Black Tie Invited Reception

JCbride2015

Emedian said:

Wow. There's a rule about this too? My gosh...The knot police

It's just online etiquette.  You seem sort of unfamiliar with how discussion boards work.

I'm late to this party, but OP it sounds like you're on the right track with filling in your gap with the sandwiches.  That way, the gap still sucks but at least your guests are hosted.

Is there any way to reprint the invitations without the BTO dress code?  I snark, hard, on any invitation I receive that says BTO.  It's not a real thing.

Emedian

JC Bride. Just a mistake we have to live with   I don't think it's a good move to spend another 5k on invitations. It's already ready for print. 

Yeah, we will have a refreshment reception at the parish hall and the choir I sing with will also be offering a mini concert with the brass and string ensemble.

Sorry about the board stuff. I don't have ill intentions. I just didn't necessarily want to create more postings. I thought if you delete, the whole discussion disappears.  Then people don't have to snark so much on my mistakes. Very sorry on my part. 

PrettyGirlLost

Emedian said:

JC Bride. Just a mistake we have to live with   I don't think it's a good move to spend another 5k on invitations. It's already ready for print. 

Yeah, we will have a refreshment reception at the parish hall and the choir I sing with will also be offering a mini concert with the brass and string ensemble.

Sorry about the board stuff. I don't have ill intentions. I just didn't necessarily want to create more postings. I thought if you delete, the whole discussion disappears.  Then people don't have to snark so much on my mistakes. Very sorry on my part. 

So what is the new timeline with the refreshments at the church now?

JoanE2012

Emedian said:

JC Bride. Just a mistake we have to live with   I don't think it's a good move to spend another 5k on invitations. It's already ready for print. 

Yeah, we will have a refreshment reception at the parish hall and the choir I sing with will also be offering a mini concert with the brass and string ensemble.

Sorry about the board stuff. I don't have ill intentions. I just didn't necessarily want to create more postings. I thought if you delete, the whole discussion disappears.  Then people don't have to snark so much on my mistakes. Very sorry on my part. 

Why can't you change it if they haven't been printed?  And did you seriously spend 5k on invitations?  If you really spent a pretty penny, putting black tie optional really looks like an amateurish mistake and to me would cheapen the whole thing anyway.  

I would also like to know......why didn't your wedding planner help you with this?

ETA - spelling

Emedian

It's not my planners mistake. It's mine. She understood the church wedding component was important to our family and not something that was not negotiable.

CMGragain

It isn't the church wedding that should have been changed.  It was HER job to co-ordinate your reception with your ceremony, and she failed you by allowing that awkward gap.  She should have known better!

PrettyGirlLost

CMGragain said:

It isn't the church wedding that should have been changed.  It was HER job to co-ordinate your reception with your ceremony, and she failed you by allowing that awkward gap.  She should have known better!

Not only that, but did your FI see the invitations and have any input on them?  Was he involved in planning the Ceremony and Reception?

Just curious because I find it surprising that he wouldn't have mentioned the gap and the attire on the invitations. . . since his family is used to real black tie events, know what I mean?

Emedian

Yes everyone is ok with it. Everyone is involved in the process. We did everything that we could with what we have. Our planner just wants to also make us happy..and we are. That's what we want. Now if people decide to just go to one or the other. It's just something we have to live with. Everyone is still coming and very excited. Everything will be just as we had imagined it.

CMGragain

Good luck.  I'm glad we could help you tweak it so it isn't quite so uncomfortable for your guests.  I think your wedding planner was too concerned with $$$, and not so concerned with propriety.

CrazyCatLady3

JoanE2012 said:

Emedian said:

JC Bride. Just a mistake we have to live with   I don't think it's a good move to spend another 5k on invitations. It's already ready for print. 

Yeah, we will have a refreshment reception at the parish hall and the choir I sing with will also be offering a mini concert with the brass and string ensemble.

Sorry about the board stuff. I don't have ill intentions. I just didn't necessarily want to create more postings. I thought if you delete, the whole discussion disappears.  Then people don't have to snark so much on my mistakes. Very sorry on my part. 

Why can't you change it if they haven't been printed?  And did you seriously spend 5k on invitations?  If you really spent a pretty penyy, putting black tie optional really looks like an amateurish mistake and to me would cheapen the whole thing anyway.  

I would also like to know......why didn't your wedding planner help you with this?

I'm not going to comment on the cost of the invitations because if she has the budget for it and it makes her happy to have fancy invitations, that's her prerogative.  However if they haven't been printed yet I don't see why they can't change the wording.

Maggie0829

JoanE2012 said:

Emedian said:

JC Bride. Just a mistake we have to live with   I don't think it's a good move to spend another 5k on invitations. It's already ready for print. 

