table with you husband him MOH and date, and best man and date.

mysticl

I've been to a couple of weddings where the couple already had children.  In once case the child sat with me and another friend of the bride during dinner.  In another case the child was with her grandparents.  

What is the age range of the children's table?  I think four is too young to sit at a children's table at that type of event, especially if he doesn't really know the other kids.  

Jen4948

If you don't want to have to take care of your son during your reception, then you should hire a babysitter for him that he knows rather than worrying that he is going to be "uncomfortable" with whomever he's sitting with who isn't you.  It's not fair to him or the people you would seat him with to make any of them his babysitters for the reception.

SP29

What about sitting him with his grandparents? 

If he is not comfortable with any family members then I think you have no other choice but to sit him with yourself and FI. 

Jen4948

SP29 said:

What about sitting him with his grandparents? 

If he is not comfortable with any family members then I think you have no other choice but to sit him with yourself and FI. 

What if his grandparents don't want to act as his babysitters?  They're there as wedding guests, not as paid help.

theartistformerlyknownas

Another vote for either a sweetheart table with just the 3 of you, or you 3 plus all the grandparents, or you 3, BM+guest, MOH+guest.

Astrabacus

As I've already said, a sweetheart table is impossible because of the layout. 

My parents are divorced and I don't like being with them both at the same time so having a table the three of us + my parents, step-parents and my FI's parents would be horrible for me, never mind him. Again, he couldn't sit with any of my parents because they'd fight over who he got to sit with, plus his biological grandmother is also coming, who is my dad's ex-wife, so she'd also be thrown into the 'who does he get to sit with' mix. I think FI's parents would probably love sitting with him, but they (like my own parents) are invited as guests, not baby sitters.

lyndausvi

Your options are

1)  get a babysitter to sit with him

2) he sits with you

3)   Now I know that really this might not be a popular option, but it might not be a bad idea if he attended the meal and then just went home with a sitter.  

theartistformerlyknownas

I really don't understand how you expect anyone to help you with those parameters and interpersonal dynamics. Sounds like the 4yo is the only one who won't be acting like a child.

VulgarGirl

lyndausvi said:

Your options are

1)  get a babysitter to sit with him

2) he sits with you

3)   Now I know that really this might not be a popular option, but it might not be a bad idea if he attended the meal and then just went home with a sitter.  

I agree with all three options, but option number three kind of sounds the best to me. FI's little sister will be 7 at the wedding and our plan is that she'll come for the ceremony and dinner and then we'll have her babysitter ready and waiting to take her home shortly there after. She's a great kid, we adore her. But there will be no other kids her age and frankly she'd rather be home in her PJs watching Frozen then at some boring grown up party all night. She'll be there for some of the dancing, but when she starts to get tired/bored/cranky, her sitter will take her home so her dads (FI's dads) can enjoy the rest of the night.

Astrabacus

He has a babysitter he has quite a lot, and knows well, but she's invited as a guest to the wedding, so I wouldn't be asking her to look after him. Also, I don't think having a babysitter leave after the meal with him would be a bad idea, but it's a lunch reception and will be finished by half past four in the afternoon so he's not going to be tired. We go on honeymoon the same day as the wedding.

I have already said he is going to sit with us here, by the way: 

Astrabacus said:

We will probably just have him sitting opposite us though, or by my side so he won't be so likely to feel uncomfortable. Thanks for the advice!

Jen4948

Astrabacus said:

He has a babysitter he has quite a lot, and knows well, but she's invited as a guest to the wedding, so I wouldn't be asking her to look after him. Also, I don't think having a babysitter leave after the meal with him would be a bad idea, but it's a lunch reception and will be finished by half past four in the afternoon so he's not going to be tired. We go on honeymoon the same day as the wedding.

I have already said he is going to sit with us here, by the way: 

Astrabacus said:

We will probably just have him sitting opposite us though, or by my side so he won't be so likely to feel uncomfortable. Thanks for the advice!

I think you'll need to consider various things and decide what should have higher priority: your son attending an event with a lot of people he's not comfortable with, or his not attending and being comfortable.

The truth is, you can't expect his grandparents or anyone else who's invited as a guest to babysit him.  That's just not a reasonable expectation for invited guests.  So if you want your son to be there, then I think you and he will have to accept that at times, maybe even the whole thing, he will have to sit with people with whom he is not comfortable.  Otherwise, he needs to not attend and be babysat by someone he is comfortable with who is not a guest at your wedding.  Etiquette really doesn't provide any other options.  It is not okay to make people "comfortable" at the expense of others-especially if those others are invited guests.

tammym1001

Astrabacus said:

He has a babysitter he has quite a lot, and knows well, but she's invited as a guest to the wedding, so I wouldn't be asking her to look after him. Also, I don't think having a babysitter leave after the meal with him would be a bad idea, but it's a lunch reception and will be finished by half past four in the afternoon so he's not going to be tired. We go on honeymoon the same day as the wedding.

I have already said he is going to sit with us here, by the way: 

Astrabacus said:

We will probably just have him sitting opposite us though, or by my side so he won't be so likely to feel uncomfortable. Thanks for the advice!

If you are leaving for your honeymoon right after the wedding then who is going to be watching your son for that? Could that person possibly help keep an eye on him at the reception or leave early with him if necessary? 

Astrabacus

He is coming on honeymoon with us.