We didn't have a wedding

CMGragain

I had an annual check up today, and I was delighted to learn that my doctor just had a baby, and was just returning to work!  She had photos on her laptop.  I congratulated her, and asked the baby's name.  She told me, Charles, because it was after her late grandfather and her husband's father.  "Oh, you're married, now!  How wonderful!"  She replied, "We didn't have a wedding.  We just signed papers at the courthouse.  No big deal."  I said, "Of course it's a big deal, and, yes, your courthouse paper signing was a wedding.  Congratulations on both your baby and your marriage!"  She looked surprised.  She said, "Some people don't accept that.  That is very nice of you." 
Later, when I was having blood drawn (groan!), I chatted to the nurse, and said, "How lovely that Dr. Jones is married."  The nurse said, "Oh, she isn't married."  "Really!  She told me that it was a lovely courthouse wedding."  I think I just blew the good doctor's cover!
No PPD is planned.

Angusaur

I really don't understand why people think this way or put down CH weddings like they aren't good enough. My own sister in law (or STB since I'm not married) and my FBIL just got married at the courthouse a few weeks ago. She kept it secret from most until the big day and posted it on facebook. When a lot of people said congratulations and asked why they didn't even know she was getting married or weren't invited (rude of them) she said that they couldn't afford a wedding right now but didn't want to wait. But they plan to have the "actual" wedding in a year or so.

OH, OK.

emmyg65

City hall weddings are one of my favorite wedding styles! People are ridiculous.

JCbride2015

That's so sad she says she didn't have a wedding just because they went to City Hall.  I hope you're right that there is no PPD in the works.

I think this misunderstanding of terms contributes to the PPD thing, though.  If you think a wedding isn't a wedding without a blowout reception, and people are telling you that you didn't have a wedding or aren't really married, of course you will want the blowout party later.  Doesn't make it right, but I think this is part of the thought process behind it.  Wedding =/= reception.

misscoffeeplease

Angusaur said:

I really don't understand why people think this way or put down CH weddings like they aren't good enough. My own sister in law (or STB since I'm not married) and my FBIL just got married at the courthouse a few weeks ago. She kept it secret from most until the big day and posted it on facebook. When a lot of people said congratulations and asked why they didn't even know she was getting married or weren't invited (rude of them) she said that they couldn't afford a wedding right now but didn't want to wait. But they plan to have the "actual" wedding in a year or so.

OH, OK.

This drives me batty. I saw a friend of mine get tagged on FB. They went ahead and got married because they couldn't wait to get married to each other but will have a wedding later on next year. YOU GUYS ALREADY HAD A WEDDING! You were dressed up in a nice outfit and had their younger children to attend with them.

I can't wait to marry FI but I'm not rushing myself to go to the CH. We will get the wedding we wanted and planned.

CLoGreenEyes

CMGragain said:

I had an annual check up today, and I was delighted to learn that my doctor just had a baby, and was just returning to work!  She had photos on her laptop.  I congratulated her, and asked the baby's name.  She told me, Charles, because it was after her late grandfather and her husband's father.  "Oh, you're married, now!  How wonderful!"  She replied, "We didn't have a wedding.  We just signed papers at the courthouse.  No big deal."  I said, "Of course it's a big deal, and, yes, your courthouse paper signing was a wedding.  Congratulations on both your baby and your marriage!"  She looked surprised.  She said, "Some people don't accept that.  That is very nice of you." 
Later, when I was having blood drawn (groan!), I chatted to the nurse, and said, "How lovely that Dr. Jones is married."  The nurse said, "Oh, she isn't married."  "Really!  She told me that it was a lovely courthouse wedding."  I think I just blew the good doctor's cover!
No PPD is planned.

The bolded stinks. You can have people validate all kinds of horrible, rude ideas when it comes to big fancy weddings, but acceptance toward a nice, simple, quiet courthouse wedding? Forget about it. It shouldn't be that hard to live and let live in this situation.

Jells2dot0

I'm very disheartened when I read that people don't think CH weddings are real or that people "aren't accepting" of a CH wedding. Not everyone wants a big, fancy wedding and some people just simply cannot afford a big, fancy wedding. As someone who had both types of weddings, I can tell you that I'm just as married now as I was following my big wedding and I MUCH preferred the smaller wedding to the larger one (and no, it has nothing to do with the person I married! LOL) I would never look down on anyone who wanted to have the big to-do, but I personally do not see the need for spending thousands on a wedding after my experience.

Angusaur

MrsLynn said:

Angusaur said:

I really don't understand why people think this way or put down CH weddings like they aren't good enough. My own sister in law (or STB since I'm not married) and my FBIL just got married at the courthouse a few weeks ago. She kept it secret from most until the big day and posted it on facebook. When a lot of people said congratulations and asked why they didn't even know she was getting married or weren't invited (rude of them) she said that they couldn't afford a wedding right now but didn't want to wait. But they plan to have the "actual" wedding in a year or so.

OH, OK.

This drives me batty. I saw a friend of mine get tagged on FB. They went ahead and got married because they couldn't wait to get married to each other but will have a wedding later on next year. YOU GUYS ALREADY HAD A WEDDING! You were dressed up in a nice outfit and had their younger children to attend with them.

I can't wait to marry FI but I'm not rushing myself to go to the CH. We will get the wedding we wanted and planned.

Exactly. On the flip side, I have a friend I knew from high school. She just married another woman, and I couldn't be happier for her. She was asking around on facebook for cheap vendor recommendations, etc. Well her and her wife decided they couldn't afford the big fancy hoopla and went and got married at the courthouse. They went home, put on facebook that they just got married and open invitation to come celebrate at a party at their home. (they hosted)

When people made the expected rude comments, she said they did not want to wait to have the fancy wedding they wanted but they are just as happy and ready to start their lives together. Someone asked if they were hosting something bigger later (how fucking rude) and they said no, they are already married, and want to establish their future. At least some people get it.

CMGragain

I didn't ask, but I have a feeling her family is Catholic.  She is a very independent, liberated lady.  I love her as my doctor because she can stand up to my DH, who is a bit of a control freak.  I am so happy for her!  Damn, I wanted to introduce her to my 31-year-old son!