Yeah, we will have a refreshment reception at the parish hall and the choir I sing with will also be offering a mini concert with the brass and string ensemble.

Sorry about the board stuff. I don't have ill intentions. I just didn't necessarily want to create more postings. I thought if you delete, the whole discussion disappears.  Then people don't have to snark so much on my mistakes. Very sorry on my part. 

Why can't you change it if they haven't been printed?  And did you seriously spend 5k on invitations?  If you really spent a pretty penyy, putting black tie optional really looks like an amateurish mistake and to me would cheapen the whole thing anyway.  

I would also like to know......why didn't your wedding planner help you with this?

I'm not going to comment on the cost of the invitations because if she has the budget for it and it makes her happy to have fancy invitations, that's her prerogative.  However if they haven't been printed yet I don't see why they can't change the wording.

It's because she doesn't want to change the wording because she doesn't see the wording as rude or wrong.

JoanE2012

CrazyCatLady3 said:

JoanE2012 said:

Emedian said:

JC Bride. Just a mistake we have to live with   I don't think it's a good move to spend another 5k on invitations. It's already ready for print. 

Yeah, we will have a refreshment reception at the parish hall and the choir I sing with will also be offering a mini concert with the brass and string ensemble.

Sorry about the board stuff. I don't have ill intentions. I just didn't necessarily want to create more postings. I thought if you delete, the whole discussion disappears.  Then people don't have to snark so much on my mistakes. Very sorry on my part. 

Why can't you change it if they haven't been printed?  And did you seriously spend 5k on invitations?  If you really spent a pretty penyy, putting black tie optional really looks like an amateurish mistake and to me would cheapen the whole thing anyway.  

I would also like to know......why didn't your wedding planner help you with this?

I'm not going to comment on the cost of the invitations because if she has the budget for it and it makes her happy to have fancy invitations, that's her prerogative.  However if they haven't been printed yet I don't see why they can't change the wording.

I agree, spend your money however you like.  But heck, if you're going to spend that kind of money, at least have it right and don't put black tie optional!  

JoanE2012

Emedian said:

Yes everyone is ok with it. Everyone is involved in the process. We did everything that we could with what we have. Our planner just wants to also make us happy..and we are. That's what we want. Now if people decide to just go to one or the other. It's just something we have to live with. Everyone is still coming and very excited. Everything will be just as we had imagined it.

That's the wedding industry for you.  Many planners will do whatever you want because they want to get paid.  A good planner though would have told you how to properly word your invitation (and not use black tie optional!!).  Heck, if you came here first CMGragain would've helped you for free!

Emedian

Guys, I already accepted the mistake. Invitation printed. We are willing to live with it. It's an invitation mistake, it's not about the righteousness of our marriage. It's wrong but everyone I want is still coming and families involved are happy. If you think it's rude, then that's fine. Don't blame the planner. It's what I want and what I deemed is right. Now if you think it's rude that's fine. I didn't ask for help with the invitation. I've considered the recommendations and have implemented some of it. Yes I can reprint and spend another 5k but I would rather put that money towards extra food and ways to make the event enjoyable to others. The black tie optional is not an issue with everyone involved and that will be there so we don't intend to make changes just because someone that is not going to be in the wedding think it's rude and wrong. If you think it's wrong, then that's on you but I'd rather focus my energy on other areas...again, it's not the planner..that what WE the people getting married want.

mysticl

Emedian said:

Guys, I already accepted the mistake. Invitation printed. We are willing to live with it. It's an invitation mistake, it's not about the righteousness of our marriage. It's wrong but everyone I want is still coming and families involved are happy. If you think it's rude, then that's fine. Don't blame the planner. It's what I want and what I deemed is right. Now if you think it's rude that's fine. I didn't ask for help with the invitation. I've considered the recommendations and have implemented some of it. Yes I can reprint and spend another 5k but I would rather put that money towards extra food and ways to make the event enjoyable to others. The black tie optional is not an issue with everyone involved and that will be there so we don't intend to make changes just because someone that is not going to be in the wedding think it's rude and wrong. If you think it's wrong, then that's on you but I'd rather focus my energy on other areas...again, it's not the planner..that what WE the people getting married want.

If you haven't sent out the invites and received the RSVPs you don't know that.  Heck if your wedding hasn't happened you don't know that.  I'm not saying that people will read the invite and say they aren't coming because of it.  Just don't get your hopes up that they are all coming.  One of my cousins was telling family members how she was booking a flight and renting a hotel for my wedding.  Then she RSVPed No.  We had several people who sent in "yes" but were no shows the day off.  And we had two people add on less than 48 hours before the wedding.  

Emedian

Thanks mystic, noted..will keep in mind.