May 2014 Weddings

The NERVE of some people!

We invited my fiance's Aunt, Husband and their 16 year old daughter. We received the RSVP back with 4 people which included their 16 year old's boyfriend. I don't know him, have never met him and neither has my fiance. We had never even HEARD of him until the RSVP came back. I contacted her and said, "While we appreciate the RSVP, in order to accomodate both sides of the family we'd really appreciate if you just kept your guests attending to 3." She responded back with, "There WILL be 4 because we already told him that he could come. I feel like it would be rude to tell him that he can't come. I thought the RSVP was to tell you how many people were coming." That really really really ticked me off because a) why the hell does he care who we are and if we get married?! We don't know him. b) she completely disregarded my respectful request to keep their guests to 3 people and c) IT'S MY WEDDING! Not yours! I couldn't keep it in anymore and responded with "Well, that's fine but he will have to sit with people that he doesn't know because our seating arrangement is now done. Also, it's incredibly rude to take it upon yourself to invite someone to our wedding. So it's on you for being rude. The RSVP is to tell us how many are coming, people WE invited to OUR wedding. She then called my fiance's mother to say she's retracting her yes! She couldn't even tell me! 

tl;dr: people are rude. 

Re: The NERVE of some people!

  • Oh, I would  not  have agreed to accommodate the boyfriend. I have space limits and a budget. I would have calmly apologized for the misunderstanding, but been very clear we can only accommodate those listed on the invitation, no add on's. If you can't make it, we will miss you. Have a good night.
    FWIW, I anticipate I'll have to have this very same discussion with one of my FI's friends. I fully expect him and his wife to attempt to add on the daughter and granddaughter.
  • It's absurd! I've had to have this conversation with almost EVERYONE on our guest list. I really wish I was exaggerating.
  • OH.HELL.NO! I can't believe that even happened over a 16 year old kid's "relationship". That is so ridiculous. You were way nicer than I ever would have been. 
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  • Id have pulled out the "bitch please" attitude!  Lol. 
  • Yeah, high school kids are exempt from the invite-people-in-relationships rule. Your FI's aunt is crazy. 

    On the bright side, it sounds like you won't be seeing her for awhile. 
    image



    Anniversary
  • @chibiyui Yeah, and I think we're ok with that. It's really caused a lot of controversy in his family though. You'd think I murdered someone!
  • My cousin just sent me an email.. she says"do you know you didnt send so and so an invite? They will be there, all 4 of them" It really pisses me off, that people think they can do whatever. I told her they didn't get an invite because she failed to provide me her address. I plan on letting them come anyway, but I wanted to stick it to them. Rub it I theyr faces that inot afraid to stand up to them. Its a long story, my family is stupid. I hope it made them simmer all day long
  • @dluberts if they weren't invited in the first place, I wouldn't have been so nice to let them come! I've just about had it with these people. My family is stupid too.
  • whitjoywhitjoy member
    100 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    edited April 2014
    We invited my fiance's Aunt, Husband and their 16 year old daughter. We received the RSVP back with 4 people which included their 16 year old's boyfriend. I don't know him, have never met him and neither has my fiance. We had never even HEARD of him until the RSVP came back. I contacted her and said, "While we appreciate the RSVP, in order to accomodate both sides of the family we'd really appreciate if you just kept your guests attending to 3." She responded back with, "There WILL be 4 because we already told him that he could come. I feel like it would be rude to tell him that he can't come. I thought the RSVP was to tell you how many people were coming." That really really really ticked me off because a) why the hell does he care who we are and if we get married?! We don't know him. b) she completely disregarded my respectful request to keep their guests to 3 people and c) IT'S MY WEDDING! Not yours! I couldn't keep it in anymore and responded with "Well, that's fine but he will have to sit with people that he doesn't know because our seating arrangement is now done. Also, it's incredibly rude to take it upon yourself to invite someone to our wedding. So it's on you for being rude. The RSVP is to tell us how many are coming, people WE invited to OUR wedding. She then called my fiance's mother to say she's retracting her yes! She couldn't even tell me! 

    tl;dr: people are rude. 
    "Well, that's fine but he will have to sit with people that he doesn't know because our seating arrangement is now done. Also, it's incredibly rude to take it upon yourself to invite someone to our wedding. So it's on you for being rude. The RSVP is to tell us how many are coming, people WE invited to OUR wedding" ------------------------------------------------------------------------- If this is really what you told them (someone who isn't even YOUR family) I am not surprised that it has started drama. That was incredibly rude of YOU, and completely unwarranted. @SoontobeMrsNytes had good advice, simply restating the following whenever they ask about the +1 is all that is necessary. "I would have calmly apologized for the misunderstanding, but been very clear we can only accommodate those listed on the invitation, no add on's. If you can't make it, we will miss you. Have a good night."
  • dluberts said:
    My cousin just sent me an email.. she says"do you know you didnt send so and so an invite? They will be there, all 4 of them" It really pisses me off, that people think they can do whatever. I told her they didn't get an invite because she failed to provide me her address. I plan on letting them come anyway, but I wanted to stick it to them. Rub it I theyr faces that inot afraid to stand up to them. Its a long story, my family is stupid. I hope it made them simmer all day long


