does this sound like a tiered party?

hyechica81

so my sister who's also my moh is putting together my bachelorette party. one of my cousins thought it would be fun to go line dancing, she used to line dance a lot back in the day and I have been line dancing for years. the place we are going to has lessons every night and saturday they have 2 lessons at 8 first is partner then 830 is the line lesson..

anyways my sister wants to do dinner first with me my bridal party (  all family some are out of state so they cant make it) my sister in law and one of my cousins in laws i am close to. i also have three friends that i would like to come and celebrate no they are not in the party. my sister wants the dinner part to be more intimate with just family..   if the friends meet up with us later for  the country bar would that be considered a tiered party.?

she said they can come but only to the bar part. does that sound rude.

Maggie0829

hyechica81 said:

so my sister who's also my moh is putting together my bachelorette party. one of my cousins thought it would be fun to go line dancing, she used to line dance a lot back in the day and I have been line dancing for years. the place we are going to has lessons every night and saturday they have 2 lessons at 8 first is partner then 830 is the line lesson..

anyways my sister wants to do dinner first with me my bridal party (  all family some are out of state so they cant make it) my sister in law and one of my cousins in laws i am close to. i also have three friends that i would like to come and celebrate no they are not in the party. my sister wants the dinner part to be more intimate with just family..   if the friends meet up with us later for  the country bar would that be considered a tiered party.?

she said they can come but only to the bar part. does that sound rude.

I think it is rude to leave your three friends out.  It should be up to you who is and who is not invited to your bachelorette party and if you want your friends there the entire time then they should be invited.

Why is your sister being so controlling over this?

HisGirlFriday13

Yes, it sounds rude. It's not nice to invite people to only part of something that's clearly part of a larger event.

Essentially, your sister wants to invite the guests for dancing but not dinner -- that's no different than inviting people to your reception for the dancing part after dinner.

Your sister is being far too controlling over this, and you need to tell her it's all or nothing -- everyone is invited to all parts of the event, and they can choose to attend whichever parts they want.

hyechica81

i have no idea then my mom chimed in and said oh no they can come to the bar part but not dinner.

then my sister said we should hit up some other bar instead like these stuffy places that have no music and crap. more like a neighborhood bar to get a drink and mingle with stuffy business people.

my sister is so against going to the country bar but its not her thing i understand that but we all talked about it months ago and all the non country people were down for hitting the bar to try line dancing.  its a really fun time at this bar my cousin convinced my sister it would be fun now my sister wants to do something else. i gave her some other suggestions but always brought up the country bar. shes hip hop rb pop rock and i am country classic rock kind of person. and the bar we are going to plays non country music,

she was also  dead set on wearing a short dress  to my wedding wanted nothing to do with a long dress hated the color i picked out.  and then decided at the dress try on's the longer dresses looked better on her and that the color was a good choice

we are 11 years apart and she is the baby shes in her early 20s while i am in my 30s i don't think the huge age gap is why she is acting like this.

Maggie0829

I personally would tell your sister 'thanks but no thanks' in regards to this party.  She doesn't seem to give a shit what you want and would rather just do things her way.

s-aries8990

Why doesn't your sister want your friends to come to dinner? It's not like there are dozens of friends, just 3. It's just weird...

Is your sister going to pay for dinner? Or is it everyone splits the bill, but pays for the bride?

If it's just coming out of your sister's pocket, I understand, but if it's a PYOW, I think it's kind of rude...

JCbride2015

I can tell you're making an effort with the punctuation, so thanks!  More, please.  Especially commas in lists would be really helpful.

I think it's two separate issues: your sister being controlling about the location, and your sister being controlling about the guests.  If she's the host, the location is really up to her.  But you get to decide who gets invited as long as it's within her budget.

If it were me, it would be more important that everyone is invited to the whole event, than which bar you go to.  I'd put my foot down on the tiered guest list, and be flexible on the location.

hyechica81

everyone splits the bill and pays for the bride that's how we normally do it when people in our social circle get married and its the norm.

s-aries8990

hyechica81 said:

everyone splits the bill and pays for the bride that's how we normally do it when people in our social circle get married and its the norm.

That's how I've seen it done too - I was only asking because I could understand if she couldn't afford to "host" them, but really she's just the "organizer."

I mean, if she's the organizer, she gets to decide, but since it's a party for YOU it should take YOUR likes into consideration. Sorry she's just being a shitty sister... Can you decline?

hyechica81

i could decline i wont see her till this  weekend as she is an hour  away at school but i will talk to her more about it.

Maggie0829

JCBride2014 said:

I can tell you're making an effort with the punctuation, so thanks!  More, please.  Especially commas in lists would be really helpful.

I think it's two separate issues: your sister being controlling about the location, and your sister being controlling about the guests.  If she's the host, the location is really up to her.  But you get to decide who gets invited as long as it's within her budget.

If it were me, it would be more important that everyone is invited to the whole event, than which bar you go to.  I'd put my foot down on the tiered guest list, and be flexible on the location.

See I don't really agree with this.  Because if the OP has made it known that she really doesn't want to go to X or Y bar then I think it is really rude of the sister to not listen and decide on those locations anyway.  At that point I would have said 'thanks but no thanks' because the host really isn't respecting my wishes or thoughts.  And then add on that she wants to leave off my friends from dinner to have an intimate family dinner this party would just not be happening.

hyechica81

when i see her this weekend shes coming down for my bridal shower i will be talking to her and putting my foot down on what i want its my night out and i should not have to go someplace i am not comfortable at. when i was in my 20s i used to go to all of those bars stuffy business bars, ghetto bars, hip hop bars with dance music, karokee bars, etc you have to try things once and i told my sister try the country bar once its my night.

cambryn

hyechica81 said:

when i see her this weekend shes coming down for my bridal shower i will be talking to her and putting my foot down on what i want its my night out and i should not have to go someplace i am not comfortable at. when i was in my 20s i used to go to all of those bars stuffy business bars, ghetto bars, hip hop bars with dance music, karokee bars, etc you have to try things once and i told my sister try the country bar once its my night.

Good for you! This is a night where they are celebrating you- and should really be in line with what makes you comfortable/happy. Your sister sounds like she's been a bit too controlling and demanding, and not listening to your wants. You'd be giving if the roles were reversed.