    But see, you ARE afraid of standing up to them. Otherwise, you would not have allowed 4 additional people! 
    I would really encourage you to try to reframe how you approach your family. Using phrases like "stick it to them", "rub it in their faces", and "my family is stupid" are not healthy terms. Believe me, I have my own aggravations with my family too. But I would never use my wedding as a tool to "stick it" to them. That is way too much negative energy.
     I also doubt anyone is simmering over your invitation all day long.

  •  If this is really what you told them (someone who isn't even YOUR family) I am not surprised that it has started drama. That was incredibly rude of YOU, and completely unwarranted. @SoontobeMrsNytes had good advice, simply restating the following whenever they ask about the +1 is all that is necessary. "I would have calmly apologized for the misunderstanding, but been very clear we can only accommodate those listed on the invitation, no add on's. If you can't make it, we will miss you. Have a good night."
     
    She shouldn't have to make concessions becuase someone else was rude! The rudeness is on the aunt.
    It is HER wedding to invite whom she wants to; NOT the aunt's. She tried to be polite and respectful with her response and the aunt responded rudely which then opened herself up. If she can't treat poeple with repsect, then she doesn't deserve it herself. Clearly she doesn't speak respectful and polite because she didn't understand it when the bride responded that way origianlly. People shouldn't be able to bully and manipulate the situation just because they are rude.
    I say good for her for standing up to the woman.

  • whitjoy said:
    We invited my fiance's Aunt, Husband and their 16 year old daughter. We received the RSVP back with 4 people which included their 16 year old's boyfriend. I don't know him, have never met him and neither has my fiance. We had never even HEARD of him until the RSVP came back. I contacted her and said, "While we appreciate the RSVP, in order to accomodate both sides of the family we'd really appreciate if you just kept your guests attending to 3." She responded back with, "There WILL be 4 because we already told him that he could come. I feel like it would be rude to tell him that he can't come. I thought the RSVP was to tell you how many people were coming." That really really really ticked me off because a) why the hell does he care who we are and if we get married?! We don't know him. b) she completely disregarded my respectful request to keep their guests to 3 people and c) IT'S MY WEDDING! Not yours! I couldn't keep it in anymore and responded with "Well, that's fine but he will have to sit with people that he doesn't know because our seating arrangement is now done. Also, it's incredibly rude to take it upon yourself to invite someone to our wedding. So it's on you for being rude. The RSVP is to tell us how many are coming, people WE invited to OUR wedding. She then called my fiance's mother to say she's retracting her yes! She couldn't even tell me! 

    tl;dr: people are rude. 
    "Well, that's fine but he will have to sit with people that he doesn't know because our seating arrangement is now done. Also, it's incredibly rude to take it upon yourself to invite someone to our wedding. So it's on you for being rude. The RSVP is to tell us how many are coming, people WE invited to OUR wedding" ------------------------------------------------------------------------- If this is really what you told them (someone who isn't even YOUR family) I am not surprised that it has started drama. That was incredibly rude of YOU, and completely unwarranted. @SoontobeMrsNytes had good advice, simply restating the following whenever they ask about the +1 is all that is necessary. "I would have calmly apologized for the misunderstanding, but been very clear we can only accommodate those listed on the invitation, no add on's. If you can't make it, we will miss you. Have a good night."
    I did apologize to her for the misunderstanding when I first confronted her. She came back rude so no I wasn't being rude. I was making myself clear.
  • dluberts said:
    My cousin just sent me an email.. she says"do you know you didnt send so and so an invite? They will be there, all 4 of them" It really pisses me off, that people think they can do whatever. I told her they didn't get an invite because she failed to provide me her address. I plan on letting them come anyway, but I wanted to stick it to them. Rub it I theyr faces that inot afraid to stand up to them. Its a long story, my family is stupid. I hope it made them simmer all day long


    But see, you ARE afraid of standing up to them. Otherwise, you would not have allowed 4 additional people! 
    I would really encourage you to try to reframe how you approach your family. Using phrases like "stick it to them", "rub it in their faces", and "my family is stupid" are not healthy terms. Believe me, I have my own aggravations with my family too. But I would never use my wedding as a tool to "stick it" to them. That is way too much negative energy.
     I also doubt anyone is simmering over your invitation all day long.

    Unless I explained everything you wouldn't understand where im coming from. The story is just too long and that was the short version. yes, I can pretty much guarantee they were pissed over the invite situation.  Thats why I got the message I did. Again, back story is a lot longer than I wish to tell.
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